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Discussion Starter #1
My dad is an ESTJ douche bag. He is a manager at a glasses store at a nearby mall, and looovees being a boss. However, he HATES the people he works with because he is secretly insecure, underneath the intimidating bigot male chauvinist attitude. And he works with a doctor who is narcissistic and who is ACTUALLY a bigoted douche bag, fo real.

My dad likes to bottle up his anger, and conform to the rules of his company. His company is kinda shitty when it comes to employee benefits. Lately my dads been having extra amounts of stress to bottle up, so when an opportunity comes to release a little bit of that anger he does.

Unfortunately, its usually released on my 12 year old brother, about his homework issues. Makes sense because he is most vulnerable, being young and confused about life. The second person he "vents" that anger to is my mom, by belittling her and showing her large amounts of disrespect.

Im like the only one who doesn't fear his wrath. I used to as a little kid obviously, but now ive realized whats goin on. Im a psychology student and can easily get inside his head, he know this so he doesnt start with me.

He is rly funny when he gets angry though haha. Sometimes, if shit really hits the fan, he will roar gibberish.

So how should i react to him, and angry people in general when they are angry towards me? Im an ENTP, and i dnt get angry much at all, just occasionally. How do you fight back while making a point, but also not by being insulting? Im all about ethics annd Jesus annd philosophy. I often really ask myself, what would Jesus do? It is actually a good thing to ask yourself in certain situations.

What would Jesus do if confronted by an angry man, or a bully? One that wasnt going to beat the shit out of him and tie him to a piece of wood??
 

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1. It may seem to be the opposite of what you're looking for, but the trick is not to argue. These people feed off of the insecurity. Give them a blank stare in return and you'll be starving them.

That's the best way to counteract their personality.

2. If you must deal with an angry person head-on, plan for it. The best trick for this is to write, ahead of time, your objective for a conversation down, followed by the points you will need to make to achieve that interpersonal objective. Like talking points.

Here's an example:

"Get the clerk/representative to accept this item as a return, even though it's two month's past the in-store warranty.

- Tell them why I don't need it.
- Admit that I am late on the return policy.
- Give a good (honest) reason why I am late on that policy. Did I forget because of stress? Did someone misplace the item?
- Ask them to make an exception for me."

Writing down the steps takes away the anxiety of any situation. When you get there, you are prepared. And that preparedness helps you stay on topic in arguments, too!

Just my two cents.
 

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To be honest, I think you should shift your focus from your Dad to your Brother. Your Dad will likely not change any time soon and you have the rest of your life to learn how to cope with that; however, your brother is at an age where he needs someone to believe in him. He is at an age where the damage your Dad likely does to his self esteem can be greatly improved by someone believing in him and accepting him for who he is. Is your brother an F by any chance? If so, that might also be why your Dad is so hard on him; because he doesn't understand him.

My Dad is an unhealthy ENTJ and he sounds very much like your Dad (well, at least he used to be, he's improved with age). The best thing you could ever do for your Brother (and yourself even) is read up on how narcissitic parents effect children and learn how to help lesson that damage. I know it's not fair to you that you even have to be in this position, but it is what it is, and it sucks. If you can find out your Brother's MBTI, you can also read about how he learns and how he thinks which might shed some light on his homework struggles and what might help him through that healthily instead of self-esteem crushing. I understand how crappy it feels to deal with a parent like this. Hang in there.

Eta: As far as what to do when your Dad is angry, like @hackm said, don't argue. Try to keep your voice at a controlled pace and volume. When people get angry and upset, they tend to talk louder and faster than normal; if you start doing the same, it can make the situation worse because then he will get more hostile. So, just try to avoid engaging in arguments with him.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
1. It may seem to be the opposite of what you're looking for, but the trick is not to argue. These people feed off of the insecurity. Give them a blank stare in return and you'll be starving them.

That's the best way to counteract their personality.

2. If you must deal with an angry person head-on, plan for it. The best trick for this is to write, ahead of time, your objective for a conversation down, followed by the points you will need to make to achieve that interpersonal objective. Like talking points.

Here's an example:

"Get the clerk/representative to accept this item as a return, even though it's two month's past the in-store warranty.

- Tell them why I don't need it.
- Admit that I am late on the return policy.
- Give a good (honest) reason why I am late on that policy. Did I forget because of stress? Did someone misplace the item?
- Ask them to make an exception for me."

Writing down the steps takes away the anxiety of any situation. When you get there, you are prepared. And that preparedness helps you stay on topic in arguments, too!

Just my two cents.
well, what ive been doing is the opposite to the extreme...laughing in his face lol, but i know that isnt...productive. By laughing im showing him that im not just ignoring him, but im also not taking him seriously at all...he haattes that
 

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I'm sure he does hate that. But maybe it makes him worse with your Mom and Bro later?

You shouldn't have to be the man of the family at your age, but it seems like you have to be.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
To be honest, I think you should shift your focus from your Dad to your Brother. Your Dad will likely not change any time soon and you have the rest of your life to learn how to cope with that; however, your brother is at an age where he needs someone to believe in him. He is at an age where the damage your Dad likely does to his self esteem can be greatly improved by someone believing in him and accepting him for who he is. Is your brother an F by any chance? If so, that might also be why your Dad is so hard on him; because he doesn't understand him.

My Dad is an unhealthy ENTJ and he sounds very much like your Dad (well, at least he used to be, he's improved with age). The best thing you could ever do for your Brother (and yourself even) is read up on how narcissitic parents effect children and learn how to help lesson that damage. I know it's not fair to you that you even have to be in this position, but it is what it is, and it sucks. If you can find out your Brother's MBTI, you can also read about how he learns and how he thinks which might shed some light on his homework struggles and what might help him through that healthily instead of self-esteem crushing. I understand how crappy it feels to deal with a parent like this. Hang in there.
I actually think my brother is an ENFP, but he is just beginning to build his sense of self. When i was that age, i just conformed to my parents, and ended up with this terrible anxiety disorder...a neurotic ENTP lol....gives me character.

Im trying to prevent the same thing from happening to my brother, even though it was much worse when i was his age, i seemed to have better coping skills, probably being the oldest child. My dad doesn't respect the feeling types because he is extremely close minded...and im pretty sure he is scared of them, because they might make him open up emotionally a little bit..and we all know that is something that real men dont do!

I tell my brother that he only lashes out like that because he needs an easy target to bully. MY brother is the spoiled child of the family, and has had no discipline in his life so far...He surely has an extremely very bad case of ADHD, assuming its an actual disorder of course. And i warned my parents that this would happen. He has no sense of discipline and is extremely lazy, due to never having responsibilities. And now my parents expect him to get good grades? I mean, my mom fuckin does his HW for him most of the time. I try to help him, but he cant pay attention for more than 2 seconds.

If im in a bad mood, and dont feel like dealing with the arguing, i get all angry and go into "i told you so" mode to my parents.....complicated situation, but ya, im tryin to help him out the best i can.
 

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I actually think my brother is an ENFP, but he is just beginning to build his sense of self. When i was that age, i just conformed to my parents, and ended up with this terrible anxiety disorder...a neurotic ENTP lol....gives me character.

Im trying to prevent the same thing from happening to my brother, even though it was much worse when i was his age, i seemed to have better coping skills, probably being the oldest child. My dad doesn't respect the feeling types because he is extremely close minded...and im pretty sure he is scared of them, because they might make him open up emotionally a little bit..and we all know that is something that real men dont do!

I tell my brother that he only lashes out like that because he needs an easy target to bully. MY brother is the spoiled child of the family, and has had no discipline in his life so far...He surely has an extremely very bad case of ADHD, assuming its an actual disorder of course. And i warned my parents that this would happen. He has no sense of discipline and is extremely lazy, due to never having responsibilities. And now my parents expect him to get good grades? I mean, my mom fuckin does his HW for him most of the time. I try to help him, but he cant pay attention for more than 2 seconds.

If im in a bad mood, and dont feel like dealing with the arguing, i get all angry and go into "i told you so" mode to my parents.....complicated situation, but ya, im tryin to help him out the best i can.
It's very tough, I know. I can tell you this though, being spoiled doesn't necessarily make him feel loved. I got prettty much whatever I wanted , but I wasn't paid attention to by my Dad unless he was angry. Being spoiled in that kind of dynamic just tells the kid "here, have whatever you want, just get out of my hair"..again, damaging self esteem. Luckily my Mom was pretty great which balanced things out. Your Brother will likely go through a very rebellious stage, and the one thing that will help him the most to pull out of it is self worth, even if it's just a little.

Try not to instigate your Dad by laughing at him because that will just make him worse on everyone. Also, try to remember that deep inside of him is a person who was also hurt by someone (most likely one or both of his Parents). That isn't an excuse, but it can help keep from becoming angry yourself.

I know my Dad had his self esteem crushed and that's why he acted the way he did. I also know that in his world, he was actually better to us than the way he had it. Maybe he wasn't perfect, but at least he tried to give us better. That thought brought me comfort. It's hard to not take it personally when your parent is hard on you to this extent. However, my Dad has grown very much as a person and he feels really terrible about how tough he was. The way he is now makes up for it though, believe it or not.

Try not to argue with your Parents or do the "I told you so's"...it's truly pointless because they're not going to listen to you. So just concentrate on picking your battles with them carefully, trying to keep things calm, and trying to remember that you and your Brother are going to be ok as long as you decide to be better than this. Try to rise above this and keep positive and determined.

It seems your Brother needs support and encouragement, and sounds like he just gets worse when your Dad is hard on him. Some kids shut down when a parent is like this. That's how my ENFJ sister responded; she would shut down or get worse. So, let your brother know how much you believe in him and even when he messes up, it's ok, you are still his big brother. Even if it's frustrating as hell and even if he seems like he's not listening to you; he will remember that unconditional encouragement and support. It could give him what he needs to turn his life around even in the darkest of times.

Anyway, I didn't mean to make this so long...I wish you and your brother well.
 
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