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So, whenever someone mentions ESFP, they always seem to bring up something about their need or desire for attention. Which made me wonder about the reverse side to that-

How do you get an ESFP's attention?

How do you pick your friends, what catches your interest, and what kind of people do you feel you are typically attracted to?
 

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I have a good friend who is an esfp. he is a really good guy but to someone who doesn't understand the efsp personality type he can come across as being very unintelligent. (and he is so fun to mess with it cracks me up). well he is always telling me about these girls that hit on him and flirt with him. he loves it. Basically if you dish out attention they will give it in return. and you can also try this... The girls he falls for the hardest are ones who he feels are very similar to him. Some of the girls he has fallen for have been the complete opposite of him. but because he has a few things in common with them he gets hooked and thinks he has met his soul mate. kinda comical but this does get old really fast lol. So maybe you can try to give the esfp alot of attention. learn some of the things he is interested in. and find common ground. He also likes bubbly girls with high energy so that might be a good start at getting an esfps attention aswell. not sure if this will apply to all esfps.

As far as friends... they like people that have alot in common with them. i dont typically know what ALL esfps like, but alot like sports, people that will listen to them jabber, and people that praise them. However, I dont praise him at all lol. Im his closest friend but I dont praise him a bit. he gets enough praise from everyone else so the last person he is going to get it from is me haha. actually I tend to show him up alot of times when it comes to sports which he is not use to and does not like haha. i guess they like a friendly rivalry too. and alot of them tend to have friends that are easily able to out-whit them. Im not sure why this is because I havent studied the esfp type in depth. I do know though that they dont particularly like to be around people that are boring.
I hope this helps.
 

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I am personally fascinated by introverted types, mostly introverted feeling types. Introverted thinking types are booooring, extraverted thinking types are too controlling, Extraverted feeling types are competition.

My friends tend to be receptive, intelligent, and more organized than me. Often I attract the parental type, literally and figuratively. Most of my good friends tell me what to do and try to parent me. I also have a lot of friends who are twice my age and are parents of kids my age. ha That may just be me though.

In general I like people with good hearts who are a little complex.

I like to be the craziest, the wittiest, and the silliest.

That is for real friends/dating. At parties though I will hang out with the other crazy people just because they are easier to get riled up.

What catches my interest though is someone quiet and uniquely attractive that seems to have a lot going on upstairs. I like someone who is easily flustered. I enjoy the challenge of bringing someone out of their shell.
 

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People who are "deep", ohboy, they catch me at once. <3 And they are not "judgmental". Or hostile. They are just as curious about life as I am.
These people stay longer than just "hello, thank you and goodbye!" They rarely have a judgmental things in there body language.

They have very kind eyes and look at me as a real person. <3 These people I "love" almost at once.
I quickly notice if someone is judgmental in there attitude. I almost (compulsive) test people. Because I'm so aware of what people send out. And it is so much you can read in the body language.




Being aware of the present moment is natural for me, and I see how many people are not aware about this small signals.
It's fun to talk about such things with people when you get to know them on a deeper level.

There are very few friends who really know me.
I'm probably quite vulnerable.
And people tend to believe that I am what I am sending out.


An ESFP KNOW what she / he are sending out.
And how it is perceived by most people. But what we send out, it's not always "facts"... And that is sad.. We know only that it might be good to send some signals. ..as a way to "survive"..(?)


But. If you want to ask an ESFP how he / she are doing today (what the person REALLY thinks, feels), then you should do it private.

This, and 1000 other factors plays a major role of course.
But we say: if an ESFP trust you, and you are honest, you are "yourself", and do not play a badass = You have a friend for life, even unto death!

We like secrets and is very good to keep them to ourselves as well.

We can play like we dont know nothing, if anyone would push us about info.

And that's one thing you might want to know!




I love to discuss and analyze people and all sorts of behaviors. I like different opinions and I like to talk about it.
I can talk about things and test a view. And completely without me having to stand up for such a view, hehe..even if I'm asking someone a crazy question about this or that.

(Hmm.. Is it possible to grasp something of this ramblings, haha?)

Ok, just to talk about things gives me pleasure. This is something many people may not know about the ESFPs. (sure, now I am old like a cave, haha, but..) I would say that this happens when an ESFP becoming more interested in some sort of strategies to achieve goals. This comes with our cooperation with our Ni.
We become more targeted, yeeeah, at least MORE than when we were teenagers so to speak.



Blablabla .... I want to understand why people behave as they do. And that does not mean the same thing as accepting a bad behavior. No no! I just want to understand "WHY" crazy people are crazy and so on.



I have very often very interesting discussions with INTJ IRL. But on the internet it is not the same thing. I think is because much of my communication "is in my body." An intuitive, can easily read that stuff in a discussion, and then they understand what I'm saying.

Sometimes an intuitive see these things more easily than another Senser type.
Hmmm...
Quite interesting actually.
 

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I've never actively pursued someone to date. It's always been someone else to pursue me. And looking back, every single time that's happened, it's been an ESFP in charge. I mean, last time it happened, we were stargazing on a beach while my fraternity brothers were getting smashed in the beach house. They like one-on-one bonds.

Every time, it's started out with me making an observation that nobody else noticed, and correctly predicted what will happen next. ESFP are so energetic, I think they like calm, diplomatic, nonjudgmental people who respond to their initiatives and take them to be part of a real relationship, instead of blowing them off like other people do. The ESFP I know make it a point to stress the importance of being polite, so I think that's are important to them too.

They also seem to like people who can give them the information they need to have before taking action, so they don't do something they don't really want to do before it's too late. TBH I usually do that anyway (usually without anyone listening to a thing I say) so it's nice that someone actually values the advice.
 

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I've never actively pursued someone to date. It's always been someone else to pursue me. And looking back, every single time that's happened, it's been an ESFP in charge. I mean, last time it happened, we were stargazing on a beach while my fraternity brothers were getting smashed in the beach house. They like one-on-one bonds.

Every time, it's started out with me making an observation that nobody else noticed, and correctly predicted what will happen next. ESFP are so energetic, I think they like calm, diplomatic, nonjudgmental people who respond to their initiatives and take them to be part of a real relationship, instead of blowing them off like other people do. The ESFP I know make it a point to stress the importance of being polite, so I think that's are important to them too.

They also seem to like people who can give them the information they need to have before taking action, so they don't do something they don't really want to do before it's too late. TBH I usually do that anyway (usually without anyone listening to a thing I say) so it's nice that someone actually values the advice.
Yes, yes. Spot on, spot on. We need to be taken seriously for one thing and recognized for our abilities to HAVE one on one relationships.

I think we hate being controlled, but don't mind a little rational input every once in a while. I like J types because I think too much P can be dangerous. heh
 

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Discussion Starter #9
@INFJjediwarrior

Yeep I know the feeling XD Particularly when it comes to considering them unintelligent. The ESFP I know, I think because he comes across as so... hyperactive and distracted, in a way, that people underestimate how smart he really is.
@roastingmallows

A couple of questions- How are Extroverted Feeling types competition? And that's another thing I don't get- I've heard some ESFPs say they find shy people boring, yet others say they enjoy trying to "bring someone out of their shell." Is there a difference?

@Fridays

How would you "test" somone to see how judgemental they are? And completely unrelated (well, almost) those smilies are adorable. :kitteh:
 

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A couple of questions- How are Extroverted Feeling types competition? And that's another thing I don't get- I've heard some ESFPs say they find shy people boring, yet others say they enjoy trying to "bring someone out of their shell." Is there a difference?
Perhaps I am not typical of ESFPs, but as an "attention seeker", I find people too similar to myself competition for attention, so to speak. That's not to say I don't enjoy the company of other extraverted feelers at times, but I like to stand out a bit. Sometimes I can feed off of them if we are different enough in other ways. Mostly in party type situations though. Excuse my broad generalizations. I simply prefer the company of introverts for the most part, particularly when it comes to romance or close friends.

I'm sure there are plenty of ESFPs who find shy people boring, but I am not one of them, and I believe most of us would enjoy the challenge of drawing an introvert out of their shell. I particularly enjoy the somewhat mystical depth of an INFP or the firm kindness of an unnasuming ISFJ.

I probably think about and place more importance in personality than the average ESFP though, by a loooong shot. Perhaps the majority of my ESFP brethren would simply like to get their drink face on with a nice pair of tits and are more interested in someone who can hold their own and not be a total buzzkill. XD Not saying I'm totally different, but somewhat. Depth of character is very important to me. I don't like boring people, and I do not consider introverts to be boring at all. Just more to learn about them.
 

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Hello, I'm a newbie here. This is such an interesting thread!
I've been trying to find my personality type for a long time and I've not settled with one yet.
Some (including my husband) have said that I resembled a lot more like an ESFP with a developed 'N', though my test results usually comes out as ENFJ/ENFP/INFP...
My husband is an INTJ based on the (paid) MBTI test results. Makes one wonder about all the trash people say about INTJs marrying ESFPs.

I am personally drawn to random people, people I find fascinating at the moment, people that stand out from the crowd. I can't specifically point out what kind, it's based on feelings. There is this desire to know them, to get into their world, to be connected. I like one-to-one bonding. People in general open up more willingly this way and I get more attention as well. ;) Another, (more specifically) is people who looked like outcasts. It turns on my compassion button. :)

Other things that draw my attention are interesting ideas or suggestions, it makes me come alive, especially those we can act on or fits my mood at the moment. I love listening to stories as well. I love listening to intellectuals discuss interesting ideas/theories, those moments are priceless. However, when it comes to discussing theories, I'll only open up and share if I know that the other is accepting and not quick to judge and dismiss an idea (just because it doesn't make sense at the moment). Just to shed light, just in case I'm an ESFP: I think and talk in spider webs. Pulling out internal information collected from all the external experiences and piecing it together like a puzzle, in shades of colours. The key is 'similarity', not, 'exactly the same'. And I value my input, just like anyone else. So it hurts when people ignore or trash it as insignificant just because they can't quantify it. And, I can get tired of talking and I need my alone time, as people drains me as well. It's like they energize me initially and drains me after awhile.

If you've a skill to teach or a knowledge to share, I'm just a phone call away, cox I'm inherently curious. :)

So there you go.

P/S, I can't use 'we' because there are so many variation of ESFPs and I'm still not sure exactly what type I'm more inclined to exhibit. I always say that I'm the best of both worlds, a chameleon. And I once described myself as an octopus. So, any input?
 

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I have never had to work to get an ESFPs attention. They notice everything, and if they are not noticing you, so much the pity.

My mother, first boyfriend, and a current lover all ESFP. I never had to approach them, they approached me. I mean ofc I talk to my mom, but I don't worry about her ignoring me.

I just poured love out on an ESFP. Not my neediness or desire, but my love. I told him I love how he is with children and dogs. I told him what is good and sweet and nice about him. Now maybe he will act right.

ESFP are actually "easy" people in terms of love and flattery. If it doesn't work, he or she simply doesn't find you romantically attractive.
 

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Hello, I'm a newbie here. This is such an interesting thread!
I've been trying to find my personality type for a long time and I've not settled with one yet.
Some (including my husband) have said that I resembled a lot more like an ESFP with a developed 'N', though my test results usually comes out as ENFJ/ENFP/INFP...
My husband is an INTJ based on the (paid) MBTI test results. Makes one wonder about all the trash people say about INTJs marrying ESFPs.

I am personally drawn to random people, people I find fascinating at the moment, people that stand out from the crowd. I can't specifically point out what kind, it's based on feelings. There is this desire to know them, to get into their world, to be connected. I like one-to-one bonding. People in general open up more willingly this way and I get more attention as well. ;) Another, (more specifically) is people who looked like outcasts. It turns on my compassion button. :)

Other things that draw my attention are interesting ideas or suggestions, it makes me come alive, especially those we can act on or fits my mood at the moment. I love listening to stories as well. I love listening to intellectuals discuss interesting ideas/theories, those moments are priceless. However, when it comes to discussing theories, I'll only open up and share if I know that the other is accepting and not quick to judge and dismiss an idea (just because it doesn't make sense at the moment). Just to shed light, just in case I'm an ESFP: I think and talk in spider webs. Pulling out internal information collected from all the external experiences and piecing it together like a puzzle, in shades of colours. The key is 'similarity', not, 'exactly the same'. And I value my input, just like anyone else. So it hurts when people ignore or trash it as insignificant just because they can't quantify it. And, I can get tired of talking and I need my alone time, as people drains me as well. It's like they energize me initially and drains me after awhile.

If you've a skill to teach or a knowledge to share, I'm just a phone call away, cox I'm inherently curious. :)

So there you go.

P/S, I can't use 'we' because there are so many variation of ESFPs and I'm still not sure exactly what type I'm more inclined to exhibit. I always say that I'm the best of both worlds, a chameleon. And I once described myself as an octopus. So, any input?
Yes I think that you probably have Se Ni. You said internal information in relation to external experience.

Honestly you could be ENFP or ESFP from your description though.

I would say though if you are guided by feelings (emotions not Jungian ethics) and impulses I would say Se over Ne. I think Se types are more likely to get in trouble for actually DOING.
 

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Perhaps I am not typical of ESFPs, but as an "attention seeker", I find people too similar to myself competition for attention, so to speak. That's not to say I don't enjoy the company of other extraverted feelers at times, but I like to stand out a bit. Sometimes I can feed off of them if we are different enough in other ways. Mostly in party type situations though. Excuse my broad generalizations. I simply prefer the company of introverts for the most part, particularly when it comes to romance or close friends.

I'm sure there are plenty of ESFPs who find shy people boring, but I am not one of them, and I believe most of us would enjoy the challenge of drawing an introvert out of their shell. I particularly enjoy the somewhat mystical depth of an INFP or the firm kindness of an unnasuming ISFJ.

I probably think about and place more importance in personality than the average ESFP though, by a loooong shot. Perhaps the majority of my ESFP brethren would simply like to get their drink face on with a nice pair of tits and are more interested in someone who can hold their own and not be a total buzzkill. XD Not saying I'm totally different, but somewhat. Depth of character is very important to me. I don't like boring people, and I do not consider introverts to be boring at all. Just more to learn about them.
My mother is an extremely ethical person with a heart of gold. She is one of the most genuine naively loving people I have ever known. She cared for her father as he was dying, as well as caring for an autistic granddaughter in her worst phase, and pretty much raising grandson as well as her children. My mother was beaten half to death and raped, and she is still the soul of the truest purest love. My mom is like...a kitten, except much stronger.

People called her stupid or obnoxious, but she is resourceful beyond belief and she is unabashed authentic love in action.

Yeah, as a teenager and a cheerleader she made more bookish people feel awkward and she tells vulgar jokes. But unlike an ESFJ, and I have loved ESFJs, I don't believe she ever intentionally did it at any one's expense. She is just a buffoon as her flaw, with all her amazing merits. My mother will go to heaven. I am certain of it.

My high school bf also is very generally kind. He is a convicted felon. But it's for a violent fight when he was drunk. Not because he is an evil, vindictive, or remotely planful person. Mostly he's just cool and people like him. He is a musician and a tattoo artist and he has excellent peaceful perspective on major life events.

No comments on my current ESFP, but he mostly seems sweetness and light with a touch of darkest evil. He is still very young though, and I know his Fi is still pretty self absorbed. He is great with all innocent smaller creatures though and is actually fairly focused on personal connection. I actually considered ENFP for him at first, his email is cat dog cloud and a number, he walks around in one of those floppy eared beanies and eats cereal for dinner. But he has no love of analysis. He actually got scared off by me testing him for MBTI.
 

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I have a good friend who is an esfp. he is a really good guy but to someone who doesn't understand the efsp personality type he can come across as being very unintelligent. (and he is so fun to mess with it cracks me up). well he is always telling me about these girls that hit on him and flirt with him. he loves it. Basically if you dish out attention they will give it in return. and you can also try this... The girls he falls for the hardest are ones who he feels are very similar to him. Some of the girls he has fallen for have been the complete opposite of him. but because he has a few things in common with them he gets hooked and thinks he has met his soul mate. kinda comical but this does get old really fast lol. So maybe you can try to give the esfp alot of attention. learn some of the things he is interested in. and find common ground. He also likes bubbly girls with high energy so that might be a good start at getting an esfps attention aswell. not sure if this will apply to all esfps.

As far as friends... they like people that have alot in common with them. i dont typically know what ALL esfps like, but alot like sports, people that will listen to them jabber, and people that praise them. However, I dont praise him at all lol. Im his closest friend but I dont praise him a bit. he gets enough praise from everyone else so the last person he is going to get it from is me haha. actually I tend to show him up alot of times when it comes to sports which he is not use to and does not like haha. i guess they like a friendly rivalry too. and alot of them tend to have friends that are easily able to out-whit them. Im not sure why this is because I havent studied the esfp type in depth. I do know though that they dont particularly like to be around people that are boring.
I hope this helps.
I love him already and hate that you laugh at him for loving. Something in me goes awwww.

I think though ESFP guys can be too impulsive with girls. And by that I mean whorish.
 
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