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Hello, I've been reading posts and I see that a good aumount of our ENFJ brothers and sisters didn't have a nice and easy childhood.. and this has affected some of their lives.. with self esteem issues, strong self conciousness, a hard time to adapt in society, strong dissapointments, etc, etc...

Now I want to directly ask to you ENFJ guys/girls: how healthy is your self esteem? If it's helathy, how have you managed to keep your love to yourself? If it's not, what problems have brought you to have a low self esteem? Do you still struggle to get by? Have you considered professional counseling?

Maybe we can guide some of our problems to a possible solution with this thread.. hopefully :)
 

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Discussion Starter #2
Come on I want to listen to you guys! Don't be afraid
 

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semi low to high.

depending on my day.

it has been lower recently because of major habits changing in my life that all affected my mood.
I am drinking less.
quit smoking.
and am on anti-smoking medication called chantex that increases depression.

I know after the darkness subsides I will be fine.
I am going to see a therapist soon.

and deep down know I am lonely because I am stuck in a small town with no other gay people that I would want to date or would be good for.

I am trying to be grateful for everything I have... as my friends have told me over and over, but it's been hard.
still forcing those good habits though and waiting for that light to shine on me.

crappy childhood for sure though.
lol
great half of teen years though that I hold on to, also, a great INFJ friend and an older ENFJ mentor.
they just live far away... ugh.
 

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Thanks GreenCoyote, to make others feel more trusting in publishing their results, I'll tell my results

My self esteem right now is very high, I feel capable to do anything if I make my best effort every day, I strive for excellence. But this self esteem is very well thanked to psychiatric help.

I used to have a low self esteem and strong insecurities since the year 2000, when I entered in my actual high school, which I'm doing my last year. I wasn't well acepted by my fellow classmates for not being a normal person. I was a little bit smothering, somewhat effeminate, I didn't like soccer like in my country is a must for men, and I had a weird sense of humor not common for a seven year old kid. I became a victim of bullying and ridicule, although it wasn't as harsh as in U.S.A., where there are very awful stories.

Feeling unaccepted, I did almost anyhting to gain acceptance and attention, going to strong peaks like drawing girls from my school naked.. something I feel really bad for right now. I was considered somewhat of a pervert.. although my parents thought I was very immature. That made me a very inscure person, self-blaming and very perfeccionistic, as well as having a lot of sloth and laziness.

Years gone by until 2006. Before starting 9th grade, I had some sleep problems. I stayed awake until 6:30 am and slept during the morning and night. My mother took me to her psychiatrist and he discovered I had mild clinical depression. He gave me a medication that I still follow, consisting of tranquilizers and nervous system relaxants, so I could have a nice rest all day.

God bless those medications! While I wasn't fully recovered, 9th grade and 10th grade were crucial in my recovering. I was still bullied, but I came slowly more accepted in my school, I became more energetic while I thought I was an introverted and shy person, I became more outgoing and in need of people around. However, my personality changed weren't accepted totally, still I've got a very good start.

In 2008, one of my main bullies started to know me, and I saw we were very well similar, so we started becoming friends. With this, I became much more accepted than before, and it really helped me a lot. And I was more accepted for being myself rather than pretending to be someone else.

2009 and 2010 are my best years so far! I think I have almost reached my top, I have very good grades, I get closer to my family, I've got more and better friendships and everything seems to be just fine. I'm still not lovesick with anyone, so I haven't experienced that pain yet!
 

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I typically have average to low self-esteem...I tend to undervalue my skills in life because I feel I don't do a good enough job helping people when they want/need me. I also undervalue things I put creative energies in...because I feel I'm my worst critic, of myself and my work, so I just put it out there and humbly accept thanks while saying "I don't believe you" in my mind.

But I dunno, the closer I get to being done with my AA and having actually "accomplished" a few things, I feel better about myself.
 

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I have a pretty high level of self-esteem. I actually love helping others to increase their self-esteem whenever I can and hope to be able to do so in my profession in the future. I'm in healthcare :) and really have an interest in the psychiatric/mental health field.

My childhood was pretty good, my parents and siblings have always been very loving and we're becoming closer as time passes. This is due to my need and my expression of the need for clear communication and mutual support and self-love. It's a daily thing where if I hear something negative coming out of someone's mouth, I see if I can change that somehow by helping the person see How they actually sound and what that could result in for other people and themselves. I monitor myself too, don't want to be a hypocrite ;) That isn't to say that we haven't all had our issues (and we still do individually and sometimes together as we may clash, etc) but I've heard enough stories from other ppl/friends to know how great I have it.

Though I was kind of chubby as a kid and there are some family members (aunts and uncles) who come from a cultural background that is very...catty i guess is the word lol...They didn't hesitate to let me know I was chubby and it was time to lose some weight, when am i going to go on a diet? Etc. And I had always known, maybe because of lessons my mom taught us, what it means to be polite and tactful and aware of how I came across in my actions and words. Because of that, I understood that those family members just didn't know how tactless they were being, how hurtful they were being. To them "Oh, you got fat, you should lose weight" seems a very okay, everyday thing to say with a smile on your face. I was in elementary school, give me a break! Sure I Was kinda chubby (until i hit puberty and suddenly those same family members were complimenting me until today, so see, it was partially baby fat!) but to say things like that to a kid right before entering a stage where self image is typically all-important is just wrong. I got mad of course, but I tried to never take it to heart. I am also very forgiving naturally, I see the good people are capable of so that's probably why, which is why I never really held a grudge against them for those rude remarks, I knew they were coming from a place of ignorance. Today, they know better...though some comments like those will slip out once in a while (not geared towards me anymore).

I also had a bully in elementary school and middle school (different guys), but nothing Really serious. First guy, I Knew he had aggression issues (or that he liked me) even when I was in elementary school...he bothered me from 1st to 4th grade or so...tore the sleeve of my sweater once and I don't even know WHY he gave me threatening looks, etc. What did he want from me? Fear probably. But he didn't get it, that sucker! Now after the invention of facebook, we reconnected, he was just a punk to lots of people apparently. The guy in middle school laughed and called me fat, a whale, and I figured he also had issues (or he liked me. With boys before 18, you never know right? LOL). I Knew i wasn't fat and he was a tiny little guy so I never took that to heart either even though he was constantly at it every day. Sometimes I got him to shut his face with some remark, a girl can only take so much. But with him, I practiced a lot of patience too. My friend defended me when we exchanged looks and she'd tell him "she's Not fat" because this was a fact. Then in recent years, also due to facebook, we reconnected, he apologized, told me he actually used to think i was bigger than other girls (I guess if he was comparing me to the stick figures then sure but there were girls of all sizes in our school so his argument was and still is ridiculous) but that he was just immature and he has since experienced a lot of eye opening things in life and has grown up quite a bit. He said I was and still am the most gentle person he has ever met, never recalled me raising my voice or anything. I think he even tried flirting with me a little which is hilarious to me. We're friends now, and I never held a grudge against him either. I actually tried to joke with him and talk to him in school too as if he wasn't being an ass. Bet that confused him! :) Of course I told him how much of an ass he was being also at times. Passive aggression is not for me. I always found that being rather civil and stating the truth was most effective.

Maybe I was just mature for my age...all my life...lol. But the bottom line is, if you take the time to think about such situations and look at the Positive examples of self-respect that you have been exposed to whether it be from a person or even an advertisement, and realize that you can emulate that, it's possible to rise above petty, jealous, superficial, inconsiderate, and rude people. As soon as you can see that regardless of your surrounding environment, if you have the willpower, desire, and inner strength to, you can find the things that you are good at that and that you Like about yourself - that's where self-esteem stems from, an acceptance and celebration of self. Self-esteem is true belief in yourself and no amount of makeup, attractive clothing, cars, and flattery can replace that.

If you like yourself enough but feel like it'd be nice if others would take a liking to you too in an outwardly obvious way...A trick is to Act confidently Even when you may not feel that way 100% of the time because when people see that confidence, they want to be around you more because everyone likes a confident person as everyone wants to Be a confident person. You will likely gain more respect from peers and others when you do this.

To keep my confidence and self-respect up, i like to see the world in the best light possible. I'm spiritual and that's a huge factor probably. I like to believe that everyone is capable of being "good" and loving and probably most importantly, that everyone is deserving of love and at least understanding if not acceptance. I try to see from other people's perspectives even if it's slightly skewed or affected by mental illness. I love to spread hugs and kisses and compliment people whenever I can (with real compliments, not empty ones! Otherwise, i'd be a liar!). I like to help people and I find that helping others can in turn give the greatest boost in self-esteem. You can call a person ugly and fat and poor and stupid and what-have-you, but if he's helped someone else out or a BUNCH of other people out who think "wow, he's a Really good person" or they may possibly think the world of him, who can take that great feeling away? Nobody and Nothing. Because it's genuine and comes from the heart and Nothing can beat that. I also love artistic expression of any kind...and I think self-esteem can be greatly boosted/found through that, when you're expressing yourself in a non-harmful way, you're finding yourself. When you've found yourself, you feel good or at least better about yourself. And that's when self-esteem kicks in :D! Ta-dah!!!

I also love yellow and think that happy and mellow colors really help in regulating your mood/emotions, so that's another thing to consider as well. My room is a light yellow and it's like im in sunshine all the time ^_^

Oooh, but you know what it's all about? Self-reflection. Keep a journal, talk to a fried, talk to yourself if you want (just explain that you're thinking aloud), listen to the waves of the ocean. Just take time for yourself and think. Unless you tend to think negatively, if you find yourself doing that a lot and not changing, you can reflect with a counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist too :) Nothing wrong with that at all. They're there to help you find yourself too :) And in helping you, they're finding Themselves, their passion, and their strength as well. What, you thought that just because they've studied human behavior and patterns and trained to help others, that they're perfectly balanced people?? We're all learning and growing together :D Everyone benefits! Yay! And if you can, befriend positive thinking people also, they're real nice to have around and they'll be your cheerleaders lol. But remember, they have their dark moments too. It's alllll in the efforts you put forth! Good luck!
 
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