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Discussion Starter #1
Hey everyone-- been combing through the threads, but wanted to ask how I should I specifically approach my friend about being interested in them. For clarity, I'm an ENFP-T (24F) and I'm interested in a fellow ENFP (24F). Since we are both women, I guess I'm not used to pursuing this forwardly haha.

Context: Met a month ago through mutual friends, had a drunken make out session at one point recently and cuddled, but our friendship is still very much intact. I don't know whether she's interested in me-- but drunk her has said that she wanted to date me. I know better than to take 100% face value what a drunk and horny person says after a couple shots, but can't help keep this in mind.

She's currently getting over someone, and is slightly hung up and doesn't seem 100% ready to date and I respect that. During our make out session, I drunkenly said that I wouldn't date her because she was still going through that, and somehow she remembered that clearly haha. The intuitive in me says that she's at least a bit interested, but her emotions seem kinda guarded and I can't get a good read on how she feels about me, besides our occasional flirting with each other. We often have deep talks which is hard on both of us since we don't like the "negativity", but I have found that I've developed better introspection with the talks and find that I appreciate talking about our feelings and the depth it comes with.

We have good rapport and have a lot of fun together, and I'm thinking of just laying it out there that I'm interested, with no pressure, and letting her decide if she would be interested too. I'm not looking to be anyone's second choice or rebound, and am okay with her rejecting me if it comes to that. Our friendship is relatively new but I think will be okay in the end. :)
Would love any advice; like would you lay it out like that, how best to approach a fellow ENFP on this matter, etc.

Thanks!
 

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Beer Guardian
ENTP 5w6 So/Sx 584 ILE Honorary INTJ
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I think you're just going to have to ask her. What have you got to lose? Tell her you're interested when she's ready for something serious, until then, you're happy to be friends?
 

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Context: Met a month ago through mutual friends, had a drunken make out session at one point recently and cuddled, but our friendship is still very much intact. I don't know whether she's interested in me-- but drunk her has said that she wanted to date me. I know better than to take 100% face value what a drunk and horny person says after a couple shots, but can't help keep this in mind.
You just have to ask, I feel alcohol reveals your inner thoughts often. I believe what she said could be legitimate but you just have to ask. ENFPs will be authentic with you, so just ask and see what happens.
 

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“I’d like to kiss you when we’re not drunk”. at a good moment in a talk.

I don’t know.. is that even in the realm of what you need? It sounds like you want to go forward a bit more deliberately than that? But is the timing right? I’m middle aged and the rules of dating have changed in 20 years and the rules of dating same sex might be different than I understand. So I apologize if I’m not quite getting to what you need.

Often the friendship is as important or more important than romance. So maybe don’t define it for a bit? Or maybe just keep going with the friendship until she is over her ex?
What do you think?
 
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Discussion Starter #5
Thanks for all the replies! Took everyone's thoughts into consideration...

I met up with her for coffee and laid it out in the open, saying that I was interested and that there was no pressure from her side. My gut feeling was unfortunately correct though-- she's really not over this guy (she hasn't cut contact) and isn't going to be emotionally available for a while. She separately noted that she was in fact interested in me and that's why she felt safe enough that night to be that drunk and affectionate, but would feel awful involving me in her current emotional situation.

I told her I didn't want to be her rebound/second choice/drama buddy either, so I opted to stay as friends. I made it clear that while I wouldn't wait around, if she does become available and and I'm also available, I may be down to reconnect. While disappointed, I can't say I didn't intuitively already know this would be the likely outcome--- but for my own sake, I'm glad I no longer have to harbor this overthinking "what-if" idea.

As for the ENFP side of things, we ENFPs definitely have some hesitancy in saying firm "no's". We're compassionate and authentic people and don't like seeing other people hurt, which is a lovely trait, but my god, is it toxic haha. We never realize how much we're hurting ourselves, until we're deep into the hurt. Wish we could extend our own compassion to ourselves more often. (This is both for me and her!)

Again, appreciate all your responses! Further advice is welcomed, if this scenario resonates.
 

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Just go ahead and ask her. You already know we're pretty much straight forward most of the time (even as drunkards), so you have nothing to lose. In fact, I do believe you've got more to win here than anything. As a fellow ENFP-T I do believe you should let her know and everything will be alright. She must be having a bit of a feelings conflict and doesn't really want to be hurt again ('). That's my primary guess... Emotional unavailability sucks, but I give you winning chances and am optimistic about your situation. Speak up, you two!.
 
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