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Is it possible to reprogram your forever existing mentality? I believe so. Unfortunately, the hardest and most essential part is the 'how?'. How does one become happy with themselves and current conditions and remain hopeful?
 

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I agree that one can reframe things as well.
10 things science (and Buddhism) says will make you happy | Wildmind Buddhist Meditation

Change of course being a process....consider one thing at a time. Isn't there a saying that is takes like 30 or 60 days to change a habit? Personally, I started with gratitude. I began REALLY feeling that way and saying to myself or others what I was grateful for. I.e. you are enjoying something warm after a cold hike, or a glass of water after a run, or your assistant anticipating something you needed. Just a few seconds of your time. Then when you share the gratitude with another and thank them...oh that beautiful ripple of appreciation and happiness another individual also gets...ahhh yes!!! Being surrounded by those who have a tendency to be positive is helpful as well.
Disclaimer: I am NOT a pollyanna....by any means. I get down in the dumps, but its funny when this happens, I have a tendency to gravitate back to or seek out the happiness/positive.
 

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when a person is in a situation that seems hopeless and never improves, being happy seems like a tall order.

Passively I'd always remind myself that there are worse case scenarios out there. People suffer more or are more in despair. No matter how bad I think my situation is, there will always be worse situation than mine.

Actively I'd find ways to improve or to change. Sometimes we need to reach a certain level of hurt/desperation before we'd fight back actively. What's worse? Death. If it was the next step, would you fight or wait to die? I chose to fight every time. Once you've done a few times of actively changing your situation, you'd find it easier to feel contentment.

The worst thing is to depend on other people to provide you with happiness. It's borrowed time at best, addiction at worst. Don't do it.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
when a person is in a situation that seems hopeless and never improves, being happy seems like a tall order.

Passively I'd always remind myself that there are worse case scenarios out there. People suffer more or are more in despair. No matter how bad I think my situation is, there will always be worse situation than mine.

Actively I'd find ways to improve or to change. Sometimes we need to reach a certain level of hurt/desperation before we'd fight back actively. What's worse? Death. If it was the next step, would you fight or wait to die? I chose to fight every time. Once you've done a few times of actively changing your situation, you'd find it easier to feel contentment.

The worst thing is to depend on other people to provide you with happiness. It's borrowed time at best, addiction at worst. Don't do it.
I agree completely! Unfortunately, my solutions are always as those you prescribed but they've failed every time. I usually try to imagine and embrace what it would be like if I lost those around me and that I should enjoy these moments with them but this nagging sadness doesn't care. Pathetically, thinking of those people out there who are unable to celebrate and enjoy my luxuries bothers me for a while then I forget.

I tried getting out there and meeting people and volunteering an awful lot but at the end of the day, they're just mere distractions and I sink again. I have no idea why I'm so unhappy but at the same time there are so many reasons why I should be. Honestly, I have tried. Hard. But it doesn't decrease, or fade or disappear.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I agree that one can reframe things as well.
10 things science (and Buddhism) says will make you happy | Wildmind Buddhist Meditation

Change of course being a process....consider one thing at a time. Isn't there a saying that is takes like 30 or 60 days to change a habit? Personally, I started with gratitude. I began REALLY feeling that way and saying to myself or others what I was grateful for. I.e. you are enjoying something warm after a cold hike, or a glass of water after a run, or your assistant anticipating something you needed. Just a few seconds of your time. Then when you share the gratitude with another and thank them...oh that beautiful ripple of appreciation and happiness another individual also gets...ahhh yes!!! Being surrounded by those who have a tendency to be positive is helpful as well.
Disclaimer: I am NOT a pollyanna....by any means. I get down in the dumps, but its funny when this happens, I have a tendency to gravitate back to or seek out the happiness/positive.
You're right! Be thankful for what you have before it gets taken away from you. I do. I'm thankful but there's something missing.
 

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Charge'n Thru The Night
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how to be happy? be satisfied with what you got, and have hope for the future.

I found a lot of people started with gratitude and just being thankful for what they have, they obtained a more positive out look
 

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Pssst... come here, I got an recipe on how to be happy, unfortunently it is patented, and you haft to pay me. :laughing:.
You cant have it. Do you want it now?.

Hmm.. I think it kinda is important to remeber that a state of pure happiness cannot be reached.
As if happiness was on the periodic table, and you could just be a solid lump of something.
Not to say that we cant overall be more happy.

Here is something Blaise pascal wrote which I really like.

"We never keep to the present. We recall the past; we anticipate the future as if we found it too slow in coming and were trying to hurry it up, or we recall the past as if to stay its too rapid not to belong to us, and do not think of the only one that does; so vain that we dream of times that are not and blindly flee the only one that is.
The fact is that the present usually hurts. We thrust it out of sight because it distresses us, and if we find it enjoyable, we are sorry to see it slip away.
We try to give it the support of the future, and think how we are going to arrange things over which we have no control for a time we can never be sure of reaching.
Let each of us examine his thoughts; he will find them wholly concerned with the past or the future. We almost never think of the present, and if we do think of it, it is only to see what light it throws on our plans for the future.
The present is never our end. The past and the present are our means , the future alone our end.
Thus we never acually live, but hope to live, and since we are always planning how to be happy, it is enevitable that we should never be so."



I kinda dislike the "Be happy with what you got", maybe because I am in a situation which I am not that fond of, and people keep telling me that, as if i am not allowed to be dissatisfied.
And I try to relax and ask/tell myself often, "I should be happy".
... But maybe I should just be happy with what i got in the momment and time being.

Also, happiness, it is not one single thing is it... people find happiness in almost anything

..
 

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Spam-I-am
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vodka and valium work for me
it all depends on ones expectations , only you are responsible for your happiness
if you expect for other people to make you happy then it will only be achieved in small, limited bursts
it also varies with personality types
me being INTJ i am rarely happy but mostly satisfied
happiness should never be the aim but only satisfaction


edit- not to sound hypocritical but if @Daleks_Exterminate and @FluffyMcClouds
would come out and play then i would be happy
 

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vodka and valium work for me
if you haven't yet, try ashwagandha root. :) seriously. calms the nerves, keeps the mind clear. eez byutiful! :)

it all depends on ones expectations , only you are responsible for your happiness
if you expect for other people to make you happy then it will only be achieved in small, limited bursts
it also varies with personality types
me being INTJ i am rarely happy but mostly satisfied
happiness should never be the aim but only satisfaction
Couldn't agree more... for me it's not exactly satisfaction, but something very similar... it's finding exactly what nurtures your mind/body/spirit and giving it just that, nothing more, nothing less. Being e-9, I need inner peace and harmony to be happy, doing what feels right, seeking self-approval before the approval of others.... then comes the e-7 need for playfulness, exploration, improvisation, discovery etc... in terms of "spiritual" needs, i need stillness and nature to get centered; in terms of food -- turns out my body doesn't like meats, butter etc... any animal fat, turns out I am actually a vegetarian, who's been stuffing her body with the wrong things for most of my life... feels good to finally find what fits and enjoy it to the fullest. :)

P.S.: @Vinniebob -- re: satisfaction :) :) :)
 

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Is it possible to reprogram your forever existing mentality? I believe so. Unfortunately, the hardest and most essential part is the 'how?'. How does one become happy with themselves and current conditions and remain hopeful?
kill the hope, trade it in for the acceptance and enjoyment of reality; don't judge, but observe and accept life as it is. (not a novel concept in any way shape or form, but that's been my personal mantra) :)
 

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Beer Guardian
PerC Host, ENTP 5w6 So/Sx 584 ILE
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Is it possible to reprogram your forever existing mentality? I believe so. Unfortunately, the hardest and most essential part is the 'how?'. How does one become happy with themselves and current conditions and remain hopeful?
Happiness is an attitude. Celebrate the little victories and moments that happen every day. Don't dwell on the negative. Accentuate the positive. Life is a challenge, meet it. Follow your bliss.
 

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if you haven't yet, try ashwagandha root. :) seriously. calms the nerves, keeps the mind clear. eez byutiful! :)



Couldn't agree more... for me it's not exactly satisfaction, but something very similar... it's finding exactly what nurtures your mind/body/spirit and giving it just that, nothing more, nothing less. Being e-9, I need inner peace and harmony to be happy, doing what feels right, seeking self-approval before the approval of others.... then comes the e-7 need for playfulness, exploration, improvisation, discovery etc... in terms of "spiritual" needs, i need stillness and nature to get centered; in terms of food -- turns out my body doesn't like meats, butter etc... any animal fat, turns out I am actually a vegetarian, who's been stuffing her body with the wrong things for most of my life... feels good to finally find what fits and enjoy it to the fullest. :)

P.S.: @Vinniebob -- re: satisfaction :) :) :)
an ENFP who eats cute and cuddly creatures
say it ain't so fur ball
didja eat bunny rabbit's and koala bears flaffmeister?
 

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I think that the single greatest component to unhappiness in a typical United States setting these days is that caused by comparing yourself to someone else, their success, their wealth, their experiences, their talents, their past, their likely future.

The many divergent ways we torture ourselves with comparison are staggering. I know more than just a few women who are paralyzed by envy of their own pasts. Life has presented them with challenges that make progress harder than it ever was in the past and, rather than taking strength from their past, wallowing in the joy of those reflections, they CHOOSE to wallow instead on how bad the current situation is compared to then. To me, it's almost incomprehensible.

As a challenger, like @PaladinX's video I try to get them to live in the now and engage in positive action. To get in touch with being grateful and generous. Frankly, it amazes me how persistently negative and unhappy people CHOOSE to be.

Happiness really is a choice. Even if your brain is wired with wrong chemicals, something made it that way, and that something was probably choices. There are a few cases out there of real physiological conditions where it was not people's own choices that led to chronic unhappiness. But that is extremely few. Most depression and anxiety is a mental framework that the sufferer is choosing through bad mental discipline.

I have been very successful in getting many others to change their bad mental discipline in many cases in my life. It has been amazingly rewarding.
 

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@tanstaafl28 Perfectly put. Happiness is not a state of being it's a state of mind. If you go about life looking for what's wrong you will always find it. There is an upside and a downside to everything, it just depends on what you want to see.

So my advice is, if you really want to experience happiness then do simply that, experience it, because the tools are already there and always were.
 

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an ENFP who eats cute and cuddly creatures
say it ain't so fur ball
didja eat bunny rabbit's and koala bears flaffmeister?
i ate a rabbit once :'( in Italy, in ravioli form... i also ate an ostrich once, it was very very dry and dense... probably all that internalized stress, running away in fear and sticking its head in the sand... :p
 

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i ate a rabbit once :'( in Italy, in ravioli form... i also ate an ostrich once, it was very very dry and dense... probably all that internalized stress, running away in fear and sticking its head in the sand... :p
you beast:tongue:
happiness is a strange objective
everyone strives for it but yet very few achieve it
with so much suffering through death, hunger and oppression on this blue green orb
yet he who has freedom, shelter and a full fridge is never happy
all i strive for is inner peace, such a simple concept and yet hard to achieve
 

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you beast:tongue:
happiness is a strange objective
everyone strives for it but yet very few achieve it
with so much suffering through death, hunger and oppression on this blue green orb
yet he who has freedom, shelter and a full fridge is never happy
all i strive for is inner peace, such a simple concept and yet hard to achieve
it's learning to enjoy the "middle" of things... not just the highs and the lows.
 

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you beast:tongue:
happiness is a strange objective
everyone strives for it but yet very few achieve it
with so much suffering through death, hunger and oppression on this blue green orb
yet he who has freedom, shelter and a full fridge is never happy
all i strive for is inner peace, such a simple concept and yet hard to achieve
That's one of the paradoxes of reality if you STRIVE for peace you cannot attain it. Peace is really a fleeting condition you can make more likely by certain disciplines. Even inner peace.

But whereas I enjoy moments of peace and inner peace, the truth is I would never strive too much for it. For me at least, the process of growth and by that I ONLY mean in the good direction (there has been doubt cast on that before) requires struggle. Now you can be a semantic nitpicker and say that the struggle brings me peace, but let's keep it real. It's one of the quotes that defines me to my friends and as far as I know it's me that said it first. Nyah!

Satisfaction = death.

In saying this I equate peace (the arrival at your desires) with death. This is a reflection on the realization that ALL arrivals are a certain type of death. But none so much as those heavily anticipated or sought after. Something truly dies in those moments. And like a phoenix there are chances of rebirth.

But the precipitous fall into death upon attaining satisfaction, during its process even if true peace is experienced, and the following rebirth as well, are life. They are filled with profound struggle. And it is good.

So is the death, good, although many people have suggested I meant to say that satisfaction and death are bad. They are not.
 
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