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Discussion Starter #1
Hey fellow INTJs,
Just wondering how you guys express to other people that you really care about them. I struggle with showing much emotion at all & even more so with affection.
This isn't about any particular person in my life, just people in general.
So how do you people go about it?
 

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I take my time hearing them when they come to me to advice (but I say I'm not very good with emotional subjects). I agree on meeting them when they call.

One of them is the closest thing I have to a "best friend", but I never said that to him. I don't think is needed. Actions are better than words.
 

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I make time for them - turning up at events that are hosted by them for support rather than social activity, going out for a coffee, being there for their boyfriends when they need help choosing a ring or something (cough). Other times when I travel and since I am away lots of the time, handwritten letters and postcards.

It's not about what I write about, it's the action of sending these little things that matter.
 

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Day-to-day? I make time for them, really listen to them, call them idiots. Sure, it takes a while for people to get it, but I don't feel the need to force myself to be more expressive. My friends all learn sooner or later, that once they're "in" with me, I'll be there for them when it matters most.
 

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I spend time with them and try to be helpful/do things for them.
 

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Be there for them.

As far as stating value to people. If a moment arrives. If I feel I should for my sake/for their sake.
If the spider senses tell me they "need" me to speak about their value. Then I will.

Suck it up, take a breath and say it. Practise makes it easier :)
 

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Not in the way that society has taught them to look for.
 
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Discussion Starter #10
Hmmm, thanks for all your thoughts guys, a lot of this stuff is what I do anyway (listen, spend time with them etc).
It just seems that other people are so much better at showing their affection for others than me. But seems to be a common INTJ thing =)
Thanks for your suggestion @Humoriarty, I think that I do need to sometimes just suck it up & give a compliment when needed even if it makes me feel uncomfortable, just need to work on knowing when I should =)
 

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I cook things for my family. I tell my wife and kids that I love them sooooo much. Outside of those people.... Hmmm. Birthday cards on time (one out of three years)? the odd facebook poke? that's about it.
 

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Hmmm, thanks for all your thoughts guys, a lot of this stuff is what I do anyway (listen, spend time with them etc).
It just seems that other people are so much better at showing their affection for others than me. But seems to be a common INTJ thing =)
Thanks for your suggestion @Humoriarty, I think that I do need to sometimes just suck it up & give a compliment when needed even if it makes me feel uncomfortable, just need to work on knowing when I should =)
It can be difficult to know what's effusive on one hand and what's bland on the other, as bland can come off as sarcastic or insulting .. A minefield for the intj :)

Make it truthful and they will just have to deal with it :)

Start easy with things along the lines of "I like when you do/say that" it's inoffensive and can be build on.. And is practice. Or mimic their use of language. "I LOVE what you've done to your hair" would be pretty standard issue. This might seem less honest, but it is communicating in a language they understand and appreciate.

Depends on your friends.

Go for it.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Suppose a problem I have is that I don't really see a lot of stuff relevant to comment on. I generally just don't care about stuff. Although I do understand that this is something that I need to work on, just figuring out how to start the process is the hard part I guess =)
 

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Oh I just hit them repeatedly on the head with my handy putting iron I found under my house. If they're really lucky (and live through that) I'll tie them up to a chair and attach their nipples to a 12 volt (again under the house). I'll leave them to starve for a little while and hose them and rub lotion on it's skin.
 

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Hey fellow INTJs,
Just wondering how you guys express to other people that you really care about them. I struggle with showing much emotion at all & even more so with affection.
This isn't about any particular person in my life, just people in general.
So how do you people go about it?
I don't worry about it. I know that I care about a person, and if they need to know, I just tell them. I normally don't even need to tell them this, but sometimes the streams get crossed.

I suppose I just express compassion in the normal way - by not being a selfish prick. I cooperate at first, until betrayed, then I betray back until they cooperate again, and go back to cooperating. I ignore apologies. Talk is cheap. When I see the person actually didn't mean to be a dick, then I forgive them and get over it. If they're just so wrapped up in themselves and their own little world that they can't comprehend the ethical implications of their behavior, I avoid them like the fucking plague. Those people are toxic as fuck, stay far away.

I expect to be treated the same way by others. If I'm being an asshole to you, just ignore me, or if you feel so inclined, be an asshole right back until I stop. And likewise, I expect you to cooperate with me initially, because I am going to cooperate with you at first as well. I never greet strangers with a bad attitude. I don't take out my impersonal frustrations on random people, especially not my friends and family (like most people I know) - I deal with the source of the problem, at the root.
 

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Oh I just hit them repeatedly on the head with my handy putting iron I found under my house. If they're really lucky (and live through that) I'll tie them up to a chair and attach their nipples to a 12 volt (again under the house). I'll leave them to starve for a little while and hose them and rub lotion on it's skin.
I'd buy your poetry, if you were a poet.

I'm just saying.
 
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