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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have a friend that I am beginning to think might like me. He talks to me more than the others in the group, normally comes to stand near me and start a conversation, texts me, IMs me pretty often, is one of the top commentators on my Facebook statuses, comes to me to debate things like politics and religion, likes to bounce ideas off me...I dont know if he really likes me that way, or if he is just being friendly and is happy to have somebody who does not pick on him? And I am starting to get a little vibe that he likes me too...(and some people have made some jokes about us being a little more than friends) :unsure:

Honestly, I think of him as a friend and nothing more...But yeah. Any insight as to how you INTJs show you are interested? And how do I avoid "leading him on" ?

OWL
 

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Is this a trick question? INTJs will show interest in mostly the same way people normally show interest, namely spending time together, talking, comliments, etc. Of course, this is also not uncommon with "ordinary" friends.

This probably doesn't help you much, but there is not a "definitive sign" that an INTJ is into you like that. INTJ love can be a bit practical at times; he might offer you to fix your computer if it's broken, for instance.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
in one of our random IMs (which he instigated) i just asked him. He said INTJ.

the INTJ description sounds a lot like him, too


OWL
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
oh, and to Filo up there. I have never been in a relationship before. So all of this is new to me and I dont have my prior experience to draw upon on this matter--thus making me confused! :confused:

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oh, and to Filo up there. I have never been in a relationship before. So all of this is new to me and I dont have my prior experience to draw upon on this matter--thus making me confused! :confused:

OWL
What is fairly important here is: are you open to a relationship with him? It is not very common (outside of perhaps high school) that people just hopelessly fall in love with someone without the other person doing anything. Normally, it's a bit of a "game", almost, in which the stakes gradually get higher.

If you don't want it, just ignoring is best. If you just want his friendship, that's harder, but you can be clever about it, by not being too emotionally available.
 

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The practical problem with that is that you are probably not showing interest in the vast majority of potential partners. They cannot all be interpreting this as interest :laughing:
well, That's the point. We're terribly afraid to show emotion, we don't want to make our affections known, though simultaneously we do. I compromise by trying to hide it while dropping subtle hints, but these end up being too subtle and they don't read into my true feelings...

Or the other thing I do is focus all my attention on a person, as you've described. Though, you have to be sure he doesn't do this with everyone. If he does it only towards you, that is a good indicator... in fact, its pretty certain.
 

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I have a friend that I am beginning to think might like me. He talks to me more than the others in the group, normally comes to stand near me and start a conversation, texts me, IMs me pretty often, is one of the top commentators on my Facebook statuses, comes to me to debate things like politics and religion, likes to bounce ideas off me...I dont know if he really likes me that way, or if he is just being friendly and is happy to have somebody who does not pick on him? And I am starting to get a little vibe that he likes me too...(and some people have made some jokes about us being a little more than friends) :unsure:

Honestly, I think of him as a friend and nothing more...But yeah. Any insight as to how you INTJs show you are interested? And how do I avoid "leading him on" ?

OWL
Are you sure you´re not interested in being more than just friends?

The reason I ask is this sentence:

And I am starting to get a little vibe that he likes me too...
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Peter-- sorry for the confusion, but the 'too" is just me agreeing with the others who have said that he seems to like me. I am starting to get the feeling that he likes me, but I am just interested in being friends...

I apologize if i was unclear at all :unsure:

next time I see him in our group, Ill make a note of how he acts towards me vs the others

OWL
 

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In my teens to mid-twenties, I would provide all the intellectual cues for interest, but I wouldn't be caught dead revealing the emotional underpinnings unless I saw that things were moving toward that dreaded "just good friends" status quo and I felt I had to do something "drastic". Se isn't his strong suit, so if he is interested, he's probably analyzing your behavior (Ni/Te), instead of experiencing your behavior (Fi/Se) and liable to be just a little slow on the emotional uptake as far as figuring out where you're coming from.

If he is interested, and is behaving like I often did, and you maintain the status quo, he'll eventually get worked up enough to show you some clumsy display of emotional attachment via Fi. If you're not interested, then neither one of you want to see that happen... it's awkward, messy and would probably be more embarrassing/uncomfortable for him than for you, and might embarrass him enough to withdraw and you lose the aspects of knowing him that you DO like.

You're faced with a guy who is either interested or not interested. You can either proactively tell him you're not interested or you can let things go.

You then have:

1) He's interested/you don't tell him you're not
2) He's interested/you tell him you're not
3) He's not interested/you don't tell him you're not
4) He's not interested/you tell him you're not

1) Will bring you to the eventual clumsy emotional outburst. Good luck with that.
2) Will disappoint him, but it will let him know where he stands before he embarrasses himself.
3) Status quo
4) Status quo
 

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well, That's the point. We're terribly afraid to show emotion, we don't want to make our affections known, though simultaneously we do. I compromise by trying to hide it while dropping subtle hints, but these end up being too subtle and they don't read into my true feelings...

Or the other thing I do is focus all my attention on a person, as you've described. Though, you have to be sure he doesn't do this with everyone. If he does it only towards you, that is a good indicator... in fact, its pretty certain.
I'm not afraid of getting emotionally burned. The benefits of a good relationship are high enough to risk it.
 

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I normally try to ignore a person who I am attracted to because I don't want to get involved in a relationship but I've yet to be attracted to someone who wasn't already attracted to me. Word of advice though if he's paying such close attention to you then that's a very fair assertion that he's infatuated with you. Though I've had this happen to me before when I'm very interested in someone for a short period of time then I suddenly don't. He could be very hurt though if you brought up this problem with other people he knows.

As an INTJ I would not mind if someone came up to me and asked me whether their attention was out of friendship or something more. However I would carefully word it and make a big point out of being unable to read his intention and how you value his friendship a lot and wanted a clear understanding. If you are right and he intended for things to become more intimate I would hold off on dating anyone until you're sure he's over you otherwise you'd likely lose him as a friend forever. I don't think he would hate you for it but it would make him very bitter and would cause him to cease caring about you at all.

Just my opinions and I could be off on a lot of things due to lack of information.
 
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