[mrscientist]

Well. Probably there was a topic on this a while back but i am making a new one. I deserve a special thread just for me. Cause i am a special guy. Special in a good way, not in a "special"=retarded way. Well maybe both.

ANYWAYS to the point. Being a reserved and private type i do not deal with people much(INTJ baby). Having broken up a few months back, still a day does not go by without me thinking about her.
I feel stupid about it. Why am i so hung up on it. The chances of it fixing itself are not good i predict. It is not logical and is not productive since it is making me feel depressed and i need to focus on my college work and training.
So tell me. Am i insane or why is it taking me so long to get over it. I think i need to distract myself with something extra...

So...how long does it take for you to get over a relationship, as the thread name suggests. Answer me and yay, ye shall be rewarded. Somehow. Someday. With laser beams.

 

[Drewbie]

After a three year relationship and engagement it took me a year almost exactly to be able to start another relationship. I would say it only took me a few months to get over the break up though. I still think about my ex often, but more to the point of avoiding him because he recently moved back into the area. I stopped having romantic/nostalgic thoughts about him around 4 months after the break up.

 

[Monte]

... About eight seconds. Give or take.

And before anyone says "That just means you didn't really love them", you're stupid, shut up. Just because I'm not hung up on someone for weeks/months/years after the relationship ends, doesn't mean I didn't actually love them. I'm just rational enough to realize that dwelling on it will do absolutely nothing for me.

 

[Zic]

I'm just rational enough to realize that dwelling on it will do absolutely nothing for me.

Most people realise this as well, but still have problems with breakups.
I am, however, envious of your ability.

 

[northernsky]

I've often dived straight from one relationship into another without giving the dust time to settle. However, it takes me quite a long time to emotionally get over the end of a relationship and some I still haven't properly processed even now / That's probably as a result of going from one to the next too quickly I think.

 

[OctoberSkye]

I carried a torch for my first serious boyfriend for about five years after we broke up. I think that's the only instance in which I wasn't over my ex almost immediately after it ended, or in some cases, before.

I think it might be different if I was broken up with and didn't see it coming, but that's never happened...

It's just important to have closure. Knowing that you gave it your best shot, and there's no hope for reconciliation. So, yes, it's very irrational to hold onto something like that. There are lots of people out there. Can't see them if you're hung up on someone it won't work out with.

 

[EYENTJ]

It's just important to have closure. Knowing that you gave it your best shot, and there's no hope for reconciliation.

That's the part that takes a long time. Admittedly it's part ego; I hate to fail and a break up = fail in my mind. Part would be wanting what I don't/can't have. But mainly it's the slim hope of a second chance. I'd actually rather my ex run over my dog or do something absolutely insane so that I can definitively close the window.

Another thing that takes a long time is analysis of what went wrong and what I need to do to handle it better next time. "If I had only..." This would take less time if strong emotions weren't intruding all the time.

 

[CrabHammer]

I'm still completely fucked up over a break up that happened almost three years ago. It's not so much carrying a torch (actually, my feelings toward her now are mostly vindictive) as it is completely shattered confidence and a complete lack of self-worth. But to paraphrase Zic, identifying the problems is easy, I don't really know how to fix this.

I've heard half the time of the relationship is a pretty good rule of thumb for how long it should take to get over someone or start seeing someone else. It makes some amount of sense. Obviously, in a longer relationship you've had more time to build a connection and severing it is just more painful.

Also, attempting to make logical decisions about relationships is mostly useless. It doesn't make sense to me to appeal to impersonal reasoning when making personal decisions.

(Now where's my laser?)

 

[Everyday Ghoul]

It usually never takes me longer than a week. In most instances, I'm over them before we even split up. However, this last one has hit me really hard. It's been three months, and I still feel it. I get caught up in this inner battle in my mind. Is it illogical to "cry over spilled milk", so to speak? She's gone. She's not coming back. I don't need her to come back, if she were willing to. This side of me says suck it the fuck up, deal with it, and move on. The other side of me says this person shared a deeper emotional bond with me, than anyone else ever has. I'm human. It's normal to feel all these things, that I do, whether I like it or not. Which, I usually alternate between missing her and longing for her and desiring to stalk her down and choke her. I keep trying to shift my perspectives around, but none of the more positive outlooks come without more emotional pain, than I want to deal with. At the end of the day, I'll stick to my escapist ways, as much as humanly possible, and go with the not crying over spilled milk version of my thoughts. I let out the feelings now and again, though. If I didn't, I would end up at her door, having some emotional breakdown, that I could never let myself live down. I can tell the therapy is having no real impact, as of yet. lol :dry:

 

[quigglehope13]

Usually it doesn't take me longer than a few days. But my last relationship(because I am not sure if it is over or not because, well to comlicated to explain) I probably wouldn't get over it for a while if actually officially ended it but that wont happen anytime soon so I don't have to go through that yet.

 

[SaraBell]

I get over it very fast. No use dragging out unpleasant things right?

 

[xezene]

....Forever.

 

[Hemoglobin]

For me usually two or three days of major heart ache, then it seems to get better. I think it's just shock more than anything else and breaking a habit. Sometimes I wonder if a break up is similar to going through a withdrawal like you would of any addiction.

 

[Miss Scarlet]

I don't need any time at all. By the time I dump them I have already gotten over them.

 

[lylyness]

If I'm the one ending the relationship, it's very fast.

If they break up with me, it takes longer. Maybe a couple weeks. But it's not me being sad and wishing I was with them still... more like seething over how they dare to dump *me.* That's my job.:crazy:

 

[ilphithra]

It used to take a couple of hours (I'm pretty much set in stone with who I am right now), during which I wondered just why I wasted time with so-and-so that I dumped or that dumped me.
It's a waste of time to be thinking about such things, nothing comes out of it. I have better things to do in my life than go around wasting it with emotional garbage.

 

[Cobicobe]

I guess it really depends on the person I was with. For instance if my partner hurt me, it doesn't take me long because I'm mad. The break up usually consumes my thoughts for about a week or two, then I start thinking about it less and less. I wish I could just turn those thoughts off.:sad:

 

[jack london]

I might ponder why we broke up regardless of who did the leaving for a while but I'm not going to dwell on the emotions for very long.

Keep that in mind the next time you go and date an INTJ that we aren't that hung up over you that we can't move on. :tongue:

 

[SirDude]

It's related to how long the relationship lasted or how deep it went, or, being totally honest, how good / great the sex was.

If it was a shorter relationship, say 3 to 6 months, but we connected really deep or if the sex was out of this world, then she'll remain in my head and heart for a long time.

If it was a long relationship, say like 5-7 years, then I just need to work out what went wrong and then I'm fine with moving on. The longer relationships tend to hurt more, but as long as I can figure out why it went wrong, then it's over, not like the shorter one's where every time I think about that person I wonder what we would have been doing if we were "here" together.

 

[Zugzwang]

It really depends. Okay.. I only had two boyfriends, and the first one, I got together with again, and still is now
I think I was hurt about it for some months, even though I was the one who broke up, but we had some problems afterwards.. I don't exactly remember how many months...

The other guy, I came over him even before I broke up with him. I never loved him like I loved my first boyfriend, and he was an annoying prick that I just wanted to be free from.
But the things he put me through, and the way he treated me pissed me off for about a year. In that sense, I had a hard time getting over him, and I still hate him for it, although it doesn't bug me as much as it did.. I have a personal way of dealing with rage of this kind, or generally unpleasant feelings... I just didn't really dealt with it for a year, because I felt he wasn't worth that kind of attention... Apparently I just should have gotten over with it from the begging anyway.