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Lately I've been thinking a lot.

I only started living a few years ago, before that I was shambling through life like a zombie.
I was home schooled and didn't really have a care in the world and I was just doing whatever I was told was best for me.

And then I found out I have a progressive nerve disease called HMSN.
And... that was actually the greatest thing that could of happened to me.

You see, after that happened, I had a lot of surgery on both legs. because I was still a minor I was in a children's ward.

Some of the things I saw I still can't wrap my head around, children who have such much pain to deal with. and yet they never complained.

In that hospital I met a girl named Lucy. and though I couldn't stay in touch, I still think she was one of the most important people I've ever met.

She was missing a kidney, which made her life an uphill battle.

Yet despite that, she told me "it's kind of funny"
She said that when life gets bad... all you can do is laugh at it.
See the irony, find someway to smile, and keep pushing forwards.

That was an incredible message that I will carry with me until the day I die.

So I eventually got out the hospital, but due to the surgery I wouldn't be able to walk for a few months.

I was immobile and I felt broken.

And yet... inside something started changing.
I realized that I could end up in a wheelchair permanently.
So I decided I wanted to do something with my life.

But I had no idea what...

I used to love singing but I gave it up because my entire family are musicians, and I wanted to do something different.

So that's what I was going to do, get back into singing.
Re-ignite my dead dream!

But how?
I was rubbish to say the least, I didn't know where to start.

I signed up for college (in England that's high school level)
But because I had no grades I had to start at the bottom.
To do a music course I first had to do a performing arts course.

And I made my first ever friends. I learned to have confidence, I can act on stage without a problem..

And I found my real passion, I love singing... but I need acting in my life.

It's just incredible.
Now I've finished that course I don't know where to go next, music or acting.

But at least I have my goal in life. I'm going to be a musical theater actor.

No matter how much heartbreak I have to endure to do this... it's what I really want.

Because when it comes down to it. I want to sing and dance and act. I want to be able to seem magical, and make people laugh and smile. and for them to remember that "it's kind of funny"

Because I am the Jester.
And that's what it means to me.
 
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