[POLARbearEXPRESS]

I've been realizing lately that the more I figure out someone else, the more I learn that they know very little about me. I guess that comes with the job-description of being...well, and infj. I've noticed that I go about practicing some of my best qualities in a very, VERY inconspicuous way. So, I was wondering, what quality of yours do you feel you are the most sneaky about?

 

[raj]

probably my concern for others and humanity in general. i walk around like i am so hard and cold, people (outside of those that "know" me) are always so surprised to find that i'm actually a caring person.

 

[calire89]

Here's one... most people don't really realize I'm a good listener-- though of course that has a lot to do with the fact that they're, you know, talking at the time. I also care a LOT about other people-- I'm very compassionate, and I'm thinking about going into the social work field after I graduate. I seem like a cold person because I have a somewhat acerbic sense of humor, but I really do care.

 

[Ghostwriter]

well... I have a very very good memory. Almost a perfect recall. I can remember in great detail almost any event even years after the fact.

And yet often times I find myself saying things like "what was that character's name again? or "what was it she said?" or "Oh yeah, now I remember!" Even though I already know the answer. I pretend to strain and concentrate with memory like everyone else does. I've only just realized how very often I do it.

there have been times when I'm telling someone about a movie I've seen and I find myself quoting the dialogue word for word. this causes people to stare and ask me how many times I've seen the movie before. To which I meekly answer:
"uh... Once?"

I guess I just don't want to appear obsessive or anal. So I fake it.

 

[POLARbearEXPRESS]

Very, very interesting. It would appear that we all hide some of our better, more altruistic qualities. Why do you think that is, aside from the obvious reasons?

 

[calire89]

Well, I think that might have to do with the meaningful relationships we try to cultivate... we don't give out our energy and kindness to just anyone (on a regular basis-- of course, I'd like to think I'd stop for someone injured on the side of the road).

 

[myjazz]

This seems to fall under the Counselor description of INFJ's. Being a good listener and keeping your own self out of equation unless needed or as little as possible. Which happens to be some of the reasons INFJ's are given the description as a Counselor.

http://personalitycafe.com/infj-articles/12931-counselors-infj-personality.html

 

[Female INFJ]

POLARbearEXPRESS - I dislike sneakiness of all kinds. I am as open as possible when communicating with other people. However I am discreet. In public settings I only tell people what they need to know about me. Now this is where I think many INFJs may disagree: I don't believe in asking anyone anything private about themselves, even if it is for the purpose of 'counselling' another person - without understanding that I too should offer the same level of disclosure in return, and without a persons permission. Unless counseling as a profession, I don't see the need for that type of secrecy.

I find these situations very unbalanced, and I will be wary of anyone trying to 'help' me, and now allowing me to 'help' them in return, or ask them questions that match the degree of intimacy they are demanding from me. I tend to leave those situations immediately. Or if I give into a situation like this (rare) I feel really down on myself for opening up to someone who will not do the same in return. I dislike sneakiness in others, and I don't desire to behave this way in any form. I'm sure this makes me boring, but I stick to my beleifs on this one always.

And although INFJ, I never go out and 'counsel' people, unless they ask me for assistance directly. Or if I see someone is asking for help indirectly, then I may indirectly try to assist. I think there is a little 'Ego' involved with persons who push their help on others when it isn't needed, and they feel as though they are 'helping'.

Maybe sneaky isn't the nicest word here. Perhaps the word 'Subtle' may be nicer. This I am, people often don't notice what I am doing until the results of my actions are shown. But I am not being this way in an attempt to be sneaky. I just don't desire attention for most of my actions. Which I think is fine by me. But every person is different in how they help others. Perhaps other INFJs are like this, this is why their actions may not go noticed initially.

Maybe there is sneakiness in actions that are made to look like 'helping' another, but are done with 'selfish' intentions. I can see where that could happen. If a person is aware they are doing this, then it is sneaky. I think someone people do this, because self-protection is almost ingrained like a reaction, where they wouldn't be able to tell the difference. I am more forgiving on myself and others if that is the case.

There are circumstances like at the workplace and in unpleasant situations where being 'helpful' or putting on a mask may be necessary to a certain degree. I can't say I am a fan of it, but some persons use 'Friend-zones' to get closer to people without revealing their true feelings initially (there is a Thread on that) but to a degree I can see how that can happen. But to outwardly be sneaky, to get a desired result, as regular behavior, then that is not nice - and not something I am into.

 

[Boroos]

I understand what you mean by being sneaky and I wonder if this might be an example is some cases at least of humility?

 

[POLARbearEXPRESS]

POLARbearEXPRESS - I dislike sneakiness of all kinds. I am as open as possible when communicating with other people. However I am discreet. In public settings I only tell people what they need to know about me. Now this is where I think many INFJs may disagree: I don't believe in asking anyone anything private about themselves, even if it is for the purpose of 'counselling' another person - without understanding that I too should offer the same level of disclosure in return, and without a persons permission. Unless counseling as a profession, I don't see the need for that type of secrecy.

I find these situations very unbalanced, and I will be wary of anyone trying to 'help' me, and now allowing me to 'help' them in return, or ask them questions that match the degree of intimacy they are demanding from me. I tend to leave those situations immediately. Or if I give into a situation like this (rare) I feel really down on myself for opening up to someone who will not do the same in return. I dislike sneakiness in others, and I don't desire to behave this way in any form. I'm sure this makes me boring, but I stick to my beleifs on this one always.

And although INFJ, I never go out and 'counsel' people, unless they ask me for assistance directly. Or if I see someone is asking for help indirectly, then I may indirectly try to assist. I think there is a little 'Ego' involved with persons who push their help on others when it isn't needed, and they feel as though they are 'helping'.

Maybe sneaky isn't the nicest word here. Perhaps the word 'Subtle' may be nicer. This I am, people often don't notice what I am doing until the results of my actions are shown. But I am not being this way in an attempt to be sneaky. I just don't desire attention for most of my actions. Which I think is fine by me. But every person is different in how they help others. Perhaps other INFJs are like this, this is why their actions may not go noticed initially.

Maybe there is sneakiness in actions that are made to look like 'helping' another, but are done with 'selfish' intentions. I can see where that could happen. If a person is aware they are doing this, then it is sneaky. I think someone people do this, because self-protection is almost ingrained like a reaction, where they wouldn't be able to tell the difference. I am more forgiving on myself and others if that is the case.

There are circumstances like at the workplace and in unpleasant situations where being 'helpful' or putting on a mask may be necessary to a certain degree. I can't say I am a fan of it, but some persons use 'Friend-zones' to get closer to people without revealing their true feelings initially (there is a Thread on that) but to a degree I can see how that can happen. But to outwardly be sneaky, to get a desired result, as regular behavior, then that is not nice - and not something I am into.

Interesting point of view. I understand completely what you're saying, and I respect your stance on the matter. However, I think you may have misunderstood my use of the term "sneaky". What I was trying to get across was very basic. I guess, as you suggested, subtle may have been a term you would have related to more.

 

[POLARbearEXPRESS]

I understand what you mean by being sneaky and I wonder if this might be an example is some cases at least of humility?

This was basically my sentiment on the subject. I do agree that in some cases, humility is the catalyst for being so...reserved? I wonder, though, what about being a little less quiet about good deeds would make us uncomfortable. I, myself, get extremely uneasy if I am "found out" while trying to counsel someone. It's not for reasons pertaining to ego or self-righteousness, but having said that, I can't really locate the actual reason.

 

[Null]

When I was in high school I tended to stick to normal/easier classes when I should've been in harder classes and I'd figure things out quickly, people would say things like "why are you so smart" or "how are you able to do this" with weird looks on their faces so I got into the habit of acting clueless and lost when I knew exactly what was going on. The habit caught on in my everyday life and I started to do it more to fit into crowds.

I feel like by doing this over the course of many years has caused me to actually become much stupider and clumsy though, i don't recommend it.

 

[vel]

I can relate to trying to trying to come off as more assholish than I really am - advertising Ti and hiding the Fe. I find it funny that ENTPs do exactly opposite - they publicly demonstrate their Fe and hide their Ti and so actually come off nicer that they are ("charming" I believe is the adjective that they are often labeled with). Interestingly, ENFPs are usually first people to see through this charade.

I also ask really stupid questions at times the answers to which I already know. Not sure why I do this, but sometimes it serves as a catalyst for conversation. I feel it is rude to make remarks about other people or ask them about themselves, so I ask about something that they can easily answer. Then may be we can talk about that.

 

[Goodewitch]

Do good and disappear.

Why? ...Fe compulsion, listening to my heart? Not wanting to draw attention or praise or thanks that feel like they obligate the other person too much, and also myself.
I'm private, I will help, or buildsomeone up by allowing them to beleive they have taught me something, or informed me of something or helped me,.. I want them to feel good.
When they feel good, I feel as if I've fulfilled my hearts obligations, and can return to my peace and quiet.
So, yes, Im sneaky.
G. x

 

[judofan]

I knew an INFJ that hated red meat, so he'd store it in his cheeks, excuse himself to the bathroom, and spit it into the toilet when he was a kid. He went through great pains to convince his grandpa that he liked something he hated. Why do INFJs lie, pretend, and orchestrate these elaborate ruses when it takes them so far from their goal of being loved?

 

[Female INFJ]

Interesting point of view. I understand completely what you're saying, and I respect your stance on the matter. However, I think you may have misunderstood my use of the term "sneaky". What I was trying to get across was very basic. I guess, as you suggested, subtle may have been a term you would have related to more.

POLARbearEXPRESS - hello again, I apologize, I likely missed your meaning of 'sneaky' in your initial post. I am kind of coming along here. I was just putting out some thoughts that came about immediately in my mind, and sharing. Certainly I can see that happening for sure. I had a friend who knew me for over 10 years, and still said to me occasionally," wow, I never knew that about you?!".

It kind of felt good when she said that. Like I have something special about me or something. Or likely I realized, she spends a lot of time focusing on her and her problems, instead of on me. And honestly I rarely offer information about myself, unless it is asked for. Or if I feel by sharing stuff about myself, another person can give me another perspective or assist me through a problem. So sure I kind of get your initial post. I'm not calling you sneaky or anything in a bad way! I was just putting out further thoughts.

Please elaborate on what you mean by sneakiness if you like. I likely have a cloud in my mind today, and may just be 'missing it'. Maybe an example.

Good topic, I don't think I've seen this one before

 

[POLARbearEXPRESS]

POLARbearEXPRESS - hello again, I apologize, I likely missed your meaning of 'sneaky' in your initial post. I am kind of coming along here. I was just putting out some thoughts that came about immediately in my mind, and sharing. Certainly I can see that happening for sure. I had a friend who knew me for over 10 years, and still said to me occasionally," wow, I never knew that about you?!".

It kind of felt good when she said that. Like I have something special about me or something. Or likely I realized, she spends a lot of time focusing on her and her problems, instead of on me. And honestly I rarely offer information about myself, unless it is asked for. Or if I feel by sharing stuff about myself, another person can give me another perspective or assist me through a problem. So sure I kind of get your initial post. I'm not calling you sneaky or anything in a bad way! I was just putting out further thoughts.

Please elaborate on what you mean by sneakiness if you like. I likely have a cloud in my mind today, and may just be 'missing it'. Maybe an example.

Good topic, I don't think I've seen this one before

Haha no no, I did not mean to give you the impression that you offended me! You did not at all! I was very interested in your initial post, as I can relate but have never really thought about it too much on a conscious level, apparently.

Isn't it interesting, or maybe even a little overwhelming, when someone points something out about you that you weren't even aware of exhibiting in the first place? When people say things like "I never knew that about you!", it's a mixture of emotions for me. I can definitely see where you're coming from on the basis that it feels kind of good, because it's like someone is turning the key in the like a bit more before opening the door. But on another level, does it feel at all to you like maybe they should have noticed before? I don't know, I know it's my own fault for being so reserved, but I know a lot about my reserved friends without them having to say it! I guess that's just the INFJ in me though, :tongue:

I suppose what I meant by sneakiness was subtlety, you put it best by describing it that way. A very surface-stuck example would be something like....okay say there's a group of people and I'm aware that one of them hates amusement parks and as the rest of them suggest we should go to one, I say something like "No, no. I had a bad experience once at an amusement park, let's find something else to do." or maybe just deny liking rollercoasters in an effort to make the actual person who dislikes them feel more at ease while sparing them from the discomfort of thwarting the groups plan. That was an extremely random and round-about example that had no roots in reality so I apologize if that only further increased the cloud in your mind! haha

 

[POLARbearEXPRESS]

I knew an INFJ that hated red meat, so he'd store it in his cheeks, excuse himself to the bathroom, and spit it into the toilet when he was a kid. He went through great pains to convince his grandpa that he liked something he hated. Why do INFJs lie, pretend, and orchestrate these elaborate ruses when it takes them so far from their goal of being loved?

Wow, that's very interesting. I wish I could answer this question, because it's something I often wonder about myself (hence me starting this thread). I suppose for me, I lie, pretend, and orchestrate in order to upset/offend/discomfort other people. What you described is an extremely intense case of this, but I think the overall reasoning would be the same for any INFJ- we are who we need to be in order to make those involved feel appreciated, comfortable, and understood, in simple terms.

 

[Dalien]

I have recently been told I am the "Invisible Girl". A friend was giving me, my sister, and another friend names. Now, you tell me just how she knew, if I was invisible if I was sitting right there in the midst of this conversation? LOL Here is another conversation with some high school friends that I hadn't seen in years that goes right along with the "Invisible Girl": One friend said to another, "Dalien says she remembers you and you don't remember her?" The other girl said, "Nope" The one friend responds with, "Well, she was always quiet, but you always knew she was there!" I was laughing hard at this. It was true. Still is! I don't do this intentially. It just happens. I do speak though just not as much as most of my friends. With certain ones, you can't shut me up.

 

[POLARbearEXPRESS]

I have recently been told I am the "Invisible Girl". A friend was giving me, my sister, and another friend names. Now, you tell me just how she knew, if I was invisible if I was sitting right there in the midst of this conversation? LOL Here is another conversation with some high school friends that I hadn't seen in years that goes right along with the "Invisible Girl": One friend said to another, "Dalien says she remembers you and you don't remember her?" The other girl said, "Nope" The one friend responds with, "Well, she was always quiet, but you always knew she was there!" I was laughing hard at this. It was true. Still is! I don't do this intentially. It just happens. I do speak though just not as much as most of my friends. With certain ones, you can't shut me up.

LOL! That conversation is very indicative of your type. It's so funny how that happens. I understand the whole element of being a quiet person except when it comes to some people. I'm typically quiet to a degree, but my best friend (murderegina on here) is an INFP and for some reason I don't shut up around her!