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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am very friendly and polite in the meat world, but I have never become friends with people.

It is as if people sense I am only being polite and things will not going any deeper (I am very private). So I do not get asked to go out and do things, etc.

I have never been to a bar or club with friends, never really went out anywhere (like dinner or shopping) with friends, and generally have zero experience with friendship. I do not have people who will just call and say "hey".

On the whole, it has never bothered me.

But I have noticed the lack of friendship spreading into my online sphere. Here, it is for different reasons. Here - I actively alienate people.

I am about to enter a new environment in the meat world... How do I make friends who will ask me out with them?

I think that by doing this, I will balance out. Thoughts?
 
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Straight up...hurting people hurt people...heal your own deep wounds and you will have to figure out people. There is a reason you are like you are and only you know what that reason is. I for one don't want to deal with you. You are offensive...but for what it is worth you seem deep and willing sometimes. You remind me of a wounded cat though.. Not trying to offend, but those are my thoughts.
 

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Lots of drinking.

Nah, actually I'd say you should find someone in your aquaintance sphere who is more private then yourself, and try to draw them out of their shell. The advantage is that you get to feel sort of in charge of how far you go into it. You also feel like you're doing a certain amount of good, and any comparisons you might make are going to increase your confidence (well, at least I'm not that shut-in... might be a passing thought)
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Lots of drinking.

Nah, actually I'd say you should find someone in your aquaintance sphere who is more private then yourself, and try to draw them out of their shell. The advantage is that you get to feel sort of in charge of how far you go into it. You also feel like you're doing a certain amount of good, and any comparisons you might make are going to increase your confidence (well, at least I'm not that shut-in... might be a passing thought)
Confidence is no issue with me. :D

As for an acquaintance - lol, I have none.

I will hopefully be making some in this new environment. Thanks belli.

Technically, I am in a new town.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I suppose I was just lucky. I came across the right people at the right time. My best friend is an INTJ and we get along perfectly 100% of the time.
I envy you. ^.^
 
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·

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Hey @being. Yeah I'm actually quite the private person when it comes to certain things as well. Certain things I have no problem sharing that a normal person would feel really awkward sharing and when I tell them, they usually avoid me... like the plague. I have no desire to keep up appearances, but at the same time there are some things i would never share with anyone. Whats nice about not having attachments to people is that eventually you can tell them all kinds of stuff that normal people who have to keep up appearances would never share about themselves.

I don't know if this resonates with you at all, but I will say that being a loner sometimes has its benefits.
 
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But I have noticed the lack of friendship spreading into my online sphere. Here, it is for different reasons. Here - I actively alienate people.
Don't take it too personally.



About the other things you said:
maybe you could try to approach people more frequently :happy:. Quickly learn what they are about, ask questions about them, show interest in their hobbies. Greet them with a smile. Respect them, even though they are not as outstanding or intelligent as you are. Everybody is just alone in this world ( we are born alone, we die alone and we are alone in our heads and thoughts) and therefore, most people appreciate friendliness. I think you could be an enrichment to other people's life, if they got to know you.

Also: read Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people". The friendships you can get out of this book are more superficial in nature, but it is a start. The people who will be your best friends are rare gems and it may take some time to find them (meet them, you don't really actively find them). Perhaps you could expand your network by taking on a new hobby? I found my best friends through hobbies and through other friends.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Don't take it too personally.



About the other things you said:
maybe you could try to approach people more frequently :happy:. Quickly learn what they are about, ask questions about them, show interest in their hobbies. Greet them with a smile. Respect them, even though they are not as outstanding or intelligent as you are. Everybody is just alone in this world ( we are born alone, we die alone and we are alone in our heads and thoughts) and therefore, most people appreciate friendliness. I think you could be an enrichment to other people's life, if they got to know you.

Also: read Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people". The friendships you can get out of this book are more superficial in nature, but it is a start. The people who will be your best friends are rare gems and it may take some time to find them (meet them, you don't really actively find them). Perhaps you could expand your network by taking on a new hobby? I found my best friends through hobbies and through other friends.
I will read the book and look at various meet ups.

Being curious about others is my Achilles heel. I never feel a need to ask questions. >.<
 

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Being curious about others is my Achilles heel. I never feel a need to ask questions. >.<
I can relate. I allready know it or I am not interested. I had to train myself to become interested and ask question I allready knew the answer to. <- When I reread that sentence, it sounded pretty silly :laughing:. Even though it does not sound important, it actually is. Somebody told me that it is not the message you are trying to confer that someone will remember, It is the feeling that you are giving them that they will remember.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Hey @being. Yeah I'm actually quite the private person when it comes to certain things as well. Certain things I have no problem sharing that a normal person would feel really awkward sharing and when I tell them, they usually avoid me... like the plague. I have no desire to keep up appearances, but at the same time there are some things i would never share with anyone. Whats nice about not having attachments to people is that eventually you can tell them all kinds of stuff that normal people who have to keep up appearances would never share about themselves.

I don't know if this resonates with you at all, but I will say that being a loner sometimes has its benefits.

Being a loner is not always good.

I believe I may be older than you. Maybe. I have been a loner since birth, and I was always happy to be alone as I never got lonely.

But now I do not like what I see in myself. I want to have people call and check up on me, have someone to text.

I have no one in my phone, and my phone rarely rings (read: never). It does not sting, but I am starting to feel it as I just separated from my adoptive family (who also never called me).

I am not really big on talking on the phone, but it is nice to know someone cares, you know?
 
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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I can relate. I allready know it or I am not interested. I had to train myself to become interested and ask question I allready knew the answer to. <- When I reread that sentence, it sounded pretty silly :laughing:. Even though it does not sound important, it actually is. Somebody told me that it is not the message you are trying to confer that someone will remember, It is the feeling that you are giving them that they will remember.
Haha... Nice.

Yeah, I suppose I will make a best effort at questioning, and through practice, I will get better.
 
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:D

Hiya! You seem familiar, have I met you before? As I remember it I may have quoted you a time or two. :)
Yes, we've met before, but not that often. Didn't post a lot here lately though.

Anyway, that was just my way to say that I can relate: Loner too, never a real problem with that, but similar thoughts (feeling alone, but still not lonely) lately. If I remember correctly (and I tend to) we even have the same age. So your thoughts might be age related.

As others have pointed out, I also think that for "us" finding friends really has a lot to do with luck. But change can help of course.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Yes, we've met before, but not that often. Didn't post a lot here lately though.

Anyway, that was just my way to say that I can relate: Loner too, never a real problem with that, but similar thoughts (feeling alone, but still not lonely) lately. If I remember correctly (and I tend to) we even have the same age. So your thoughts might be age related.

As others have pointed out, I also think that for "us" finding friends really has a lot to do with luck. But change can help of course.
Ha. Luck.
 
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Why are you bothering this now ?

Anyway,people are basically pleasing each other when they are trying to be friend. You don't always come across the right one, you must have a similarities. You can't be friend with just anybody.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Why are you bothering this now ?

Anyway,people are basically pleasing each other when they are trying to be friend. You don't always come across the right one, you must have a similarities. You can't be friend with just anybody.
True.

I am bothering with it because I could die in my house and no one would know until I stink. Think about it like that.
 

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Being a loner is not always good.

I believe I may be older than you. Maybe. I have been a loner since birth, and I was always happy to be alone as I never got lonely.

But now I do not like what I see in myself. I want to have people call and check up on me, have someone to text.

I have no one in my phone, and my phone rarely rings (read: never). It does not sting, but I am starting to feel it as I just separated from my adoptive family (who also never called me).

I am not really big on talking on the phone, but it is nice to know someone cares, you know?
I understand what you are saying, believe me, I do. The thing to remember is, like Vayne says, don't try too hard or you'll either find the fakes or the people pleasers (could be same thing really). I will also say (speaking from experience) that if making friends is not a normal thing for you, it can be really difficult to get started. And another thing; don't be too picky about who you choose to be friends with, but at the same time, its best to have a few close nit friends rather that a slew of people that you barley know to be called friends... My parents have a plaque hanging up on the wall that says "It takes a long time to grow old friends." I believe this is a true message, and what you should strive for when considering who you want to be friends with. And also, it really boils down to who you think you can just click with. This is not complicated, but requires you to be somewhat vulnerable with putting yourself out there if you are the one trying to make a friendship with someone. Also try to think about if you want just casual friendships, or people that would be kinda like your family who you are seeing all the time. Truth be told I really only have one person who I would consider a real life friend and I see him prolly once a week on average. I, like you, do not really care for social comradery much, but it can be pleasant at times. Just try to find people you think you have a similar mind set to and the rest is up to you for how deep the friendship goes.

Anyways you prolly don't need a 101 course for making friends, but I thought I would share this stuff because if you don't understand how to make friends, I understand the desire to have them and am just trying to help. But you seem perfectly capable of doing this so I am prolly just doing it for my own sake.

Anyways, happy hunting.
 
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