i'm an only child, my dad passed away quite early, and have single parent
my mother has been like a saint, extremely sacrificing... it's impossible to describe the infinite love my mother has given me
and i feel guilty and afraid that i haven't really been living up to that at all!
and often i am scared that when i get old i might be left alone clueless about everything - finance, work, love, myself, existentialism ...
and even when i am with a lot of people i often helplessly get stuck with existential questions growing bursting deep inside myself.. this somehow seems to make me very anxious and panic a lot
usually i am very much objective-orientated.. and strive a lot to protect and develop my own identity.. but sometimes i wonder, if i ever become alone, how will i ever make any sense out of this world that i'll live in? to me everything would look so surreal without some proper connections
i want to be emotionally independent, healthy, sane as well as financially so.. even when spending time with my family and friends but sometimes i wonder when so many things change, i wonder how i will be able to center myself? how do you make sense out of this chaotic ever changing world? especially in certain situations that demand you to be extra independent? i thought i would become more confident or knowledgable or comfortable about things in general when i get older but somehow i feel as though the more i got older the more clueless and hollow i feel..
for example, the way i feel about this world seems to fluctuate so so so much more often.. and even the things i am very much used to seems completely strange or surreal to me often times.. if we have people we love around us, if we have family around us, the world makes sense.. but the time and the change keeps challenging me in a way that i view, feel, interact with this world a bit..
sometimes i sort of envy people who don't feel much of a drama like i do.. people even when left alone for a long time, they see things in a very practical, down to earth, drama-free, focused, sane, concentrated.. sort of rational way.. or is this really how they seem?
so what does it take for you to make sense of this world? enough money and financial security? or do you embrace the fact that certaing things are not knowable? say in the middle of a crazy crowded plaza or city, you are entirely on your own, and everything is so hectic and strange.. how do you calm yourself down?
how do you make sense out of this world and not feel panic or dramatic about it?
my mother has been like a saint, extremely sacrificing... it's impossible to describe the infinite love my mother has given me
and i feel guilty and afraid that i haven't really been living up to that at all!
and often i am scared that when i get old i might be left alone clueless about everything - finance, work, love, myself, existentialism ...
and even when i am with a lot of people i often helplessly get stuck with existential questions growing bursting deep inside myself.. this somehow seems to make me very anxious and panic a lot
usually i am very much objective-orientated.. and strive a lot to protect and develop my own identity.. but sometimes i wonder, if i ever become alone, how will i ever make any sense out of this world that i'll live in? to me everything would look so surreal without some proper connections
i want to be emotionally independent, healthy, sane as well as financially so.. even when spending time with my family and friends but sometimes i wonder when so many things change, i wonder how i will be able to center myself? how do you make sense out of this chaotic ever changing world? especially in certain situations that demand you to be extra independent? i thought i would become more confident or knowledgable or comfortable about things in general when i get older but somehow i feel as though the more i got older the more clueless and hollow i feel..
for example, the way i feel about this world seems to fluctuate so so so much more often.. and even the things i am very much used to seems completely strange or surreal to me often times.. if we have people we love around us, if we have family around us, the world makes sense.. but the time and the change keeps challenging me in a way that i view, feel, interact with this world a bit..
sometimes i sort of envy people who don't feel much of a drama like i do.. people even when left alone for a long time, they see things in a very practical, down to earth, drama-free, focused, sane, concentrated.. sort of rational way.. or is this really how they seem?
so what does it take for you to make sense of this world? enough money and financial security? or do you embrace the fact that certaing things are not knowable? say in the middle of a crazy crowded plaza or city, you are entirely on your own, and everything is so hectic and strange.. how do you calm yourself down?
how do you make sense out of this world and not feel panic or dramatic about it?