Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 22 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
724 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I saw the INFP have a thread like this, but why should they have all the fun ;)

How do you know if/when you are in love? What are the signs?




(Sorry if this thread is in here somewhere already, I have looked but haven't been able to find it so)
 

·
Administrator
INTP
Joined
·
11,569 Posts
I think there's a few like this already. I recall responding before with similar views

1. When you're not with them, you're waiting impatiently until you are
2. You think they're almost perfect and if you do see any imperfections, you think they're small and insignificant. You believe your relationship can overcome anything.
3. You don't really believe anything negative you're told about them. You're more inclined to dislike anyone not supporting your relationship than you are to listen to them
4. You think nobody else has felt the same way that you're feeling.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,171 Posts
1. You feel whole - completed when you’re with them
2. You know for a fact that this is your person - it just make sense
3. You understand why you’re in love with them
4. You know each other in a deeper level and can accept each other flaws
5. You trust them
6. You feel like the best version of yourself when you’re around them


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
929 Posts
You know when you are in love when....

You're both comfortable sharing your innermost thoughts and "broken parts" without fear of rejection or judgment.

You're both striving towards future goals together.

Love goes both ways, otherwise, one person is the obsession, the other, the obsessed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,511 Posts
"In love" indicates a willingness to go the distance in your relationship with someone.
Love is what you find at the end of a lifetime together. It's by then that you realize that loving someone as part of your commitment to them is the real path to finding love.

"Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got til its gone"
- Joni Mitchell
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,322 Posts
I know I'm in love with a person when the other person allows me to get super close to them, e.g. the person isn't afraid of making major commitments to me such as marriage.

But there are very few people who meet this requirement of mine though, given that most of the men I meet are commitment phobic, which is why I'm rarely in love.
No matter how attractive he is, or how smart or how interesting he is, none of this would matter if he's afraid of making major commitments to me such as marriage. Being an attractive/smart/interesting person only means that he will be a good friend for me, but just because someone is a good friend material doesn't necessarily mean they are a good relationship material, especially if he has a phobia of making major commitments to me such as marriage.
Marriage and commitment makes me happy, and if a guy isn't able to go all the way out to make me happy, then he isn't someone I would fall in love with.
I don't do short-term relationships, I only like relationships that have a future to it, e.g, marriage. And if a guy can't give me this, then I won't be able to fall in love with him.
And yes, love is a decision, for me, at least.
 

·
Registered
♂️ INFJ 5w4 // IEI-Ni
Joined
·
2,930 Posts
Mm, outside of wanting to do the whole lovey-dovey stuff with them, if I'm comfortable enough to talk utter nonsense with and act goofy around them without any fear, then that's likely the clearest sign I love them a lot.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,094 Posts
What Ai said- very true. And also oxytocin.

In love to me implies being in a state of bliss with someone- so even if the oxytocin wears off by years 3 or 4 (along with the adrenaline rush), there is a common bond, something that holds couples together and is something beyond the relationship that gives it meaning. There’s an unspoken eye-to-eye validation we see, a sort of ease and joyful elation.

With that said, we can be in love with life without having a partner. Having someone there is an added benefit, and not needed. And for those who find it, I’m so happy for them.

It’s really sweet to see two people happily together with kids, who are a reproductive representation of two individuals, symbolic of their being in-love. There’s an innocence about there relationship that’s indescribable (especially young love/puppy love that sustains throughout life). Very sentimental.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
13,397 Posts
I think "in love" means something different for everyone.

I guess I think of certain standards--like if you are really in love, then your feelings and the person you are with are meeting a certain standard.

There aren't enough words for love but true love I think is a combo of your own feelings of attraction and investment (like you want to invest--you almost can't keep away from it) along with your esteem of the other person (you admire who they are--you respect them and care for them), and also your feelings of "selfless" love for them--that you respect them so much that you want them to thrive and their happiness, with only that in return (as opposed to attraction, in which you definitely want a lot of things for yourself).

I think true love is probably a combination of those things and more.

Or at the most distilled level, it could also be love. But usually when I say "in love" it also means that I feel an attraction and a strong desire to be with the person that goes into erotic territory and beyond things like friendship love or familial love, or selfless love and desire to protect something.

If it doesn't meet that criteria of both being selfless and selfish, and also appropriate in ways I didn't describe (now we're getting into the concept of fate--and what is meant to be, which applies to the world of reality and the physical world)...

Then I might call "being in love" in quotation marks (sort of sarcastically) as the feeling that I am, which is obsessive due to, I think, some hormonal changes that happen when people begin that erotic love stage--I remember reading an article in which it was compared to the OCD brain, because of the way serotonin is affected, plus there is also the feeling of euphoria and the oxytocin too.

So I think it's a combo. But I've never been able to really answer this question for myself--it's fun to try though!

But I guess the question for me would be more "standards"--like what are the standards of calling it being " in love." The feeling is unmistakable, but it has to agree with reality and a lot else, rather than overshadowing it. Even if that means making sacrifices, which romantic love always entails. They just have to be the right ones.
 

·
Registered
♂️ Xennial - Melancholic/Choleric
Joined
·
3,834 Posts
if I'm comfortable enough to talk utter nonsense with and act goofy around them without any fear, then that's likely the clearest sign I love them a lot.
You don't feel comfortable with regular friends?

Personally I never understood romantic love. I always saw relationships as something you work on to make it happen. The purpose of a relationship is companionship, sex and procreation. If you feel drawn to the perspective of enjoying these things with this specific person - the relationship is worth pursuing. In terms of emotions, partners should feel sexually attracted to each other and have a level of mutual empathy and insight similar to a close friendship.
 

·
Moderator
Joined
·
4,809 Posts
A lot of people seem to have very high thresholds for calling something love. Mine are pretty low. I would keep most of it in my mind and not feed any of those feelings now as l am in a committed relationship. Starving the feelings until they vane(if there is a romantic tint to it). But I acknowledge it if it happens. There is love and love, I don't see the point in not calling it love because it is not the strongest, truest love I ever felt, or because it is not "good" love, or because it is not reciprocated. It is perhaps not love that is wanted and to hold on to, but I think it can still be love.

It would be good with more words. Feel love for and being in love is one pretty good distinction. I feel love for a lot of people, and animals, sometimes other things/ideas. In love... I reserve that for a love that also involve some attraction, infatuation, or companionship, though not all has to apply. A crush, I think more shallow, an initial attraction and some infatuation, it can happen before knowing the person almost at all, it is more a hope of what might be there, an intuitive guess of sorts that that person might be of interest, so you get interested, want to know more, get closer, explore, to find out if the initial feeling can be confirmed and rooted. In love I think of more as the next stage, when you feel you know the person, at least somewhat, enough to admire and appreciate, feeling a.. compatibility? of sorts, a fit (can be likeness or complimenting), and it results in feeling love for them, and attraction, and a feeling that their well being is very important, that you really desire them to be well and happy. Tender feelings, appreciating many facets of them, small things you usually might not notice about someone... And that it isn't too shallow, as sometimes one can be tricked into thinking attraction is love.

Some telling signs for me is preoccupation with them at first (as years pass less so, actively, but still in the back of my mind constantly, like involving their existence in decisions I make etc.), feeling happy thinking about them, wanting and wishing them all the best, not just as an empty saying, but really feeling that, being able to imagine them as something usually offputting, and still feeling love, dreams can be revealing, as emotions are often more raw there, and dreaming about someone a few times and feeling in love in the dream has been a clear sign for me, there is often a strange mixture for me, of feeling comfortable and calm around them, at the same time as somehow anxious and guarded, which is very contradicting, but those feelings tend to mix and take turns.

I have written about feeling love, or in love now, not about a good loving relationship, that involves more aspects I think.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,927 Posts
You feel the emotional response.
I've grown to feel for my GF. Initially I didn't feel antyhing, barely interested but I let it grow becuase I found we got along really good despite being opposites in the small things. She has a way of people I envy, she envy I always have an answer.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,212 Posts
I think it's interesting that lack of fear/anxiety is one recurring thing people mention... for me I definitely feel the most fear when I am in love. I can't love someone if I don't feel seen or understood, but to be seen and understood is not always a comfortable experience, because to be seen also exposes your negative traits and flaws, your weaknesses, your complexes, alongside the good stuff, and to the extent that you are seen and understood, you can also be truly rejected. Someone I love has to hold that power over me... I can't love someone if I don't feel afraid to some degree. In the absence of fear, there is nothing new to discover, no possibility to grow.

To me love is defined not by the absence of fear but by the strength of the desire to push past fear. Love for me is like a yearning to be closer to someone, even if I risk getting hurt. It's not a collection of convenient circumstances that play right into my advantage, but the internal conviction that I want to develop the ability to overcome all the obstacles no matter how challenging that may be. The feeling that I am willing to try, and keep trying, even if I don't know if it will work out in the end. The belief that I will never regret having tried, no matter what happens. Granted, I'm not saying it turns me into some like, terminator that just barrels through fear with no regard for danger. It's not like that at all. I still feel fear, and also I still even give into fear sometimes. But when I'm in love, I always want to go back and try again, I never am willing to give up completely, no matter how defeated I feel. Fear inevitably wins some battles, but I refuse to let it win the war, because it will just feel that important to me.

When I love someone, I know I can give freely to them. I never want to blame them for anything. Even if they hurt me, I won't blame them, because I believe there has to some kind of valid reason for what happened. It has a lot to do with belief. Looking past my initial biases because I know there is something worth discovering there, I know there is not malice behind the things I don't understand but that there is a fundamentally good nature to be found in that person. I will try to understand and accept everything for the way it really is, rather than resenting it and feeling wounded as if the situation was unfair to me. Just like it's about choosing commitment over fear, it's also about choosing to focus on the good in a person over the bad. I don't feel love when I simply can't find any bad traits in a person, I feel love when the good traits are so good that they make the bad traits worthwhile. Likewise, if someone isn't willing to risk hurting me, then it just shows me that we didn't have that deep of a relationship. It takes two. I functionally cannot love someone who only wants to show their good side to me and isn't willing to potentially expose their weaknesses, isn't willing to risk inadvertently burdening or wounding another person with those weaknesses, isn't willing to risk their own self-judgment or another person's rejection over them, and so cannot really be free enough to be whole around me. So you add that all up and it feels like to be in love is quite a rare and special thing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
85 Posts
English is limited in its ability to describe love. Better is the Greek understanding. There are different kinds of love and I suspect different kinds of people will love in different ways. Accepting any answers without keeping this in mind is just receiving a narrow feedback of the topic subject to culture. Because the majority of people here understand love from a modern Western conception, it will mostly be stated in a romantic manner. The truth is that love is multi-faceted. Pardon the horribly simplified descriptions.

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
61 Posts
I saw the INFP have a thread like this, but why should they have all the fun ;)

How do you know if/when you are in love? What are the signs?




(Sorry if this thread is in here somewhere already, I have looked but haven't been able to find it so)
When you want to be friend with them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
23,909 Posts
"Pride can stand
A thousand Trials
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without You
My soul cried..." - Des'ree
 
  • Like
Reactions: YearseRayneDon

·
Registered
ENTP type 8
Joined
·
86 Posts
I genuinely believe that even if you’re a serial killer you’ll know when you fall in love, its chemistry, beyond your control. That’s what makes it dangerous and very nice at the same time
 

·
Registered
ISFP
Joined
·
1,754 Posts
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

As humans we tend to make mistakes so even if you can’t always match the above paragraph, it doesn’t mean your love isn’t real.
 
1 - 20 of 22 Posts
Top