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How long does it take INFJs to say the words "I love you?"

Have you ever said it?

Do you know you love them for a while before you say it?

How long after do you wait to say it and why?

Did you even say it at all? Why?

In retrospect, do you really feel you loved all the people you said "I love you" to?

What made you confident that you loved them or did not love them after all?
 

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How long does it take INFJs to say the words "I love you?" - about half a year at least
Have you ever said it? - yes, I think earliest was at 6 years of age lol when I was planning to marry my friend
Do you know you love them for a while before you say it? - no, I just say it when emotion builds up
How long after do you wait to say it and why? - I just go by my feelings on this one, so depends
Did you even say it at all? Why? - to express my feelings towards the person
In retrospect, do you really feel you loved all the people you said "I love you" to? - of course, still love them somewhere in some corner of my heart
What made you confident that you loved them or did not love them after all? - I felt very warm feelings and respect so I figured this is what love feels like, if not then oopps! :crazy:
 

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In a romantic sense and if everything is going right it can be just a few weeks. Although, one of my beliefs is that people need to say the words I love you more but then people need to say it with meaning. Those three words are thrown around oh so much but they need to be said more. I have a blog just about the words "I love you." I will link it

With this in mind.....I love you Miss Tfy, I love you Goaty, I love you Vel, I love you Rosebier and anyone else who comes here and reads this, and more, really, I do.

Three little words - PersonalityCafe
 

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Discussion Starter #8
My turn!

How long does it take INFJs to say the words "I love you?"
usually about 2 or 3 months
Do you know you love them for a while before you say it?
I usually know right off the bat.
How long after do you wait to say it and why?
I can determine the potential for love in the first meeting and then I spend a couple of months getting enough support to back my hypothesis to other people.
Did you even say it at all? Why?
The first guy I fell in love with, I did not say it at all because it became long distance after 1 wk and when I came to visit him he was with another girl. We were on and off friends & more than for years. I could never let him get away with treating me the way he did when I actually tried to have an exclusive relationship with him, so I never said it to him. I said it in a friend sense but not a romantic sense. He knew the difference.
In retrospect, do you really feel you loved all the people you said "I love you" to?
Yes
What made you confident that you loved them or did not love them after all?
For me love never goes away. Once I establish the love connection it is in my heart forever. However, that does not mean I am still in love with all of them.
 

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Couldn't tell you. Only my grandmother gets to hear me say that. And truthfully, that's the only time I can say it honestly.
 

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I know how wide of a range the word "love" holds... But I hate it when people say they "love" someone, but then the moment their relationship hits a bump, they abandon them.

So I try never to say "love" unless I felt for sure that I would sacrifice a great deal for them if it became necessary.
 

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It took me a year to say it. I wanted it to mean something, I didn't think it appropriate to say anything unless I was sure. And when I did say it, it just happened. I didn't think it through or anything, he just said or did something I loved and it flew out of my mouth: "I love you." It was a real occurance, I was surprised I had said it, but I meant every word. I don't think everybody puts the same weight into words that I do. But year. Sadly that relationship ended last October. I still love him, and I always will. Its just the way I am. Maybe its a curse, maybe its a gift but that's how I view those three little words. Powerful, meaningful but above all should be genuine.
 

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In a romantic sense, I don't have a time frame. It comes out when I feel it...the words fly out of my mouth; when I actually hear them that is when I know I felt them deeply.
Oh heck, I still love my ex husbands, no matter the reasons for the split! I don't know how to do the opposite...hate...such a horrible word!
As for the rest, it is very easy for me to say it, feel it and mean it! I love to love! I believe in love whole-heartedly! :happy:
 

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My past relationships always seem to have some catch where we're never together long enough for me to say it. Longestrelationship i've had was about 7months. But there was a catch in this one too. found out I was the third wheel. Other's lasted as little as 3-4months.
 

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I've never said "I love you" to someone. I tried once, but I knew it was a lie so I just didn't say anything(that doesn't mean I didn't care about her, I just didn't feel that "emotion"). Worse thing is when the other person says it to you and they expect you to do it as well. Awkward! It's like:

Her: You know what?

Me: What?....

Her: I love you (insert name)

Me: Aaah, thanks.....anyways....
 

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In a romantic sense, I don't have a time frame. It comes out when I feel it...the words fly out of my mouth; when I actually hear them that is when I know I felt them deeply.
Oh heck, I still love my ex husbands, no matter the reasons for the split! I don't know how to do the opposite...hate...such a horrible word!
As for the rest, it is very easy for me to say it, feel it and mean it! I love to love! I believe in love whole-heartedly! :happy:


I... Will teeeaaach yooouuuu...
 

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Actions speak louder than words

Love. What is love? What does it all mean? I never say the words, I am not comfortable in doing so. I always show with actions. That is all I can do. Love makes me speechless. I go into a zone, and talk less, and show more. It is an odd contradiction, because people who become close to me, see and hear less of me! The stability they have provided to me, calms me; I feel serenity. Anyone that gives me that feeling -- so far it has only happened with my grandmother, and my best friend -- I love dearly.

Some men do come close, but they always cause waves of emotion within me, so I am perhaps not yet ready to love a man. I don't know how. I long to hear those three words and say those three words, in a situation outside of family and friendship. I grow old in waiting. My patience has given way to distress. I flounder when I once thought I was strong. Love is just as much destruction for me, as it is creative force of existence. Love is suicide -- death to self; reborn with another. I am alone!!!!!!!!!! on this earth plane. I was thinking yesterday, who am I? I don't belong here.

How long does it take INFJs to say the words "I love you?"

Have you ever said it?

Do you know you love them for a while before you say it?

How long after do you wait to say it and why?

Did you even say it at all? Why?

In retrospect, do you really feel you loved all the people you said "I love you" to?

What made you confident that you loved them or did not love them after all?
Rosebier - I wish I could say I have used those words. But the right moment, and the right person, hasn't arrived. In terms of saying those words outside of my family and friendship circle. I added in some romantic stuff, I suppose you are talking about this subject also from the romantic perspective. Is something new and exciting happening for you?

In a romantic sense and if everything is going right it can be just a few weeks. Although, one of my beliefs is that people need to say the words I love you more but then people need to say it with meaning. Those three words are thrown around oh so much but they need to be said more. I have a blog just about the words "I love you." I will link it

With this in mind.....I love you Miss Tfy, I love you Goaty, I love you Vel, I love you Rosebier and anyone else who comes here and reads this, and more, really, I do.

Three little words - PersonalityCafe
Humilis Curator - your blog was very 'freeing' to read. I kind of wrote 'those three words' I don't think I wrote them out physically 'I love you' on your Blog. I should go back and do just that! I like that you can say those words so openly, to everyone. A mark of a true spiritual leader :) I say this because when you say it, I actually feel that you mean it.

Outside of my family, I've never said it. Those are strong words; words that should only be said when they are truly meant.
Said I love you to my parents as child, other than that, no. I have never said I love you.
Goaty & Jwing24 - Same here.

Couldn't tell you. Only my grandmother gets to hear me say that. And truthfully, that's the only time I can say it honestly.
Zomboy - we have one thing in common! I only say this to my grandmother. I have an aunt that says this to me often. I smile, yet don't respond to it. Only Granny.

I know how wide of a range the word "love" holds... But I hate it when people say they "love" someone, but then the moment their relationship hits a bump, they abandon them.

So I try never to say "love" unless I felt for sure that I would sacrifice a great deal for them if it became necessary.
Btmangan - you are a man of stability and maturity; and likely wise beyond your years. The woman that gets you will appreciate this, and will be knowing how special your unbroken promises are. Good answer!

It took me a year to say it. I wanted it to mean something, I didn't think it appropriate to say anything unless I was sure. And when I did say it, it just happened. I didn't think it through or anything, he just said or did something I loved and it flew out of my mouth: "I love you." It was a real occurance, I was surprised I had said it, but I meant every word. I don't think everybody puts the same weight into words that I do. But year. Sadly that relationship ended last October. I still love him, and I always will. Its just the way I am. Maybe its a curse, maybe its a gift but that's how I view those three little words. Powerful, meaningful but above all should be genuine.
LittleLady - I hope you are now fully recovered and enjoying life again? Do not fault what was said, at the right time, in the right circumstance. Clearly if it flew out, it was meant to be in that moment. As long as you are genuine, why not? You seem to be connected with nature. This flowing energy, that expands and retracts as necessary is natural. You are genuine, I would not use the word 'curse' in your case. But your choice of words bring about so much thinking. Thank you for posting this. I hope all is well.

In a romantic sense, I don't have a time frame. It comes out when I feel it...the words fly out of my mouth; when I actually hear them that is when I know I felt them deeply.
Oh heck, I still love my ex husbands, no matter the reasons for the split! I don't know how to do the opposite...hate...such a horrible word!
As for the rest, it is very easy for me to say it, feel it and mean it! I love to love! I believe in love whole-heartedly! :happy:
Dalien - I suppose due to my contradictory nature, I love and hate at the same time. Doesn't the saying go: they are cousins? Fear is the opposite of love...Well I dislike being cliche, but I wanted to respond to your beautiful message. I have to cool down on the hate and love more! But what does this Leo do. Always Love the double edge sword of creation and destruction for me. Yet, I have not found a way to control the Fire element. The Vizier, is assisting me with this! As you will too, once I come up with more questions! tee hee If that is ok. I imagine you love purely, freely and whole-heartedly, that too is expressed in your poetry.

I've never said "I love you" to someone. I tried once, but I knew it was a lie so I just didn't say anything(that doesn't mean I didn't care about her, I just didn't feel that "emotion"). Worse thing is when the other person says it to you and they expect you to do it as well. Awkward! It's like:

Her: You know what?

Me: What?....

Her: I love you (insert name)

Me: Aaah, thanks.....anyways....
Seeker of Truth - I too did this experiment! Waay awkward! I mean when I was younger, all sorts of emotions of passion would bubble up. Was it love? I'm not sure. We still have to explore some meanings here. No one has said 'I love you' to me yet...But I would do the same. I would find it troubling to say it, if I didn't mean it. Any progress on expanding your ideas of love and commitment, Seeker? I have some new ideas. I will try to share, as I post away.

You cannot deny the world your innovation and great passion, for fears of external instability. All cannot be known, and there are no guarantees in love. I find becoming 'comfortable' with the unknown is my life challenge.

You have the natural courage from within, you have to be the initiator, to reach out to others, and be free, the consequences be damned! Accept each event as learning, even if it seems like a contorted guise of something else in the beginning (of a new relationship, or a new idea). We have to persevere, and not be lazy lions bathing in the Sun, if you know what I mean :) This year, we must love! ok...if destiny states so (disclaimer)...soon enough. I shouldn't get all worked up in this mornings inspirations! tee hee

Actually I have a funny story. I had a passionate affair with a Leo man once (a European). And he said "I love you immediately". Umm, was it the sex, or was it love? Confusion! hahaha From my experience with myself and others, Leonine persons tend to jump in rather quickly, and their intensity can trouble others. Actually, it doesn't bother me in the least. Because I can just 'KNOW' within a few minutes or days with a person, where a friendship / relationship is going. And I can say this, if I want to.

Well I ran away from that Leo, because I was too young to understand him (Likely my INFJ thing, purposefully running away!) However, after 'the incident' I learned how too much expression of passion, too quickly, wasn't the best idea, as the recipient of such treatment. I too learned to be more quiet in that moment. But we could dare to be less cautious sometimes, for fun! I kind of miss him now. I should have allowed myself appreciation, instead of being so startled. But perhaps it was not my time to 'love' and was not the right man.
 

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Female INFJ: I think you brought a very good point: what's love to begin with? Socrates stated that "it is an eternal yearning of that which is beautiful", it's a little vague since we would have to define what's beautiful and so on. This premise however, brings another point in my mind, love doesn't have to be directed to an individual per se, but to me, love can be expressed to ideas and concepts as well. I'm beginning to realize that most people don't really fall in love with people, but rather, with the concept of love itself.They project this idea onto the person of their affection and think that it is love. These same individuals become disappointed that their concept of love was shattered by the other who didn't reciprocate the same concept that he/she holds in his mind.

Concepts are mind-made, so, if you fall in love with a concept, it is likely that you can end up disappointed because other people's concept of love is different. Love of the heart, on the other hand, encompasses every single human being and organism in the world because it is a formless and timeless frequency of ever-lasting beauty.

I don't know if that made sense, but oh well :tongue:
 
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