[Seamaid]

Just started thinking about this and realized that I know a few women who've had multiple engagements/fiancees (as in racking up 2 or more by their 20s), and then of course women who've never been engaged and women who've only been engaged once.

Mostly I'm interested in the first kind, because I don't relate to it at all. I've never been engaged and if I do get engaged, it'll probably be once, or twice, in my entire lifetime. It also seems, to me, not that easy... to get engaged? Like having a ring on your finger within a year of meeting someone (given a traditional man-asking-woman type of thing)?

So then what makes some women so prone to getting engaged, if they're not particularly religious? Is it that they seek out very traditional men? Is it that their personalities are just more attractive as potential marriage partners? Are you one of these women, and how does this happen to you? Is there no pattern to this at all, just one of those random things in life? Any thoughts?

 

[Fizz]

I'm not one of these women but I've always wondered what it was about them that got so many marriage proposals. One thought that I've had about this topic is that these people are desperate to get married and end up dating people who are in the same boat. They either think that this will be taken seriously by their family, friends, etc. OR they get so head-over-heels delusional that they accept or coerce proposals.

I know plenty of people that end up having the "perfect" relationship with each and every new partner they're with. They're always gallivanting around social network sites talking about their partner and how much they love them. Couple months later, dumped. They get a new partner and they go on with the same exact spiel. It's hard to take them seriously or think of them as mature.

 

[Ace Face]

I didn't read anything beyond the title. My answer is none... unless you count being engaged in activities. In that sense, I've been engaged more times than I can count

 

[Seamaid]

I'm not one of these women but I've always wondered what it was about them that got so many marriage proposals. One thought that I've had about this topic is that these people are desperate to get married and end up dating people who are in the same boat. They either think that this will be taken seriously by their family, friends, etc. OR they get so head-over-heels delusional that they accept or coerce proposals.

I know plenty of people that end up having the "perfect" relationship with each and every new partner they're with. They're always gallivanting around social network sites talking about their partner and how much they love them. Couple months later, dumped. They get a new partner and they go on with the same exact spiel. It's hard to take them seriously or think of them as mature.

Yeah, I don't know those women I speak of well enough to observe them as closely as you have with the ones you know, so thanks for your insights. I wonder if this is closely related to not being able to be single for any meaningful period of time and jumping from relationship to relationship? And also what, if any, relation this has to having lots of male "friends" who may either be genuinely platonic and/or potential suitors-waiting-in-line while being strung along? :/

 

[quadrivium]

I've had one failed engagement. I'd be willing to answer questions privately.

I am currently engaged now and am marrying next year.

 

[reletative]

I've been proposed to 4 times, engaged twice, married once. I accepted the first proposal because I was young and stupid, and the last proposal because I wanted to marry him

 

[Seamaid]

Okay, well, I'm familiar enough with the awesomeness of Khys to know that her multiple engagements are mostly proof of said awesomeness.

I guess if there are hints of psychological problems behind the phenomenon, it's not something one can say is generally true for all multiply-engaged women. Or even most. Possibly some...

I wonder to what degree is it a numbers game? The more people you date, the more likely you'd be engaged several times? And so then, do extroverted women tend to be engaged more often than introverted women?

 

[Fizz]

Yeah, I don't know those women I speak of well enough to observe them as closely as you have with the ones you know, so thanks for your insights. I wonder if this is closely related to not being able to be single for any meaningful period of time and jumping from relationship to relationship? And also what, if any, relation this has to having lots of male "friends" who may either be genuinely platonic and/or potential suitors-waiting-in-line while being strung along? :/

I've seen plenty of the leap frog relationship style people go down in flames and come back swinging. It seems like they can't be happy unless they're in a relationship, I've never understood that. I also know someone who had a lot of male friends but she had trouble with them always professing their "love" to her when she barely knew them at all. I think it's just desperate people who delude themselves into thinking they love another. I think love is more than, "Hey, you're hot and you were nice to me once, I love you."

 

[Fizz]

Okay, well, I'm familiar enough with the awesomeness of Khys to know that her multiple engagements are mostly proof of said awesomeness.

I guess if there are hints of psychological problems behind the phenomenon, it's not something one can say is generally true for all multiply-engaged women. Or even most.

I wonder to what degree is it a numbers game? The more people you date, the more likely you'd be engaged several times?

The amount of people you date is likely a huge factor. Just from my personal experience, they're not always the most mature people. That's not to say that anyone who has been engaged multiple times isn't mature. The people I speak of are in their early-twenties. While some people my age have a hard time getting a date, these people are engaged, it's just boggling.

 

[Seamaid]

The amount of people you date is likely a huge factor. Just from my personal experience, they're not always the most mature people. That's not to say that anyone who has been engaged multiple times isn't mature. The people I speak of are in their early-twenties. While some people my age have a hard time getting a date, these people are engaged, it's just boggling.

Yes! It's like you know who I'm talking about. They're like 22 and 24 at the time of their respective engagements... 24 and engaged twice already. I'm not even talking about people who live in small towns where getting married early is the norm. I'm talking about big city people. Maybe it is a maturity thing, wanting to be taken more seriously, or something.

 

[strawberryLola]

I have a friend who's working on her 2nd divorce and almost 30. She's a really cool laid-back chick and told me how she gets hitched up so quickly (besides being really cute- she doesn't even acknowledge that part) is the fact that she doesn't have expectations. Personality-wise, she reminds me of Brooke Burke. She's really mellow, not clingy, takes care of herself (even after 3 kids)- the guys she attracts like her qualities.

Sadly, she's on the verge of her divorce because of the very same reasons she tells me she got hitched in the first place.

I think it's also the added pressure that she was a single mom with both of the two guys she married, and was hoping to find someone to financially take care of her. She didn't have upward mobility or options. To me, I think she's adapted more of the passive role (not submissive). That has a price to pay as well.

I had few predicaments where I could have been married. Adamantly chose not to. I gave my last ex the ring back. I think for me- it's mostly about keeping it real. I don't like all the spoofy stuff that comes with dating. I like to keep the vibrancy going- meaning, I don't like routine or cliche anything. When I got close to those guys I dated, it was all about being authentic and vulnerable. Something about being able to be open and let that side of you go allows the person to engage with you.

My attitude towards marriage has always been to find someone who aligns with me (not in a traditional conventional sense) sorta like a spiritual best friend, someone who gets me in that way.

The difference between my friend and I, I notice her marriages with those guys- her relationships don't have that ease/flow- like it's forced. She may in some ways undervalue certain aspects that are important to her, compromising her integral needs she denies. For me, meeting that person is more of a feeling, a sense of comfort. Even if people purpose, I don't jump at the opportunity too quickly. Commitments like marriage for me requires fulfillment of my essential needs. Different approaches, similar results. (I'd say as we get older we tend to meet guys who were more serious and more open to marriage).