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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
This is my first post :D

I apologize if something similar was posted before.

Here is my scenario:

I was at the doctor on Wednesday for travel vaccinations. My doctor was asking me about my major in college and my future plans. She also asked why I was traveling overseas.

I told her I studied international relations and human rights. Additionally, I mentioned that I would like to study human rights law.

She seemed shocked and said... and I quote, "but you seem so meek."

:rolleyes:

Being an INFJ, I know how deep my emotions run. I know how passionate and opinionated I am.
Usually it doesn't bother me that people don't understand me. It usually doesn't bother me that people think I'm passive or indifferent. Because I know I am not. However, I've never been called meek before. It really irked me.

:angry:

Anyone wish to discuss?

I hope I am not the only INFJ this has happened to.

*Edit: She used meek in a way that means "overly submissive or compliant; spiritless; tame," as quoted from dictionary.com. It wasn't misunderstanding. Her tone gave it away. haha!
 

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Similar situations have happened to me. I don't think its an INFJ thing. I think it applies to nearly all introverts. For some reason, people don't think we can stand up for ourselves or speak our mind. :dry:


Edit: Just because I have manners and the decency to hold my tongue to spare your feelings and refrain from insulting you, doesn't mean I am unwilling to do so. (This may be more of an IxTx thing though. I don't know.)
 

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'Meek' isn't exactly an insult, but I suppose INFJs come across as at least quiet and less opinionated - moreso than Te types to the outside observer at least.
 

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i know what you mean. i hope you don't feel bad about it, though, that just means they think you are a gentle person, which isn't a bad thing at all. :)

sometimes people get shocked when i respond with all the passion and intensity that i feel inside, or stand up for myself, or exert dominance in any respect. lol i'm just being myself, in an uninhibited way, but they don't expect that type of behavior from me.

we tend to respond in a soft, gentle way to others to protect their feelings; so people think we are not capable of anything otherwise. they don't realize we are holding back often by doing so (like if we are annoyed, really angry, hurt, or disagree strongly but we are still trying to be gentle, kind or patient lest we hurt anyone), rather than just responding naturally. that is, our responses are moderated from the flood of passion we feel inside, but they don't realize that.

they just don't know how to read us, is all it is. all the gentle people they've met before haven't taken a stand on anything, or have yielded on everything, so they expect us to be like them. if INFJs are as rare as some statistics indicate, it's highly likely they've never met anyone like us before, so they don't have a mental frame of reference of what behavior to expect from us.
 

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You shouldn't worry about that, like someone already said, people can't read us, so when they make first contact with us they just assume that we are gentle, timid and maybe in some cases even submissive.
You know the whole truth, if you are anything like me I can assume you are just being careful not to hurt other people's feelings if you can avoid it, so your aura shows gentleness, warmth, acceptance and safe place for most people.

I have the same ''problem'' but I wouldn't call it like that at all because after people get to know me they can clearly see I am rather dominant and opinionated and that I hold a great passion in myself.
When I meet people I can connect with from the start and for whom I can feel are strong and passionate too I don't hold myself back, so they see immediately ''the tougher me''.
That's why if you would ask people in my life about me they would all have different responses what kind of person I am, because some people see me as sweet, sensitive person and some as very strong, passionate individual. What am I? Both!
INFJs can be real chameleons when interacting with the people, we feel how much each person can handle and then we act accordingly.

Btw, human rights?? NICE!!! :D

p.s. everything I said doesn't apply when visiting doctors... I am sooo timid and scared when going to the doctors that they are always extremely gentle and careful with me, I think I appear as a lamb or sth, hahaha
 

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i get called quiet, shy, aloof, coward, invisible, lonely, nice, innocent, naïve, unconfident, anti-social(!), agoraphobic(!) and that i say nothing!

the only one of those i am willing to conform to is "aloof," which i am. :)

it actually works out fairly well. people that i befriend i open up to and they see there's more beyond those walls... as for the critics, well, when push comes to shove i take a certain sadistic pleasure in going full-throttle in cutting them down when they'd least expect such a side to exist in me. looks like i'm not as passive as you think!
 

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Rarely a sound can scarce be heard
from beyond the seal of tempered tongue
And oft the judgement misses mark
when set in target the quiet and young
yet when injustice rears its gaze
and hapless soul folds broken, dour
passions deep ignite worlds aflame
so hell would tremble at our power

I always chuckle a little when the most passionate are viewed as timid and weak.
 

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This thread rings a lot of truth. Lately, I've been told that I come off as passive, boring, or, apparently, that I resemble a certain specific female organ. I try not to take offense to such accusations and usually find it to be pretty comical. I like to show people what I call my fire but I only show it after I've warmed up to you.
This fire is almost always gentle and warm. Don't piss me off though; it can get hot fast.
 

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I think whether or not the definition of the word "meek" could be regarded as insulting is besides the point. The point is that it can be very irritating when people think they know you better than you do to the point where they question or doubt your decisions.

Anywho she's a doctor, not a careers advisor. It's not her place to judge.
 

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Someone once told me "You're a lot more sensitive and inexperienced than I thought you were."

That was so insulting. >.<

I think the only thing that's struck true is the "that they just can't read me". One of the INFPs I know is very used to being able to pin where people are coming from. She can't do this with me. It seems to really bother her, and we get into fights when she forgets that piece and assumes I did something because of X reason, when X reason is completely off (and usually not very complimentary). Then she spends a while trying to convince me that I really did do it for X reason. <facepalm>

Anyway. I've heard argumentative and stubborn. I've heard doormat and too caring. I've heard having "F-ing brass balls" (from the same INFP as above, even). I've heard selfish. I've heard selfless.

I don't really know how people see me. It's one of my blind spots I'm trying to fill in, but it seems like such a mixed bag I don't know where to start.

I suppose the best explanation is the ones with the "brass balls"-like comments are the ones seeing me when my fires get stoked, and the others are just seeing my more normal moments. And neither one realizes that I'm not always like that...
 

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I was one of the "quiet guys" in school, so when I did spoke, people always stopped and listened to what I had to say, because they believed it was important. That made them respect me more than those who couldn't keep their mouths shut.

My point is, if you know how to pick your battles and how to stand up for yourself, appearing meek is actually a good thing because it makes you unpredictable, and people are scared of the unpredictable, which gives you more power. That way, when you're conjuring that voodoo spell to silence your enemy in a debate, he will actually believe it.

On the topic of how INFJs are perceived by others, the only thing I have to say is: nothing beats an INFJ that is intelligent, caring and humorous at the right amount. You're my favourite type.
 

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I don't really know how people see me. It's one of my blind spots I'm trying to fill in, but it seems like such a mixed bag I don't know where to start.
I really relate to this...
I feel like I'm usually accurate and insightful when it comes to reading people and understanding their point of view, until it comes to how they view me. I hear so many different opinions and assessments of who I am from others that I can't even begin to guess how I come across in any given situation.

That's usually where my (ENTP) husband comes in. He can pretty much pin down what each person's view of me is, and then I can take that assessment and analyze "why." We make a good team. :p
 

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LOL when they accused me of being ignorant and uninterested I said "I don't know, and I don't care!"

Seriously, I think that our basic needs to look for harmony, try to see the other point of view and generally respect the opinion and position of others is often seen as "weakness" and people tend to want to take advantage of that. Then suddenly, the sheep turns into a Rottweiller and verbally, philosophically or emotionally takes their head off, with surprising and startling results.

Few realise the level of quiet intensity with which INFx's can hold a position
 

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To my surprise, I have never been told that I'm boring to my face. Usually people refer to me as defiant and stubborn. If someone pushes by boundaries too much then I honestly feel like I have no choice but to push back. I fear that I'm passive because it takes a long time before I will push back and I used to have a hard time standing up for myself. Like others have said, when an INFJ does choose to push back, it will be with everything that has been done to them by that person and then some. It's a line that most people really shouldn't want to cross. They don't see the line till they've crossed it, since they were being insensitive the whole time, and by then it's hard to go back. I fear that I'm boring and too passive more than people give me the vibe that I am. So maybe it's more of a fear on my part than a reality.
 
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