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Discussion Starter #1
There is a guy in my class that I suspect is an ESFJ and he talks about things in his personal life quite a bit. Even things that I wouldn't share with normally anyone, he talks about them like it's nothing. It might be from the perspective of an INTJ who tends to be a bit secretive and usually talks about things if the other person does, but to me he's just really open about a lot of things. It would be things from his parents to his passions to what he did one summer to anxiety disorder(s) he has. He will even complain about things to people he doesn't know that well, I guess it's just because he needs to rant about it for a while. Is it common for ESFJs to be that open?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
what type of things? im curious. i am open, but to certain things only.
They're just things like his parents (who are dying), his PTSD, *urine talk* (literally- things like how he peed on his own foot for something medically related to pissing in streams), stuffs about his passions and things that interests him which include outdoors, taking care of the environment, climbing, certain natural landmarks, random talk ("I have to get surgery") etc. If you sat with him for one full day, you could probably get a lot of information out of him and he doesn't even have to know you that well. It's not like he talks about them to you one on one in private. He talked his dying parents like someone said they got four hours of sleep and he mentioned his PTSD almost in passing in a humorous manner. Like they're just something anyone would share to anyone. While for me it's, "I won't talk about it unless you do, I know you don't think it's weird, or unless we're good friends" I don't even talk about my family life unless it's relevant or I'm asked.

To put it in perspective, he talks about these things like it's nothing while I'm kind of too nervous to go into great details about the things he talks about because "they may be too personal for me to put on the web." I know, it doesn't make sense. But that's where he and I are different. I kind of feel bad because of our group of four in our project, he's the one extroverted person in a group of introverts. He'll even talk to people in other groups because he just needs to talk to someone. He's also a small talk person and INTJs and small talk don't go together ("It's a good thing I brought my jacket." How am I supposed to respond to that??). Not sure if this is relevant, but he laughs out loud at his own jokes/comments, haha.
 

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I know a lot of extroverts that are like this, but I'm not sure about ESFJs in particular. ESFJs tend to be fairly open, but they (probably) will be hindered by their Fe... so most deeply personal, embarrassing or otherwise private things won't be discussed openly or haphazardly (usually) so as not to upset others or embarrass themselves. Are you certain he's an ESFJ? ExFPs are often open like this as well.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I know a lot of extroverts that are like this, but I'm not sure about ESFJs in particular. ESFJs tend to be fairly open, but they (probably) will be hindered by their Fe... so most deeply personal, embarrassing or otherwise private things won't be discussed openly or haphazardly (usually) so as not to upset others or embarrass themselves. Are you certain he's an ESFJ? ExFPs are often open like this as well.
That's why I said, "suspect." I wasn't even sure of my own type for the longest time. I don't know any ENFPs, but my best friend is an ESFP. She's open, but not in the same way he is. It's hard to explain. But the two of them are just different, despite the fact that you could put two of them in the same room and they would probably talk for a long time.
 

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I know a lot of extroverts that are like this, but I'm not sure about ESFJs in particular. ESFJs tend to be fairly open, but they (probably) will be hindered by their Fe... so most deeply personal, embarrassing or otherwise private things won't be discussed openly or haphazardly (usually) so as not to upset others or embarrass themselves. Are you certain he's an ESFJ? ExFPs are often open like this as well.
I agree with @Eckis. He doesn't sound like an ESFJ to me, or if he is one, he is young/immature. I did a lot of oversharing back in middle school and in early high school (like complaining about how much my life sucked to anyone who would listen). One day, a friend of mine asked me whether I was okay because I always sound down about my life. That woke me up, because until then, I didn't realize how negative I sounded. Ever since, I'm pretty careful about putting my best face forward to the point where I've had friends tell me that they're jealous of how perfect my life is when in reality, it's anything but perfect. A lot of older ESFJs I've met are like that. It's partly a matter of wanting to look good to others; the other part is we don't like to burden others with our complaining.

As far as sharing positive things, I definitely do that more often than an introvert, but I have to feel somewhat comfortable with the other person in order to do it. I find it really hard to open up to people at work, for instance, because I feel like I'm being held to a higher standard. This purely depends on the ESFJ though. I have a male ESFJ friend who's super extroverted and he shares lots of (positive) details about his life to people he's just met.
 

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Discussion Starter #8 (Edited)
I agree with @Eckis. He doesn't sound like an ESFJ to me, or if he is one, he is young/immature. I did a lot of oversharing back in middle school and in early high school (like complaining about how much my life sucked to anyone who would listen). One day, a friend of mine asked me whether I was okay because I always sound down about my life. That woke me up, because until then, I didn't realize how negative I sounded. Ever since, I'm pretty careful about putting my best face forward to the point where I've had friends tell me that they're jealous of how perfect my life is when in reality, it's anything but perfect. A lot of older ESFJs I've met are like that. It's partly a matter of wanting to look good to others; the other part is we don't like to burden others with our complaining.

As far as sharing positive things, I definitely do that more often than an introvert, but I have to feel somewhat comfortable with the other person in order to do it. I find it really hard to open up to people at work, for instance, because I feel like I'm being held to a higher standard. This purely depends on the ESFJ though. I have a male ESFJ friend who's super extroverted and he shares lots of (positive) details about his life to people he's just met.
Now that I think of it, he doesn't share these things randomly. When they're brought up, they're still relevant to the conversation. It's not like you're talking about California and then he suddenly says, "yeah, I have PTSD." It's not weird when he's open like that, he's just really open. It's not an attention-seeking thing, he just likes talking about some stuff in his life.

I think he's the type who likes to meet new people by going out and just going to places where people are.
 

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Discussion Starter #9 (Edited)
I know a lot of extroverts that are like this, but I'm not sure about ESFJs in particular. ESFJs tend to be fairly open, but they (probably) will be hindered by their Fe... so most deeply personal, embarrassing or otherwise private things won't be discussed openly or haphazardly (usually) so as not to upset others or embarrass themselves. Are you certain he's an ESFJ? ExFPs are often open like this as well.
He could be an ENFP.

Edit: Actually looking back on it, I'm not sure on ENFP. What type is the most likely to literally go outside to a bar, a party, or wherever just to meet new people and friends?

I know an ESFP and they are not like each other. I'm leaning more towards ESFJ.
 

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ESFJ's cognitive features are Fe-Si-Ne-Ti. An ESFJ's favorite thing to do is Fe and Si. Fe is the feelings of others and Si is recalling past experience and details. Fe and Si is known as small talk, and talking about what happened in their lives
 

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Discussion Starter #12
yea, im very good at making small talks and talk about what happens in my life.
With my best friend, I kind of have to force self talk to keep a conversation going. That's really the only time I initiate small talk.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
yea, im very good at making small talks and talk about what happens in my life.
With my best friend, I kind of have to force self talk to keep a conversation going on the phone. That's really the only time I initiate small talk. It's not like we can't talk to each other, I'm just not good at talking on the phone. In person, it's different.
 

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oh i can talk forever. online, on the phone, in person. lol i ll talk until i get tired and then i fall asleep LOL. people who do not know me very well do not know im actually shy LOL
 

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oh i can talk forever. online, on the phone, in person. lol i ll talk until i get tired and then i fall asleep LOL. people who do not know me very well do not know im actually shy LOL
I don't mind talking on the phone for hours (if I like you), but part of me is thinking, "okay... it's almost 1 in the morning now and I would like to go to sleep... but you're my friend so..." But if we're together in person, I can talk to you until way late at night.
 

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I'm very open to chatting with people about what they want to discuss, or "small talk" that I might bring up but it ends there. I am guarded about my personal life with acquaintances or classmates. I feel like talking about my family, husband or other personal things with someone I don't know is almost a betrayal of who I am. So I come off as " shallow" sometimes instead.

The guy you describe sounds like an ENFP to me.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I'm very open to chatting with people about what they want to discuss, or "small talk" that I might bring up but it ends there. I am guarded about my personal life with acquaintances or classmates. I feel like talking about my family, husband or other personal things with someone I don't know is almost a betrayal of who I am. So I come off as " shallow" sometimes instead.

The guy you describe sounds like an ENFP to me.
Yeah, I'm starting to question the ESFJ, now. Someone also said ENTP.
 

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I know an ENFPS who talks a lot like the ESFJ but does not have the same type of filter.....hence my guess that the OP is describing an ENFP.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
I know an ENFPS who talks a lot like the ESFJ but does not have the same type of filter.....hence my guess that the OP is describing an ENFP.
What kind of filters would the two of them have?
 
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