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Discussion Starter #1
How important is physical looks/appearances/attractiveness to ENFPs? I would assume there are more male ENFPs that place a greater important on physical appearance versus females.

On a scale from 1 - 10 (10 being the most important attribute to see in a partner) rate how important are these attributes are in a potential romantic partner?

Rate 1 - 10:

* Personality

* Physical Appearance

* Gentleness

* Intelligence

* Humor

Also, what is one attribute you absolutely MUST have in a romantic relationship and one attribute you absolutely CAN'T STAND? And why?

~Cheers
 

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Personality (kind of the whole of them, though)
Intelligence (um, I can't do without intelligence, though.... so maybe I should rank it 1st, except that if it doesn't come with a total nice personality then what good is it either? Like I am never attracted to a guy JUST because he is smart-- he's got to CONNECT with my mind and my heart)
Gentleness (can't do without.... ) Understanding.
Humor (so dang important, though! Any of these are kind of musts. How is he going to connect with me if he has no sense of humor? What a crappy life without humor...grumble grumble....)
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Down here is physical appearance, BUT I have to feel feminine. I did pass 2 different guys up who were at separate times my best buds because they were too short-- I've never mentioned either in PerC. I was single for a long time because I had to have all of those things. I just can't be feeling tall like that around my guys....makes me too self-conscious and I KNOW this has to do with me, not them. They were great guys those 2 and I would hug them to pieces if I saw them. =)

So @ShadowedWords I read something a while back on a website and it said ENFPs get turned on by our minds and hearts getting turned on. This is very true.... Engage me mentally and my emotions--- I looked for the person who in my years of active dating connected with me the most. My hubby. =) He's also tall and big and warm. =) He's somewhat squishy! My husband isn't a looker and he's just awesome for me!
 

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How important is physical looks/appearances/attractiveness to ENFPs? I would assume there are more male ENFPs that place a greater important on physical appearance versus females.

On a scale from 1 - 10 (10 being the most important attribute to see in a partner) rate how important are these attributes are in a potential romantic partner?

Rate 1 - 10:

* Personality

* Physical Appearance

* Gentleness

* Intelligence

* Humor

Also, what is one attribute you absolutely MUST have in a romantic relationship and one attribute you absolutely CAN'T STAND? And why?

~Cheers
Good genetics are nice, but I think someone who takes good care of themselves is more attractive to me than raw genetics. A manicured 7 who maintains their appearance is better than a natural 9 who's a slob.

Personality beats physical appearance all to pieces, no contest. It doesn't do any good to think you're cute if I can't stand being around you. I also can't really be attracted to someone if they aren't fairly intelligent.

Intelligence - 10
Personality - 9
Gentleness - 9
Humor - 8
Physical appearance - genes 6, maintenance 7.

I 100% must have someone who believes the same things I do, and takes a strong stand for them when necessary. I absolutely cannot stand disrespectfulness or contentiousness.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
@Alesha Always a pleasure hearing from you.

I like that you openly admit your husband isn't a California 10 :wink:, but still love him dearly. It gives hope to those of us that aren't as confident in our appearances that we can find someone who likes us for, well us. We live in such a carnal world where the only thing people consider as a desirable attribute is someone's outer appearance, and it's sad when people refuse to consider that there's an entire person underneath all that skin.

Out of curiosity, what's your definition of "too short"? I, myself am 5' 10" and a lean 160 lbs/9% body fat. Supposedly, global height average for male is 5' 10" and U.S. average is 6".

I actually was expecting people to rate the questionnaire like so: Physical appearance (7), Gentleness (9), Humor (6), but I like the way you did it, too :tongue:
 

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How important is physical looks/appearances/attractiveness to ENFPs? I would assume there are more male ENFPs that place a greater important on physical appearance versus females.

On a scale from 1 - 10 (10 being the most important attribute to see in a partner) rate how important are these attributes are in a potential romantic partner?

Rate 1 - 10:

* Personality

* Physical Appearance

* Gentleness

* Intelligence

* Humor

Also, what is one attribute you absolutely MUST have in a romantic relationship and one attribute you absolutely CAN'T STAND? And why?

~Cheers
Well i need chemistry and connection first- thats a must...

Obviously his personality is amusing hence the connection

If im romantically attracted to a person they look good to me in my eyes. If im not attracted to them then regardless how gorgeous theyll look boring to me ...its hard for me to pin point why im attracted to somebody first impression wise - again i need that "connection "

Gentleness - i dont mind energetic - its not something i highly value but i am very attracted to gentleness

Intelligence - 10 ( course intelligence is subjective) i want somebody who compels my mind . I realized im strongly attracted to witty/clever/cunning guys or one that are very deep and emotionally aware

Humor 1000000000000+++++ course it has to be the right humor- i enjoy puns- bantering- somebody who plays along well with my Ne . Humor probably top my list on attraction
I found myself crushing on guys i originally found hideous

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<!-- BEGIN TEMPLATE: dbtech_usertag_mention -->
@<b><a href="http://www.personalitycafe.com/member.php?u=486618" target="_blank">Alesha</a></b>
<!-- END TEMPLATE: dbtech_usertag_mention --> Always a pleasure hearing from you.

I like that you openly admit your husband isn't a California 10 :wink:, but still love him dearly. It gives hope to those of us that aren't as confident in our appearances that we can find someone who likes us for, well us. We live in such a carnal world where the only thing people consider as a desirable attribute is someone's outer appearance, and it's sad when people refuse to consider that there's an entire person underneath all that skin.

Out of curiosity, what's your definition of "too short"? I, myself am 5' 10" and a lean 160 lbs/9% body fat. Supposedly, global height average for male is 5' 10" and U.S. average is 6".

I actually was expecting people to rate the questionnaire like so: Physical appearance (7), Gentleness (9), Humor (6), but I like the way you did it, too :tongue:
Oh, oops, well this is qualitative, then.
I'm 5'9" so just as long as I feel cute and not "big/tall" girl. It's going to be relative to each person depending on their height and not every girl even feels like this at all. Like I know girls who marry/are with shorter guys and it doesn't bother them a bit. I also know that looks are important to some girls and it seems like it has to do with their own self-esteem in some ways...and then there are other people who care about looks because it turns them on. BUT the world must be peopled! Right? After that whole incel thing my husband and I were talking about all the crazy guys who we know have a girlfriend.
A nice and notorious and unfortunate homeless man around here who only has 1 arm and no legs has a girlfirend....so....
I've comfortably dated 5'11 to 6'8" 5'10" is usually a friend zone because most guys lie about their height and usually at 5'10" I'm not feeling cute. Favorite height? Probably 6'4"-6'5" would be an ideal. I really loved that height, the exact amount of looking up/reaching up and him looking down. But I really loved dating the 6'8" too-- he was a great guy too. Felt like hugging a tree trunk. I really didn't date anything but great guys, thank my awesome Ne-Fi skills for that, my BS meter has always been there for me. Every head turned, though, when the 6'8" guy and I walked into anywhere. He was very handsome. I found tons of guys would flirt with me when I was with the 6'8" guy--- I don't know. It was weird. Why would people do that? Plus just walking into a room and all those dazzled smiles on me. I would not have been able to have a bad hair day.
My hubby is 6'1, though, and I found out he was 6'1" and not 6'2" as he was telling me like 6 years into our marriage. I teased him about that.
Anyway, my husband is squishy. He is close to 280# now and no matter what weight he is, one of my favorite physical things about him (I count this as a bonus sent from God) is that I can be freezing cold and he is always warm warm warm. That's home for me. Oh, another bonus---he's an amazing kisser!
 
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I've found that once I've fallen for someone's personality, I start to find them physically attractive, as well (I've heard similar sentiments from other feeling types): all of a sudden, I notice how dark their eyelashes are or how graceful their hands are. However, there's nothing quite like that immediate chemistry with someone whose personality shines through upon your first meeting with them, and the physical attraction is palpable. That said, my ranking would be:
1. humor (10)
2. intelligence (8, but worth little in the absence of kindness)
3. gentleness (7ish—I've been with people who were too gentle)
4. physical attractiveness (5)
..lumping the first three into "personality" as a whole.
 

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Oh, oops, well this is qualitative, then.
I'm 5'9" so just as long as I feel cute and not "big/tall" girl. I've comfortably dated 5'11 to 6'8" 5'10" is usually a friend zone because most guys lie about their height (this is medically known as true) and usually at 5'10" I'm not feeling cute. Favorite height? Probably 6'4"-6'5" would be an ideal. I really loved that height, the exact amount of looking up and him bending down. But I really loved dating the 6'8" too-- he was a great guy too. I really didn't date anything but great guys, thank my awesome Ne-Fi skills for that, my BS meter has always been there for me. Every head turned, though, when the 6'8" guy and I walked into anywhere. He was very handsome. I found tons of guys would flirt with me when I was with the 6'8" guy--- I don't know. It was weird. Why would people do that? Plus just walking into a room and all those dazzled smiles on me. I would not have been able to have a bad hair day.
My hubby is 6'1, though, and I found out he was 6'1" and not 6'2" as he was telling me like 6 years into our marriage. I teased him about that.
Anyway, my husband is squishy. He is close to 280# now and whether or not he's got a tummy one of my favorite physical things about him (I count this as a bonus sent from God) is that I can be freezing cold and he is always warm warm warm. That's home for me. Oh, another bonus---he's an amazing kisser!
I pretty much resigned myself to being the "big/tall girl" and ending up with someone potentially shorter (he isn't, but only barely). Past a certain height, you can't avoid it. Now I just wear heels and lord it over all the halfings.
 

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The lack of male responses to even out the collective opinion is SICKENING. :wink:

On a scale from 1 - 10 (10 being the most important attribute to see in a partner) rate how important are these attributes are in a potential romantic partner?

Rate 1 - 10:

* Personality
This is a strong 9. I know no one individual is going to have a personality that completes you, but it'd be great to have someone who finishes your sentences and to be able to finish someone elses. Can have dry humor, dark humor, explosive humor! Depth is also very necessary, as someone I feel like I've figured out in the first 10 minutes isn't gonna have me drawn back as powerful as someone who I always learn new things about. If I had to put down a specific type range, probly INxx.

* Physical Appearance
6, slightly above average, minimum. I want to think I'm not shallow or arrogant but humans naturally judge each other upon first sight as much as we'd like to withhold judgement. I'm not saying that I have to drown in her eyes when I see her, but if there's something I can comment on to make her feel good about herself than that would help. I know this also changes with age, so it's really hard to pin down any specifics. And I swear to PerC, I've seen some folks the same age as me age'd up 50 years in my mind and it makes me shudder (my FwB). Anyway, yeah, I'm fine with anything barring extreme beauty or extreme..unsightliness.

* Gentleness
4, this isn't something I actively watch out for. I'm a big dude (height-wise), so if a girl wants to get physical with me, it's honestly a turn-on and makes me feel masculine when I otherwise feel feminine most of the time. But if she wants to be her small, fragile self then I suppose that's alright too.

* Intelligence
8. Don't have to be a know-it-all, but you've got to be at least as smart as me or smarter. I can't drag around someone I need to reinvent the wheel with everyday. Being naturally intelligent would also have it's perks, as I can fall in love with big brains from both guys and gals alike. We can get smarter together and teach each other things the other may not know. It's a win-win.

7? I'm usually the funny one in the relationship, but if you can make me laugh heartily that'd be a nice change of pace! Only my ESTP friend can pull me into side-ripping laughter, so if you can top him I'd definitely have some interest in you. And even just developing our own inside jokes can go a far way, and if you share my sense of dark humor, just get in bed with me already.

Also, what is one attribute you absolutely MUST have in a romantic relationship and one attribute you absolutely CAN'T STAND? And why?

A willingness to try new things and discuss the esoteric, it keeps the conversation and relationship fresh if you're willing to push your boundaries. Narcissism, and everything related to it. Hate it.

This doubles as a call out post for the boys @Falling Foxes, @Ghostcolors, @EccentricM, and @Tridentus.
 

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On a scale from 1 - 10 (10 being the most important attribute to see in a partner) rate how important are these attributes are in a potential romantic partner?

Rate 1 - 10:

* Personality

* Physical Appearance

* Gentleness

* Intelligence

* Humor

Also, what is one attribute you absolutely MUST have in a romantic relationship and one attribute you absolutely CAN'T STAND? And why?
I put personality aside because I count the rest as part of that :

- Intelligence, 10. But by intelligence I mostly mean someone whom I can have a deep mental connection with, and bond over intellectual stuff, talk for hours.
- Physical appearance, 9. Nobody has the same tastes, I don't look for the typical "super hot guys"/models but just features that are appealing to me. I don't have one specific type, even though I don't like tall (above 5"7) guys and prefer them "feminine".
Being well dressed is a big bonus.
- Gentleness, 8. It's endearing. And I couldn't feel secure with a cold, harsh guy with no social skills who doesn't mind hurting others.
- Humor, 6. I honestly don't mind, I have enough myself :cool: but of course it's still a plus if someone can make me laugh and laugh at the same things as me. But what's more important than being funny to me is not taking oneself seriously. I can't stand overly serious people who are afraid to be ridiculous. Screw that.


Must have : plenty of hobbies/passions to do together and talk about.
Can't stand : smoking & drugs. It's obvious why.
 

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@ShadowedWords

I think past a certain line physical attractiveness is less important. If you're below the line it's very difficult for personality to make the difference, but above that line personality becomes the predominant factor.

Same with intelligence, I think there is a minimum but past that it doesn't matter so much. Gentleness is very attractive, but not absolutely crucial.

Humour... I mean I think almost all of the people I've been with I've had some kind of a connection in that respect, but I think I possibly tend to do more work in initiating that, and it's also more because it makes flirting easier, and therefore it's easier to get together. I've had feelings for girls who were more awkward or more conversational than banter-y, so it doesn't necessarily matter in terms of attractiveness, but it does just make everything easier and smoother.


With that said if someone forced me to do the scale
Scale of minimums:
Personality: 8 (scales upward the best out of all factors though)
Physical Attractiveness: 7
Intelligence: 7
Gentleness: 7
Humour: 5

Relevance in how much each factor comes up with love life:
Personality: 9
Physical Attractiveness: 8
Intelligence: 7
Gentleness: 6
Humour: 8
 

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This isn't a straightforward question. When it comes to the partners who have lasted I never looked at them and thought "They are beautiful/handsome/sexy" to begin with. The partners who stuck were never going to be the ones in the room that people were drooling over but there was something about them that was unconventionally beautiful to me. It wasn't something I was conscious of until I pursued them though, it was the personality that drew me in first and the appearance that I probably recognised afterwards. I think conventional beauty is actually a bit of a turn off for me. If someone is perfectly manicured it often creates a prejudice and level of untrustworthiness that it impacts how I see them in a romantic sense.

There were times when I'd look at my ENTP-ex and think he's fricking handsome but he was a slob with extreme and bad haircuts at times that was not that constant, he was a 6 at best, I admit I was attracted to his bad and loud fashion statements, I guess that falls under personality though. My INFJ-ex had insecurity issues, she was adorably cute but she was convinced that physically I was out of her league... it didn't mean anything to me... Maybe the little narcissist in me was flattered though. I guess when it comes to conventional standards I've settled with people below my own attractiveness?

The most attractive people I've slept with were never going to stick, maybe because lust and the chemistry spark are two very different things.

It's not all just personality though, otherwise I'd be dating all of my friends. Lack of physical attractiveness is how you're friendzoned.

So:

Personality: 8
Humour: 7 (I have to have fun with them otherwise it's useless)
Intelligence: whatever. I went from dating brains to a complete moron, clearly this isn't enough to impact it.
Gentleness: I think this is dependent on gender... But I really don't care, I'll adapt to this.
Appearance: 6
 

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Rate 1 - 10:

* Personality 10

* Physical Appearance 4, we all grow old. But they should be a male human species that breaths.

*Hygiene 8

* Gentleness 7

* Intelligence 9

* Humor 7, Humor setting 75% confirmed please lol.

What I must have in a relationship is a best friend first and then chemistry follows. I bond with my partners so I need our personalities to be compatible. I need to like the person as a friend. I've dated some assholes who were handsome and sucked in bed and then dated someone who wasn't born with great looks but rocked my world. I just happened to have a very good looking husband but I have not always dated just handsome men. I date who works for me. I did realize after two experimentation when I was in my twenties it does need to be a male, unfortunately, females don't do it for me.

I also need a bouncer. This is a person when I talk to them I can bounce ideas off of. They normally will be around my level of intelligence. Someone who is able to give me feedback about my ideas without worrying about pissing me off.
 

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I've been attracted to all sorts of girls. At the end of the day, it's all about the spark, the emotional connection, a feeling you share between one another. Without that, what are we doing? That connection has happened to me with a lot of different kinds of girls. Some extraverted, some introverted. Mostly N's and F's. J's seem to be a better fit for long-term.

I hesitate to put a number attachment to a person.

There's a lot that goes on with people. A lot they are not showing you or takes time to figure out - I like those types of personalities a lot - slowly chipping away at them. You can't win them over in an afternoon.
 

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I've been attracted to all sorts of girls. At the end of the day, it's all about the spark, the emotional connection, a feeling you share between one another. Without that, what are we doing? That connection has happened to me with a lot of different kinds of girls. Some extraverted, some introverted. Mostly N's and F's. J's seem to be a better fit for long-term.

I hesitate to put a number attachment to a person.

There's a lot that goes on with people. A lot they are not showing you or takes time to figure out - I like those types of personalities a lot - slowly chipping away at them. You can't win them over in an afternoon.
YES!!!:proud: You understood it. I also think this is kinda stupid. We really can't rationalize what our mind truly wants because all our desires are just so irrtational and weird.
Hmm...but I'll do it anyway:

* Personality 0,007 -

* Physical Appearance 0,0003

*Hygiene 8 - 0,0001

* Gentleness - Wait, isn't gentleness personality!? Or do you mean personality type??? When gentleness isn't a part of personality what is personality???? Or do you mean gentleness as a part of personality (so gentleness should logically be smaller than the rating of personality)??

* Intelligence - 0,00000045 Just gimme someone who has a intelligence which has the potential to hold up with me. (which is kinda difficult but does not require an high or even slightly over-average iq (I at least suppose it's like that)) Even if your iq is 123870283741836841947192749817287 it won't make me more attracted to you than just a normal person. (it will probably make you even less attractive)

* Humor - I actually also think that this is a quite big part of personality but 0,0035


This are my numbers but at the end of the day I'll just fuck all over them and burn them in the fires of Tartarus.
 
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How important is physical looks/appearances/attractiveness to ENFPs? I would assume there are more male ENFPs that place a greater important on physical appearance versus females.

On a scale from 1 - 10 (10 being the most important attribute to see in a partner) rate how important are these attributes are in a potential romantic partner?

Rate 1 - 10:

* Personality

* Physical Appearance

* Gentleness

* Intelligence

* Humor

Also, what is one attribute you absolutely MUST have in a romantic relationship and one attribute you absolutely CAN'T STAND? And why?
I''d say: personality 10, gentleness 6, intelligence 8, humor 7-8.

Understanding of each other is a MUST for me in a romantic relationship - if I'm not able to communicate in the same language, it eventually wouldn't work.

Appearance - this is a bit "weird" area for me. Can't rate it exactly as it's so-and-so. I don't feel any need for a classic beauty but as a male, I have some preferences about how the "best" girl (for me) could look like. I'm not attracted to the immediate beauty, rather to what ideas looking at somebody generates. Rather the attractiveness for me in some unexplained way is related to some figure types which somehow work as turn-ons for me since already quite early teenages (clearly observable thin waist vs wide hips). It just works that way and I don't know why :)
 

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Pleased with all the guys here smashing the stereotype that we just care about bodies. I think being NFs just automatically makes personalities sexier.
 
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