[Pacifique]

i'm an only child, my dad passed away quite early, and have single parent
my mother has been like a saint, extremely sacrificing... it's impossible to describe the infinite love my mother has given me
and i feel guilty and afraid that i haven't really been living up to that at all!
and often i am scared that when i get old i might be left alone clueless about everything - finance, work, love, myself, existentialism ...

and even when i am with a lot of people i often helplessly get stuck with existential questions growing bursting deep inside myself.. this somehow seems to make me very anxious and panic a lot
usually i am very much objective-orientated.. and strive a lot to protect and develop my own identity.. but sometimes i wonder, if i ever become alone, how will i ever make any sense out of this world that i'll live in? to me everything would look so surreal without some proper connections

i want to be emotionally independent, healthy, sane as well as financially so.. even when spending time with my family and friends but sometimes i wonder when so many things change, i wonder how i will be able to center myself? how do you make sense out of this chaotic ever changing world? especially in certain situations that demand you to be extra independent? i thought i would become more confident or knowledgable or comfortable about things in general when i get older but somehow i feel as though the more i got older the more clueless and hollow i feel..

for example, the way i feel about this world seems to fluctuate so so so much more often.. and even the things i am very much used to seems completely strange or surreal to me often times.. if we have people we love around us, if we have family around us, the world makes sense.. but the time and the change keeps challenging me in a way that i view, feel, interact with this world a bit..

sometimes i sort of envy people who don't feel much of a drama like i do.. people even when left alone for a long time, they see things in a very practical, down to earth, drama-free, focused, sane, concentrated.. sort of rational way.. or is this really how they seem?

so what does it take for you to make sense of this world? enough money and financial security? or do you embrace the fact that certaing things are not knowable? say in the middle of a crazy crowded plaza or city, you are entirely on your own, and everything is so hectic and strange.. how do you calm yourself down?
how do you make sense out of this world and not feel panic or dramatic about it?

 

[Resolution]

I'm not religious but there is a certain passage in Corinthians that I enjoy.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

For now we see through a glass, darkly. now I know in part; but then (when I die) shall I know even as also I am known (by God)

And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

Even as we graduate to knew levels of understanding, we are still plagued by that which we don't understand. We can hope that this understanding might grow, but as long as things remain unclear, we can still have charity and hope for our fellow man.

 

[PaulH]

Being and INFJ does get easier!!! Don't try to answer all of the questions right now - the time will come when the right answers just fit and you will just fit in being you.

The more you know (or experience) the more you realise that you don't know a lot - this is pretty normal and is healthy to an extent. The problem is we are very good at adding up all the things we don't know and are lousy at adding up all the amzing things we have learned (we become unconciously competant). Take a little time out to think of all the stuff you can do better today that you couldn't do a month ago.

INFJs are lousy at celebrating success - so just revel in what you do see/notice and celebrate what you can do.

 

[suicidal_orange]

The world does not make sense to me, the more I try and work it out on any level the harder it tries to prove me wrong, to knock the little securities I briefly held. From animal behavior to the weather or finding that elusive connection, the harder I try to work it out the more I fail. Instead of scripture I'll quote Dream Theater :crazy:

Melody walks through the door
and memory flies out the window
and nobody knows what they want
'til they finally let it all go

But don't cut your losses too soon
'cause you'll only be cutting your throat
And answer a call while you still hear at all
'cause nobody will if you won't

Let go but keep trying - easier said than done...

 

[Filigeedreamer]

I tend to accept the contradictions in the world, and it's chaos, I have always just tended to accept what I see as things out of my control. I generally like existence, and yes it has it's character flaws, but like with someone you love, you have to take the entire package on or reject the whole thing.

I do wonder at times if I will make the big things I want in life happen. It can worry me, but I try and embrace the uncertainty about the future. I take pleasure in knowing anything could happen to me...yes it is scary, but is also exiting...my destiny is my own, and if I knew exactly what would happen next, that would spoil the fun of finding out.

INFJs, especially, need to learn to enjoy the moment more, even if the moment is extended to a life stage...because we are good at seeing what could happen later on. I defiantly need to work on this, but I think doing it more has made me happier, and better able to value what I have as much as what I want.

I tend to believe in doing what I can to ensure a good future, but when I can't do anything or I am waiting to take the next step...well I try not to worry about it. If I have done all I can then that's not going to help. I do things to distract myself like reading, being around people who make me laugh or I make up stories...daydream them or write them down. Anything that totally absorbs me. I keep busy and get on with living my life in between the planning.

As to crowds...I kind of value that feeling of being surrounded by people, but alone at once. I think about everyone around me and their lives, and how magical it is they are crossing over with mine for even just this brief moment when there are so many other people in the world...If it goes on for too long though I get grouchy, and want all the nasty bodies to back well away from my personal space. Crowds can be suffocating if I am in them for ages, but they are great places for people watching and to use both your Ni and Se together...

You have to trust yourself more, and your ability to deal with whatever life hands you to the best of your ability.

I have found going to university, and getting a job where I am working helping people face to face, has given me a lot of confidence. It has shown me I can be independent and do all sorts of things. I auditioned for a play a little while ago, I didn't get the part, but I felt great I made myself do it.

Maybe push yourself to try things a little out of your comfort zone...

When you challenge yourself and rise to the challenge, you increase the faith you have in yourself...and having that faith means you stop worrying as much, you just know you can handle most things, and if you can’t, you will have put up a good fight.

 

[ertertwert]

i'm an only child, my dad passed away quite early, and have single parent
my mother has been like a saint, extremely sacrificing... it's impossible to describe the infinite love my mother has given me
and i feel guilty and afraid that i haven't really been living up to that at all!
and often i am scared that when i get old i might be left alone clueless about everything - finance, work, love, myself, existentialism ...

and even when i am with a lot of people i often helplessly get stuck with existential questions growing bursting deep inside myself.. this somehow seems to make me very anxious and panic a lot
usually i am very much objective-orientated.. and strive a lot to protect and develop my own identity.. but sometimes i wonder, if i ever become alone, how will i ever make any sense out of this world that i'll live in? to me everything would look so surreal without some proper connections

i want to be emotionally independent, healthy, sane as well as financially so.. even when spending time with my family and friends but sometimes i wonder when so many things change, i wonder how i will be able to center myself? how do you make sense out of this chaotic ever changing world? especially in certain situations that demand you to be extra independent? i thought i would become more confident or knowledgable or comfortable about things in general when i get older but somehow i feel as though the more i got older the more clueless and hollow i feel..

for example, the way i feel about this world seems to fluctuate so so so much more often.. and even the things i am very much used to seems completely strange or surreal to me often times.. if we have people we love around us, if we have family around us, the world makes sense.. but the time and the change keeps challenging me in a way that i view, feel, interact with this world a bit..

sometimes i sort of envy people who don't feel much of a drama like i do.. people even when left alone for a long time, they see things in a very practical, down to earth, drama-free, focused, sane, concentrated.. sort of rational way.. or is this really how they seem?

so what does it take for you to make sense of this world? enough money and financial security? or do you embrace the fact that certaing things are not knowable? say in the middle of a crazy crowded plaza or city, you are entirely on your own, and everything is so hectic and strange.. how do you calm yourself down?
how do you make sense out of this world and not feel panic or dramatic about it?

These are some really great thoughts. Why has this thread have no responses? Anyway, I feel you. I am in the same boat. I broke up with my girlfriend a few months back and this started a series of events that I had no control over. Long story short, I am now living in a different state. All my friends are back in California. I am living with my mom again after being kicked out 5 years ago. I am working a new job that I don't really like, but at least my co-workers are generally enjoyable. In hind sight, I would have rather have stuck with a bad relationship to have better social standing as lame as that sounds. However, this does not make it so. I am still stuck in my rut and life is going oh-so-slowly... My center right now? Xbox. lol Oh, and I've been reading A Scanner Darkly by Philip K. Dick. That helps too.

 

[ertertwert]

The world does not make sense to me, the more I try and work it out on any level the harder it tries to prove me wrong, to knock the little securities I briefly held. From animal behavior to the weather or finding that elusive connection, the harder I try to work it out the more I fail. Instead of scripture I'll quote Dream Theater :crazy:



Let go but keep trying - easier said than done...

Did you hear that Mike Portnoy left the band? Disheartening...

 

[Zomboy]

My body may have grown, but in my head I'm still a child. Most adult concepts go right over my head because they make no rational sense to me. It kills me to think about it sometimes, because it all tends to make me feel worthless (existential depression).

I've more or less been "forced" an understanding rather than learnt, and this often leads to angry fits... For example, last night I put my head through the wall. Got a nice cut on my forehead from that one.

I wish I didn't get like this. I wish situations didn't get the best of me like they do. But I suppose not everyone can be successfully happy.