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I'm just wondering how long into a relationship, most people are ready or willing to have sex. Personally, it depends on the person but usually I'm not willing to have sex until a year or so into a relationship.
How long into a relationship are you ready to have sex?
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I'd have to know someone for months. But I think just being able to feel like myself and free around them would trumph any given time frame. It's a level of comfort and trust which I don't think happens with a person at any given specific time. Could be sooner, could be later. But since I haven't really felt that way with more than 2-3 people in my life(and it's a slow process), I just estimated it around months, maybe longer.
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When I know longer feel post-coital tristesse after having masturbated while thinking of her.:tongue: Seriously, though. I always feel it when my feelings aren't developed enough or at all for a woman. I know this sounds silly, but one way I know I'm starting to really fall for someone is when I no long feel the PCT.
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Feelers - you drive me crazy. Three years, one year and months. Those all seem a bit long for someone to wait around to express yet another form of love to you.
You are dating them so you must like them. You've been dating them for an extended time period so why wait a really really long time before you take yet another step forward in your relationship. All of this is predicated on the situation (age, past history, etc.) of course.
You are dating them so you must like them. You've been dating them for an extended time period so why wait a really really long time before you take yet another step forward in your relationship. All of this is predicated on the situation (age, past history, etc.) of course.
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I try to wait until we've both said hello but ya never know
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The only reason why I wait so long is because I just want to make sure that that person doesn't just want to get into my pants. And I'm scared of getting hurt.
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Mid-way through the first date is good.
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You will get hurt. People will lie to you etc... The reason I get into relationships is the good outweighs the bad but I always know the bad is there.
Well, I was just guessing when I said three years. I don't know when I will be ready to have sex again. I haven't done it since I was with my psycho ex, and the last time I did it wasn't consensual. I'd rather estimate on the long side rather than giving anyone false ideas about my willingness to jump into something that serious, considering how comfortable I would have to feel with my partner, and how significant the act has always been for me. I would have to trust the other person completely, and if I started to experience anxiety, I would have to know, with total certainty, that he would care about my feelings enough to avoid pressuring me or making me feel bad when I must stop him. I figure that kind of trust would probably take around three years to develop.
Even if I didn't have any baggage, It would need to be a symbolic act, representing and expressing more meaningful forms of intimacy. We would have to already have a profound, overwhelming emotional connection. When we converse so deeply that we touch each other's ultimate cores, understanding every fear and desire, at the root of our most vulnerable selves, that is when the time will be right for sex, and we will become as one flesh. It will seal the covenant of our spiritual marriage for life.
It is not something I intend to take lightly or give away carelessly.
I used to think that way...Not surprising when thats all I was told growing up: "Don't let yourself be used! Guys will use you and then get rid of you because you're nothing but an object if you have sex early on/outside of marriage!". But really, using somebody for sex isn't just for guys. If I'm gonna be used, I'm gonna use him too :bored:
Of course, I totally respect your position and the meaning you want sex to have, its a good thing, especially after reading your last post. I'm just tired of some of the social taboos there are when it comes to women and sex.
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Its not a matter of time for me. Its a matter of being unable to resist her anymore. Realistically i'd say probably a few months.
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.....I suppose that ultimately i simply would have to be in love(or a "simulation" there-of) because i do believe sex the bond in which both persons love is realized in physicality..an arisal of passions in union of the body...all else is largely insignificant....
Um... probably as soon as it shifts from casual dates to 'a relationship'. I'm kind of bad at being consistent about this. In my first relationship we were together 4 years, got engaged, and didn't have sex at all. Then I met up with an old friend that I hadn't seen in a few years and the first night we got together we planned to have sex at a later/more convenient time. My current girlfriend and I started our relationship online but we were engaging in long distance sexual activity (sexting, cybering, nude pics/videos. etc.) before we even made the relationship 'official' and we had sex within hours of meeting in person for the first time. :mellow:
Because of my first relationship, it would be really hard for me to wait long before having sex. My ex was extremely repressive and religious, he held sex over our relationship as the ultimate temptation and evil. He was manipulative, would make us both want it, then spin off into a cycle of guilt and repentance, and go off on tangents about how disgusting the physical intimacy we shared was and how it would only tear us apart and keep us from God. Then his guilt would fade and he'd start the cycle over again. He never accepted our physical relationship as something we did together as an expression of intimacy, rather he insisted it was him taking liberties with my virtue. He took my responsibility for our actions away from me, saying that as 'the man' it was his job to keep us away from temptation, and constantly apologized for his actions as though he'd violated me and somehow diminished my worth. At the end of our relationship he wanted to invalidate my past consent completely and confess to my father all of the things he'd 'done to' me and 'make amends'. I never felt violated in anything we'd done together but when he tried to do that I felt raped. I still find sex intimate, but I can't think of it as sacred or worth more than my own immediate desires. If I desire to have sex or share intimacy with someone, even if I hardly know them, then that is what is important. Sex is the tool, not the finished product.
Because of my first relationship, it would be really hard for me to wait long before having sex. My ex was extremely repressive and religious, he held sex over our relationship as the ultimate temptation and evil. He was manipulative, would make us both want it, then spin off into a cycle of guilt and repentance, and go off on tangents about how disgusting the physical intimacy we shared was and how it would only tear us apart and keep us from God. Then his guilt would fade and he'd start the cycle over again. He never accepted our physical relationship as something we did together as an expression of intimacy, rather he insisted it was him taking liberties with my virtue. He took my responsibility for our actions away from me, saying that as 'the man' it was his job to keep us away from temptation, and constantly apologized for his actions as though he'd violated me and somehow diminished my worth. At the end of our relationship he wanted to invalidate my past consent completely and confess to my father all of the things he'd 'done to' me and 'make amends'. I never felt violated in anything we'd done together but when he tried to do that I felt raped. I still find sex intimate, but I can't think of it as sacred or worth more than my own immediate desires. If I desire to have sex or share intimacy with someone, even if I hardly know them, then that is what is important. Sex is the tool, not the finished product.
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Well, I see sex as an activity.
Sooo.....
But, I wouldn't have sex with someone I don't care for.
And I don't care for someone I haven't connected with.
And I don't connect with someone I don't respect.
And I don't respect someone I don't think is intelligent.
And I don't think someone is intelligent unless I have had lots of deep conversations with.
BUT, if somehow, someone managed to do all that in an hour, I'd be good to go.
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