Personality Cafe banner
1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
INFP Males and First Moves

Thanks for all your input! There's only one lingering question now since I got an answer to my previous post's question mainly about going on a road trip to a concert with an INFP male I just met (he said he can!) and details of our awkward moments. I'm just wondering how would INFP males feel about females making the first move? For new readers, basically I just met one and we have great chemistry together, but no action has been taken. It may be possible the reason is because he's misinterpreting my signals as just being friendly. So far, he's revealed a lot about his personal life with me which makes me think he must be interested if he's trying to mirror parts of my life. If he's not interested, would he most likely remain as my friend or he will walk away?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,248 Posts
Hi there! I like your username, it's beautiful. :)

Oddly, he did keep his distance from me the whole time by sitting on the adjacent couch, not in the seat next to me. Any closer interaction such as showing him something on my phone where we had to be leaned in together had to be initiated by me.
This doesn't strike me as strange for a first meeting. I do not get physically close to people quickly, myself, and would probably not feel comfortable sitting on a couch next to someone on a first date, even if I had known them before.

Towards the end of the night when I was leaving (sadly physically sleepy, mentally wide awake), he did kinda slow his responses down to mostly "uh-huhs" instead of doing the whole responding by relating he'd been doing all day.
My first thought is that he might be getting tired too. :)

He then stopped me from walking away by giving me an unexpected side hug that ended up being awkward since it was...a side hug...I mean, I did mention earlier than I'm uncomfortable with PDA including hugging, but I would've much rather preferred a normal hug than a side hug which to me is how men seem to hug other men. I think he could tell I was a bit weirded out by this side hug, so he moved his arm to the middle of my back where he oddly patted and briefly rubbed the area before just resting his hand there. He tells me he likes giving hugs to all his friends.

I turned back to face him and tried to make the situation less awkward by laughing it off and telling him how my old friend would constantly just come up and smother me in hugs to try and get me used to them, whether I liked it or not, and that is the only way with me. I told him, with me, you just have to come up and do it before I can react and pull away and not let go. That was what I thought a not so subtle way of saying make a move - kiss me! So, we stood there for a few seconds silently looking at each other as I waited for him to kiss me...and he didn't make a move, so I said my final goodbye and I left.
Aw, I think it's cute that he tried to make you comfortable by giving you a side-hug. He probably figured that keeping it "friendly" would make it not-too-PDA for you while still making contact with you. I think if I were him I would have been fairly confused by you not being happy about the side hug. It seems a little hot/cold... you told him you don't like PDA but then you inferred that you have to have it forced on you. I don't think that I would know what to do if someone said that to me on a first date. At least personally I don't really want to force anything on anyone, especially at a first meeting, and I don't think it's really INFP style to push boundaries like that unless you know the other person fairly well.

Now, I have an upcoming concert I really want to go that doesn't suit any of my friends' music tastes, but he shares with me. The show goes on well into the night, so there would be an overnight stay involved since it's in a city a few hours away, requiring a road trip. I know I am rushing into things as I just can't help it, never having met anyone I've felt so strongly about, but I don't plan on letting things getting too far. (This, I will definitely stick to as it's too high up in my list to break.) I invited him today even after friends told me I'm crazy to do so this so soon (no one seems to understand when I explain this strong pull I'm feeling - maybe because they're all ST's?). He responded that he is supposed to work this weekend, but will see if his shifts can be switched. He hasn't texted anything else since...unusual because he will usually ask me a question or something to keep the conversation going. Is he freaked out by this request and it being too soon? Do you think he thinks I'm a crazy stalker?? I'm starting to think I'm becoming one myself with this post (though I haven't stalked him online...using all my willpower not to google him).

If there's a strong possibility of him liking me, I think I will just go for it and kiss him the next time I see him instead of waiting for him to do so cause he seems too shy. I just need opinions because if the consensus is he just wants to be friends, I won't and will back off with the mindset as "just friends" because I don't want to ruin what could be a great friendship (if I haven't already by asking him to the show). This INFP guy has clouded my mind!
Haha, you're so cute and excited. :)

I don't think it sounds like he wants to be just friends with you, and I don't think you've done anything "wrong". It sounds like he wanted to get closer to you with the hugging situation, but was reluctant for fear of crossing your personal boundaries. I do think that personally, I might feel a little uncertain/uncomfortable about the concert situation, just because it's a big jump from texting for a week, meeting for nine hours, and then to going on an overnight trip in one car - there's lots of trust required in the latter scenario. (Might be more worrisome for a girl than a guy, though). Personally, if I were him, and I was going to do the concert thing with you - which I might, because that sounds fun - I would definitely appreciate some emotional distance/"padding", like separate hotel rooms, even if you do end up talking all night in one.

In general, it seems like there are some people out there who are completely enthusiastic about very quickly getting emotionally intimate with and trusting someone they "click" with, and it's possible that he's one of those people, but I'm not hearing anything in your post that makes me think that he definitely is. Obviously, I can't tell what your INFP guy friend prefers, but I think it would just be good to keep in mind that he might not feel as comfortable moving this quickly, which it does sound like you're already considering. My suggestion would just be that if he backs off, keep contacting him steadily but a little slower in terms of rush towards greater emotional intimacy, and see how he responds. He may just need a little more time than you to fully feel and act on the "click".
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,120 Posts
Hi, Iridescent and welcome to the forums!

Enjoyed reading your posting. Agree about not wanting to drive 2 hours alone to another city for a concert. Did that once for Ren Fest; mostly to prove I could. It was okay but not as much fun as with friends. What music is featured at the concert?

Staying together overnight seems a bit tricky. Does he think you are a crazy stalker? Well, I doubt he thinks you're crazy. For sure you are turning up the pressure (which is your right according to the rules). I'm a little surprised he didn't immediately duck out on your invitation using work as an excuse. Shy though he may be, I guess you've kind of snagged him.

Thing is, since he had not called back, he may still duck out. If he can get the weekend free, it could be a tough decision, like romance can be life altering. Remember, you're INFJ flying on intuition. He's INFP and, though they can be adventurous, they need to do more thinking. I hope it works out and you two have a great time together.


P.S. Sorry you clipped your original posting. It was a delightful read.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for all your input! I think his answer made me mostly feel at peace with the rest of the post! Now, I just have to see what other's think of me making that move? Also, I forgot to input that we're crashing on a friend's couches!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,248 Posts
Also, I forgot to input that we're crashing on a friend's couches!
That sounds great. :)

If he's not interested, would he most likely remain as my friend or he will walk away?
I think that mostly depends on whether he is not interested because he doesn't feel a romantic draw to you, in which case he could probably still be a friend but might withdraw for a short while at first (but you guys met on a dating site, right? So presumably you were both going into this as a potential romance). I think he is only likely to walk away for good if something makes him very uncomfortable.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,266 Posts
I interpret many social cues poorly. I do what feels good at the moment, and I need to have straight forward facts to justify my emotions for you. Just because I'm not kissing you, hugging, and touching you doesn't mean I don't want to. I may be contemplating your motives, wondering if I am good enough, and I might just be trying to enjoy the moment. I can only have sex with you for the first time once, why squander a memory like that?

I look at love as a lifetime, I'm in no hurry to bed the next woman I meet, that's not where I obtain my satisfaction. I want to feel comfortable, and often times this will put me on the defensive, rarely making the first move. But I react fiercely once a force is set in motion.

These are just some random thoughts about my past experiences as a younger person. Younger and less wise perhaps.

Walking away. That is a phrase I'm quite familiar with. I'll clap the dust off of my hands, and be gone when the morning comes. I believe it to be due to my perfectionist nature. I must have a clean slate in order to think clearly, and having a muddy relationship will likely annoy me. In that case I will just fade away, and soon forget whatever I've left behind. That of course would be rushed relationships built on sand and not stone.

Some people are worth waiting for, good luck.
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top