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Discussion Starter #21
Well. Sad news..

As mentioned before, he lives in a place where his neighbor uses drugs, and due to the bad design of duplex air circulation, his half side of the duplex smell very bad and he is pissed off every day. And he is looking for another place to move out. He has been asking me to go with him to check out those places, but has not find one for his requirement. He always complains headache due to it.
Anyway, last weekend it was rainy, I asked him come over to my place and he said he wanted to sleep more and planed out later. And on Sunday he complained big headache. Basically we didn't meet last weekend which is weird. When texting, I mentioned that that at our first 'date' he brought me home after hiking and asked me to take a shower, and I did so.
So the conversation is:
--I didn't why I trust you so much more than others, other girls may not do it.
--I would not let any other girl to come in in the first place.
--oh yeah?
--well there is no oh yeah here.. I know who I am, so don't talk crazy. You are just like my sister, I trust you and you trust me. because of that, that's why we are hanging out and talking.
-- well, don't we think we are anything more than friends?
-- Good friends, I hope. What is it with you tonight. I pissed off and you are being crazy.
-- didn't I say anything wrong.
-- I think so
-- what?
-- nothing important
On Tuesday he had an appointment to check new home out and he asked me go with him in the mid afternoon. ( we are co workers.) I have been helping him doing research on those houses, and keeping an eye on those Craigslist posts. Pretty good time spent together.

Well, tonight, I asked him what he planed to do for his birthday which is coming next week. he said nothing, and when I said let me plan it for you, he insisted no worry. I felt it's the time to bring it up again since we have been friends zone 4 months. It's time to know.
--are you rejecting me?
--what?
-- I don't know what to say
-- :-X about what?
-- everything
-- what are you talking about sometimes I preplex. I am not into the mood. trying to find a new place.
--you are so special to me, do you know it?
-- of course we are good friends. I treat you the same.
--( so I started to talk about how I feel him.. in about two long sentences.)
-- hopefully find a place before going home.

I paused for 25 mins before I could text anything back. and I said.
-- I got you.
than a brief conversation on something else to make it end friendly.

I am very sad now.
 

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Discussion Starter #22
"what are you talking about sometimes I preplex."
come on.. I didn't see this sentence till I text here and I didn't know what preplex is.. It should be perplex.
"to make unable to grasp something clearly or to think logically and decisively about something"

I found this so funny, if I had seen and understood that sentence, I would not keep saying it... hahaha. Am I so bad in English?

 

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I hope this worked out for you!

Can somebody comment on it? Thanks!

I just read through this whole thread and it was almost like I was reading my own story. Any updates? did anything ever happen after that horrible conversation? I hope things worked out for you either with him or someone new!
 

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I always take love very seriously. Especially when it comes to relationships. It takes me awhile until I open up to the person and know they are worth my while, or other wise I will move on. If I sense any warning signs, I am done. I don't like getting taken advantage of. I tend to sense when something is off or if the person is being fishy. When I am in love and feel comfortable with that person, I will begin to open up to them and allow them into my world. I've only been in love a few times in my lifetime. Many people call me weird because I sense things about people and if I listen, I listen carefully and intently. I pay attention to people's words, what they mean and I will ask questions about the person. It's very important on that level, we want to get to know our partner inside and out, before we say, "I love you." Just be honest and communicate.
 

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It's funny, when I started my long distance relationship I really felt the opposite to most INFJs in love. I felt like I needed to be with him all the time, I was incredibly ready to be intimate, and in general just very infatuated.

What happened when we met? I just went really shy. It took me a good 2 hours to give him a hug and this is someone I was already in love with, someone I'd been dating for 6 months already and had known for years longer. When he held my hand the first time I nearly fainted. It took us 3 days to just kiss.

But y'know... reminiscing on it, I miss that feeling and rush of excitement so much. It really is wonderful to fall in love and be infatuated when you know they love you back.
 

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As others have said, it takes quite a lot of time for us.

I personally don't think it is that much time taking into account it is the only way you can get to know other person deeply. Good things can't be rushed and, at least for me, I need that solid foundation. I require that safety to be able to love another person.

It could sound selfish, but I need to make sure the other person deserves all the love I can give.

All or nothing.

I know an INFJ male and for him is the same.

We just don't play games.
 

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I have a feeling I probably fall in love pretty easily if they're my type, it just takes me a while to realize I'm in love.
 

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This my opinion.

INFJ's are not generally quick to choose their Love of life, even though they have strong feelings for the person, they may not express it outright.

Overthinking - They tend to think a lot before making a decision, especially a decision involving Heart(Feelings), thereby having a tendency of indecisiveness.

Emotional Bonding - They prefer emotional intimacy to physical intimacy, and they need Time to feel emotionally connected to that person, to form a deep meaningful long term relationship.

Shy/reserved - They may be hesitant to express their feelings as well, hoping their partner to initiate, due to their sensitive nature.

Till the time mind is unable to convince the heart, they find it difficult to express their feelings. They get stuck whether to follow the mind or heart, leaving out the need to express, thereby eventually delaying a decision.

We all know Mind is the thought, and Heart is the feeling.

A typical conversation between Mind and Heart of an INFJ, explaining the dynamics of Feelings and Thoughts.

Heart - She is so like me, I can feel her emotional vibes and feel happy when she is around, I am falling for her.

Mind - Really!! I don't know much about her, I think I should know more about her before we make a decision.

Heart - Fine Whatever !!

After few months

Heart - She has made my life really beautiful, her presence makes me feel elated.

Mind - But I still don't know her completely to make a rational decision.

Heart - I have feelings and would wish to express my feelings for her.

Mind - I know the possible consequences, I can still remember what happened last time, do you really want to get your heart broken Again?

Heart - I don't know what to do.

Finally

Heart - I am sure she likes me too, and I can feel her happy around me probably wanting me to make the initiative.

Mind - Fine, Now that we have decided, lets not delay any further, start trying to give subtle cues that you are interested in her and see her reaction, if she is responding to your gestures positively, have the guts to propose her.

Heart - I am feeling kinda nervous.

Mind - Do not worry I am there for you, and always will.

Heart - Fine I will go ahead in expressing myself.
 
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