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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know this is different if you are married, but how often do you talk to your SO when you are dating? I know this is different for everyone, but I am curious. Some people think that a certain amount of communication is normal, while others think it's clingy.

I'm in a long-distance relationship (I have been for three weeks or so; I met the guy during study abroad) and it has been really tough. I feel like I've turned into the person that initiates everything: Skype calls, Facebook messages, etc. In the week and half, we briefly chatted on Skype. We've sent Facebook messages back and forth almost every day, but most of them are something like, "Hey babe; I am going to bed. Love you. Night". He used to send me Facebook messages during the day just asking me how my day was. I miss that and I don't know why he doesn't do that anymore. I feel like there is no conversation anymore. It would be different if I saw this guy in person, but we are living hundreds of miles apart! I feel like we need to have bonding time, even though it is through the internet.

Let me be clear, I know that my boyfriend has a life outside of me. And he should! He has been busy with projects, school, and work. I have been super busy as well! But I really try to make time in my schedule to talk to him. Before, I looked forward to talking to him at the end of the day but that has pretty much ceased. I want to know that he is making an effort, but I feel like he isn't. I see him share pictures on Facebook but he won't ask me how my day was or say 'Hi'. If he has the time to check his phone, doesn't he have the time to take two seconds to send me a message? I really feel like I'm not asking that much. I think the thing that worries me is that if you have a SO, you should want to talk to them, right?

Also, we were talking about living together in June (if I go back to his country) but I really don't feel ready. That was another reason why I wanted to talk to him more, to see if our relationship could grow while we were apart. But he seems to have this attitude of "Well, enjoy your friends and everything there while you can, don't always be connected on the computer...have your own life and we'll see each other soon enough. We'll talk when we can." But moving in together is a huge step and I feel like he hasn't though it through. I feel like he's not ready even though he says that he is. I mean, we hardly communicate now....so how could you be ready to be around a person that much and actually live with them?! For him it is easy to say that, because he wanted to move anyway. I am just a puzzle piece that fits nicely into his already-made puzzle. I feel like I am already playing by his rules. But moving for me is a huge deal -yes, there are personal reasons that are motivators- but I don't know if he really takes my situations, feelings, thoughts, etc. into consideration.

Basically, I feel like I am putting way much more into this relationship than he is. I don't know if I am being clingy or reasonable. I am really thinking about calling it quits because I just feel like my needs aren't getting met in this relationship. But the thing is, when we are on Skype or when we are in person, things are nice. Does anyone have advice on what to do?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Woops, I should have clarified. We have been dated around five months, but it has only been long distance for three weeks!

Thank you both for your advice. I don't know if I should give him the silent treatment until he talks to me. He is being really emotionally unavailable. We talked for thirty minutes on Skype on Sunday, and we tried to last Wed (but the connection was really bad). All the other communication, although daily, has consisted of him saying maybe 1-2 sentences per on Facebook. Many times he won't tell me anything during the day, but he tell me that he loves me and that he is going to bed.

I actually am interested in the prospect of teaching English in his country. But I agree...it's way too soon to even think about moving in! Especially with someone so emotionally unresponsive.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks for your advice. I feel like he might get defensive about everything. We were never the type of people to have super long conversations, or to be constantly in contact with each other. Even over there, were probably only saw each other 2-3 times a week. This frustrated me when I was getting ready to leave for my home country, because it seemed like he didn't realize that I would be leaving and that I wouldn't see him for some time! I wondered if him acting distant whenI was there was a defense mechanism or something else.

i was looking back on our Facebook messages, and it wasn't always like this. When I came back to the states, he used to take the first step quite a bit. He would tell me that he missed me and ask if I wanted to Skype. I felt loved and wanted from his attention. So what happened? Now he is going through midterms, he is finishing up some projects, and he has work. I can understand that this might make him unavailable because he is trying to study while working full time, and he is getting into the thick of it now.

But another thing that changed is that I told him that I wasn't sure about moving back. When I was with him, I felt very sure that I was going to come back when I graduated. However, I thought about what I would be leaving behind here if I moved. That makes the decision much harder; I realized everything I missed about the States when I came back. This doesn't mean that I won't move there necesarilly, but it makes the decision much harder. I also told him that it pretty early in the relationship, and he agreed, but he said it wouldn't make much sense to live apart; it would be more money, I would be staying at his house a lot anyway, etc. (I'm not so sure though). I also asked him what would happen if we broke up. I made it clear that I needed to have a plan B in case things went bad, even though that sounds very unromantic; I just know lots of people who got themselves 'stuck' by cohabitating with someone andd then the relationship not working out.

so maybe he is pulling away because of this too; maybe he feels rejected. Granted, it would be difficult to wait on a decision from a person you love who lives hundreds of miles away. It would be really hard to say goodbye and not know if they are going to return.
 
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