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I've met some people at parties, but now that I'm in my 30's there's less parties and most people have settled down and known everyone else for years. I basically only go expecting to meet friends, never anyone new. I met a few people with Okcupid a few years back, but I'm sooo over online dating. It's so much work and little pay off if you are looking for something beyond a screw. The idea of meeting a guy at a random bar never seemed appealing to me, but what about the rest of you guys? Is that something that works out for you and you enjoy? Every blind date I have ever been set up on has been a disaster...

But yeah I'm more curios than anything, just wondering what works for everyone else. Currently there's this new guy from work who's pretty hot who acts a little awkward around me. Could be nothing, but I'm tempted to look into it. But the fact that it's work gives me pause. What about you guys?
 

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I was in relationships for most of my twenties, but then I had to start dating. There are different ways to do that on-line, including the Tinder thing (which I did use for a little while) or getting to know someone who you happen to enjoy talking to on a forum etc. There was definitely a bigger pool of people in LA but a lot of my dating there was shallow - going out with men of different ages, dating rich guys who could take me places and show me things - outside of an on-and-off relationship I had with someone who I was friends with first. Our relationship developed organically because I rented a room from his family and did some editing for his grandfather before he passed away (the grandfather, not my ex). That went on for quite a while on and off but by the time I left it was over.

Since I left LA, I had a few Tinder dates. Nothing serious came from any of those, the longest fling lasted maybe a month. I briefly dated a friend of a co-worker last summer (the co-worker grew up in this area and the guy I was seeing was his friend because he went to school here like a decade ago) .

Then the last two guys I've liked have been people I met at a cafe/bar where I hang out sometimes. It's not a club or a trashy bar, it's this cute cozy little place that has local beers and ciders on tap, and sells six packs and bottles of wine, letting you drink it there or take it home. They also sell coffee, tea and sandwiches, and have all sorts of local events that appeal to hipsters and hippies. It's like Cheers for the 21st century ha ha.

I didn't "pick up" either of these dudes right away. They have a patio, local people just hang out there, and they become friends. One I was mostly just friends with anyway aside from cuddling and having dinner with his family, because he was demi, and the other guy I recently got more involved with I've had cool conversations with for about six months, but I wasn't madly attracted to him at first. I remember giving him my number back then, but we never hung out away from the cafe until just before the holidays, and the first time it was sincerely just as friends. Then a couple of nights ago we decided to make-out. It could potentially go somewhere. I really enjoy his company as a person, and once it finally happened, I really felt attracted to him.

So if you know of a cafe or classy wine bar, something similar where you could just hang out and make friends with interesting people, maybe you could end up dating one of them. Or you could try Tinder. Good luck!
 

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I've met some people at parties, but now that I'm in my 30's there's less parties and most people have settled down and known everyone else for years. I basically only go expecting to meet friends, never anyone new.
Jerry Seinfeld: "When you're in your thirties it's very hard to make a new friend. Whatever the group is that you've got now - that's who you're going with. You're not interviewing... you're not looking at any new people... you're not interested in seeing any applications. They don't know the places. They don't know the food. They don't know the activities. If I meet a guy in a club or the gym or someplace - "I'm sure you're a very nice person, you seem to have a lot of potential. But we're just not hiring right now"

"Of course when you're a kid, you can be friends with anybody. Remember when you were a little kid what were the qualifications? If someone's in front of my house NOW, that's my friend, they're my friend, that's it. "Are you a grown up? No? Great! Come on in! Jump up and down on my bed!" And if you have anything in common at all. "You like cherry soda? I like cherry soda! We'll be best friends!"
 

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I always meet people through tried and true mutual friends.

I tried online dating and lasted four days. What a joke! Lol I was definitely a lot more serious about actual connection than anyone I talked to.

Meeting someone out of the blue at a cafe/bar would freak me out I think. I've only ever dated guys that I've been friends with first. Maybe its time for me to try something new?
 

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I always meet people through tried and true mutual friends.

I tried online dating and lasted four days. What a joke! Lol I was definitely a lot more serious about actual connection than anyone I talked to.

Meeting someone out of the blue at a cafe/bar would freak me out I think. I've only ever dated guys that I've been friends with first. Maybe its time for me to try something new?
I literally meet a new person 90% of the time I got to the coffee shop I go to. Just find a place where people that are there to talk not look at their do phone/laptop.

Even if you talking to couples or genders you are romantically intrested yiu can still network.

I've been invited to several parties just by showing up to a coffee shop saturday morning.
 

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Charge'n Thru The Night
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At work or through friends of a friend


Also if you are looking for a relationship, according to a radio interview, you shouldn’t be shy about making that it known to your friends and family.
 

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Also if you are looking for a relationship, according to a radio interview, you shouldn’t be shy about making that it known to your friends and family.
NOOOO!
Their idea of setting me up is like, hey I know this guy who is basically alive, and once played the same video game you did.... so I think you should get married.
 

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NOOOO!
Their idea of setting me up is like, hey I know this guy who is basically alive, and once played the same video game you did.... so I think you should get married.
Well no, it is not about setting you up for marriage.. it is about more opportunities to meet people. You don’t have to date or marry anyone they mention.

Also if you are friends are that stupid, lol don’t tell those friends.
 

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♂️ Xennial - Melancholic/Choleric
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Through an activity? Like, if you like running, you can start talking to runners you meet because you've already got a shared topic of interest.
 

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Well the people in real I met doesn't give me that much of a connection romantically. Even using dating sites only makes me encounter weirdos. Probably just enjoy yourself wherever you are and some one will see it and fall for you, I guess
 

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Meet people, kinda affects what for (friends? work? relationships?)
What about you guys?
Past, background
 

Male, hetero here. I used to go out, some parties (I'm NOT a guy who goes to parties, I get bored pretty fast), group of friends, go walking, sports, minding my own business etc. I enjoy time alone, a lot. But I got to know a lot of people, my top? (in numbers) mostly by work due to being on a highly social work position in the past, even received multiple extra work opportunities and options for another job.

In terms of meeting women... damn, I felt so frustrated on the difficulties on approaching them and talk to them directly, guess what I was wrong having the wrong idea of things: I was doing ok, I used to approach women on bus stations, bus, walking, etc and have a nice talk, sure it was stressing but I made good friends that way. What I'm referring to here is how most men talk about their hero stories but whenever I asked them how they do it, they refused to give specifics. (I opened a thread about it), long story short very few people approach others directly, I did it with good results, I don't regret it.

On the bus? I used to carry at least one book and surprisingly some people talked to me, we ended having nice conversations.

Now? present time? I don't do that anymore, why? times are different now. In the past you could meet someone at the bus station or some coffee place, and perhaps the person would be distracted, reading or waiting for someone. TODAY: most people are checking their cellphones looking down and when others talk to them they are like what? eh? wtf? so fuck them. That kind of cell phone use is already a bad signal to me, personally.


Today? walking, running, doing my business. When I was around 24 several women told me it was nice and interesting to see a single man doing his things alone, by himself (even the supermarket) without the need of a wolf pack, I found out we men usually enjoy the same in reverse, big groups are not fun and also not a good sign (when someone is never alone, always needing someone to hang out).

My grandmother used to tell this to younger women: go walk alone, avoid groups, avoid cars, walk, stop laughing like retards, practice a nice smile and read a book, have something to talk about. Nobody will approach you if you just get off and on the car.

I always meet people through tried and true mutual friends.
Me too. Yet I discovered most people don't know their friends even if they have years in relationship. I learned the hard way (I'm a good listener) and I walked away from some people while their past friends were confused why and I couldn't tell due to private info being shared. It's amazing how some friends really don't know (and don't care) about their friends present and past.


We'll be best friends!"
Seinfeld. So true, nice quote. It was easier back then, as adults? some people do not listen. I watched both comedy stand ups and psychology conferences/interviews on youtube about music and politics (about the USA), they explained how easy it was to approach someone and talk, but not today. People can ask you about political views and supposed gender positions, then they frame others by this instead of really listening. USA has this strong tendency to invent new words (that's good) but they also use them to fracture social relationships and profile people.

There have been some attempts in this forum too where people can't hang around just because with diff people, instead they are asked if they would date a trans, X color person with X views, makes sense but if you check the narratives they are approaching ideology groups, not people. Some guys posted experiences on this forum where the dates went bad from the minute someone asked "what's your view on feminism?" and most times regardless of the view: that date is doomed. Its not about views, it's about people who don't want to relate to people, but only polemic discussions and insist on their views on others.

according to a radio interview, you shouldn’t be shy about making that it known to your friends and family.
Sounds good and I see the point. I personally avoid telling people that I'm open to a relationship or to meet people: in my region they try to set you up and insist, suddenly the conversation turns into "why don't you go out with X?" and if you don't they move to "why don't you like her?", so while I understand the advice on the interview, I try to keep it personal.
 

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I had sorta more coincidental met other networks or people in random ways
Which just can randomly expose you to more people and then having change encountered

I think it’s key to be able to do two things
Be out of a comfort zone and leap
I.e. when a new offer from a coworker maybe comes up to invite you to something just go
(Me recent has passed on this stuff cuz working out other stuff, but if you’re in a good place get out there and enjoy your life, YOLO)
Maybe the activity itself is not off the surface even interest
But it won’t kill ya just to explore
I used to pass on the random person or activities themselves if they weren’t of interest years ago
Not realizing I was closing myself off to well .... serendipity

If nothing is presenting itself consider this
Just asking others if they have any plans and or if anyone wants to do something
I am not referring to your comfort zone (talking about people outside of that)
If they ask what
Instead of doing something you or they have done ask them if they have any NEW activities they have wanted to try
Or suggest something you have always wanted to try
If they pass suggest something different
Point your already doing half the work neutralizing with connections by being exposed in recreational stuff.
This does not mean you will instantly meet a person to interest but it’s opening yourself up to more experience which exposes you to more options

Next thing I started to do to innocently be out and about casual in my community on my own was go to grill and bar. I am not referring to clubbing nor the bar hour when everyone is wasted and you’re just by the drunks. But just walking up to the bar area of many breweries or cocktail bars, or even a dive bar during off binge drink hours, or even a chain like red lobster or apple bees is seriously where you can come across more casual eligibile diners just out like yourself.

Off the beaten path coffee shops and parks are also good locales to be in neutral locations to others.

Like others said running (maybe) lol. I sorta would get freaked unless I saw the same guy on my route every day if someone approached me in my zone with my head phones on.

The best thing about these neutral methods is your fulfilling something regardless whether it be an excuse to get out have a nice cocktail, brew, wine, or tea, maybe dress up if ya feel like it a bit if not don’t. But either way you feel good and you’re serving yourself. The intrigue behind that alone makes some people pursue.

I am in no way in the slightest bit suggesting I am an expert on relationships (not at all)
But I am pretty damn good at networking when I choose and have a professional background in recreation
I am very confident in the general strategy of making yourself available and approach to get yourself out there
 
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