Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 34 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
259 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I'm curious how other INTPs react to receiving compliments, but this is open to other types if they wish to participate. I made a point to add "in person" since receiving compliments online is totally different and allows one much more time to formulate a response and conceal their immediate, involuntary reactions. I also added "genuine" to avoid confusion with insincere compliments or ones that seem insincere based on delivery, facial expressions, body language, broader context, etc.

My reaction to compliments:
 
When I was younger I used to react by simply turning bright red, possibly adding an awkward "Erm, thank you" after a long pause. These days I've noticed that I tend to push them aside reflexively with quick-witted humor or by feigning anger (in an obviously facetious way) that takes the focus away from myself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,568 Posts
Same as asking me "How are you?" : 3 second stun-lock. before I remind myself you're supposed to answer these things with standard token innocuous responses (Thank you) .

If I like the person or the compliment takes me by surprise, I inquire about the rationale/perspective they came from.

I never believe any compliments I disagree with (99% of them) , and assume it's either an empty kindness, done out of obligation, out of ignorance or has an ulterior motive behind it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,119 Posts
I usually feel a bit uncomfortable and respond with a dry, perfunctory "thanks." If it's a guy remarking on my looks, I feel disgusted and irritated.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Froody Blue Gem

·
Registered
Joined
·
224 Posts
If someone tells me I'm smart, I don't buy it. I feel like it's a cushioning compliment. It goes two ways:

1: You're smart but .....
2: (A person is trying to cover their tracks) You're smart

Any physical compliments makes me internally question the complimenter. Usually followed by an uhhhh.... thanks

Whenever someone says "I had a great time!" I have an internal freak out. Before I said thanks, but that wasn't social etiquette.
 

·
Not a Robot
Joined
·
2,150 Posts
With all the responses thus far, it makes it seem like none of you have received genuine compliments :confused:
Actually, I get them a lot. I should be totally used to them by now, but I’m not. I think that since I’m so self-critical, it’s hard to reconcile compliments with my own mental image. It takes me a second to digest and then go with the flow (react appropriately).
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
259 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
Actually, I get them a lot. I should be totally used to them by now, but I’m not. I think that since I’m so self-critical, it’s hard to reconcile compliments with my own mental image. It takes me a second to digest and then go with the flow (react appropriately).
It's similar for me, but on some level I know what they're saying is true: I just don't want to admit it outside of my own thoughts. It's as if I'm unconsciously saying, "Wait! You're not supposed to say that! IGNORE THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN!"
 

·
Registered
INTP 9w1-5w4-2w3 sp/so
Joined
·
2,599 Posts
I'll say thank you and be pleased if it's something I take pride in. It may encourage me to keep on doing whatever it is. I may be surprised they complimented me if I wasn't expecting it.

If they keep on complimenting me over and over again on the same thing, that's the point where it gets kind of awkward and don't want to overkill thanks, and don't know quite what to say. I know it's coming from a good place. Or if I have to do something else or am in the middle of something and they compliment me, that's when I get into awkward "I don't know what to say" mode and a thank you sounds forced.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,728 Posts
For me, the most genuine of compliments are indirect ones that speak to mind manifest.

Mom at Christmas: "Your gifts are always so thoughtful and personalized, there's nothing generic about them."

Pizza delivery guy yesterday: "Wow, you have a really nice living room."

Lady Dark on any given day: "I don't like anyone. Except you. You're ok..most of the time."

Etc.

Direct compliments are like the cat is hungry and rubbing against my legs as I walk by. Is she showing me a little love or trying to trip me? Either or a bit both, she's getting the dry food. The good canned stuff stays in the closet.

The responses?

 


"I try."

"Thanks, it's a work in progress."

Spray her with the garden hose.

The cat depends. Most of the time it's dry food. But sometimes I'll put something she won't eat like a potato in her bowl. Or I'll put a can on the floor without popping the lid and say, "It must suck not having hands."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,568 Posts
With all the responses thus far, it makes it seem like none of you have received genuine compliments :confused:
I have.
Thing is, token compliments for the sake of social lubrication are conditioned to be almost a reflex in western society. Ditto asking how you are. Few people truly want to know.

Also, something about the way I'm wired, if the compliment contradicts the person's past behaviour, my knowledge of them, and their treatment of me, that contradiction is going to be the first thing to light up in my brain, which is why I end up stun-locked to begin with.
 
  • Like
Reactions: s2theizay
1 - 20 of 34 Posts
Top