Te desire for achievement, eh? I can relate, but I don't think I'd want my relationships to work that way. But this isn't about me, is it? They don't want a pushover. They can make one of those any day. I imagine if they have anything more than lust (not so much a dig on ENTJs as it is a dig on our culture) They probably will be drawn to something in them, a ..strength perhaps?
How Does an ENTJ Pursue a Person....?
hahaha not me!Do they pursue tirelessly?
Do they pursue tirelessly?
Honestly as a guy, this is pretty standard.. We make these decisions in split-seconds and our approach will be closely related to whether we are extroverted or introverted more than anything else. As an extrovert, I take initiative; as an ENTJ it is my job to make you like me, instead of you making the choice. If I fail to gain your interest, its my fault. Every single encounter with someone that I desire is an opportunity to make an impression, nurture the relationship, or establish worth. So everything I do in the presence of someone I desire, is deliberate.
But speaking personally - probably for infj's generally - the way to my heart is trusting me enough to show your vulnerability, being authentic and truly yourself. Not trying so hard to show your value, but being happy enough in your own skin to let go of the masks of strength and complete self-belief. I wouldn't be present to you if I hadn't already decided you were worth the time and investment...
]I have been told that many women decide whether a man is of interest within the first 5 seconds or something, whether it is a visual thing or something else, I dont know.
Yes, I take it back, at the pursuit stage it makes sense to wait until you're sure someone's trustworthy. just is quite important early on in the next phase.For me, its less of a conscious decision to do thethings I mentioned, and I won't show any vulnerability until I know that I can trust you. For me, vulnerability may not be a weakness, but it does not play a role in the pursuit portion of dating. Showing sensitivity can be appropriate, however. Not all pursuits happen in a bar or club setting and therefor different personality traits will take the lead accordingly.
I think the ENTJ in me believes that your decision is something I am responsible for and you won't choose to further the relationship if I don't give you good enough reasons.
Of course, yes, presence, strength of character, vision, humour, intellect, living within their means, playfulness, innovative and creative thinking, ability to understand and fix machines as well as authenticity, being at ease with themselves. i guess its just the thought process is different...well, it's not really a thought process - first a gut feeling and then I observe to back the feeling up with hard facts.But that being said, what about a person would make you decide he is worth the time and investment? Showing vulnerability/sensitivity, authenticity, not trying too hard. But I also believe that as a woman, you would respond to confidence, intelligence, maturity, financial security, etc. It doesn't always have to be the 6-pack alpha male approach.
Agreed...that's why I added the word "complete" in there - I have found ENTJ's to have a natural confidence which is very appealing, however allied with that high expectations (even perfectionist tendencies) of themselves...and some level of self doubt when they haven't yet achieved them. I feel very trusted when anyone, but esp NT's, expresses self doubt (and is therefore vulnerable and authentic) to me...and it definitely opens the door to the "tender trap!" :blushed:But what if my complete self-belief and strength is authentic and I don't have to try hard for you to notice it?
No, a quiet confidence is far more appealing. INTJ's have that too...I don't consider loud, obnoxious, MTV beach house frat boys to be alpha's.
Aargh, I hear you, but the romantic idealist within me is wanting to believe in "magic" and "meant to be's" :wink: you are right tho; just let me keep my rose-tinted spectacles on! :laughing:I think the reason why I feel the need to have those goals is because I look for those things in others. I am not saying I need to see a resume or that I plan on giving one, but I do feel that we all naturally try to show ourselves in the best light possible. And actually, online dating is no different than a career website; post your profile/resume and look for a good fit. We all have certain requirements, and I think that because my requirements are of a logical type, I feel others must also follow the same or similar rationale.
Definitely my experience. Instantaneous gut feeling sparks intuition. Immediately directed to "friend full stop" compartment or, in the rare case of a spark, "friend dot dot dot" I think it's more "presence" than looks in themself.![]()
I think that might be on of the differences. I call it a thought process where you call it a gut feeling. Its really the same thing and might even occur in the same way mentally. For you perhaps, the thought process produces a feeling that you then justify by observing . For me, the feelings provoke my thought process which attempts to justify my intuition.Yes, I take it back, at the pursuit stage it makes sense to wait until you're sure someone's trustworthy. just is quite important early on in the next phase.
Wow, that is a fascinating insight! It explains a lot, thank you! :mellow:
Of course, yes, presence, strength of character, vision, humour, intellect, living within their means, playfulness, innovative and creative thinking, ability to understand and fix machines as well as authenticity, being at ease with themselves. i guess its just the thought process is different...well, it's not really a thought process - first a gut feeling and then I observe to back the feeling up with hard facts.
That's a tough one for me. I can admit that I have fears, but I don't think I can admit that I am unsure if I possess the ability to accomplish something. I would have to have the utmost trust and be involved in a long-term relationship before being able to say out loud, that "I don't know if I have what it takes." Just seeing the words makes me think that someone who does say those words out loud is just fishing for self-esteem boosting compliments. I just have a hard time with self-doubt.Agreed...that's why I added the word "complete" in there - I have found ENTJ's to have a natural confidence which is very appealing, however allied with that high expectations (even perfectionist tendencies) of themselves...and some level of self doubt when they haven't yet achieved them. I feel very trusted when anyone, but esp NT's, expresses self doubt (and is therefore vulnerable and authentic) to me...and it definitely opens the door to the "tender trap!" :blushed:
No, a quiet confidence is far more appealing. INTJ's have that too...
Aargh, I hear you, but the romantic idealist within me is wanting to believe in "magic" and "meant to be's" :wink: you are right tho; just let me keep my rose-tinted spectacles on! :laughing:
You(my guess, could be wrong) - Meet person, have an initial emotional response [gut feeling], initiate/terminate relationship, attempt to collect information to explain/justify the gut feeling, develop rational reasoning for future decisions dealing with person.
Me - Meet person, have initial emotional response, use intuition to decide whether to pursue, begin rational decision making process, start collecting information, analyze information , develop feelings (positive or negative) regarding person, initiate/terminate relationship.
Yeah, I like that. I'd say there are probably lots of "ones" - not so many for intutives since we're rarer, but enough - the building of the relationship [and commitment to that] is the important bit.I don't believe in soul mates the way most people understand it: two people who were meant to be together before meeting each other. But I do believe that two people can connect and build a relationship where their souls are mated for life.