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hey guys umm im an isfp and well i was Diagnosis with depression and im seeking help already but well i would like to ask you guys for a little help you see my depression is really rooted to this one friend of mine she is basicly the problem but she hasnt done anything wrong the thing is that she was the first and only girl in my whole life to ever really take an interest in me ive never had a girlfriend or been close to any girls the thing is that she made me open up to her we kept talking and taking about everything and anything and well for the last month or so we've stopped taking like that but i still want to i cant stop thinking of her and i want to spend time with her and whenever im not with her i start to think about wanting to talk to her but i cant and i start getting depressed so in short i want to ask you other isfp's if you have ever had this experiance and if you guys can help me get over thinking of her or my need for her please help i'll take any suggestions k
 

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well there isnt anything really stopping me i can go up to her and start taking to her cause she likes talking to me but i get nervous i just wait for her to come and talk to me same thing goes for texting her i can text her right now but i get really nervous because when we talk we ussally talk like were kind of going out but were not she has a bf that im sure of and i dont wanna say anthing i might regret do you guys know where im coming from? btw i also feel extermley devoted to her even though i dont think i should? still looking for help
 

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Yes, I have just gotten through this. I got over it because I realized she was just wasn't right for me. I had to tell myself, I can't talk to her anymore, because I was so attached to her and it was going nowhere. However, it was easy for me to a certain extent because I knew she wasn't right for me. I thought I loved her. I wanted to make her mine, I wanted to be her everything. But she didn't want that from me, and I lied to myself, thinking I could win her over and make her mine. I wanted her so bad, I was willing to forget all logical and rational discourse for a girl who had the personality of a door handle. I thought she was cute in an odd way, which was the only thing I had going for her.

I don't know your situation, but if you have any doubts about your position with her or how she feels about you, I beg of you, ask her directly. Don't worry about anything but your own needs now. I don't want to see you hurt the way I was hurt. There are thousands upon thousands of girls out there for you man, even if you feel she is The One. She may not be. I learned that the hard way.

You seem to be a deeply caring and loving guy. It's good to follow your heart, but your heart needs direction or aim, or it will just bleed all over the walls, and you will need to pick up the pieces later.
 

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I missed your last post. I would get out now, no matter how painful it may be. She has a boyfriend, and you are only hurting yourself by hanging around her. Trust me on this.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
hey can i ask you something what happends if you you have already tried to get away but she wont leave you alnoe the thing is she keeps comming to talk to me theres no way i can avoid her so i just wanted to stop thinking of her cause it really hurts though i cant tell her to leave cause i care to much for her whenever she ends up breaking up with whoever she's with she always comes to me for help i have already tried to stop talking to her it lasted about 2 weeks until she all of a sudden started taking to me but more pushing at the momment she isnt really taking to me but what i want is to stop thinking of her cause it isnt getting me anywhere and i got depression cause of it:sad: also she knows i have that but i told her it was a different reason and not cause of her
 

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hey can i ask you something what happends if you you have already tried to get away but she wont leave you alnoe the thing is she keeps comming to talk to me theres no way i can avoid her so i just wanted to stop thinking of her cause it really hurts though i cant tell her to leave cause i care to much for her whenever she ends up breaking up with whoever she's with she always comes to me for help i have already tried to stop talking to her it lasted about 2 weeks until she all of a sudden started taking to me but more pushing at the momment she isnt really taking to me but what i want is to stop thinking of her cause it isnt getting me anywhere and i got depression cause of it:sad: also she knows i have that but i told her it was a different reason and not cause of her
You gotta tell her the truth. You need to get your mind into a position that you will be able to do this. Tell her everything, all the pain you have suffered. You can't have her hanging around with you because she is just opening up old wounds. She is using you too man, when she breaks up with these guys, she comes to you for support, but she never has cared enough about you to ask how you feel about her, the level of attraction that you have for her. You are being too soft man. I did the same stuff, I acted meek and bent over backwards to make her happy.Tell her you're not available to be used by her, either she will take you in because she means the world to you and you would treat her right, or you can't spend time with her anymore. You can't have it any other way man. I care for you, and I was in the same exact position emotionally a month or so ago. ISFPs love people too much, even when they are killing us on the inside, because we love to be a martyr and think we are being selfless. Don't do that man, it doesn't get you anything except a whole lot of pity.

I hope my words are not offending you. I know it's the Truth, at least for me.
 

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Im wondering if this may be a common problem for our personality type. My current gf and I have had falling outs in the past where I just couldnt seem to stop thinking about her. I believe the best thing for you would be to get out now. If she wont leave you alone, you need to make it clear that you dont like talking to her on such a personal level while she has a boyfriend. This is gonna do one of two things. Both can end up with positive results for you. If you explain that you feel something more than a friend relation with her it will either make her leave you alone so you can move on or it will make her realize that she needs you in her life and she may come after you.

Just my 2 cents.
 

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You gotta tell her the truth. You need to get your mind into a position that you will be able to do this. Tell her everything, all the pain you have suffered. You can't have her hanging around with you because she is just opening up old wounds. She is using you too man, when she breaks up with these guys, she comes to you for support, but she never has cared enough about you to ask how you feel about her, the level of attraction that you have for her. You are being too soft man. I did the same stuff, I acted meek and bent over backwards to make her happy.Tell her you're not available to be used by her, either she will take you in because she means the world to you and you would treat her right, or you can't spend time with her anymore. You can't have it any other way man. I care for you, and I was in the same exact position emotionally a month or so ago. ISFPs love people too much, even when they are killing us on the inside, because we love to be a martyr and think we are being selfless. Don't do that man, it doesn't get you anything except a whole lot of pity.

I hope my words are not offending you. I know it's the Truth, at least for me.
Kamajama's right. I'm a girl and I agree 100%... tell her the truth, and if she doesn't choose you, break ties. It's the only way to move on. You need to focus more on yourself to stop putting her above yourself. Ultimately you are the only one in your own drivers' seat. Being a martyr isn't good for anything but a false sense of being noble. Respect for yourself is much more attractive to the opposite sex. When you are in a healthy place with yourself, you have the most to offer someone else. And there are plenty of girls out there that you can't even imagine right now. I've suffered from clinical depression too.

Either way involves pain; sharp & fast pain is over with and then begins to heal.

Dragging pain out, I think is much worse.
 
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Kamajama's right. I'm a girl and I agree 100%... tell her the truth, and if she doesn't choose you, break ties. It's the only way to move on. You need to focus more on yourself to stop putting her above yourself. Ultimately you are the only one in your own drivers' seat. Being a martyr isn't good for anything but a false sense of being noble. Respect for yourself is much more attractive to the opposite sex. When you are in a healthy place with yourself, you have the most to offer someone else. And there are plenty of girls out there that you can't even imagine right now. I've suffered from clinical depression too.

Either way involves pain; sharp & fast pain is over with and then begins to heal.

Dragging pain out, I think is much worse.
This type of wisdom only comes from experience. This is the only reason I don't regret trying to get with the INTP for a whole year. I learned things about relationships and women I would have never have known if I did not feel this pain. Yes, it hurt so bad the first day. I wanted to talk her the whole day. I wanted to get that high of the lie of us possibly being together again. I relented later that night and I explained how I flirted with her in an attempt to get with her. Yes, this INTP girl never realized I wanted her that bad, she thought we were just friends the whole year, because I was too afraid to tell her outright. I messed up bad with her, but I learned.

Do it now. Spare yourself the heartbreak. You are not winning anyone over by being meek. I KNOW there are better girls out there for you than ones who would use you again and again for emotional support, but you can't blame her for it. You were just being a ISFP. We all have a lot to learn.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
hey umm guys i am now not talking to her anymore but i didn’t tell her to leave me alone i just not accepting her calls anymore and i transferred out of her classes and probably not talk to her at all unless we run into each other in the halls but well now i feel a little depressed that i wont see her again that much and am more depressed cause it made me realize how sexually awkward and repressed I am so I ask again to you guy is there anyway to be more you know open or out there with the opposite sex:unsure:
 

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Some punctuation would be phenomenal. Throw in some commas, a few periods, maybe a capitalized letter in there or two. My eyes flew through your entire post, picked up speed and the little "reading voice" in my head sounded like a tape recorder on fast forward. Sorry, just thought I should share that.

But seriously, it sucks dude and I feel for you. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, and if her feelings aren't reciprocated then break all ties. If you can't be friends and not have feelings for her (which it sounds like you wouldn't be able to) then you just need to cut her off completely. Who knows, maybe in a few months she'll realize that her life is missing something without you and she'll come crawling back. But if you cut her off, meet some new people you'll forget all about her. Trust me, there are lots of women in the world to fall in love with, why waste your time on one who doesn't love you back.
 

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What you are dealing with is brain chemistry, the pleasure and reward systems, etc. The problem you are going through isn't anything new. Here is a YouTube video that will teach you something.


hey guys umm im an isfp and well i was Diagnosis with depression and im seeking help already but well i would like to ask you guys for a little help you see my depression is really rooted to this one friend of mine she is basicly the problem but she hasnt done anything wrong the thing is that she was the first and only girl in my whole life to ever really take an interest in me ive never had a girlfriend or been close to any girls the thing is that she made me open up to her we kept talking and taking about everything and anything and well for the last month or so we've stopped taking like that but i still want to i cant stop thinking of her and i want to spend time with her and whenever im not with her i start to think about wanting to talk to her but i cant and i start getting depressed so in short i want to ask you other isfp's if you have ever had this experiance and if you guys can help me get over thinking of her or my need for her please help i'll take any suggestions k
 

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Some punctuation would be phenomenal. Throw in some commas, a few periods, maybe a capitalized letter in there or two. My eyes flew through your entire post, picked up speed and the little "reading voice" in my head sounded like a tape recorder on fast forward. Sorry, just thought I should share that.
I disagree. I believe punctuation is the least of your problems. Focus on your mental and emotional health now, and later we can help you with your grammatical errors. Vent without worry. :wink:

But seriously, it sucks dude and I feel for you. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, and if her feelings aren't reciprocated then break all ties. If you can't be friends and not have feelings for her (which it sounds like you wouldn't be able to) then you just need to cut her off completely. Who knows, maybe in a few months she'll realize that her life is missing something without you and she'll come crawling back. But if you cut her off, meet some new people you'll forget all about her. Trust me, there are lots of women in the world to fall in love with, why waste your time on one who doesn't love you back.
I'm going to go ahead and reply to the title of the thread first.

You stop thinking about someone by getting over them. You get over someone by moving on. You move on by cutting them out of your life emotionally. Most times, you cannot do that without cutting them out entirely. From your latest posts though, it appears you did that. Stay on track.

She knows how you feel, if you did in fact tell her out right. She cannot satiate your emotional desires. I believe it would be in your best interest to remove yourself from the situation, and from her life. At least until you no longer feel sad because of the things she does or does not do. After you are healed, you might be able to return to the friendship. You may decide not to.

You can't love someone without first loving yourself.

Like they say on an airplane, put your oxygen mask on first. Take care of what you want, need, and deserve. If she is not only stopping you from that, but hurting you, it is best for both parties that you part ways.

Good luck!!
 

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hey umm guys i am now not talking to her anymore but i didn’t tell her to leave me alone i just not accepting her calls anymore and i transferred out of her classes and probably not talk to her at all unless we run into each other in the halls but well now i feel a little depressed that i wont see her again that much and am more depressed cause it made me realize how sexually awkward and repressed I am
This will be painful, but it will be worth it. You can bet your money on it.

That makes two of us who are repressed. I deal with it by firmly believing that I will find a girl who accepts me for who I am, and we will get married and start our life together. I don't need to worry about petty women like the INTP. I am not a "player" or a man who is just looking for sex. I am looking for one woman to be monogamous with, which is why I don't worry at all that I am still a virgin or that I don't have much experience physically with girls. I am going to save it all for that special someone.

so I ask again to you guy is there anyway to be more you know open or out there with the opposite sex:unsure:
My short answer is no. There is no easy way to accomplish it. Just know yourself, know your hang-ups and pitfalls. Know that you get attached easily. But never think you shouldn't be yourself around girls, that you have to twist the truth about yourself to make yourself more attractive to girls. I wouldn't call it outright lying, but it is a form of hiding the truth, pandering to them, trying to be the perfect friend, and then the perfect boyfriend, and then the perfect husband. It is impossible to be this way without slowly dying on the inside. You are human with flaws, and when you get the urge to twist the truth, even just for a second to get a girl to like you more, don't do it. I did it, again and again. I got her to tell me she "loved" me because I was such a "devoted friend" to her, when I actually wanted her for so much more. All the truth-twisting and the lies were worthless to me at the end, even though I got close to her. It was like the bottom fell out from under me. It didn't matter to me at all that she told me she loved me or she cared about me, because she didn't care about me even half as intensely as I cared for her. This is what I feared for you, that you would think that being a martyr and trying to get her to like you would get you places, when time and time again I came up disappointed with my results, even when I gave 100% every day in the relationship, for nearly one solid year. I got nothing in return but experience. And I hope to share that with you.

Talk to them, show them your quirky charm, and if you start feeling those feelings, make them known, please for the love of God. Don't wait too long. Just be yourself, but a smarter, wiser version than before.

Some punctuation would be phenomenal. Throw in some commas, a few periods, maybe a capitalized letter in there or two. My eyes flew through your entire post, picked up speed and the little "reading voice" in my head sounded like a tape recorder on fast forward. Sorry, just thought I should share that.

But seriously, it sucks dude and I feel for you. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, and if her feelings aren't reciprocated then break all ties. If you can't be friends and not have feelings for her (which it sounds like you wouldn't be able to) then you just need to cut her off completely. Who knows, maybe in a few months she'll realize that her life is missing something without you and she'll come crawling back. But if you cut her off, meet some new people you'll forget all about her. Trust me, there are lots of women in the world to fall in love with, why waste your time on one who doesn't love you back.
Yes. This is why I left her. I couldn't be her friend without having feelings for her. So I got out. And it worked. I think she is reactionary, petty, and immature, with terrible choice in friends.

And these last non-ISFP posts are stuff I could have used in my life. CUT HER OUT if she chooses to not want you. End of story.
 

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The last thing you need right now, is to depend on meeting girls for self esteem. I know it's very hard to wait.

But you will be a lot more confident after healing yourself.

Focus on activities you can enjoy by yourself, and friendship with your guy pals.

After you've gotten a healthy view of yourself, start talking to girls just like a friend. Don't be too shy to say something.
 

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The last thing you need right now, is to depend on meeting girls for self esteem. I know it's very hard to wait.

But you will be a lot more confident after healing yourself.

Focus on activities you can enjoy by yourself, and friendship with your guy pals.

After you've gotten a healthy view of yourself, start talking to girls just like a friend. Don't be too shy to say something.
Well, if he gets a girl, he is going to feel a hell of a lot better about himself. But yes, he needs to relax about it. If he is like me, he knows he deserves more than what he is getting, but a lot of women don't understand how devoted we get to women we like and think we are just being silly and friendly. So he gets depressed on how much effort he is exerting and how little result he is getting.

Yes, just talk to girls man, and talk to a lot of them to not get too attached to just one, and then you can know enough to pursue one. I wish you luck. Women think we're cute anyway :p
 
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