I'm talking specifically about how they show love to romantic partners.
I've been dating an ENFP for a few months now. I'm not really well aquainted with the dating or romance world, but if I had to read the situation for my own perspective, I'd say he isn't there yet.
But I don't exactly trust myself because I don't think that the way I read into things is always the right answer. The reason I'm asking is, I want to be prepared to know how I feel if he were to say that to me.
Also I haven't really found threads on ENFPs and love oddly. Ive seen it only for INTPs and INTJs.
So my question for you guys is, when you love someone romantically (not just like or crush on someone), how do you show it aside from saying it?
I see the love threads all the time. More or less about how some (Might be ENFP) person broke someone's heart and they're coming here for advice.
When it comes to the feels we can become abnormally shy but eventually, we get over that.
Really if I boil it down, I show love when I show trust. Meaning if you've never seen me sob, angry, or upset at something. Really upset then you're not that close to me.
ENFPs are abnormally happy and balls of sunshine. It leaves most people to think we're one-dimensional child-like wonders, which we're not. They call us manipulative when we do show the darker pessimism side of our personalities. This is how some knee jerk reaction happens when we let out the dark side of the force but some lucky ones surprise us and stay.
When I was in my mid-thirties I always thought it was because I showed my darker side or cried with someone when I fall in love and some lovers took that as I'm in love. Now I've amended that statement. It's not just us showing the yin to our yang but it's the acceptance of the individual we're showing it to. Honestly, we're not dualities like the yin and yang, it's more like 80% yang and 20% yin but when that yin shows try not to run away. It's hard for us to show that side. Once someone stays through us with a hardship only then do you shine like a golden beacon of love.
Also age. The reason why I'm ending with age is that we have to be old enough to recognize what we like and don't like. Sometimes people can meet us when we're younger and we have not flushed that idea out yet. Plus that's our discovery stage. If you're the first person they've dated you might be dumped just so they can sniff the next flower for comparison. You might have been a great fit for them but they don't know that yet. So age has a lot to do with us staying and understanding love over pure limerence.
Love for us is being patient enough for us to show our very shy Fi. It is not the same as sexual feelings.
Being a cheesy goofball in front of someone might show I'm friendly, might even show I'm into someone but it does not show love. It will have nothing to do with gifts for me. I can hand out thoughtful gifts to a lot of people. Again it's about Time and Trust. Meaning I want to spend my very precious time with you discussing the universe and other oddities and I want to trust you when it all goes dark.
I've only truly been in love ONCE so probably too small of a sample size so far.
But I would give lots of words of affirmation and quality time to my girlfriend. I would make spontaneous choices that showed effort such as randomly drive 1-1/4 hours to see her. I would buy her thoughtful gifts.
I'm pretty sure I'll get to the love stage with my current girlfriend of six weeks, the ENFJ I mentioned I started dating beginning of July, so we'll see what happens...
I only liked this post because I'm still interested in the ENFJ relationship and love seeing when you mention it. *teases*
The numerous ENFPs in my past have shown their love in various ways; but one common distinctive thread has been that they now and then arrange things such that the one they love gets what they (the ENFPs) regard as a chance to shine in front of others. This is not always wisely or fortuitously chosen, and with Introverts not a good idea in the first place; but sigh they mean well.
Also, they'll occasionally remember that the loving non-ENFP would like to be alone with the ENFP now and then, and so the ENFP will eke out some "just you and me time" away from the hordes of followers they tend to collect.
Also, if they are present when someone is ragging on the beloved, they'll quickly rise to their defense and get pretty aggressive about it.
The bolded part is the only thing I agree with you. It's probably the only time you can catch me angry.
The other stuff, jeez. Who wants the hoards of followers? That sounds exhausting. I have way too much time to spend on books, art, theories, contraptions, cooking, and you name it to be with a lot of people. One person maybe two but hoards? I would hate that. I get excited when people cancel on me so I don't have to leave the house. I don't need a lot of people, I just need one. The right person.
I assume you dated more extroverted enfps ? Bc as a social introvert - I understand that not everyone enjoys being shined attention upon regardless of mbti type .
I also see infj do this quite often in a different manner - they assume that since enfp is charismatic and likable hence they’ll set expectations for the enfp to entertain or amuse a group and when enfp couldn’t meet that expectations they get bashed upon
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The reason why you said that is because it sounds nothing like an ENFP. I'll say it and be blunt with it. That's the most
extroverted ENFP I've ever heard of. I've never seen that.
Right? I see sooo many threads about that in the INFJ section. The first year I was on this site in the INFJ section, 2014. I think I counted maybe five posts on the first page dissing ENFPs and expressing that we're airheads because some INFJ dated a very young ENFP ( or so that's who he thought he was dating.) A lot of the time it turned out to be an ESFJ or ESFP. It cracks me up. It's actually in the INFJ section that I read the most about how we're these manipulative little creatures, how dare we have this unknown dark side. Like they miss the obvious that we're human beings, of course, we're not one dimensional.
My brother in law (INFJ) was shocked to see me cry recently. He's never seen me cry in front of him. Not that raw emotion. That gut-wrenching you want to leave the room and a person just found out some serious dreadful news emotion. It's that type of news to make an INTJ tear up so you can imagine how it was for all the feelers. He surprised me in a good way. We were both surprised. He thought I was just a one-trick pony always happy and cheerful. He was like wow, I didn't know you had that in you but instead of a negative knee jerk reaction, we became closer. It took him forever to warm up to me. Like four years and I still think I'm getting him to like me more as the years progress. He wouldn't have even seen that side of me if my best friend (ISFJ) wasn't in the room and now she's my new sister in law married to him so I had to go over my will with them and that she's my back up power of attorney. Anyways him staying and not being negative and you could see the respect in his eyes really made me realize the love. It's not romantic love but I still do love him.
During a discussion where I spoke of dating once you've had a "clean break" with people from the past she revealed she had a "confession." She had an affair on her long-term ex 3 months before she met me. She didn't reveal this to me despite asking for a relationship where we told each other everything right away. In addition, when she confessed she was still in touch with this guy multiple times per week. She also admitted he was obsessed with her, threatening suicide if she wouldn't get back together with him, and angry and jealous about me being with her.
Too much drama, danger, too current. So I felt I had to end it.
Wait you ended it with the ENFJ??? Oh, wait this is an older post. Crap. I hate when this happens. I'm just getting caught up.