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Discussion Starter #1
An ESFP blurted out he loved me 3 weeks into us dating. I didn't know what to say. I was kind of shocked. And I said, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! YOU CAN'T JUST JOKE ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT." To which he immediately retracted it and said, "I meant-- as a person. I love you as a person." But I'm pretty intuitive and I felt like he actually meant it. So now I'm curious, do you ESFPs just fall hard and fast?!

He's told me he's never felt like this way about anyone-- he said to me I'm literally everything he's ever wanted, and he can't believe I exist. Is this normal for an ESFP? Do you all just feel this intensely for everyone you're into?!
 

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An ESFP blurted out he loved me 3 weeks into us dating. I didn't know what to say. I was kind of shocked. And I said, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! YOU CAN'T JUST JOKE ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT." To which he immediately retracted it and said, "I meant-- as a person. I love you as a person." But I'm pretty intuitive and I felt like he actually meant it. So now I'm curious, do you ESFPs just fall hard and fast?!

He's told me he's never felt like this way about anyone-- he said to me I'm literally everything he's ever wanted, and he can't believe I exist. Is this normal for an ESFP? Do you all just feel this intensely for everyone you're into?!
Pretty darn fast. I told my ex-boyfriend that I loved him 1 month into dating him. I'd only known him for 2 months. We were together for a year and a half and may still be together now, but stuff happened and we had to split. Our relationship didn't really have a lot of potential due to our age difference, though, so I kinda knew that it was doomed from the start. Didn't keep me from falling hard and fast and still cherishing him as a friend now. (^_^
 

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Pretty darn fast. I told my ex-boyfriend that I loved him 1 month into dating him. I'd only known him for 2 months. We were together for a year and a half and may still be together now, but stuff happened and we had to split. Our relationship didn't really have a lot of potential due to our age difference, though, so I kinda knew that it was doomed from the start. Didn't keep me from falling hard and fast and still cherishing him as a friend now. (^_^
i've read some of your other messages in this forum, and you're so sweet!!

i'm curious, because i know ESFPs have a reputation for being extra flirty/player; and it actually threw me off with this guy cuz that was the vibe i got originally. i got this vibe of honesty/good heart but also INTENSE passionate need for physical touch which really confused me. i thought he was just after good times lol. but my question is-- how do you as an ESFP differentiate between someone you just wanna have a fun fling with or someone you want to have something serious with?
 

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i've read some of your other messages in this forum, and you're so sweet!!

i'm curious, because i know ESFPs have a reputation for being extra flirty/player; and it actually threw me off with this guy cuz that was the vibe i got originally. i got this vibe of honesty/good heart but also INTENSE passionate need for physical touch which really confused me. i thought he was just after good times lol. but my question is-- how do you as an ESFP differentiate between someone you just wanna have a fun fling with or someone you want to have something serious with?
Thank you... I don't see myself as sweet. I'm just trying to be helpful since I feel like there is a lot of misinformation about ESFPs on the Internet. I really appreciate you guys who are willing to see past the label and explore the person underneath. (^_^

It's interesting that you posted this question, because for me, it is very difficult for me to tell. My roommate and I actually had this discussion because she couldn't understand my willingness to sleep with some guys that I go on dates with so easily. I explained it to her in this way: I feel a spark for someone, an indescribable attraction. I'm not sure if it's just physical or if there is more there. I don't want my rationality to be clouded with lust... so I get the lust out of the way. I can then decide from there if I want to develop a relationship or if it was just a physical attraction. There is a downside to this, especially since I am attracted to NT guys who often don't know how they feel about me.

When I get serious, I get very serious. I'm currently dealing with and trying to get over an unrequited crush on an INTJ. I have been suffering from this feeling for about a year now. Even taking a 5-month break for him hasn't been enough for me to resolve my feelings. I thought it was... but I was wrong. >.< So take care of your ESFP... when he goes in, he goes all in.
 

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Thank you... I don't see myself as sweet. I'm just trying to be helpful since I feel like there is a lot of misinformation about ESFPs on the Internet. I really appreciate you guys who are willing to see past the label and explore the person underneath. (^_^

It's interesting that you posted this question, because for me, it is very difficult for me to tell. My roommate and I actually had this discussion because she couldn't understand my willingness to sleep with some guys that I go on dates with so easily. I explained it to her in this way: I feel a spark for someone, an indescribable attraction. I'm not sure if it's just physical or if there is more there. I don't want my rationality to be clouded with lust... so I get the lust out of the way. I can then decide from there if I want to develop a relationship or if it was just a physical attraction. There is a downside to this, especially since I am attracted to NT guys who often don't know how they feel about me.

When I get serious, I get very serious. I'm currently dealing with and trying to get over an unrequited crush on an INTJ. I have been suffering from this feeling for about a year now. Even taking a 5-month break for him hasn't been enough for me to resolve my feelings. I thought it was... but I was wrong. >.< So take care of your ESFP... we he goes in, he goes all in.
Wow! Thank you for this well-thought out answer! I really appreciate you!

I'm curious what you mean when you say "when I get serious, I get very serious"? He's told me he feels so strongly toward me and wants to see if this is really that "the one" feeling and if we're gonna get married and have kids, so he wants to explore the feeling. And when I asked how serious he is, he said "very serious" about us. But it's weird because it feels so much like go with the flow, and on the other hand he'll say he's not worried if I'm seeing other guys that I can if I want to? And then when I asked if he's dating anyone else, he said no. It's really confusing for me. I'm like what do you want?! I think I have a fear of investing into something for them to just change their mind later.
 

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Wow! Thank you for this well-thought out answer! I really appreciate you!

I'm curious what you mean when you say "when I get serious, I get very serious"? He's told me he feels so strongly toward me and wants to see if this is really that "the one" feeling and if we're gonna get married and have kids, so he wants to explore the feeling. And when I asked how serious he is, he said "very serious" about us. But it's weird because it feels so much like go with the flow, and on the other hand he'll say he's not worried if I'm seeing other guys that I can if I want to? And then when I asked if he's dating anyone else, he said no. It's really confusing for me. I'm like what do you want?! I think I have a fear of investing into something for them to just change their mind later.
The downside to being Ni-inferior is that we can't see the probable outcome of a relationship. We experience life through trial and error. We know how we feel in the moment, but we can't be sure that we'll feel the same way in the future. We assume, ceteris parabus, that our feelings won't change though the intensity of the passion might. If our needs are met and we feel loved, we are very loyal to our partners. We are extraverts, so we do a lot of thinking out loud. We want to express our love for you verbally and physically. Sounds like one of his top love languages is physical touch, so he gives what he craves.

I have a question... how mature is your ESFP? I was very flighty, jumping in and out of relationships when I was younger. I wasn't sure what I wanted, so would be up to give dating a go only to realize later that the guy and I weren't that compatible after all. That being said, I never told someone I was serious about them if I wasn't. In fact, I would often underplay my emotions so as not to overwhelm the other person or seem too clingy, crazy, or co-dependent.

Love with us is a risk. We need someone who is giving enough to take that leap and have faith in us. Because that's what we do every time we fall in love. We're blind. We can't see the future. All we can do is take a leap of faith, offer you our heart, and hope that you will treasure it.


Oh, and regarding the permission to date other guys: not sure what's going on there. Maybe he doesn't want you to feel trapped? I don't like guys who tell me I can't date other people. I don't want to do it when I'm pursuing a serious relationship with someone, but I dislike being told what I can or can't do. I want to be free to make the choice. Anyone trying to control me sends me running for the hills without a backwards glance.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
The downside to being Ni-inferior is that we can't see the probable outcome of a relationship. We experience life through trial and error. We know how we feel in the moment, but we can't be sure that we'll feel the same way in the future. We assume, ceteris parabus, that our feelings won't change though the intensity of the passion might. If our needs are met and we feel loved, we are very loyal to our partners. We are extraverts, so we do a lot of thinking out loud. We want to express our love for you verbally and physically. Sounds like one of his top love languages is physical touch, so he gives what he craves.
definitely! this intially made me believe he was just after something physical which i’m not up for. and i communicated that a few times before he understood— now i understand he just couldn’t help the intensity of his feelings.

I have a question... how mature is your ESFP? I was very flighty, jumping in and out of relationships when I was younger. I wasn't sure what I wanted, so would be up to give dating a go only to realize later that the guy and I weren't that compatible after all. That being said, I never told someone I was serious about them if I wasn't. In fact, I would often underplay my emotions so as not to overwhelm the other person or seem too clingy, crazy, or co-dependent.
i understand the downplaying thing. i can read his feelings like a book and i often tell him he can’t hide anything from me because whatever comes out of his mouth when he’s downplaying something i’m not really listening to as much as i’m observing his facial expressions and actions. i don’t think he realizes how well i can read him— in fact it almost scares me how well i could read him from day one. i’m pretty good with people but with him, it’s like i’ve known him forever and all his expressions just immediately made sense to me. sometimes i explain his own feelings to him and he’s bewildered because he realizes it’s true. lol.

also, he’s pretty mature. he’s older than me and we’re both at the age where getting married and having kids in the next step. he’s told me he’s wanted kids for a while now, and he was in a long-term relationship that ended last year. i’m just very cautious about making sure it makes sense that we’re compatible long-term because i also give my all and don’t look back so i want to be sure and take my time. which kinda means he doesn’t really have to worry about the compatibility part because i’m already figuring that all out— do our lifestyles fit? do we want the same things? how do we travel together? do we communicate our feelings? can we be vulnerable? do we inspire each other? do we give it our all? and i tell him all the time he’s gonna try to marry me, and he agrees lol. because i’m really good at foreseeing future outcomes (i think out all the possibilities) and navigating the issues before they blow up. so i know, on my end, i need a dedicated loyal partner that is also serious about making it work.


Love with us is a risk. We need someone who is giving enough to take that leap and have faith in us. Because that's what we do every time we fall in love. We're blind. We can't see the future. All we can do is take a leap of faith, offer you our heart, and hope that you will treasure it.

Oh, and regarding the permission to date other guys: not sure what's going on there. Maybe he doesn't want you to feel trapped? I don't like guys who tell me I can't date other people. I don't want to do it when I'm pursuing a serious relationship with someone, but I dislike being told what I can or can't do. I want to be free to make the choice. Anyone trying to control me sends me running for the hills without a backwards glance.
yep, definitely not happening here. i don’t want to trap anyone. i love unconditionally and just want the best for every single person. i try to leave people better than i found them always, and i don’t cling or get codependent because i love my life too, without a partner so if they’re not into me, it’s totally fine. i’d rather wait for someone who looks at me like i’m their entire universe (which btw he totally does).

anyway, i know there isn’t quite an answer to my anxiety over esfp “impulsiveness” (i’m using this term loosely) because i wonder if you don’t know how you’re going to feel in the future and you’re hoping for the best, what happens when you realize it’s not something you wanted? i have an esfp friend who is on the other side of the country pursuing fame and left his family behind. he knows he should be responsible but going back and being a dad instead of doing what he wants to do will put him into depression. and that freaks me out that someone could decide to have get married, have children, and then not be responsible for it because they’d rather find shiny things to pursue.

i know it’s not the same because no two people of the same mbti are the same either, and we’re a great deal older than my friend who got married super young. and i do feel maybe it works in our dynamic because i ground the future for him while still having fun. i live in the present moment a lot but i also look ahead and foresee needs for the next step easily.

wow okay i wrote a lot. so i’ll say thank you again for all your insight, and thank you for reading!!
 

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definitely! this intially made me believe he was just after something physical which i’m not up for. and i communicated that a few times before he understood— now i understand he just couldn’t help the intensity of his feelings.



i understand the downplaying thing. i can read his feelings like a book and i often tell him he can’t hide anything from me because whatever comes out of his mouth when he’s downplaying something i’m not really listening to as much as i’m observing his facial expressions and actions. i don’t think he realizes how well i can read him— in fact it almost scares me how well i could read him from day one. i’m pretty good with people but with him, it’s like i’ve known him forever and all his expressions just immediately made sense to me. sometimes i explain his own feelings to him and he’s bewildered because he realizes it’s true. lol.

also, he’s pretty mature. he’s older than me and we’re both at the age where getting married and having kids in the next step. he’s told me he’s wanted kids for a while now, and he was in a long-term relationship that ended last year. i’m just very cautious about making sure it makes sense that we’re compatible long-term because i also give my all and don’t look back so i want to be sure and take my time. which kinda means he doesn’t really have to worry about the compatibility part because i’m already figuring that all out— do our lifestyles fit? do we want the same things? how do we travel together? do we communicate our feelings? can we be vulnerable? do we inspire each other? do we give it our all? and i tell him all the time he’s gonna try to marry me, and he agrees lol. because i’m really good at foreseeing future outcomes (i think out all the possibilities) and navigating the issues before they blow up. so i know, on my end, i need a dedicated loyal partner that is also serious about making it work.




yep, definitely not happening here. i don’t want to trap anyone. i love unconditionally and just want the best for every single person. i try to leave people better than i found them always, and i don’t cling or get codependent because i love my life too, without a partner so if they’re not into me, it’s totally fine. i’d rather wait for someone who looks at me like i’m their entire universe (which btw he totally does).

anyway, i know there isn’t quite an answer to my anxiety over esfp “impulsiveness” (i’m using this term loosely) because i wonder if you don’t know how you’re going to feel in the future and you’re hoping for the best, what happens when you realize it’s not something you wanted? i have an esfp friend who is on the other side of the country pursuing fame and left his family behind. he knows he should be responsible but going back and being a dad instead of doing what he wants to do will put him into depression. and that freaks me out that someone could decide to have get married, have children, and then not be responsible for it because they’d rather find shiny things to pursue.

i know it’s not the same because no two people of the same mbti are the same either, and we’re a great deal older than my friend who got married super young. and i do feel maybe it works in our dynamic because i ground the future for him while still having fun. i live in the present moment a lot but i also look ahead and foresee needs for the next step easily.

wow okay i wrote a lot. so i’ll say thank you again for all your insight, and thank you for reading!!
This is a placeholder for my reply, because I very much want to reply. But I need to go to bed. Have work tomorrow... yay responsibility! (^^
 

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So, first of all, I will apologize. I'm a little inebriated so if my answers seem to be more all over the place than usual, that is why. I will come back to read this when I'm sober and fix for clarity as needed... until then, enjoy a drunken ESFP stream of consciousness! :perc3:

and i tell him all the time he’s gonna try to marry me, and he agrees lol. because i’m really good at foreseeing future outcomes (i think out all the possibilities) and navigating the issues before they blow up. so i know, on my end, i need a dedicated loyal partner that is also serious about making it work.
I have an instinctive trust in my friend's dominant Ni. I like that they can see future problems and love that they care enough to warn me. No one is able to stop me in my tracks like my INTJ best friend. I trust her advice implicitly.

yep, definitely not happening here. i don’t want to trap anyone. i love unconditionally and just want the best for every single person. i try to leave people better than i found them always, and i don’t cling or get codependent because i love my life too, without a partner so if they’re not into me, it’s totally fine. i’d rather wait for someone who looks at me like i’m their entire universe (which btw he totally does).
Yus, my INFJ friend dated an ESFP for a while and she said that's what she adored the most about him. He would just gaze deep into her eyes and make her feel like she was the most important person on Earth. She loved his eyes. We ESFPs are awesome at adoration... and we adore nothing more than people who love us for us. Who don't try to change us into something that we're not. You know that old adage, if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours... Set us free and we will be yours. (^_^

anyway, i know there isn’t quite an answer to my anxiety over esfp “impulsiveness” (i’m using this term loosely) because i wonder if you don’t know how you’re going to feel in the future and you’re hoping for the best, what happens when you realize it’s not something you wanted? i have an esfp friend who is on the other side of the country pursuing fame and left his family behind. he knows he should be responsible but going back and being a dad instead of doing what he wants to do will put him into depression. and that freaks me out that someone could decide to have get married, have children, and then not be responsible for it because they’d rather find shiny things to pursue.
It can be hard. I stayed in a relationship way too long with someone I loved but wasn't in love with. I felt trapped and his emotional needs weren't being met. We were friends but we were no longer lovers. We got together way too young. I didn't really know what love was. A more mature ESFP is going to be more aware of the difference between limerence and love and want the real thing.

Question: did he not want his family to come with him? Or did they decide not to come?

i know it’s not the same because no two people of the same mbti are the same either, and we’re a great deal older than my friend who got married super young. and i do feel maybe it works in our dynamic because i ground the future for him while still having fun. i live in the present moment a lot but i also look ahead and foresee needs for the next step easily.
Your ESFP is very lucky to have you. You provide what we crave... we like grounding and knowing the best path to take. We don't like wasting our time or experiencing failures as we try to bumble our way through life. And someone who is willing to go on adventures with us...? Gold, pure gold.

Hmmm... drunk me isn't as thoughtful as sober me. I really am sorry... sober me will come by and edit this for depth and clarity tomorrow. (^_^;;;
 

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So, first of all, I will apologize. I'm a little inebriated so if my answers seem to be more all over the place than usual, that is why. I will come back to read this when I'm sober and fix for clarity as needed... until then, enjoy a drunken ESFP stream of consciousness!


and i tell him all the time he’s gonna try to marry me, and he agrees lol. because i’m really good at foreseeing future outcomes (i think out all the possibilities) and navigating the issues before they blow up. so i know, on my end, i need a dedicated loyal partner that is also serious about making it work.
I have an instinctive trust in my friend's dominant Ni. I like that they can see future problems and love that they care enough to warn me. No one is able to stop me in my tracks like my INTJ best friend. I trust her advice implicitly.

yep, definitely not happening here. i don’t want to trap anyone. i love unconditionally and just want the best for every single person. i try to leave people better than i found them always, and i don’t cling or get codependent because i love my life too, without a partner so if they’re not into me, it’s totally fine. i’d rather wait for someone who looks at me like i’m their entire universe (which btw he totally does).
Yus, my INFJ friend dated an ESFP for a while and she said that's what she adored the most about him. He would just gaze deep into her eyes and make her feel like she was the most important person on Earth. She loved his eyes. We ESFPs are awesome at adoration... and we adore nothing more than people who love us for us. Who don't try to change us into something that we're not. You know that old adage, if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours... Set us free and we will be yours. (^_^

anyway, i know there isn’t quite an answer to my anxiety over esfp “impulsiveness” (i’m using this term loosely) because i wonder if you don’t know how you’re going to feel in the future and you’re hoping for the best, what happens when you realize it’s not something you wanted? i have an esfp friend who is on the other side of the country pursuing fame and left his family behind. he knows he should be responsible but going back and being a dad instead of doing what he wants to do will put him into depression. and that freaks me out that someone could decide to have get married, have children, and then not be responsible for it because they’d rather find shiny things to pursue.
It can be hard. I stayed in a relationship way too long with someone I loved but wasn't in love with. I felt trapped and his emotional needs weren't being met. We were friends but we were no longer lovers. We got together way too young. I didn't really know what love was. A more mature ESFP is going to be more aware of the difference between limerence and love and want the real thing.

Question: did he not want his family to come with him? Or did they decide not to come?

i know it’s not the same because no two people of the same mbti are the same either, and we’re a great deal older than my friend who got married super young. and i do feel maybe it works in our dynamic because i ground the future for him while still having fun. i live in the present moment a lot but i also look ahead and foresee needs for the next step easily.
Your ESFP is very lucky to have you. You provide what we crave... we like grounding and knowing the best path to take. We don't like wasting our time or experiencing failures as we try to bumble our way through life. And someone who is willing to go on adventures with us...? Gold, pure gold.

Hmmm... drunk me isn't as thoughtful as sober me. I really am sorry... sober me will come by and edit this for depth and clarity tomorrow. (^_^;;;
thank you for all the drunk answers!! you’re too cute and sweet even when drunk! i felt like your answers were very coherent for drunkenness to be honest! lol.

would you say as an esfp since you’re not planning ahead, i should do that instead? i really am just so scared i’m falling so hard for someone, and i’m pretty certain we both feel the same thing. i don’t know if he’s gonna bring up the “relationship” talk or if it’s too soon for that. but considering the depth of feelings and him not actively dating anyone else and him saying it’s “very serious” are those clear enough signs? will he bring it up at some point? or do i need to just say “i don’t want to see anyone else. i need to know where this goes with us wholeheartedly because i can’t imagine feeling this way about anyone else.”

ahhh my mind is going bonkers! feelings are tough.
 

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thank you for all the drunk answers!! you’re too cute and sweet even when drunk! i felt like your answers were very coherent for drunkenness to be honest! lol.

would you say as an esfp since you’re not planning ahead, i should do that instead? i really am just so scared i’m falling so hard for someone, and i’m pretty certain we both feel the same thing. i don’t know if he’s gonna bring up the “relationship” talk or if it’s too soon for that. but considering the depth of feelings and him not actively dating anyone else and him saying it’s “very serious” are those clear enough signs? will he bring it up at some point? or do i need to just say “i don’t want to see anyone else. i need to know where this goes with us wholeheartedly because i can’t imagine feeling this way about anyone else.”

ahhh my mind is going bonkers! feelings are tough.
Ahahaha... it was kinda embarrassing writing all of that when drunk because I really felt like my thoughts were a lot more random than they normally are. You're very kind to appreciate them, jumbled as they are. :heart:

Don't feel like you *have* to plan ahead, but it you are doing it anyway, we'll gladly come along for the ride. Not being able to clearly see the future is one of our big fears and when we stop and take a look at our lives, we find that we've wasted them away. So anyone who can help us find our direction is priceless to us.

Yeah, I think he would love it if you said that to him. Sounds like he's invested already... we ESFPs value authenticity. We don't say anything that we don't feel. I kinda think he hasn't fully confessed to you because he's worried about scaring you off. You letting him know how you feel will give him the permission he needs to let loose the reins. Hope you're ready for the wild and crazy ride. (^.~
 

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Ahahaha... it was kinda embarrassing writing all of that when drunk because I really felt like my thoughts were a lot more random than they normally are. You're very kind to appreciate them, jumbled as they are. :heart:

Don't feel like you *have* to plan ahead, but it you are doing it anyway, we'll gladly come along for the ride. Not being able to clearly see the future is one of our big fears and when we stop and take a look at our lives, we find that we've wasted them away. So anyone who can help us find our direction is priceless to us.

Yeah, I think he would love it if you said that to him. Sounds like he's invested already... we ESFPs value authenticity. We don't say anything that we don't feel. I kinda think he hasn't fully confessed to you because he's worried about scaring you off. You letting him know how you feel will give him the permission he needs to let loose the reins. Hope you're ready for the wild and crazy ride. (^.~
curious, how ESFPs invest anyway? how would you know what you'd want to invest in if you don't often see past the present moment?

lol wait-- what wild and crazy ride?!

ALSO YOU ARE SERIOUSLY THE BEST I CAN'T EVEN. thank you for taking the time to write out such thoughtful responses. you're so sweet i can't handle it!!!
 

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Ahahaha... it was kinda embarrassing writing all of that when drunk because I really felt like my thoughts were a lot more random than they normally are. You're very kind to appreciate them, jumbled as they are. :heart:

Don't feel like you *have* to plan ahead, but it you are doing it anyway, we'll gladly come along for the ride. Not being able to clearly see the future is one of our big fears and when we stop and take a look at our lives, we find that we've wasted them away. So anyone who can help us find our direction is priceless to us.

Yeah, I think he would love it if you said that to him. Sounds like he's invested already... we ESFPs value authenticity. We don't say anything that we don't feel. I kinda think he hasn't fully confessed to you because he's worried about scaring you off. You letting him know how you feel will give him the permission he needs to let loose the reins. Hope you're ready for the wild and crazy ride. (^.~
p.s. i told him AHHH...
 

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i am waiting for his response... he was half asleep reading my message last night and told me he feels what i had to say and he'd read it again in the morning when he's more awake. AHHH *freaks out*
What does the bolded mean? He feels the same? Or is it that he feels what you had to say was important?

Did you write exactly what you wrote as an example above?

It's the morning... did he get back to you? *hugs*
 

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Discussion Starter #18 (Edited)
i am waiting for his response... he was half asleep reading my message last night and told me he feels what i had to say and he'd read it again in the morning when he's more awake. AHHH *freaks out*
What does the bolded mean? He feels the same? Or is it that he feels what you had to say was important?

Did you write exactly what you wrote as an example above?

It's the morning... did he get back to you? *hugs*

“I definitely feel everything you said.” then said to please let him read it in the am cuz he’s out of it atm.

idk i just wrote what he said lol. he texted me around noon to say he hopes i was having a good day and he started work at dawn.

he’s not great about addressing feeling things head on though i’ve noticed. usually takes him some time to process and figure it out. i also have to say i sent a rather long message (novel lol) about what we could work on together as a team to help our relationship dynamic because it’s feeling serious but i feel the foundation could be more solid.

i’m nervous but also i feel if he didn’t want to try or talk about things he wouldn’t be texting me?

i don’t want to get all in my head but i always have these scary thoughts of being strung along. :unsure:
 

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“I definitely feel everything you said.” then said to please let him read it in the am cuz he’s out of it atm.

idk i just wrote what he said lol. he texted me around noon to say he hopes i was having a good day and he started work at dawn.

he’s not great about addressing feeling things head on though i’ve noticed. usually takes him some time to process and figure it out. i also have to say i sent a rather long message (novel lol) about what we could work on together as a team to help our relationship dynamic because it’s feeling serious but i feel the foundation could be more solid.

i’m nervous but also i feel if he didn’t want to try or talk about things he wouldn’t be texting me?

i don’t want to get all in my head but i always have these scary thoughts of being strung along. :unsure:
Ahahaha! You failed to mention that it was a novel! Okay, that explains the delay. (^_^

And yes, him texting you is a good sign.

If I care about someone and they write me a novel, I feel like I need to take the time to seriously consider what they are saying. I want to dissect and address their message so that they know that I am taking them seriously. I don't want them to feel like I am taking their words lightly.

Your point of view about the relationship could also come as a surprise for him and he may need time to absorb and accept your critiques. And yes, we're a sensitive lot. Even though you say 'this is stuff we can work on together,' I'm going to hear, this is stuff that you're not doing right. It will seem like a critique to us. But if he's a mature ESFP, he will realize that relationships involve adjusting. We usually like to be more organic about it (because we're P's) but we can understand an adjust to a J-temperament. Just be willing to discuss and perhaps compromise so he doesn't feel fettered. Too much structure takes us out of the joy of a relationship. It feels controlling. If I consider all my past relationships, I usually ended up with guys who adjusted to my lifestyle rather than vice-versa. We ESFPs can be selfish due to our Fi - it's hard to get us to do something that we don't want to do.
 

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Attraction is darned quick for me.

Your comment below could be seen as quite disheartening, which is why he retracted his first exclamation of love.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! YOU CAN'T JUST JOKE ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT."
He might need to digest both that comment and the following novel.
 
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