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Hello fellow INFP's
Well mabye this becomes a long story but though I really want this to get out. I just want to share my story with the rest of you. The last year I've quitted art school because of insecurity. (Now I'm started again :) ) In the mean while I worked in a pie factory. There was a boy who also worked there. He was a bit older then me, 26. And I already got the feeling he was diffrent. And it was, he was very introverted. We never talked there at work. Then a couple of days later he added me on facebook. This was the beginning, he said how he liked me so much and all these things. But I could see he had it really hard. That he was depressed with his life. And he had good resons for that. He comes from a very strange and cold family. He parents are divorced, his mother is in a wielchair from a very early age because of a heartattack. He sister had borderline syndrome. Was into drugs and all other kinds of problems. He never did something with his schooleducation. Now he works there in that factory. He has no real friends, he only plays world of warcraft all the time and other games. He saw me as a dream girl and as some one who could save him from his loneliness. I pity him, the first time he told his whole tale it made me cry. He looks very unthealty, pale, he sleeps very little, he never eats a lot or just really weird things like a package of cookies from lunch. So I think its very sad. I asked him to do the MBTI test and he came out as.... guess what, INFP. Very much introverted very much prechieving. And as a 4 on the enneagram. But besides that... I wanted to help him but now I feel like he rejacked all positive influence on his life... He doesn''t want help so it seems... I came by this week, because I felt like he needed a friend, we bakked cookies. He still lives with his mother but she was in the hospital now, the house was old dark, and full but really full with old cat figurines. It was really strange and depressing. His mother is some sort of ''crazy cat lady'' he told that they have a 16 cats at a time. Now the only had 2. But the thing is that this how knowing of how he lives and how his life is maked me feeling depressed too... I don't know what to do now.
And I also feel insecure with school again. Sometimes I hate myself so much and I can't seem to handle life.... Do some of you have some advice?
 

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With regards to him, I think the most you can really do is just be an outlet for conversation. I think it would suit his best interests if he moved out from that home, but that's not something you can control. I'd also be very wary of him developing any serious romantic connection with you, right now it seems like a crush. Be a friend, but try to establish boundaries either explicitly or implicitly :D.

As for you and school, what do you mean by "insecurity" exactly? What seems to be bothering you?

edit: Why'd I say "rush now"
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
With regards to him, I think the most you can really do is just be an outlet for conversation. I think it would suit his best interests if he moved out from that home, but that's not something you can control. I'd also be very wary of him developing any serious romantic connection with you, rush now it seems like a crush. Be a friend, but try to establish boundaries either explicitly or implicitly :D.

As for you and school, what do you mean by "insecurity" exactly? What seems to be bothering you?
Thank you Lad. I think you are right. Sometimes I talk with him on facebook chat or msn. But he never revels anything personal, about how he feels or what he wants to do with his life. So yes I thinking talking with him, and being for him as a friend is the most I can do. And indeed moving out of that place. It would be so much better for him. But he says that he has to take care of his mother.... and its true that I can't do all those things for him. I can't control his life and make it better. And your right about boundaries, I have a bf and he didn't like it that I wanted to help him. I don't have romantic interesst in him but for the opposite it does. He said it, but not so much anymore he said. Because I've said very friendly but clear that I have bf and that I don't have such interessts.

And with school... well I feel like I''m not good enough, I feel very angsty. And I don't know if the study I do now : illustration fits me best. Because of my insecurity I can't work freely.... I can't seem to handle critisim to well... and its turning down on me.
 

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In regards to your friend:

I can relate to sadness deriving from a life situation, and the engrossment of not wanting to do anything about it like for yourself, while helping those close to you; like your friend seems to have. If we're on the same page, your friend may have a misinterpretation of values with a lack of well being. Add engrossment to this and you could get a complacent INFP, or someone who's simply submitted to the negative. It may also be someone who may be mistyped; but that's not my assertion to make, it's just a point of view that seems irrelevant.

I feel compelled to warn you to be careful. No offense to anyone, but empathizing with a type negative empathizer can be self-destructive.
 

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I think you should just continue to be a good friend to him. Now that he is aware he is an INFP, maybe you can encourage him to do some research and understand what he needs in life to be happy. Perhaps provide him some of the resources you have found about being an INFP will help him.

I would also warn that you should guard yourself and not become too entangled though. Being a good friend is one thing, but be wary of him dragging you down in the process.

As for school, it seems like you've already left once and aren't enjoying it now that you are back. Is it because you are just being a perfectionist and getting down on yourself for not being good enough, or are you anxious because you don't actually enjoy it and want to do something else?

I'm not saying it is either one, I'm just wondering if you have explored both possibilities in your own mind yet? If you don't actually enjoy it because you get frustrated, maybe it is just better as a hobby where you can relax and do your own thing without fear of criticism? On the other hand, if you really do enjoy it and want to pursue it, why beat yourself up so much? You are in school to experience learning how to get better at whatever it is you are studying. Most people aren't brilliant virtuosos from birth; that is why there are so few of them and we have schools in the first place. Just keep trying; the journey is the point, not the destination.

I know it can be hard to take criticism as an INFP, especially when it comes to things we have created because we pour a part of ourselves into that work. An attack on our art is a personal attack on ourselves in a way. But you can't please 100% of the people 100% of the time. The world is full of different people, there will never ever be something that everyone in the world agrees with. So the only person you need to worry about is yourself. INFPs are our own biggest critics. If you know you did the best you could and are proud of the effort you put forth, then just try to accept the positive constructive criticism that you get as best you can while understanding that person is probably just trying to help you. Anything negative you can chalk up as someone who simply doesn't appreciate your particular style, and move on. You can't convince someone to change their tastes to match yours, so I think there is no sense worrying about them. And if you didn't put your best effort, then you won't need other people to tell you that anyway.
 

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if i were you, i would just try to listen to his problems. i think if he is making you feel discouraged and down, i would consider asking him to seek professional help, otherwise he may simply choose to continue in his state for the duration of his life. as Azure mentioned, i found it to be true that you can be overwhelmed by other people's problems if you're not careful to take care of yourself.

ultimately i think he has to understand that there is hope beyond his seemingly hopeless situation. i think once he sees the light at the end of the tunnel, he would be more inspired/encouraged to do something more constructive with his life instead of just playing WoW all day. i think you could play a major role in helping him to find something meaningful.

p.s. i love how you just baked cookies with him, you really showed him compassion :happy:
 

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i think the problem here is WoW

I have an INFP friend with a family background of a fraction of what you describe and he has closed himself off from the whole world.
it is not one game, it's every game, one after the other, for years, works when has to, otherwise mom will support him for years, he is in his 30s now. i know him for 20 years, he's been playing almost professionaly for more than 15 years now.

I've found no way to pull him out of his chair.
He has a girlfriend now and she tries, and he has changed a lot but he lies to her to find himself behind a videogame too much.
It is the rejection of life that makes him desire a digital heroic acceptance. maybe if life became more pretty with your appearance this could change. but it is not an easy path. it is an addiction, he will lie for it without remorse!

If i could suggest something would be,
show him clues that you like him but he'd have to be more outgoing because eg. "you hate walls" (you are an ENFP)

I think only real Love that brightens your world with colors can take you out of this colorful solution to your depression that addictive pc games represent.

You need to find him another alternative to deal with the pain.
If indeed he is an infp he
a) has accumulated lots and lots of it
b) he can be healed and he wants to! he just needs your help .. a little push.

Getting out of that environment could be key as well!
i hope this was of some help!


PS. i only ever met one ENFP and he is my best friend for 15+ years
you are rare and so special!!
:loveyou:

there is a great connection of very high frequency taking place between these two types (i believe from experience)
once they are both tuned into listening to each other.
I think i should make a thread on this and stop writing about it here.
:unsure:

it's not a random coincidence that you feel attracted.
There is great length in this relationship
and your ability to never stay on the same spot for more than 2 minutes could be very helpful to him at this time!!
 
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I asked him to do the MBTI test and he came out as.... guess what, INFP. Very much introverted very much prechieving. And as a 4 on the enneagram.
MBTI test won't give you an accurate typing of a highly dysfunctional person.
 

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I can't imagine this is still an issue since this thread was made over five years ago, but I could be wrong.
 
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