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Discussion Starter #1
My INFP boyfriend, an ENTP friend, and I play an online game together. We're part of a group of players that occasionally takes on new members on a trial. So we've recently taken on a new player who fits the ENTJ profile very well. Reaction to him so far has been very mixed in this group. He is very active and competent in his gaming ability, but at the same time he has rubbed a few people the wrong way by being argumentative, telling other people what to do while not really giving them credit that they know their stuff, and acting very upset when something irrational happens or somebody makes a stupid mistake, or when things just aren't progressing as efficiency as they should be according to him. All three of us nonetheless like the guy for various reasions (my INFP boyfriend less so) and want to keep him. I see much usefulness in him for the group itself. But a few other members of the group, not surprisingly ones that can be very critical themselves, want to expel him. At times his behavior can be very self-centered and this also offends members of the group who highly value team player attitude.

This is an online gaming community and not very serious issue, but I would like to advise him something useful. I've talked to him once and he has improved his behavior. His communication has always been very direct and to the point. But I would like to know if there are any perls of wisdom that I can bestow on him. What kind of realizations do ENTJs come to when they decide it is worth to learn to play the social game? I should also add that he sounds like he is very young, teens or may be early 20s so his personality is in process of forming.
 

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Well I do not know if he's an ENTJ but I can tell you that type of player can easily be poison if left unchecked. First off in general a player is like that because they're good. Nobody lets an asshole bad player stick around. He may be useful not only for his personal skill, but because he can perhaps help you and the other players improve.

But players like that can easily break up teams. Some people are very sensitive to criticism and, though it may be painful to handle (especially if he is an ENTJ), you have to have softer words when dealing with them. In addition even the very best players fuck up sometimes. Anyone can bitch, but not anyone can lead. It sounds like he is trying but is not equipped to do so. Such a person will only anger other players. Not only does this lower morale, but it will cause them to play worse.

Finally, self-centered behavior is a huge warning sign. He may be there for himself and only himself. You may help him improve only for him to later ditch you.

So you have some options:

1. Teach him that the way he's talking to people isn't helping anyone. This is by far the best case scenario. It will help him improve as a person, allow you to keep this good player, and perhaps help him to improve your team as a whole.

2. Get him to shut the fuck up. Some people have no business trying to lead or teach. But he can at least just shut the fuck up and play. Following orders isn't hard.

3. Teach the other players to deal with him. He could be too harsh.. But they could also be too soft. It's important to know which is which.

4. Ditch him. If you can't do any of the above you can't let him simply stick around. He will clash with the other players and unless something changes your team will be torn apart.
 

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Well, for me it has be a constant experiment . I try something, that doesn't work, so I try something different. So you might just have to either but up with it until he learns or not allow him to play with you guys anymore.
 

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Explain that tact is a more efficient way of communicating in the long run...
 

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Are you sure this person is not an INTJ? I thought ENTJs were more about getting the job done despite irritations not getting derailed because of them...

But either way, the "cut the comedy" card sounds like the right one in this situation.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Thanks for replies. Yes I am very certain this person is not an INTJ but an ENTJ. He is very talkative and does not shy away from taking lead. In fact, this is what he prefers to do. We have a couple of INTJ guys in our midst. They prefer to take second in command kind of positions and are much more introverted. They have interchanging periods of being highly talkative and going completely quiet and hanging in different chat channels from the group. This guy is always interacting with the group when he is online.

Most frequently I pick up very easily that a player does not match a good group, that something about their personality just doesn't match well. With this guy I am not picking up anything. He is direct but never makes me personally feel irked, angry, or upset with him. He never displays "haha you got pwnt, i r l33t" attitude, but sounds quite mature for his years. He is very straightforward in his spoken or written communication. I thought we INFJs are the emotionally sensitive types. Plus I am a girl in a gaming group that is mostly comprised of guys. Yet I see other guys react to him so emotionally and irrationally in sense that I cannot understand it. This case just thoroughly confused me. May be it is my lack of Fi.
 
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