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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I was an emotional wreck 2 months ago and I recently got so much better...but now, I am starting to feel crappy again. So how do you stay centered when you're surrounded by negative people and you feel pressured/full of worry?

First:
- I recently got a test back and I basically failed T_T. It's worth 25% of my final grade...with the final being 50% and the section grade being 25%. I am literally having a panic attack because if I fail the course, I will be under 12 credit hours which will jeopardize my scholarship. It's microeconomics...last semester I took macroeconomics and the same thing happened basically....I started off with a D- then my test exam was a B-. I think I'll be okay in the end but I am still freaking out to the point that I just cant concentrate.
Second:
-Im in college and we had to choose who we are going to be rooming with next year. To make it fair to my other suitemates, we drew straws to see who would be with who...The result: I am with my bestest friend here but another girl (who is also my close friend) wanted to room with me. She's an ENFJ and is just extremely sensitive and moody. I had an option to switch it but I decided to room with my closest friend because I'm the only person she really feels comfortable with. The other girl has many other friends and really just wanted me be/c I stay up late and sleep in late like she does (a habit I'm actually trying to change). Long story short, she's all mad at me now and ignoring me and acting all weird. Of course I act like I don't give a flying fuck but I really dont like people to be mad at me. I am actually very upset. I refuse to apologize to her or give in to her pity stories by rooming with her instead. I kind of just want to drop her from my life at this point because I hate people in my inner circle who cause drama and it's distracting me from my studies.


hmmm two other things are bothering me too but those above are the major ones.
I am going to see a therapist at my school. I am also going to tutoring.
I spoke to my mom and friends back home.
Should I start running, doing yoga?

I just worry all the time and it's incredibly tiring.
 

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from what I've experienced, "staying centered" means putting up an act to look like you are actually doing well, but you aren't. What you're trying to achieve, if I understand correctly, is a way to get away from all the stress/worry?

Here's how you do it:
-you don't

That is, you can't just get rid of it out of nowhere. I highly encourage seeing that therapist, as I've heard such good things about therapy. From what I've experienced, one of the quickest ways is to confront the source of worry (in the second bullet, your friend). I don't know you personally, but as an INFP, I know a lot of us dislike conflict. Sadly, you probably have to confront the conflict directly to get rid of the problem. IMO, your friend is way in the wrong in the hissy fit she is throwing... She's being extremely selfish and spiteful (which in my book of values is wrong).

I still haven't figured out the schoolwork part. I'd say get a tutor. Heck, I need a tutor, and tutoring helps me out a lot and helps relieve me of some worries.

I know you didn't ask "what should I do," but I wanted to offer insight, and maybe be a bit of help.

And I don't know about running or yoga, never tried it (for relieving stress).
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thank you. It didnt need to be tailored to me specifically, I just want to know how other people manage to stay positive when they're going through negative times. The friend issue has become irrelevant to me...all in a matter of hours lol. I am just really worried about my grades.
However, I just think I need to sleep.
 

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So how do you stay centered when you're surrounded by negative people and you feel pressured/full of worry?
Either deal with / fix it, or ignore it, or get used to it.

I think no matter what way you go about all these things, it's going to be stressful anyways. Eliminating stress sources requires investment, which delivers more stress. But only initially, if you can solve the stress source. Both ignoring and getting used to it is more of an inner source of stress, since it relies on you having the longest breath, which I think is experienced differently by each and every INFP.

I think having a regular physical activity such as yoga is something really nice to have. You know when it's going to happen, so you can look forward to it, and it forces you to focus on something physical rather than mental (hopefully, lol). So it sort of provides structure, a 'resting' point.
 
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I was an emotional wreck 2 months ago and I recently got so much better...but now, I am starting to feel crappy again. So how do you stay centered when you're surrounded by negative people and you feel pressured/full of worry?

First:
- I recently got a test back and I basically failed T_T. It's worth 25% of my final grade...with the final being 50% and the section grade being 25%. I am literally having a panic attack because if I fail the course, I will be under 12 credit hours which will jeopardize my scholarship. It's microeconomics...last semester I took macroeconomics and the same thing happened basically....I started off with a D- then my test exam was a B-. I think I'll be okay in the end but I am still freaking out to the point that I just cant concentrate.
Second:
-Im in college and we had to choose who we are going to be rooming with next year. To make it fair to my other suitemates, we drew straws to see who would be with who...The result: I am with my bestest friend here but another girl (who is also my close friend) wanted to room with me. She's an ENFJ and is just extremely sensitive and moody. I had an option to switch it but I decided to room with my closest friend because I'm the only person she really feels comfortable with. The other girl has many other friends and really just wanted me be/c I stay up late and sleep in late like she does (a habit I'm actually trying to change). Long story short, she's all mad at me now and ignoring me and acting all weird. Of course I act like I don't give a flying fuck but I really dont like people to be mad at me. I am actually very upset. I refuse to apologize to her or give in to her pity stories by rooming with her instead. I kind of just want to drop her from my life at this point because I hate people in my inner circle who cause drama and it's distracting me from my studies.


hmmm two other things are bothering me too but those above are the major ones.
I am going to see a therapist at my school. I am also going to tutoring.
I spoke to my mom and friends back home.
Should I start running, doing yoga?

I just worry all the time and it's incredibly tiring.
man, do i know how you feel...yeah exactly i do. Experiencing in this very moment the same situation. With an ENFJ also moody and sensitive. The thing is it's kinda their problem and i know it, but i get all fuzzy when someone is mad at me and i am always trying to fix it or acting like i don't give a fuck.
And also its distraction for me as well. From ym experience, you need to let them calm down. ENFJs are drama queens. Annoying often i know.
I am not the best person to give you an advice here cuz i am coping with these kinds of things as well. But i think letting it go and wait for that person to calm down is a good thing to do. But will it still be distraction - yeah - it's not easy to get rid of that feeling at all.
 

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The only thing that keeps me calm when i'm under stress is seeing the nature. I wake up really early in the morning (around 6 a.m.) and take a walk near the ocean or a place with many trees. Don't know if it will work for you but it makes wonders for me :}
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Thanks the replies. Im going to directly confront the issues and...just make sure I do daily stress-relieving activities :wink:

ENFJs are drama queens. Annoying often i know.
Yet there are supposed to be our ideal romantic partners o_O If she was my husband, we would experience very great times together then have very ugly fall-outs. Maybe it's just her..
 
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Thanks the replies. Im going to directly confront the issues.


Yet there are supposed to be our ideal romantic partners o_O If she was my husband, we would experience very great times together then have very ugly fall-outs. Maybe it's just her..
well im in a relationship with this ENFJ and it's pretty much like that...
but i can't say he haven't inspired in me more then other guys did.
 

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I used to have periods of stress, but I seem to have found ways of dealing with them now. (I'm in my forties, so I've had time to work it out.) Here are some things that worked for me:

- Exercise is great. All it takes is 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise and you'll feel amazing.

- Eat well. Make sure you're getting enough Omega 3s by eating fish or taking supplements.

- Get enough sleep (very important).

- Think positive thoughts about whatever you're telling yourself that is stressing you out. This point is very effective, but it takes practice to achieve. The fact is that your perception of a situation is what is stressful. For example, you're internal dialogue is saying that you are going to fail your course and this causes stress. Instead, tell yourself that you can easily get a better grade next time if you do x, y and z.

- Talking to a close friend about what is troubling you can also help. It always makes me feel better to do so and I usually end up seeing the situation from a different perspective.

Hope this helps. :happy:
 

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Yet there are supposed to be our ideal romantic partners o_O If she was my husband, we would experience very great times together then have very ugly fall-outs. Maybe it's just her..
Yes, but isn't it romantic when you have an ugly fall-out, but loved each other so much you would work it out successfully, ending up loving each other more? ;D
 

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I was an emotional wreck 2 months ago and I recently got so much better...but now, I am starting to feel crappy again. So how do you stay centered when you're surrounded by negative people and you feel pressured/full of worry?

First:
- I recently got a test back and I basically failed T_T. It's worth 25% of my final grade...with the final being 50% and the section grade being 25%. I am literally having a panic attack because if I fail the course, I will be under 12 credit hours which will jeopardize my scholarship. It's microeconomics...last semester I took macroeconomics and the same thing happened basically....I started off with a D- then my test exam was a B-. I think I'll be okay in the end but I am still freaking out to the point that I just cant concentrate.
Second:
-Im in college and we had to choose who we are going to be rooming with next year. To make it fair to my other suitemates, we drew straws to see who would be with who...The result: I am with my bestest friend here but another girl (who is also my close friend) wanted to room with me. She's an ENFJ and is just extremely sensitive and moody. I had an option to switch it but I decided to room with my closest friend because I'm the only person she really feels comfortable with. The other girl has many other friends and really just wanted me be/c I stay up late and sleep in late like she does (a habit I'm actually trying to change). Long story short, she's all mad at me now and ignoring me and acting all weird. Of course I act like I don't give a flying fuck but I really dont like people to be mad at me. I am actually very upset. I refuse to apologize to her or give in to her pity stories by rooming with her instead. I kind of just want to drop her from my life at this point because I hate people in my inner circle who cause drama and it's distracting me from my studies.


hmmm two other things are bothering me too but those above are the major ones.
I am going to see a therapist at my school. I am also going to tutoring.
I spoke to my mom and friends back home.
Should I start running, doing yoga?

I just worry all the time and it's incredibly tiring.
I'm going through this right now, actually.

It's scaring me how alike we are 0_0

Perhaps you should go to a school counselor. I haven't, yet. I think it wouldn't hurt. I just say don't place too much trust in them to tell you everything you want to hear. Counselors don't have answers, really. During the session, from what my friend told me from his experience with school counselors, listen to yourself talk and try to resolve your issues.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
I'm going through this right now, actually.

It's scaring me how alike we are 0_0

Perhaps you should go to a school counselor. I haven't, yet. I think it wouldn't hurt. I just say don't place too much trust in them to tell you everything you want to hear. Counselors don't have answers, really. During the session, from what my friend told me from his experience with school counselors, listen to yourself talk and try to resolve your issues.
lol I think Im going to actually try it. I've calmed down a lot since two days ago but I might as well. Hopefully they help a bit.
 

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For me, staying centered means accepting yourself and the people around you. Acceptance is not tolerance. To accept involves understanding.

Dealing with Yourself
Everyone has a purpose or a truth of their own. When what you do is in line with who you want to be, everything becomes so much easier.

It took me three different courses to know what I really wanted to be. Maybe your doing things for the wrong reasons. Are you driven by passion or by fear?

When my siblings and I became orphaned, my father left us a lot of businesses. I was the eldest and at 17, I had to make a decision. I had always been family-oriented. From Social Science, I shifted to Management to assure the financial security of my family. It was driven by obligation. After a year, I became miserable with my course. I forced myself to attend classes that I hated. After a year, I had enough and said, screw it.

I am now taking Literature and I'm very happy with it.

Regardless of the situation that you're in, there's something that's not in line with who you want to be. Purpose, maybe? Commitment? Are you acting the way you are now out of choice or out of mere survival? Reflect. Nothing speaks louder than your own truth.

Dealing with Others
When I clash with someone close to me, I take the time to reflect. I am introspective since I'm an INFP

For instance, when I get into a fight with my brother, I try to understand where he's coming from. I find the reasons why I can't connect with him well. I have done this even before I became interested in MBTI. He's ESFP by the way. It's not as intense as the P's vs the J's but we have our differences. I'm a 'think-do-think' kind of person while he's a 'do-think-do.'

Usually, I think of him as insensitive while he sees me as someone who takes things too seriously. I keep my distance for a while until I'm ready. I tell him my concerns with kindness and now, it is easier for us to connect.

This way of confronting people takes a lot of practice but my brother and I have learned to do so. Before, we erupt and are hostile towards each other. It doesn't work at all.

People will surprise you when you choose acceptance over tolerance, and kindness over hostility when you address your issues. They are more open when they feel that you aren't attacking them. Where is she coming from? Most importantly, where are you coming from? When you have the answer, tell it to her with kindness. It works most of the time.
 

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"So how do you stay centered when you're surrounded by negative people and you feel pressured/full of worry?"

It's not about others being negative. Think about you and how you feel.
 

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This is what helps me stay centred:

This might sound strange but it works and is the only thing
that has worked efficiently -

Don't resist any emotions; invite them into your body fully and
feel them. Identify where they are in the body and as
uncomfortable as it might be, just feel them and observe them
without drowning in them.

They will then dissipate and you will return to your centre. You
will feel clear.

This can be extremely challenging but with enough practise you
will get the mastery.

The alternative is suppressing emotions which may manifest in
illness, depression or explosiveness.

So, in short, resisting emotions is what causes all the problems.
We all do it naturally as a way to avoid the pain.
 

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Second:
-Im in college and we had to choose who we are going to be rooming with next year. To make it fair to my other suitemates, we drew straws to see who would be with who...The result: I am with my bestest friend here but another girl (who is also my close friend) wanted to room with me. She's an ENFJ and is just extremely sensitive and moody. I had an option to switch it but I decided to room with my closest friend because I'm the only person she really feels comfortable with. The other girl has many other friends and really just wanted me be/c I stay up late and sleep in late like she does (a habit I'm actually trying to change). Long story short, she's all mad at me now and ignoring me and acting all weird. Of course I act like I don't give a flying fuck but I really dont like people to be mad at me. I am actually very upset. I refuse to apologize to her or give in to her pity stories by rooming with her instead. I kind of just want to drop her from my life at this point because I hate people in my inner circle who cause drama and it's distracting me from my studies.
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person,
do not associate with one easily angered,
or you may learn their ways
and get yourself ensnared.
Proverbs 22:24-25
 

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good way to think of it. thanks.
Well you can think about it but that's also how it is :tongue:. If you say everyone is negative...start thinking and feeling positive and radiate that to your environment. People respond to how you feel because you express that. That happens because you feel negative yourself.

Well, unless the people you get along with are naturally like that, but if that's the case then shouldn't you find different people then?
 
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