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I like this forum sooo much, as I can so relate to pretty much all the ENFP related things mentioned here, so I thought about asking for an advice for once!

I was dating an ISTP guy for 6 months. Wasn't that into him at first, as I (ENFP) found him odd, quirky, cold and aloof but I soon warmed up to him (he already was pretty into me from the start) & we had a pretty intense thing going on for a few months. After 2 months, he already asked, do I mind him calling me his girlfriend, in which I said of course not. Then after 3-4 months he became hot/cold and informed me that he's not feeling that crazy about me, which was a surprise, considering he was really affectionate, even with words, which I've understood isn't v characteristic to many ISTPS, but also explained the whole hot/cold-thing. BUT! After long discussion, he asked, would I like to continue with him to see if things would develope even deeper. And I, I guess foolishly when thinking about this afterwards, agreed, as I really liked him by then.

Then the last 2-3 months were kinda annoying, as he was acting hot/cold all the time and really not "there" with me 100 % many times, but we had lots of fun anyway. But we did have that ENFP-ISTP thing where he didn't talk much, it annoyed me, but I liked his calm and laidback & intellectual company anyway and I really didn't mind him being silent. Then one day we went to a party, or more like I dragged him there, as he doesn't like parties, drank quite a lot, and blamed him for not talking to me when there was problems, he went all stonewall on me and basically refused to talk about anything. Then after like a week of silence, he did the whole ISTP ninja-thing, in that we met up & he was really nice, kind and we had a nice evening, and then boom, he just informed me, the feelings haven't come yet, and that now it's time to separate before we get even more attached and serious. I was pretty shocked and angry, even though I knew something was wrong but basically he did dump me. But I felt I wanted to fix things and would have liked to try & stay together. He did suggest, we could be friends but I said we'll see about that later on.

Anyhoo, we didn't keep any contact for like a month, then he msgd me, wanting to return some books and we met up, and it was great, but we didn't talk about us at all, I really wanted to, but he's not capable of that and I felt weird opening up to him because he didn't seem so responsive. Anyway, we ended up going to a concert together that same evening, all very platonic, and it was alright. Then he asked me do I wanna go to a another concert with him in a few weeks, if it's not too weird. I said yes, even though it did feel a bit weird.

Then we messaged casually after that a bit and then like after a week, he informed he, he can't come to the concert after all, hopes I'll find somebody else to go with and that we should do something else some other time. Then I just snapped somehow, considering he had rescheduled on me multiple of times and not even letting me know the reason on canceling (very uncharacteristic of him, he NEVER did that when we were together). So I assumed he must be dating already and doesn't want to hurt my feelings by letting me know the real reason, like that he had made plans with some other girl etc. Anyways, I then deleted & blocked him from all my social media contacts and before I did that, I sent him a cold message saying I don't want to do "something else" with him in another time. Of course, I don't know if he ever replied or anything, since I blocked him but I haven't heard from him since. But I thought, since it's only been like 2 months since the separation, all this friendly thing is too soon.

Anyways, I know cutting all contact with him is really the best way to move on, albeit the end there was a bit dramatic and I probs should have said to him that I'm not over him yet and don't feel comfortable with all of this and that he's being disrespectful by promising and cancelling, which in turn makes me feel, I'm not even worthy of a solid friendship anymore. But there you go. Most annoying this is, now _I_ feel like crap acting like that towards him, even though he treated ME pretty bad for the past how many months. I guess it's a ENFP-thing, trying to fix things, being hopeful things turn out for the best in the end (like being at least friends) etc.

I still think about him a lot and feel bad but every day gets a bit better. But I still feel I wanna contact him again because he meant so much to me and so on and fix things (ENFP-stuff?) and be at least friends!

Do you guys have any advices on changing this insanity loop/about letting go/moving on, especially when it's painfully obvious the relationship, or hanging onto something old/that was there, but isn't anymore, isn't good for you? I feel annoyed that I'm still feeling sad about him and he basically has moved on! :angry:

TLDR: ENFP trying to get over a ISTP, advices?
 

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I could have wrote that. You went from beginning to end, and had a somewhat conversation with yourself, with your audience in mind. Time my dear. Time. And trying not to pick at the healing scab. It was a relationship that didn't work. And that's ok. And what you're feeling now is ok. It just takes time. And meeting someone new. I think the no contact is a great start. It really is the best way to heal. Keep doing you and you'll be fine. He'll be fine too. I think you got a good head on your shoulders.
 

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No advice here, you acted very well in everything, imo. Sometimes it helps me to think like, "Well if he had kept the concert date then I wouldn't have what I want either." or "If I hadn't slammed the door then this would still be dragging out," and I hope to see more posts from you. =) Welcome!
 

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No.

Just no.

I relate 100% to all of this. I always cut people out of my life for treating me like crap, then I feel guilty about it, and sometimes reach out to them, only to start the abusive cycle all over again.

So... don't.

Move on.
Stop thinking about him.
If you can't, remind yourself of all the lousy things he did to you. List them and tape them over the desk if you have to.

It'll be hard, but take it one day at a time.
IE, "TODAY, I will not contact him." Then rinse and repeat.

Also, find someone else. You have less energy to focus on the past / bad relationships when you're enjoying new ones. :)
 

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I'll play devil's advocate here - he fell hard for you, chase you down, expresses emotions
You dated a guy - he's not comfortable with talking about emotions because he doesn't understand what emotion is hence draw back , the more emotional outburst you display the less interests he is in you. It's a perceiving thing. Once he started losing interest it's gone however he still think of you as a great friend (person), you lied to him saying you only want to be friends with him' you are not ready.
However with all that said. I don't think you did anything wrong, it's just not meant to be. You should be in a relationship with somebody who makes you feel like the best version of yourself. You said it yourself - you are not ready to be friends with him - then don't. I don't think he did anything wrong, if he is indeed an istp , then he has inferior fe- which explained why he ran away when you tried to express your feelings to him ...oh the key to letting go ? First you must want to let go , find a hobby - make a list of things you want to do or look forward to doing, write down what your dream guy personality is like, go on a field trip or travel somewhere, join a meet up group or start one and start planning activities you want to do, avoid listening to love songs, watch corn ball comedies , find a fictional crush etc good luck and sorry if I sounded too harsh


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avoid listening to love songs, watch corn ball comedies
In all fairness.... This would not happen for me even if I was happily married up to my eye balls with the love of my life and had 10 kids lol.

In fact I watch them MORE when I'm romantically happy because I'm like- "oh you too? you're happy just like me? awesome!"
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Thank you everybody, for every single advice, all are much appreciated!

I really wanted to be friends with him, but definitely it was too soon and indeed I was also lying to myself and therefore to him too when trying to be friends so soon after. Maybe it's possible in the future, will see, but have to also accept that sometimes it's just not meant to be, not even as friends. He wasn't abusive in any way, just not in touch with his emotions (indecisive), which caused that he dragged our thing a bit too long, in the meantime I got already really attached so when he decided to call it quits, I couldn't handle it. But you live and learn!

I also think time, keeping youself busy and eventually finding someone new are the best for healing. Just have to accept, you can't really put a deadline for getting over someone, even if you want to. But not of course stay in that ruminating/overthinking-mode either for too long. And like you guys said, it's okay to feel whatever in any given moment, than trying to bottle it all up!

It's nice to hear people can relate though, it's better to really jump into things and give your all and fail than never really try! <3
 

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Physically I can cut someone off without much work but emotional they'll stay with me forever. Coming in and out of my life, not physically, but through my daydreams. Ultimately you have to do what's best for yourself though! I try to remind myself why I cut the person off in the first place because I'll start romanticizing them and thinking I've made a massive mistake if I don't bring myself back down to reality.
 
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