[WintersFlame]

I'm talking specifically about how they show love to romantic partners.

I've been dating an ENFP for a few months now. I'm not really well aquainted with the dating or romance world, but if I had to read the situation for my own perspective, I'd say he isn't there yet.

But I don't exactly trust myself because I don't think that the way I read into things is always the right answer. The reason I'm asking is, I want to be prepared to know how I feel if he were to say that to me.

Also I haven't really found threads on ENFPs and love oddly. Ive seen it only for INTPs and INTJs.

So my question for you guys is, when you love someone romantically (not just like or crush on someone), how do you show it aside from saying it?

 

[ai.tran.75]

So my question for you guys is, when you love someone romantically (not just like or crush on someone), how do you show it aside from saying it?

I take in the anger and objectives criticism and try to improve myself
* listen attentively to my partners problem
* make gifts or buy little things they enjoy for surprises that I know they’ll enjoy ( bc they’ve mentioned it or through deeply observing them )
* I’ll take on larger matters ( ex if partner needs to sleep in ) I’ll wake up extra early to run errands or use my lunch break to run their errands for them instead of having my own and I do so genuinely without any effort put in
*i keep whatever personal matter between us and only us
* I’ll wake up at anytime to listen to their anxiety - problems- nagging
* I keep my problems to myself if I know it makes them uncomfortable
* I don’t raise my voice or yell at them but rather try to understand and listen to their problems or their anger or frustrations and ask questions that would lead them into finding their own answers
* I put more money into raising our children despite the fact that they make 3 times my income
* If a family member of mine was to pass away or if I were suffer any sort of trauma and I know they’re uncomfortable with emotion I’ll keep my emotions to myself - and I’ll still listen to their minor problems about anxiety or whatever they enjoy nagging about
* I’ll cook for them at any time of the day
* I’ll talk to them when they’re anxious and banter or use humor to lighten their anxiety
* I observe their interest - values- what motivate them and what excites them
* I don’t try to change who they are
* probably risk my life for them If kids weren’t involved
* pretend I’m warm so they won’t get cold and offer them to grab my neck or back
* tolerate their nit picking and tell them directly that what they’re doing isn’t getting to anywhere
* truthful about telling them their flaws - what their positive and negative traits are
* I think it’s quite obvious to see how devoted I’m am and how much I express love-assuming this person is a good person that is also in love with me
* it’s rare for me to say I love you so if I ever do it took a lot of courage to muster it up - also it’s rare for me to say I love you before they did( I never had ) nor would I say it in a moment that would make them feel uncomfortable



Hope that helps


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[Falling Foxes]

I guess all of our threads on love get buried.

Do you think there's a common thread between all of us when it comes to showing love? I'm sure we all express differently to your specific ENFP.

On average, the ENFPs here have done the love languages test and pretty consistently we favour Words of Affirmation, Physical Affection and Quality Time the most (varying levels of preference). Having said that Ai's response is mostly acts of service and gifts... so, make of my information as you will.

I don't have a specific thing that I would do for all partners when it comes to showing affection, because I try to adapt and please their needs I respond to their positive reactions to repeat the effect again. I can be the romantic who demonstrates that with wild adventures or I could just sit next to them, close and do nothing all day (maybe reading my own thing) as if there is passive love radiation between us.

Are you concerned that your particular ENFP model is not displaying affection in a way that you recognise?

 

[strawberryLola]

Little things. My ENFP ex would purposely be cheesy and goofy a lot of the times, lots of teasing, cute things like writing hand written notes and leaving it at the window of my car.

Mostly little things- sweet but simple surprises- here and there.

If you're anticipating on how he'll say it, and how you'll feel in response, that's tough, because you know that at that point there's a level of connection that's indescribable. And if you feel a little scared, that's totally normal. It's weird when you find someone you both feel that intrinsic connection with. And it's not the showy things that people do. You'll know it's real when it's natural.

I think the key thing is- your happiness together and the ability to stick it out through thick and thin- not letting each other go to bed angry- really communicating, and having fun, in general- fun but committed. Sounds like things may be sizzling a little? This guy sounds (if we're talking about the same one) kinda young or not used to being in a relationship, maybe?

 

[Moby]

I've only truly been in love ONCE so probably too small of a sample size so far.

But I would give lots of words of affirmation and quality time to my girlfriend. I would make spontaneous choices that showed effort such as randomly drive 1-1/4 hours to see her. I would buy her thoughtful gifts.

I'm pretty sure I'll get to the love stage with my current girlfriend of six weeks, the ENFJ I mentioned I started dating beginning of July, so we'll see what happens...

 

[Foxyfox]

It’s just so obvious when we’re in love love. We don’t hide it we give you tons of attention and affection and we’re very touchy feely.. we surprise you all the time. Buy you nice little random gifts. I don’t think you would have to question an enfps love if it’s there.

 

[tarmonk]

I'd say it's not that obvious No big words of affirmation or gifts etc from me but I show it as small acts or uncommon compliments. Love as act not a feeling makes sense to me. Feelings are inside of the feeler's head only, they don't make sense to anybody else.

 

[NaughyChimp]

A lot of it depends on whom I love. ENFPs are very creative lovers genuinely interested in authentically connecting with their partners. So, I suspect we are all amazing at tailoring how we show love, depending on the recipient.

In my case? Here are a few small examples...
- I try to learn enough about the loved interests that even if I am not particularly interested in it myself, I can support it in him. So, an ex who loved mid-century modern architecture, I researched and checked out 5 books on the subject from the public library when we were going to be spending a weekend together, so he'd have some reading material in MY house that appealed to HIM. I keep my eyes peeled for newspaper and magazine articles on any topics that are of interest to them.
- I try to notice how much alone time they require and give it to them. My INFP love: I scheduled lots and lots of quiet date nights at home, watching intellectual movies and reading while entwined on the sofa. MY ENTP love: planning dinners out and at home with groups of friends (even though I'm less social than this, on my own).
- Biting my tongue. My Ne is always generating ideas, including how a person can be a better partner to me, improve his life, improve relationships with his sibs, etc. When I'm in love with someone, I often burst with wanting to share these brainstorming results with them... hahah. I've learned it's more loving to wait until I am asked, or until I absolutely feel like I will die if i don't give them an insightful morsel. Biting my tongue ain't easy, but doing it once in a while certainly makes for smoother relationships.

 

[NaughyChimp]

I'm pretty sure I'll get to the love stage with my current girlfriend of six weeks, the ENFJ I mentioned I started dating beginning of July, so we'll see what happens...

So, @Moby... without putting you on the spot... care to tell us why someone you thought had so much potential ended up being someone who only lasted a couple of months?

 

[odinthor]

The numerous ENFPs in my past have shown their love in various ways; but one common distinctive thread has been that they now and then arrange things such that the one they love gets what they (the ENFPs) regard as a chance to shine in front of others. This is not always wisely or fortuitously chosen, and with Introverts not a good idea in the first place; but sigh they mean well.

Also, they'll occasionally remember that the loving non-ENFP would like to be alone with the ENFP now and then, and so the ENFP will eke out some "just you and me time" away from the hordes of followers they tend to collect.

Also, if they are present when someone is ragging on the beloved, they'll quickly rise to their defense and get pretty aggressive about it.

 

[ai.tran.75]

The numerous ENFPs in my past have shown their love in various ways; but one common distinctive thread has been that they now and then arrange things such that the one they love gets what they (the ENFPs) regard as a chance to shine in front of others. This is not always wisely or fortuitously chosen, and with Introverts not a good idea in the first place; but sigh they mean well.

Also, they'll occasionally remember that the loving non-ENFP would like to be alone with the ENFP now and then, and so the ENFP will eke out some "just you and me time" away from the hordes of followers they tend to collect.

Also, if they are present when someone is ragging on the beloved, they'll quickly rise to their defense and get pretty aggressive about it.

I assume you dated more extroverted enfps ? Bc as a social introvert - I understand that not everyone enjoys being shined attention upon regardless of mbti type .
I also see infj do this quite often in a different manner - they assume that since enfp is charismatic and likable hence they’ll set expectations for the enfp to entertain or amuse a group and when enfp couldn’t meet that expectations they get bashed upon


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[Codas]

Sometimes it seems odd that ENFPs can be so difficult to read, but I think it is because our initial enthusiasm about the new can be confusing for people because we can cool off so quickly without realizing it. Watching myself, sometimes I feel like a Golden Retriever--I get all bouncy and excited, smelling everything frenetically. A new person can assume this means we sure are going to be fast friends, but at that point, coincidentally, I'm done smelling, Nothing new here! Oh, what's that up at the corner...?

Anyway, in retrospect and in light of this, I think one of the ways you can tell what is going on is how the ENFP reacts when another person enters the conversation. I met my husband (INTP) at work, and we would have these amazing conversations--stuff like, What is art? An INFP also liked me (I was clueless about this), and when he would try to interject into the conversation we could go for a ways (a great trio for conversation), but it was always disappointing. Our coworker's thoughts would ultimately grind our conversation or flights of fancy to a halt. Slowly, my husband was able to see this tell in me. (I didn't think he was interested, and I am the least controlling person you'll meet, so I was never going to push things with him.)

Also, I wouldn't worry too much about being prepared. At least for us, we both thrive on spontaneity--which is the beauty of two Ps together. I had purposed not to bring up the L word for as long as possible, so as not to spook him. But, after only a few weeks, he mentioned something about his father and I blurted out, "But I'm not in love with your father!"

 

[odinthor]

I assume you dated more extroverted enfps ? Bc as a social introvert - I understand that not everyone enjoys being shined attention upon regardless of mbti type .
I also see infj do this quite often in a different manner - they assume that since enfp is charismatic and likable hence they’ll set expectations for the enfp to entertain or amuse a group and when enfp couldn’t meet that expectations they get bashed upon


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If their/our Fe is in good shape, I don't see INFJs doing this, especially as entertaining or amusing a group--let alone being in charge of arranging for entertaining or amusing a group--is something we very much tend to avoid. Must be those pesky pseudo-INFJs. [shudder​]

 

[Llyralen]

Sometimes it seems odd that ENFPs can be so difficult to read, but I think it is because our initial enthusiasm about the new can be confusing for people because we can cool off so quickly without realizing it. Watching myself, sometimes I feel like a Golden Retriever--I get all bouncy and excited, smelling everything frenetically. A new person can assume this means we sure are going to be fast friends, but at that point, coincidentally, I'm done smelling, Nothing new here! Oh, what's that up at the corner...?

Anyway, in retrospect and in light of this, I think one of the ways you can tell what is going on is how the ENFP reacts when another person enters the conversation. I met my husband (INTP) at work, and we would have these amazing conversations--stuff like, What is art? An INFP also liked me (I was clueless about this), and when he would try to interject into the conversation we could go for a ways (a great trio for conversation), but it was always disappointing. Our coworker's thoughts would ultimately grind our conversation or flights of fancy to a halt. Slowly, my husband was able to see this tell in me. (I didn't think he was interested, and I am the least controlling person you'll meet, so I was never going to push things with him.)

Also, I wouldn't worry too much about being prepared. At least for us, we both thrive on spontaneity--which is the beauty of two Ps together. I had purposed not to bring up the L word for as long as possible, so as not to spook him. But, after only a few weeks, he mentioned something about his father and I blurted out, "But I'm not in love with your father!"

What was his reaction? It's fun to hear your stories.
Right, if we don't like someone we mum up and won't bring them out of their shell or won't respond as much. We bring the conversation to a crashing halt OR if we like it all then we will keep things going.

 

[Llyralen]

If their/our Fe is in good shape, I don't see INFJs doing this, especially as entertaining or amusing a group--let alone being in charge of arranging for entertaining or amusing a group--is something we very much tend to avoid. Must be those pesky pseudo-INFJs. [shudder​]

I'm sx first so one on one interaction is always the thing I crave most. At parties it's pretty annoying because I also want to just talk one on one, so I'll find someone to talk in a corner with and then I'll want to talk to each person in a corner so that I get to bond with everyone which isn't the best etiquette ever at a party. I don't really like parties because of it except that after bonding well with about 4-5 people I usually am so excited about these relationships that parties do work for me every once in a while--but basically that has to happen. Sometimes I put parties together and have relationships already with everyone and even then I just want to bond one on one... so at home me and my partner is often what I choose over anything as long as we are actually bonding and learning together and then away from home doing a class or something is great too.

I'm guilty, as I've told you, about showing my partner off until my partner refuses a few times, and then we usually talk about it and I obviously won't do it. An example, me with my family circa 6 months after we got married: "I swear I fell in love with him because of this Russian accent that he can do. He's so good and it's so funny. You've got to hear him!" And then Sean, who I am looking expectantly at and is right there just shakes his head with a look of annoyance....and there is a long awkward pause. This backfires a few times and they are never going to hear his Scotsman or his Brooklyn accents either. Or half the other awesome things he can do... but okay okay okay. At least I get the full 100% of him.

 

[Codas]

What was his reaction? It's fun to hear your stories.
Right, if we don't like someone we mum up and won't bring them out of their shell or won't respond as much. We bring the conversation to a crashing halt OR if we like it all then we will keep things going.

Leave it to an ENFP to slog through. (Funny, I always want to know the end of the story but always try to edit TMI.)... Anyway, I will never forget the wry look on his face, he paused, and said, I love you!--I can still hear the way he said it. He asked me to marry him only a few weeks later...

 

[Llyralen]

@Codas . Oh that’s so awesome! I’m so glad that’s been carved into your memory.

 

[Moby]

So, @Moby... without putting you on the spot... care to tell us why someone you thought had so much potential ended up being someone who only lasted a couple of months?

During a discussion where I spoke of dating once you've had a "clean break" with people from the past she revealed she had a "confession." She had an affair on her long-term ex 3 months before she met me. She didn't reveal this to me despite asking for a relationship where we told each other everything right away. In addition, when she confessed she was still in touch with this guy multiple times per week. She also admitted he was obsessed with her, threatening suicide if she wouldn't get back together with him, and angry and jealous about me being with her.

Too much drama, danger, too current. So I felt I had to end it.

 

[EmilyGims]

Hello! In my opinion, the main way to show love is to show to your partner your deep care and interest in him/her. If you are a romantic nature, you can show your care in a more unusual way than other people. For example, you can make some kind of surprise, instead of just asking how things are at work. But in fact, no matter how to show your care, the main thing is just to do it!

 

[NIHM]

I'm talking specifically about how they show love to romantic partners.

I've been dating an ENFP for a few months now. I'm not really well aquainted with the dating or romance world, but if I had to read the situation for my own perspective, I'd say he isn't there yet.

But I don't exactly trust myself because I don't think that the way I read into things is always the right answer. The reason I'm asking is, I want to be prepared to know how I feel if he were to say that to me.

Also I haven't really found threads on ENFPs and love oddly. Ive seen it only for INTPs and INTJs.

So my question for you guys is, when you love someone romantically (not just like or crush on someone), how do you show it aside from saying it?

I see the love threads all the time. More or less about how some (Might be ENFP) person broke someone's heart and they're coming here for advice.

When it comes to the feels we can become abnormally shy but eventually, we get over that.

Really if I boil it down, I show love when I show trust. Meaning if you've never seen me sob, angry, or upset at something. Really upset then you're not that close to me.

ENFPs are abnormally happy and balls of sunshine. It leaves most people to think we're one-dimensional child-like wonders, which we're not. They call us manipulative when we do show the darker pessimism side of our personalities. This is how some knee jerk reaction happens when we let out the dark side of the force but some lucky ones surprise us and stay.

When I was in my mid-thirties I always thought it was because I showed my darker side or cried with someone when I fall in love and some lovers took that as I'm in love. Now I've amended that statement. It's not just us showing the yin to our yang but it's the acceptance of the individual we're showing it to. Honestly, we're not dualities like the yin and yang, it's more like 80% yang and 20% yin but when that yin shows try not to run away. It's hard for us to show that side. Once someone stays through us with a hardship only then do you shine like a golden beacon of love.

Also age. The reason why I'm ending with age is that we have to be old enough to recognize what we like and don't like. Sometimes people can meet us when we're younger and we have not flushed that idea out yet. Plus that's our discovery stage. If you're the first person they've dated you might be dumped just so they can sniff the next flower for comparison. You might have been a great fit for them but they don't know that yet. So age has a lot to do with us staying and understanding love over pure limerence.

Love for us is being patient enough for us to show our very shy Fi. It is not the same as sexual feelings.

Being a cheesy goofball in front of someone might show I'm friendly, might even show I'm into someone but it does not show love. It will have nothing to do with gifts for me. I can hand out thoughtful gifts to a lot of people. Again it's about Time and Trust. Meaning I want to spend my very precious time with you discussing the universe and other oddities and I want to trust you when it all goes dark.

I've only truly been in love ONCE so probably too small of a sample size so far.

But I would give lots of words of affirmation and quality time to my girlfriend. I would make spontaneous choices that showed effort such as randomly drive 1-1/4 hours to see her. I would buy her thoughtful gifts.

I'm pretty sure I'll get to the love stage with my current girlfriend of six weeks, the ENFJ I mentioned I started dating beginning of July, so we'll see what happens...

I only liked this post because I'm still interested in the ENFJ relationship and love seeing when you mention it. *teases*

The numerous ENFPs in my past have shown their love in various ways; but one common distinctive thread has been that they now and then arrange things such that the one they love gets what they (the ENFPs) regard as a chance to shine in front of others. This is not always wisely or fortuitously chosen, and with Introverts not a good idea in the first place; but sigh they mean well.

Also, they'll occasionally remember that the loving non-ENFP would like to be alone with the ENFP now and then, and so the ENFP will eke out some "just you and me time" away from the hordes of followers they tend to collect.

Also, if they are present when someone is ragging on the beloved, they'll quickly rise to their defense and get pretty aggressive about it.

The bolded part is the only thing I agree with you. It's probably the only time you can catch me angry.

The other stuff, jeez. Who wants the hoards of followers? That sounds exhausting. I have way too much time to spend on books, art, theories, contraptions, cooking, and you name it to be with a lot of people. One person maybe two but hoards? I would hate that. I get excited when people cancel on me so I don't have to leave the house. I don't need a lot of people, I just need one. The right person.

I assume you dated more extroverted enfps ? Bc as a social introvert - I understand that not everyone enjoys being shined attention upon regardless of mbti type .
I also see infj do this quite often in a different manner - they assume that since enfp is charismatic and likable hence they’ll set expectations for the enfp to entertain or amuse a group and when enfp couldn’t meet that expectations they get bashed upon


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The reason why you said that is because it sounds nothing like an ENFP. I'll say it and be blunt with it. That's the most extroverted ENFP I've ever heard of. I've never seen that.

Right? I see sooo many threads about that in the INFJ section. The first year I was on this site in the INFJ section, 2014. I think I counted maybe five posts on the first page dissing ENFPs and expressing that we're airheads because some INFJ dated a very young ENFP ( or so that's who he thought he was dating.) A lot of the time it turned out to be an ESFJ or ESFP. It cracks me up. It's actually in the INFJ section that I read the most about how we're these manipulative little creatures, how dare we have this unknown dark side. Like they miss the obvious that we're human beings, of course, we're not one dimensional.

My brother in law (INFJ) was shocked to see me cry recently. He's never seen me cry in front of him. Not that raw emotion. That gut-wrenching you want to leave the room and a person just found out some serious dreadful news emotion. It's that type of news to make an INTJ tear up so you can imagine how it was for all the feelers. He surprised me in a good way. We were both surprised. He thought I was just a one-trick pony always happy and cheerful. He was like wow, I didn't know you had that in you but instead of a negative knee jerk reaction, we became closer. It took him forever to warm up to me. Like four years and I still think I'm getting him to like me more as the years progress. He wouldn't have even seen that side of me if my best friend (ISFJ) wasn't in the room and now she's my new sister in law married to him so I had to go over my will with them and that she's my back up power of attorney. Anyways him staying and not being negative and you could see the respect in his eyes really made me realize the love. It's not romantic love but I still do love him.

During a discussion where I spoke of dating once you've had a "clean break" with people from the past she revealed she had a "confession." She had an affair on her long-term ex 3 months before she met me. She didn't reveal this to me despite asking for a relationship where we told each other everything right away. In addition, when she confessed she was still in touch with this guy multiple times per week. She also admitted he was obsessed with her, threatening suicide if she wouldn't get back together with him, and angry and jealous about me being with her.

Too much drama, danger, too current. So I felt I had to end it.

Wait you ended it with the ENFJ??? Oh, wait this is an older post. Crap. I hate when this happens. I'm just getting caught up.