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Discussion Starter #1
By people, I don't mean family or loved ones. I mean people at work, casual friends, people on the bus, ...

If you do something nice for someone, someone finds you funny or just generally appreciates your company, how can they show it in a way that you will appreciate? I get the impression that gushing words of thanks or hugs make you awkward, so... what's most appreciated?

For me, for example, it's definitely a hug, someone putting their arm around me, or just a casual touch on the arm..accompanied by a smile. (Unless the other person is utterly repulsive or I dont'know them at all, in which case just the smile is preferable), any form of physical contact makes me feel really appreciated.

So I'm wondering how it is for you? If you open a door for someone, do something nice for someone or help someone out, how do you want to be thanked? How can a stranger make you feel like they're really grateful for something you've done? How can a casual friend or a colleague make you feel like they really appreciate your contribution?

And, on the other hand, how do you tend to show appreciation for strangers, casual acquaintances or colleagues?

For me, with total strangers, it's generally a smile or an act of service, like helping them find something if they're lost or giving up my seat on the bus.
With colleagues or people that I know a little bit and appreciate a lot, it's generally words of affirmation... I talk non-stop and tell them everything that's going on in my head and tell them how much I appreciat them for being there.
And with people I love, it's touch. ...but that belongs in the "love language" thread, so I'll stop there.

Anyway, would be interested to hear your thoughts.
 

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I probably overanalyze to a degree if I'm trying to read any type of reaction like this from someone I'm just getting to know. I notice this in hindsight, it's not usually a fully conscious act. For example, I may pay attention to how a person behaves around those they're close to and see if it's similar to how they act towards me (though to a lesser degree). Also, I prefer appreciation to be shown with sincerity, so that is where all the observations come into play. If they aren't acting like I have seen them do on a regular basis I may think they are putting on some kind of act. Basically, a real smile or genuine thank you is good. I understand that some people are just natural huggers and I can deal with that if that's their norm. I try to return appreciation in the same ways. Depending on the level of what I'm appreciative for I may also offer to do something extra to help the person out; give them a hand carrying things, lend them a copy of notes to study, etc.
 

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*in a metallic voice* We are programmed to follow socially accepted protocols for interaction with human life-forms on this planet.


No, really--we're pretty normal. We don't talk much and don't like gushing. But a quick thank you from a stranger for holding open the door is nice. Just don't stop the flow of movement. Similarly if I help you with a dropped item or whatever.

If you ask to borrow my pen--you'd better say thanks. I'm watching you like a hawk to make sure you don't leave with my pen--I'm a bit anal about losing my pen.

Co-workers can get a bit more involved in saying thanks--but still keep it light.

And if it is time for a really heart felt thanks, do it privately and without much fanfare. I don't want to be the center of attention.

Words of affirmation if you are anyone not really, really close to me. Physical touch with the SO.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
*in a metallic voice* We are programmed to follow socially accepted protocols for interaction with human life-forms on this planet.

I'm sorry, but that's the impression I get of you guys :D

And sometimes the machine breaks and you do something totally out of character, and then quickly slot back into the pre-programming again ;-))))))

:tongue:

Wish I could be an ISTJ for a day.
 

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Kindof like a freaky friday event. That would be cool to do with all of the other 15 MBTI types.:crazy:
How would we know how to be a correct XXXX???

hahaha

Honestly, I like a quick, sincere verbal thank you.

At work, I am very annoyed when people give me criticism that isn't specific, and I am also annoyed when I don't know what I am being thanked for. I tend to use this feedback as affirmation that my way of doing things is acceptable to repeat, or to know if I have to rethink my tactics on any given task.

I've been told I am hard to give a compliment to, because I ask, "Why?" too many times and it ruins the compliment. "JUST BECAUSE!!!" is NOT an acceptable answer. =P

Hope this helps.
 

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I ensure my job is to do good for people when it comes to employment. I never stop doing what I do as long as I am on the clock. The time-clock is a symbol of my debt to others and until I'm off of it I owe them. They tell me I'm the best when its true from time-to-time. I tell the grateful "thanks" as I keep moving, not to waste time. But their words reaffirm what I'm doing is worthwhile and my role played is one they're thankful for me to be playing.

Thats just a quick analysis of my favorite compliment.

The funniest thing is people get tired of saying the simple "thanks" and it has come less and less over time. Work has just put a picture of me up with kind words to reinforce the appreciation. The job puts up a new picture each month of a great employee, and mine came first of the many.
 

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Kindof like a freaky friday event. That would be cool to do with all of the other 15 MBTI types.:crazy:
Ugh, but no thanks. I'll pass. While I have to admit that there are a few that I wouldn't mind trying out for a day or two, there's others that I wouldn't want to touch with a ten-foot pole.
 

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I'm sorry, but that's the impression I get of you guys :D

And sometimes the machine breaks and you do something totally out of character, and then quickly slot back into the pre-programming again ;-))))))

Wish I could be an ISTJ for a day.
lol, well the most my programming goes wrong is when I come to a problem which I cannot fix, and no one will give me a good solution. Normally I grind my teeth, take a deep breath, look as if I'm experiencing some anguish as my emotions become saturated with hate for the current predicament. At this point I begin to let my anger out in a burst of violence on a nearby object and then work to bury my feelings as I can't stay at work if I'm throwing shit. The feelings get put away, and I drink to the problem (none more than a buzz) to ease my nerves concerning it later that night.

There is reason why each type makes themselves the way that they do, and you wouldn't like yourself if you thought differently. ISTJ is rough when under stress I create my own hell.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
How would we know how to be a correct XXXX???

hahaha

Honestly, I like a quick, sincere verbal thank you.

At work, I am very annoyed when people give me criticism that isn't specific, and I am also annoyed when I don't know what I am being thanked for. I tend to use this feedback as affirmation that my way of doing things is acceptable to repeat, or to know if I have to rethink my tactics on any given task.

I've been told I am hard to give a compliment to, because I ask, "Why?" too many times and it ruins the compliment. "JUST BECAUSE!!!" is NOT an acceptable answer. =P

Hope this helps.
I find this very interesting because with this ISTJ that I'm getting to know I find that whenever I say thank you for something, with a smile, he usually does it again as though my "thank you" means "It's ok and acceptable to keep doing this", just as you wrote above. I also find the opposite is true, that if I don't react at all to something or don't react favourably then he completely stops doing it. I find this is the case with all the ISTJs I know actually. I've also realized that "just because" is not an acceptable answer and that I need to explain my reasoning behind things (briefly, of course, no waffling :) ).
 

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From strangers I prefer to receive a smile and or thank you. From acquaintances, I do not really care if I receive any appreciation however at work when someone does something for someone the usual response is from a message and consists of thx.

To others it usually just consists of thank you.
 
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Discussion Starter #12
I just wanted to add a funny story about how you guys do what Caius wrote which is repeat actions that people responded favourably to and give up on ones that didn't get a response. I think some other personality types, like ENFPs, are a bit different, in that if we've got a favourable response we certainly store it up, but then we keep on trying different things to see what other favourable responses we can get. Basically an ISTJ was trying to make me laugh recently and he made quite a few jokes. I didn't really laugh at any of them because most of them weren't that funny, but then he made a really funny one and I started laughing loads. He then kept making the same kind of joke over and over again, and I just kept on laughing loads, not because the joke was funny the second time (or indeed third, fourth or fifth), but because he was really funny how he seemed to think that the joke was going to get the same laugh the second time. I think I just re-inforced that idea in his head though by laughing more.. oops :).
 

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I just wanted to add a funny story about how you guys do what Caius wrote which is repeat actions that people responded favourably to and give up on ones that didn't get a response. I think some other personality types, like ENFPs, are a bit different, in that if we've got a favourable response we certainly store it up, but then we keep on trying different things to see what other favourable responses we can get. Basically an ISTJ was trying to make me laugh recently and he made quite a few jokes. I didn't really laugh at any of them because most of them weren't that funny, but then he made a really funny one and I started laughing loads. He then kept making the same kind of joke over and over again, and I just kept on laughing loads, not because the joke was funny the second time (or indeed third, fourth or fifth), but because he was really funny how he seemed to think that the joke was going to get the same laugh the second time. I think I just re-inforced that idea in his head though by laughing more.. oops :).
That's mean. =P

But generally you can tell if someone is laughing sincerely, or just laughing for that sake.
 

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That's mean. =P

But generally you can tell if someone is laughing sincerely, or just laughing for that sake.
They're both sincere laughs--just not what the jokester thinks they are laughing about.

But, it helps to be able to laugh at yourself with them.

In our house, dad was always the one to catch. If you could trip him up and get one up on him, well now you were doing something. And that was ok as long as the kids were small. But now, they're all grown, and with all of these sharp minds running around trying to find ****** in my armor, I find myself the butt of many jokes. So I'm learning to give a wry smile and laugh along with them. And I've gotta admit, I do and say some pretty crazy things, time to time.

Laugh with me or at me, I don't care. It's fun to laugh with people that love you.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
That's mean. =P

But generally you can tell if someone is laughing sincerely, or just laughing for that sake.
It's not mean, it's highly affectionate ;-)...it was a sincere laugh of affection and appreciation :)

And niss63, I laugh at my Dad too. He has a thing about mobile phones being charged, and umbrellas, and is always asking, whenever any of us are around and going out, "Is your mobile phone charged? Do you need an umbrella?". So, the other day, when the whole family was together for once and my brother was going off somewhere, I went up and said, really seriously, "Wait, is your phone charged??And take an umbrella!". We all burst out laughing and my Dad got all offended and walked off, but then we all ran after him and reassured him that we're only laughing because we love him.
 

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I find this very interesting because with this ISTJ that I'm getting to know I find that whenever I say thank you for something, with a smile, he usually does it again as though my "thank you" means "It's ok and acceptable to keep doing this", just as you wrote above. I also find the opposite is true, that if I don't react at all to something or don't react favourably then he completely stops doing it. I find this is the case with all the ISTJs I know actually. I've also realized that "just because" is not an acceptable answer and that I need to explain my reasoning behind things (briefly, of course, no waffling :) ).
In terms of social situations I just do things in my own style because thats what I think is best for me. If people don't like what I have to say or how I dress or talk they can get lost. We all have our own idea of what the best comedy is, so I don't see similar jokes coming out of the same person to be that telling about their psyche but instead their favorite brand of comedy.
 

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I went up and said, really seriously, "Wait, is your phone charged??And take an umbrella!". We all burst out laughing and my Dad got all offended and walked off, but then we all ran after him and reassured him that we're only laughing because we love him.
I'm always razzed for my attention to detail by my whole family :dry:

To show appreciation: Be formal. Be direct. Smile. You will get the same from me.
 

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To receive appreciation: I can tell if people are being sincerely thankful due to my observant nature. If I can see such, then that's all I need. A thank you with a smile generally does the job. I do not like receiving hugs, though. They leave me feeling awkward and uncomfortable. I do not know how to respond to one...Do I hug them back (which would make me even more awkward)? or not which seems socially inappropriate. Yep, a smile is so much better....:frustrating:

To show my thanks: I would sincerely say thanks with a smile. (Though with my serious face, I don't think it comes out right...:dry:). If I feel I need to show more of my gratitude than just a thanks then I would try to do them little favours which they might be in need of like if they need help in housechores or help in some other little work that I can do in my ISTJ manner.
 

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Thank you's are good and all but I've grown to understand that those hints of appreciation will not really get me anywhere in life unless it ends up coming from management types for future references or MONEY. Its great people make me feel good about myself but 100 thank you's don't buy me a new car or pay bills. LOL, I've had enough positivity out of people that I work with to push for a raise for me, which is probably the best compliment that could ever come outside of materials.
 

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Money is nice. If money isn't readily available then a simple thanks should suffice. Normally If I'm doing something for somebody I don't expect anything anyways.
 
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