I use to talk to one/know of one online, until that turned into a negative experience, I suspect this person was unhealthy. It completely turned into the "NT/NF Death Spiral" that seems to be so common. Most of the INFJ's I have observed online, I'm sure I wouldn't want to be friends with or get to know, just because they are too soft for me and I am too harsh/hard for them. I literally kill NF's not intentionally or not because I want to, but personality wise, it seems to clash all the time, with every NF I've met. It's like I'm a lion and they are this soft little lamb, then I rip their wool to pieces and they run screaming in bloody horror.
The ones I've seen, conjure this image of conservative school girl/boy who doesn't like to cuss, doesn't watch porn, or doesn't dive into degenerate areas of life and I can't get with that shit. I am generalizing I realize this, but that seems to be the one's I've met or come into contact with. Perhaps my T is way too strong, or maybe it's something entirely different, but I really like NT's, I have a friend who is similar to me and I can say all kinds of shit without offending her, it's so fucking liberating. When we first met, she use to say, "I think I'm sexist because I can't relate to women, most of them get butt hurt too easily," which is sad, but seems to be true from my personal experience. I like strong, kick ass, don't give a shit, types of women and the same thing goes for men as well. The softness is attractive at first, but eventually it seems to go to shit and then I either get irritated and start mouthing off toward them (which they can't take), or I use damage control and disappear without rhyme or reason (which is probably better).
Perhaps I have just had the fortune of meeting exceedingly mature, well-adjusted INFJs, but I adore them. One who tested as an INTJ, but often appeared very INFJish to me, I very nearly married. The other was a co-worker. Both exuded an aura of competence, calmness, and basic reasonableness often lacking in many other F types, but also a sensitivity, personableness, and moral wholesomeness lacking in their INTJ cousins. Even outside of my experiences, from a theoretical perspective, the INTJ-INFJ relationship makes a lot of sense in my mind. The INFJs have the warmth and compassion that we often secretly desire from NFs, but also the private calmness and stability that others lack that we INTJs generally need to maintain our sanity.
I had the misfortune of living with my INFJ SO for 1.5 year. She was self-absorbed, had an unhealthy obsession with her feelings, was lazy, incapable of dealing with criticism, aggressive, immature, refused to take responsibility for her life, and relied on a mixture of welfare, bullying and emotional manipulation for her basic needs, totally oblivious to the devastation she brought on others.
I have respect for INFJs unless they are pointing their damn pointy fingers at me and saying I am cold fish without even hearing where I come from. This has happened a bit. Usually to my surprise they come back and they have understood where I was at once they thought it through......and my respect returns. This is unusual in the fact that once the trust is gone for INTJ it is rarely won back (at least for me). They take our information on board and use it if they want to. This doesn't happen very often for INTJs (again, at least for me) so I would have to agree on some levels the amount of the role of counselors you strange humans are.
They have a gentle yet anxious demenour (the ones I know IRL) and I can see this OL too. They worry too much....points to you....and they get confused by our processes (doesn't point at you). Here is an example:
My INFJ ex would always ask me if he had done something to offend me when I took my mind off the present. I would be busy trying to focus on task and reach a head space to approach an essay. So working through several processes of destressing to reach the head space I needed to perform. Every single time when I reached a level where I could start my task he would ask me this.....and it used to lead to him saying that I didn't care or that he was trying to reach me.....I don't mind saying that this drove me fucking nuts....GAH....but only recently I found out why he did it...it's at that moment when he "felt" that I wasn't there that something was wrong....nothing was wrong but the fact that it would lead to the same shitty arguments there was obviously something wrong.....and it was due to our inability to properly explain these processes to each other. Another things is this....he would say in his head...why couldn't she take two minutes out for me if she is so busy....this is something he really needed to say this out loud as I would have willingly obliged if I had known.
I really don't know what other INFJs are like in relationships. That is one example that I can give. If it applies to you then it will hopefully give you a tool for the future. At least you aren't working from the female INTJ with the high T and the male INFJ with the high F (role reversal sucks serious arse). Meaningful communication is key.
They're ok. I need to meet more though to really make a call. My ex is INFJ and from that, I'm not sure I like Ni and F together. But I've talked to others in the PerC chat and they seem a lot more laid back.
I am INFJ, and I don't even prefer to hang out with a bunch of us. Not all of us are well adjusted, and you really see the bad when an INFJ is not well adjusted. I supose that it could be said of any type, however.
I joined an INFJ web ring once, and whenever I attempted to discuss anything logical or debate anything, they would get all in a tizzy and I hated it. They would just post things like "this is what it is. period." and refuse any type of discussion, which made me wonder if they just wanted to just bitch. So, I quit posting there. It turned me right off from other INFJs for sure.
I did work with an NF of some sort not too long ago. It was very overwhelming for me to feel all her emotions, and she had not mastered the art of shutting them off, so they really affected the whole department.
My INTJ friend actually turned me onto Jungian Psychology and was convinced I was also INTJ and couldn't believe the results. I always hung out with NT's growing up and my dad is INFJ so I was pretty balanced in that sense. I normally test as INTJ when taking the online tests too.
Most of the time it works out badly. I really, really, really dislike it when people try to interpret me, especially if they are stubborn about their perceptions. a) just ask b) I will tell you c) I know me better than you do.
I do, however, understand the idea of venturing a hypothesis to elicit a reaction and I can sound more convinced than I am so I try to be patient and explain. It's only worked once - but it works very well. It also helps that he nows he has anxiety, knows he comes to paranoid conclusions, and has been in therapy trying to fix this (yeah, that's what it took I wonder what that says about me). So he doesn't implicitly trust himself and tells me the ideas and lets me correct the wrong ones - which is good because he is wrong most of the time when he tries to interpret people, particularly me. And yet for someone who keeps on speculating incorrectly, he still somehow manages to know me very well. Nor does he get offended easily, thank god.
He's also a freaking sweetheart and I have to argue him out of doing all my chores. At the beginning we communicated mostly by writing which I find really really helped. We would hang out with other friends and joke and be crazy and then had this crazy long e-mail thread about the inside of our heads and more personal family stuff. We're both better with writing for these things - it helped a lot.
I work with an INFJ, and we always seem to be on the same wavelength, and to understand the other's point of view with virtually no explanation. We're both very creative and I think we both rely heavily on our Ni to make sense of the world.
Yeah, I don't need protection from a damn thing. I may have some demons or skeletons or some kinda Jim Henson's Frankenstein of a muppet/kill-bot in my closet that I have to battle with every now and again, but I do that on my own. I fight the kill-bot alone. If I want advice on how to best quarrel with the kill-bot, I'll ask.
My mom is an INFJ who suffered a loss early on in life. So she worries CONSTANTLY that I'm going to die, and it drives me effing insane. When she visits I have to hide, ie, park my motorcycles at a friend's house because she has a bad heart (heart attack). I'm pretty sure she gave me an anxiety disorder because growing up she belabored the point to death that the world was only out to kill me, so I think that sometimes causes me to drink, and then she worries about the drinking, making her anxiety come about full swing. So there may be some resentment on my end towards INFJs...
They seem bright, sensitive and fun, I have never dated one that I knew "was" one, but all my friends who have hooked up with them have ended up turning them into screeching things or drinking things or angry things or somethings.