There's a lot here, so I'm going to do my best to cut your post down into some main topics/anxieties and give you my perspective.
the daily grind, being "good enough"
9's, myself included, tend to "settle." It's what we do. This has been a source of frustration and embarrassment for me when someone at work asks me a question like "how could this be done better?" and I have no answer for them because I've discovered a way of doing it which is tolerable and easily repeatable.
We like routine. So it behooves us to build healthy daily routines. If we have unhealthy routines, we need to try to recognize those and change by degrees. A bad routine I currently have is that when I get bored at work and need a break, rather than getting up to walk around I browse the web and read news articles, check out PersonalityCafe, and do some online shopping. This causes me to have no separation between "play" and "work" which reinforces bad habits. I recognize this but haven't figured out how to change it yet.
procrastination, "buckling down"
Some articles I've read say that procrastination is a reflection of inner anger at your situation. That unconsciously you are angry that you have to do something you don't care about. You feel unable to change your situation and your anger can't be directed at the situation, so you direct it at yourself. If you're finding yourself procrastinating a lot, as I do, it probably means what you are trying to squeeze effort out of yourself on something that just isn't that important to you.
It doesn't necessarily mean you need to change your major or career or whatever, but it might indicate a need for a change in mindset or that you need to give yourself more breaks, more exercise... that your needs aren't being met in some way by what you're doing. I struggle with this too... sometimes it helps to remind myself of what I got to learn that day and how what I learned could be used to make something interesting or fun later.
looking to others for emotional support and validation, low self-esteem
Yeah I do this too. Sometimes I feel a deep need to just have someone pat me on the head and tell me everything is going to be ok. Sometimes it helps if I kind of give myself a pep-talk either mentally or looking in a mirror. It's weird, but sometimes it helps.
peace vs. anxiety, extreme reactions
Anxiety tells you that something is important to you. If you're feeling "peaceful" it might just mean you're distracted from what is important. If you're feeling anxiety, in my experience, it means that you have an unaddressed issue which you need to do your best to face head on and figure out. You don't necessarily need to act on it, you need to figure out how to give it the importance it deserves so you can slot it somewhere in your mind to look at in-depth later.
taking "true" risks
I hate taking risks. I hate gambling. So I'm right there with you. I think like I said above your anxiety and anger have to help you identify your passions, what is important to you. If you're feeling a lot of anxiety about doing something, that probably means it's important and that you should try to take some sort of step towards acting on it.
being oversensitive
I wouldn't let others judge you on your feelings. I allowed people to tell me I was oversensitive my whole life and it lead to feeling of being castrated, like I wasn't a "real man." After all, the way I feel is "wrong" and I'm not supposed to cry or feel that way.
I think there is probably more tolerance for you because you aren't a man but even so don't let people tell you you're being oversensitive. The key is to not always look to others to solve your problems, I think, but try to find the strength inside yourself when you're feeling really sad or upset about something. It can be hard in the moment to do that though... I know. Sometimes you just need to remove yourself from a situation and take a few minutes to get your head straight before coming back.
minimizing accomplishments
You are minimizing your own accomplishments. I can tell because I've been there. Try to write an objective list for yourself right now of the things you've accomplished in your life. Read it over and realize that you are being too hard on yourself. Sometimes I need to do this and I always feel a bit better, more vindicated, more ready for new challenges.
therapy
I don't think there's anything wrong with therapy. I'd like to try it but there are a lot of barriers that are put up, it's kind of expensive, so I haven't yet. I would suggest starting the process now: I had to talk to my personal care provider to even have the option of it. They refused to let me see a therapist without seeing my primary doctor first. I haven't taken the next step after that.
I've heard from friends (female friends especially) who like having a therapist and I don't consider any of them "crazy."
Do you relate to this?
Yup. You're stressed out and I remember a lot of the same kind of panic when I've been really stressed. Trying to love yourself is the key here I think.
What do you do differently, and why/how?
No other comments on this.
What is your response to hardship and struggle?
Anxiety, fear, and my mind coming up with a lot of bad, illogical reasons why I can't do something.
the daily grind, being "good enough"
9's, myself included, tend to "settle." It's what we do. This has been a source of frustration and embarrassment for me when someone at work asks me a question like "how could this be done better?" and I have no answer for them because I've discovered a way of doing it which is tolerable and easily repeatable.
We like routine. So it behooves us to build healthy daily routines. If we have unhealthy routines, we need to try to recognize those and change by degrees. A bad routine I currently have is that when I get bored at work and need a break, rather than getting up to walk around I browse the web and read news articles, check out PersonalityCafe, and do some online shopping. This causes me to have no separation between "play" and "work" which reinforces bad habits. I recognize this but haven't figured out how to change it yet.
procrastination, "buckling down"
Some articles I've read say that procrastination is a reflection of inner anger at your situation. That unconsciously you are angry that you have to do something you don't care about. You feel unable to change your situation and your anger can't be directed at the situation, so you direct it at yourself. If you're finding yourself procrastinating a lot, as I do, it probably means what you are trying to squeeze effort out of yourself on something that just isn't that important to you.
It doesn't necessarily mean you need to change your major or career or whatever, but it might indicate a need for a change in mindset or that you need to give yourself more breaks, more exercise... that your needs aren't being met in some way by what you're doing. I struggle with this too... sometimes it helps to remind myself of what I got to learn that day and how what I learned could be used to make something interesting or fun later.
looking to others for emotional support and validation, low self-esteem
Yeah I do this too. Sometimes I feel a deep need to just have someone pat me on the head and tell me everything is going to be ok. Sometimes it helps if I kind of give myself a pep-talk either mentally or looking in a mirror. It's weird, but sometimes it helps.
peace vs. anxiety, extreme reactions
Anxiety tells you that something is important to you. If you're feeling "peaceful" it might just mean you're distracted from what is important. If you're feeling anxiety, in my experience, it means that you have an unaddressed issue which you need to do your best to face head on and figure out. You don't necessarily need to act on it, you need to figure out how to give it the importance it deserves so you can slot it somewhere in your mind to look at in-depth later.
taking "true" risks
I hate taking risks. I hate gambling. So I'm right there with you. I think like I said above your anxiety and anger have to help you identify your passions, what is important to you. If you're feeling a lot of anxiety about doing something, that probably means it's important and that you should try to take some sort of step towards acting on it.
being oversensitive
I wouldn't let others judge you on your feelings. I allowed people to tell me I was oversensitive my whole life and it lead to feeling of being castrated, like I wasn't a "real man." After all, the way I feel is "wrong" and I'm not supposed to cry or feel that way.
I think there is probably more tolerance for you because you aren't a man but even so don't let people tell you you're being oversensitive. The key is to not always look to others to solve your problems, I think, but try to find the strength inside yourself when you're feeling really sad or upset about something. It can be hard in the moment to do that though... I know. Sometimes you just need to remove yourself from a situation and take a few minutes to get your head straight before coming back.
minimizing accomplishments
You are minimizing your own accomplishments. I can tell because I've been there. Try to write an objective list for yourself right now of the things you've accomplished in your life. Read it over and realize that you are being too hard on yourself. Sometimes I need to do this and I always feel a bit better, more vindicated, more ready for new challenges.
therapy
I don't think there's anything wrong with therapy. I'd like to try it but there are a lot of barriers that are put up, it's kind of expensive, so I haven't yet. I would suggest starting the process now: I had to talk to my personal care provider to even have the option of it. They refused to let me see a therapist without seeing my primary doctor first. I haven't taken the next step after that.
I've heard from friends (female friends especially) who like having a therapist and I don't consider any of them "crazy."
Do you relate to this?
Yup. You're stressed out and I remember a lot of the same kind of panic when I've been really stressed. Trying to love yourself is the key here I think.
What do you do differently, and why/how?
No other comments on this.
What is your response to hardship and struggle?
Anxiety, fear, and my mind coming up with a lot of bad, illogical reasons why I can't do something.
