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♂️ Xennial - Melancholic/Choleric
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From carbon monoxide poisoning, cos it's a painless death. So when I'm 60 or 70, and brain transplant to a new body isn't available, you know what I'm going to do.
 

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cold.. i know probably it won't be from cold, but i find this way beautiful than the other ways. no blood, no body deformation, like as snow is hugging you, covered in peace, the void.. i always loved winter, that silence while it snows, that tenderness which makes you feel something, that ache of being alive.. and the snow, covers all the pain underneath, all the ugly parts in the world. hidden with that fake peace, that fake crystal beauty.. i want it to cover me like that too, all my meaningless pain, all of my corrupted thoughts.. laying down, listening the most beautiful song, silence.. silence at the end.. the big white emptiness.. and then you will start to feel this burn, in your fingertips, your nose, slowly, very slowly, very gentle.. cold burn silently comes, covers you like as a compassionate mom.. you smile.. like as a small frightened kid.. you accept the hug, a hug like as the fake warmth in the world, a hug like as all of those fake nice words, that fake warmth hidden underneath the cold.. the one that you disgusted the most in your whole life, but the one you accept at the end. because you want to believe, because you want to be loved.. that you don't care if it is real or not.. covered in white, with a fake smile, in a beautiful dream that you feel somebody's warmth, a winter sleep that you will never wake up...
 

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Well I tried suffocation by tying a garbage bag around my head. That didn't work. I tried dehydrating myself by not drinking water. 4 days later I am still alive. Bullshit I said. I walked my dehydrated legs a mile to the store and bought water for a dollar. I said fucking stupid. I drank the water.

I don't deserve to live I dong know why God is letting me live.
 
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