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Some of you might remember a little while back when I consulted you all on how to best say goodbye for the summer to a particular INTJ to whom I was attracted. Things went down a bit differently than I expected, but it's all good because we're dating now.

Anyway, it turns out he's significantly more physically affectionate than I had anticipated. Being physically or verbally expressive has never come naturally to me, even though I may feel the sentiments strongly. For instance, Saturday we spent the day hiking together and when we took breaks, we'd be sitting there and he would run his fingers over my back or put his arm around me. I certainly didn't mind it-- it wasn't overbearing at all, I liked and appreciated it; yet I just sat there and didn't really respond.

As I said, this wasn't something I thought would come up. In fact now I'm wondering if I'm not going to be responsive enough for him. Might his unexpected... friendliness simply have to do with the newness of it all (but then again, INTJs aren't particularly known to necessarily dive right in)? When I do anything, I wonder how short it falls of the level of response for which he's hoping. At any rate, the questions I have are:

What do you think when someone is even less emotionally expressive than you?

Do you still understand that lack of expresison doesn't mean lack of feeling when dealing with someone beside yourself? (I trust you all will understand the question without being offended.)

How does the level of affection you desire from your significant other correlate to that which you convey?

Thanks in advance.
 

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I am always physically expressive in a relationship when things are going good. It's when they're heading onto the skids that I pull back significantly. But, yes, I would say I am willing to jump right in, once there is alone time and the initial awkwardness has worn off. I enjoy the physical aspects of relationships, and I pursue it.

It's tough to deal with someone who is less physically expressive, and it tends to end up with working to find the limits. I don't assume the other person isn't into nor lacking feeling about anything unless they give specific directions about such. I have no problem with physical intimacy if I feel the attraction, I just usually have a problem with taking a step toward long-term commitment.

I say just work to understand your limits, and define them to the INTJ. You may not be certain of some of your limits, and in those I would recommend you explore with the INTJ, if you're feeling strongly enough. It's cliché, but just do your best to communicate.
 

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Hi, I'm dating an INTJ and we have had many discussions about physical affection, which is something he doesn't usually like much of especially from strangers. However, I would say there are few things he enjoys more now than my touch.

I think that physical touch appeals to an INTJ's tertiary extraverted sensing function. It helps them to exist in the physical present and relax a bit in recreational settings, rather than be caught up in their usual introvered intuitive world of ideas where thoughts are always "on", or working that extraverted thinking analysis.

One of the good things about physical affections is that it is an alternative way to express/demonstrate your emotions.

I find it hard to express in words my feelings towards my bf, but I 'tell' him with my hands, hugs, kisses etc.

Maybe if you find it hard/ not that good to recieve physical affection - you could offer it/innitiate it insted?

Regarding Q2) my bf has always said he doesn't need be to "tell" him how I feel - he looks at the bigger picture - like loyalty. Once an INTJ decides they love you, and they know you love them - it gains the status of a fact - they don't question it any more, or need constant "proof".

Thus the physical affection is not about emotions, but an extention of this fact, and for pure sensory delight in the others' presence.

-also INTJ's in general are on a mission to IMPROVE everything - my bf and I talk about every aspect of our relationship, and he always tells me he'd rather I talk straight-up about things, and have an open discussion. He loves to find the best solution to a problem, and he's never got offended by anything I've ever raised to discuss with him.

maybe discussing it with him would be a good place to start?

I hope you find some answers. :)

:happy:
 

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I think that physical touch appeals to an INTJ's tertiary extraverted sensing function. It helps them to exist in the physical present and relax a bit in recreational settings, rather than be caught up in their usual introvered intuitive world of ideas where thoughts are always "on", or working that extraverted thinking analysis.
Don't you mean 4th function? Se is an ENTJ''s tertiary.

But yes, Se is the 'superior' relief function for INTJs, we can de-stress non-destructively with it rather than spontaneously waving Fi about like a mallet. INTJs have a lot of stress that due to our introverted natures we find difficult to release.
 

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I find physical affection really important in my relationships as it is the easiest way for me to be able to express my fondness for those around me. Skin on skin contact makes me snap out of my head and enjoy the moment. I am a doer, I would prefer to show my affection with an action as opposed to just saying sweet nothings.

Whilst physical contact is important I do not like it when it becomes suffocating. I hate it more then anything when somebody hugs you as though they are holding on for dear life. I also do not like full body spooning for this reason. It's nice for a while during the night, but I move around in my sleep so I don't want to be trapped by dead weight. My partner is one of those people that are into PDA overkill. I quickly snapped him out of that... any self respecting person does not want to be motor boated whilst doing the groceries.
 

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I think a INTJ can be quite physically affectionate. But only to people they deeply love, not to friends even or acquaintances.
Therefore, physical affection from a INTJ, should be taken as more significant.
 

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I don't mind if an SO is not physically expressive at all, but I prefer if they are responsive in some way, either verbal or physical, at times when I initiate physical or verbal contact. It's kind of like a form of communication, and proper communication is impossible if it is one-sided. I need some kind of response when I initiate a communication, and as I get to know someone better it is easier to perceive more subtle communications.


... any self respecting person does not want to be motor boated whilst doing the groceries.
HA HA HA! Wow! That image just cracks me up, especially the surprised, then embarrassed, expression I've imagined on your face. :tongue:
 
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