how do you respond to aggresiveness?

I feel like INFPs are very good at diffusing aggression. Has anyone else noticed this?

This controlling father came up to me once when I was babysitting and he yelled at me for letting my kids climb on the jungle gym the wrong way. He said I was irresponsible and it was dangerous and he would call the police for child endangerment.

On the inside, I was all holy shit, but even when I want to, I can't show my inside feelings very well, so on the outside I seemed not bothered and I said, When I was a kid, I did this all the time. But fine, let's go home guys.

And then after the kids convinced me to wait ten more minutes, and we were finally heading out, I went back to angry man and awkwardly asked him for the time. Because I felt like it would show him that I was not bothered by his outburst at all. And he was a lot nicer. He said, looking after two kids must be difficult, huh?

It was amazing.

That was possibly the coolest thing I've ever done okay. I hold that memory very close to my heart.

It makes me believe I can get along with anyone, which is almost a superpower.

And the best part is, everyone can have this superpower too.

I respond by building up energy. I assess their strengths, but more importantly, their weaknesses. I remain calm on the surface, but inside I am preparing for all out war. I'll try to level with them to deescalate the situation, but am preparing to destroy them psychologically, emotionally, and physically if it comes down to it. Take note of my surroundings, intimidate them, match their aggression and prepare for a fight, whether verbal or physical.

Rainbow said:

say he wants to kick someones arse

Click to expand...

Three steps I guess.

1. Try to calm them down. Talk them out of it. If that doesn't work...

2. Start to walk away. If said person proceeds with behavior and no other option is given...

3. Knock them down/out.

Greatly depends on what type of aggression you speak of.

Due to external factors?, internal factors? kindly be a little more specific.

e.g:
Internal factors : unable to understand a particular situation and therefore resorts to anger and aggression. Anger about something else and resorts to releasing said anger on an innocent soul.

External factors : Alcohol, drugs, etc. These tend to amplify and/or warp the perceptions of some people to an extent.

There also could be a combination of the two.

If the aggression is directed at me I would try and understand the situation as best I could and verbally debate the hate away.

If worse comes to worse and there are external factors involved as well I have trained in self defense and I do know quite a few basics of combat if it comes to that point of course. It has never gone that far but I still maintain it as a possibility.

Of course one knows when its best to walk away from a fight as well.

I had a friend/associate who was a CEO of her own self-created company creating logos for other companies, and she played with the big guys making deals with big companies like national banks and such. She was a go getter... Used to live in New York. Kind of reminded me of a sex and the city character, maybe like Miranda or something. Anyway, I recall that on the day I met her, she nearly broke my hand squeezing it during a handshake. I wanted to cry..lol. It all made sense when I realized she had to have that sort of handshake for working in a mostly male dominated industry/business industry, to assert herself and be respected and make good deals. etc. Ever since that day, when I shake someone's hand and I realize they are squeezing mine harder than I am theirs, I try to match them in handshake strength or surpass them.. lol.. even though naturally I have a faint, soft handshake.. I want to win the handshake battle! LOL

So, that is my answer to the question: How do you respond to handshake-aggressiveness? lol

KindOfBlue06 said:

I respond by building up energy. I assess their strengths, but more importantly, their weaknesses. I remain calm on the surface, but inside I am preparing for all out war. I'll try to level with them to deescalate the situation, but am preparing to destroy them psychologically, emotionally, and physically if it comes down to it. Take note of my surroundings, intimidate them, match their aggression and prepare for a fight, whether verbal or physical.

Click to expand...

Exactly how I would envision my response if I am unable to verbally debate it or walk away from it. Of course at crunch time anything can happen, I tend to be a lot more cautious to avoid violence, so thus far I've been able to diffuse situations without resorting to this.

But I'm guessing though that this is coming from a place where you yourself had to deal with quite a few violent people in life.

I have a large amount of anxiety due to situations that have happened in the past so my first reaction is usually to pull myself together. Lately, however, I only have to take time to do this if screaming is involved. Raised voices actually cause me to naturally go into a panic, but I'm slowly learning to control myself better since I can only change myself and not their actions. This was not obvious to me in my teenage years, so I would often cry at the drop of a hat with the hope that they would leave me alone.

If the aggression isn't something I have to tend to immediately, such as a disagreement between me and a friend, I will usually take myself out of the situation for a few hours in order to get a clearer view of what's going on and where the other person is coming from. I like to look from all angles to prevent a situation from getting bigger than it already is. I very rarely respond to aggression with aggression, as it's kind of counter-productive. Water for fire instead of wood.

If it's something I have to deal with immediately, such as a person unhappy in a professional environment, I try my best to stay calm with my first instincts being to meet the others needs until they calm down as well. People are easier to work with that way, and are much more likely to see your point of view once they know you're a decent human being they can connect with. Kind of like that lovely story told by The Hungry One about their kids at the park.

If the person is aggressive/violent and I can tell that they're not going to reason with me, I go into flight mode. I am very light on my feet and an excellent long distance runner! My opinion isn't worth being smacked in the face over haha! I don't need to scream it at someone who disagrees with me just to put value to it, so to speak. I know what I believe, and I don't need to prove it to anyone.

Well actually this guy came up to my mum and me very aggressively yesterday because apparently we were parked in the wrong place (it was a clearway but had only just become one in the past 5 minutes), for some reason I just rolled down the window and laughed while he shouted everything under the sun then rolled it back up.

That is unusual though, I will usually get upset if someone goes crazy at me.

UtterMess said:

Exactly how I would envision my response if I am unable to verbally debate it or walk away from it. Of course at crunch time anything can happen, I tend to be a lot more cautious to avoid violence, so thus far I've been able to diffuse situations without resorting to this.

But I'm guessing though that this is coming from a place where you yourself had to deal with quite a few violent people in life.

Click to expand...

Yeah I've run into some shady situations in Detroit, been in some bad parts of town, but I've found that if you just look like you've killed a man and you would kill another one just for looking at you the wrong way, people don't fuck with you. I've also fought bullies and stuff back in highshchool.

I'm not a huge guy either, but I've intimidated people twice my size just with a cold death stare and not saying anything. Thankfully those situations haven't been too common though.

Rainbow said:

say he wants to kick someones arse

Click to expand...

I'd be like "listen, if you touch me in anyway, then I will report you to the police and file an assault charge against you. You will have a criminal record and I don't think you want to go to prison". If he kept trying to kick my arse, then I would defend myself.

If it's someone who is verbally aggressive then I would assess whether they are worth my time and if they aren't, I would just ignore them.

KindOfBlue06 said:

I respond by building up energy. I assess their strengths, but more importantly, their weaknesses. I remain calm on the surface, but inside I am preparing for all out war. I'll try to level with them to deescalate the situation, but am preparing to destroy them psychologically, emotionally, and physically if it comes down to it. Take note of my surroundings, intimidate them, match their aggression and prepare for a fight, whether verbal or physical.

Click to expand...

Something like this^^^
And not resorting to underhandness, sticking to the point, often when the opponent tries to change the subject, tries to distract from the underlying meaning of the event, it simply gives me more fuel to hit below the belt. And generally keeping my cards close to my chest. And some people are just too low in their reasoning to even bother entertaining a petty row with them, too taxing on my energy, it's picking your battles wisely.

Also to echo what you saying Blue, i've lived in some rough areas, come across some shady people, dare I say its probably toughened me up in many respects that some conflicts simply don't always phase me, it's just the way it has turned out.

I usually smile at them, laugh depending on whether or not their reasons for getting aggressive are silly. I mentally visualize myself in them, trying to look at them as if they were an underdeveloped version of myself. I try to work with them to calm them down and make them feel more at peace. If all else fails I stop talking as there is no point, and I leave situation to let it diffuse. I'm listening to a radio talk show right now I'll update this later with a more in-depth explanation.

Depends on my mood and what you mean by aggressive. If I see someone trying to start a fight I might just run off. If I know it's futile I just have to repress it (as in with certain relatives).

However, let's say I'm out somewhere and encounter a stranger who is shouting at me and looking for a fight. As in, aggressive.
I will almost always try to be diplomatic if someone comes shouting or looking for trouble. I will retreat to an extent and where it's not too much to ask, but if I think it's worth my time (very often not, I don't go looking for fights either) I hold myself quite confidently usually (which is an act become habit rather than the real thing but anyway), I give a solid stare and I don't back down. I'm often quick-talking, snarky and insolently formal even if it is stupid (which it often is); sometimes people just don't know what to make of that and back down. I hate violence but I will quite quickly turn to verbally ripping someone to shreds. I'll attack emotionally first. Sometimes I just laugh at them and people rarely know what to do about that. Often that's as far as I'm willing to go.

If they keep getting aggressive I usually stay calm and still but I will make sure my stance is good and make note of my surroundings and what's to my sides and back. Sometimes people notice this; combined with the above it may unnerve them or worsen things. Still looking for a fight? Calmly inform them I am legally clear to defend myself with whatever force is necessary. Then target ears/eyes/blood vessels or nerve clusters in neck and go from there.

Usually with just verbal aggression I'm snarky and rigid but I don't try to escalate anything.

It depends on the situation and what triggered the aggressive reaction. If it is something that I find silly and unneccessary to be angry about, I can pretty easily just laugh it off and just walk straight out of it unscratched. If it is something that I feel is violating some form of principle or value I hold, I can easily burst out into an aggressive state myself, spilling out angry reamrks and logical arguments about why they are wrong. Yet I am still able to remain reserved, controlled and rational while doing this and quite often am able to make that other person admit their faults. If they don't, it can easily clash into a warzone when in the end I walk out of it furiously thinking a bunch of mean stuff about the other, and quite possibly locking myself up in the bathroom crying.