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Most of us rebel against our parents as we mature- yet most of us realise how we reflect their imagine as we age and mature.. How many of us can see strong evidence of this, and your age.
You can't imagine the things that cross my mind when I think about this song lyrics:"The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again"
By Blue October.

I faced many situations and problems that allowed me to see how wrong many attitudes of my parents are. Being aware is a big part of the solution, yet if you research enough you will see how strong their influence is, for one or the other extreme. You can be a mirror image or grow up trying to be nothing like them. There are many "innocent" attitudes that I think of when I remember that song, specially that line and I remind myself of the devastation it brings. It is difficult and sometimes we underestimate how humans imitate parents, being aware helps, is part of the solution.

It is easy for me to smile when I think of this. There have been terrible problems in my family for the past 10 years, and I smile when family members react in surprise because I'm not part of the problematic and add "you are nothing like your mother", instead they say "you are just like your grandparents". Sure that doesn't save me from being blamed by other family members, yet what I say has been a great investment and effort, being different and working on building my own "me". Easy? is not, it hurts and drains your energy, many things will be cognitive behavior.

My uncle and mother are narcissistic, my sister is the golden child, I fit the lost boy. I would break my hands before repeating the same behavior I faced from them. My parents split, my father was an alcoholic and smoker (still is? no clue) I don't smoke, I don't drink, and whenever someone tells me about their problems I stay focused on THEM instead of changing subject and talk about "me". I had the benefit of being influenced by my grandparents, they were parents before this, shared knowledge my mother and uncle were only beginning to grasp, some of that I understood, some I didn't. And God bless them, they were objective enough to tell me "don't do this, I did it and is wrong, please don't repeat that behavior, it took me a lot to get rid of this" they also told me things like, X is my song, Z is my daughter... but what they did there is wrong, don't do it.

This deserves a cup of coffee, a long talk.
Thanks Grandma and Grandpa.
Miss you everyday.
 

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Most of us rebel against our parents as we mature- yet most of us realise how we reflect their imagine as we age and mature.. How many of us can see strong evidence of this, and your age.
Must add.

Because of you, Kelly Clarkson, it reflects how much we can imitate our family members and problematic. Another? The Story of Us, how in many ways we can be OK with certain situations but create problem because the mental copy of our parents conflicts, meaning? they are not ok what is ok with us but we might be automatically pushed to reject the situation (even if we are ok with it).

The last love relationship I had... was terrible. Nice at first, but 3 years later a hell. I insisted: please be aware of what you are doing, your mother was cruel to you, yes, but you are starting to become your mother. She got mad. What? see, this woman was amazing and I was starting to think of her as a potential wife, the thing is THE MORE we walked away from being friends and become love partners, the more she becaje a jerk, just like her mother, she started imitating all the wrongs in automatic mode.

She denied it.
Later on therapy she was confirmed what I told her...
but it was already too late.

She discovered as many others, the sad fact that she had an empty box when it comes to dealing with certain situations, what was there? the mother behavior example, so she imitated it. Remove it? she ended with an empty box now knowing how to act, sure, not even a concept of right or wrong because she was wired for imitation. She hated her mother... she hates her mother, still became "HER". When she finally realized this it was already too late.


Her father was abused by his mother, violent mother. He rarely talks about it, but still cries. What did he do? repeated the same behavior. Is sad, but it happens, so again, in contrast many people repeat what hurts them without noticing it, being aware is very important.



*** Most people are not aware on how much they are like their parents.
 

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I am fortunate, outside her cheek bones and her logic we are total opposites :laughing:

People always reference our extreme contrast. My kids often the most. Yay lucky me. Muahaha my sister wasn't so lucky.
 

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I am nothing like my parents (except my appearance).

They have completely different interests and experience and completely different mindset. They cannot realte to me and I cannot relate to them.
 

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I'm 30. When my parents were 30 they had produced 3 kids and got divorced. Not much alike at all. Just the fact my biological father beat up my mom... yeah, not even resembling my parents.
 
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More than I like. Dad was a critical person that pushed away everyone close to him with his incessant criticism and ridiculously high standards.

I am the same, with "better" criticisms and "better" standards.

FML. Lol
 
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I'm not like either parent, but more like my mom than anyone else in the family. I wouldn't be embarassed to have turned out like either one. They both have their flaws, but nither have morally objectional flaws. I never rebelled, I just never saw anything to rebell against. My childhood was far from idyllic (was rather tragic by some standards), I never saw my parents as antagonist or "bad". I see my parents individual flaws as being resutl of the way they were raised, and I see my own as result of circumstances that no one chose, nor as the fault of someone.
 

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I reflect their habits but not their mindset and interests. Which is nice to know because it helps me understand where some of my bad habits come from.

I look like my dad.
 

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I am getting further and further away from my parents.
 

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The following is not negativity, rejection to what you said or anything like that, just bringing some questioning for everyone to read, because it is easy to say "not me", and sometimes that's not real, we can't see it, takes being outside or seeing and analyzing complex situations. It gets easier over time (years) to see where they are and where we are.


I am nothing like my parents (except my appearance).

They have completely different interests and experience and completely different mindset. They cannot realte to me and I cannot relate to them.
+

I reflect their habits but not their mindset and interests. Which is nice to know because it helps me understand where some of my bad habits come from.
There you have it, is not that much about interests, ideas but about habits and behavior.


I am getting further and further away from my parents.
Again, regarding the first lines on this post (meaning this is not addressed to you specifically), one of my exGF was 500% sure she was different than her so hated mother, turns out many situations on relationships proved her wrong, specially going to therapy. It was so difficult for her to see it!!!
 

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Again, regarding the first lines on this post (meaning this is not addressed to you specifically), one of my exGF was 500% sure she was different than her so hated mother, turns out many situations on relationships proved her wrong, specially going to therapy. It was so difficult for her to see it!!!
I don't hate her. Of course there are habits that will be similar. I was raised by them. However, I found there are extreme differences that I couldn't bring myself to adjust. I'm not rejecting your comment either, just sharing my side of the story. Thanks for the perspective.
 

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There you have it, is not that much about interests, ideas but about habits and behavior.
I haven't caught much of my parents' habits and behavior either. My father was at work for a very large part of the day, my mother didn't teach me a lot of things so there were no habits or behaviors I acquired. At 10 my parents split and I started living only with my father and after the age of 12 I haven't really lived with my parents.
 

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Not at all.
I'm more like my uncle.
 

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I like to think I'm not like my parents, but then I'll slip and say something that my mom always said and be like, "dear god, i'm turning into my mother"
 

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I am very much like my father. I don't see that as bad thing though. I am 40 years old.
 

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When my mother was 30 - she was a single mother going to nursing school. She loved teaching and taking care of others ( even strangers ) and works 3 jobs to care for me and pay for rent - we live in a low income neighborhood . She works as a mental health nutritionist and personal chef - she also teaches Sunday school and is a devout Christian
I have 3 kids - a loving partner and a nice home in one of the safest neighborhood in America . I'm planning to open up a preschool/daycare in 2 years- worked as a paralegal in a public defending office for 6 years before then. I travel and write on my free time . I work less- get paid more - my mom made sure I grew up happy and content ( I've never felt poor )
I have it much easier - I'm much luckier

Personality wise - with the exception of sharing the same political pov and the love for food - not much- she's an Fe dom - nuff said

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk
 

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INFP woman here turning into my ISFJ father, it's terrible in many ways, but particularly our shared Ne... it's baaaaad.

Luckily my Si is completely different from his, so I'm safe.

The good side is that I've become extremely reliable, punctual, communicative, ballsy and organized over time, so that's good.
I've also developed a loyalty to the concept of "nuclear family" that I never had before (I don't give two shits about extended family).

We don't have any newly developed interests or hobbies in common; we've always loved nature, cooking from scratch and nesting, that hasn't evolved or devolved. It's some of my core values that have been morphing into my father's values in the last 5-6 years, and I love it, I feel so grounded now and more clear-minded.

But that damn Ne... his is childish and uncontrollable, and sometimes I find myself going on extreme tangents that have nothing to do with anything and I just bore people to death, and I bore myself to death! I pray to the gods that my Ne never gets as horrible as his, please please, I'll sell my soul to Hel.
 
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