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For those who are feelers, how have the thinkers in your life affected your views on feelings/emotions?

For thinkers, how have the feelers in your life affected how you view feelings/emotions?

Has it been mainly positive or negative for you? Has it changed how you view those who are opposite you in this regard?

I’m curious how these two aspects of personality affect one another in terms of one’s perception of feelings.

Personally, I’ve found that being friends with thinkers has had a positive effect on not only how I view thinkers in general, but also how I perceive my own feelings, and how I go about expressing them.
 

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I would say positive, because it opened up my mind more and I am more able to understand their perspectives, even if I don't feel or think the same way. That's usually a good thing to learn in life.

I notice that my thinker friends are extremely problem-solving oriented people. If I have an emotional problem, I might just want to rant, but they don't know this, so they instead offer solutions to problems I already feel there is no good solution to. That might cause some arguments to arise, but if we understand these differences between each other, it helps us to understand each other's purposes better.

For example, my thinker friends might tell me "it's easy, just do X, Y and Z. I don't understand why it's so hard for you" and I will respond "I literally do not understand how to even begin on X let alone get to Z. I just do not comprehend", because my mind doesn't work that way. I can't just stop feeling some way by using logical means. The feelings tend to control me, not the other way around.
 

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It's actually hard for me to categorize people to that degree and then identify an across-the-board net effect.

I guess each person I know has too different an impact for me to say.
 
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I would say positive, because it opened up my mind more and I am more able to understand their perspectives, even if I don't feel or think the same way. That's usually a good thing to learn in life.

I notice that my thinker friends are extremely problem-solving oriented people. If I have an emotional problem, I might just want to rant, but they don't know this, so they instead offer solutions to problems I already feel there is no good solution to. That might cause some arguments to arise, but if we understand these differences between each other, it helps us to understand each other's purposes better.

For example, my thinker friends might tell me "it's easy, just do X, Y and Z. I don't understand why it's so hard for you" and I will respond "I literally do not understand how to even begin on X let alone get to Z. I just do not comprehend", because my mind doesn't work that way. I can't just stop feeling some way by using logical means. The feelings tend to control me, not the other way around.
I learned how NOT to be the solution center of my house with my sister and mom (ISFP AND ESFP). They have taught me a lot.
Some F types do appreciate the solutions though. And I think that in all F cases, instead of being told step-by-step how to do something that can "solve" their problems, they need to be explained the principle behind each step. Especially for FP types.
It's like telling a story works much better than telling them an equation, you know what I mean?
I always noticed that I never grasped the moral of a story (probably why I have never liked disney, ugh) but I always caught on to how some characters went about doing something. I never paid attention to the morality behind spiderman, but I was alway fascinated by the concept of holding on to buildings with your hands and feet. What does it take? Would those little hairs at the tips of your fingers really hold you, like the movie depicted?
Where as, "with great power comes great responsibility", that never came to mind and I didn't really look into applying it. I never understood Peter Parker's guilt over uncle Ben. "dude... you have arachnid abilities now... Uncle Ben would be proud, go do something cool! You literally have no reason to be sad! Peter! Please! Stop crying! Oh my god..."
I think F types in general are better at grasping the morality and overall theme of a story while T types may focus at the inconsistencies or accuracies displayed in the behavior of the characters or the environments.
 

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I learned how NOT to be the solution center of my house with my sister and mom (ISFP AND ESFP). They have taught me a lot.
Some F types do appreciate the solutions though. And I think that in all F cases, instead of being told step-by-step how to do something that can "solve" their problems, they need to be explained the principle behind each step. Especially for FP types.
It's like telling a story works much better than telling them an equation, you know what I mean?
I always noticed that I never grasped the moral of a story (probably why I have never liked disney, ugh) but I always caught on to how some characters went about doing something. I never paid attention to the morality behind spiderman, but I was alway fascinated by the concept of holding on to buildings with your hands and feet. What does it take? Would those little hairs at the tips of your fingers really hold you, like the movie depicted?
Where as, "with great power comes great responsibility", that never came to mind and I didn't really look into applying it. I never understood Peter Parker's guilt over uncle Ben. "dude... you have arachnid abilities now... Uncle Ben would be proud, go do something cool! You literally have no reason to be sad! Peter! Please! Stop crying! Oh my god..."
I think F types in general are better at grasping the morality and overall theme of a story while T types may focus at the inconsistencies or accuracies displayed in the behavior of the characters or the environments.
I think so too. The action really doesn't matter without the feeling/value essence behind it to me. My thinker friends are more likely to reflect on what/why something is happening rather than how they/someone else feels about it.
 

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I think so too. The action really doesn't matter without the feeling/value essence behind it to me. My thinker friends are more likely to reflect on what/why something is happening rather than how they/someone else feels about it.
I love Fi dominants because of their focus on this. It's really fascinating to me. I mean, the beauty of humans, nature, and human nature can be most accurately explored by Fi users in my opinion (I think about Bjork being one of my favorite celebrity examples of this).
I have to admit though, it's not always easy. I refrain from being myself around many Fi users if I respect them because I don't want to come across as a thoughtless "just get it over it/solve it" jerk. But an example where my impersonal approach to life can fail to amuse an Fi can be found in this scenario: Music appreciation. If you attached your identity and deepest emotions to music (music is really a shortcut to such anyways), the conversations covering this topic can open room for the kind of silent judgements found in political or religious conversations.
Some INFP's and I get a great start on our friendship as we appreciate each other's Ne insight until... Well, I'll give an example right here: If you were to hand me your headphones to listen to a song that means a lot to you so that you can see what I think about it and if I catch on to the same vibes, my facial expression would need to be faked in order not to disappoint you, and that in itself you'd probably hate (like, if you were to show me any song by evanescence, me being nice would be "Oh, yeah I've heard of them before, never really gotten into them" and I'd refrain from speaking my mind about the band).
The worst part is that I always notice that we don't clash in the same way I would with a sensor, as in, we totally don't get each other's taste at all, be it an ISFJ's country music or an ESFP's pop song vs my weird taste.
We understand what we like and don't like, we just appreciate (judge it) in very different ways.
"I like this artist because they do X and Y! Have you ever noticed?"
"Yeah, I caught on to that, and I HATE this artist exactly because they do X and Y"
I used to listen to music on the bus ride to school with this INFP girl that was really cool, and I always hated it when she put on Linkin Park. It was terrible. I never told her that I hated them so much, but I did tell her my opinion after she told me hers:
HER: "They're super emo. They talk to my teenage self so well"
ME: "Yeah, I know. I have felt that too. However, I have always thought they do that intentionally in order to appeal to younger audiences and that's how they make their money as well as how they sell their mediocre merchandise"
HER: "Yeah... I know, but they still get to me"
What else is there to say? She was able to look past what trigger me because her focus was completely different.
I just learned to put up with it and I never deleted Linkin Park from my iPod because I dreaded the day she would look for Linkin Park there and be really hurt at the fact that I deleted them, assuming more things behind the reasons for me doing so.
I mean, one of the songs there reminded her of someone she really loved and who she carried in her heart every day. I wasn't going to do that to her.
I'm glad the school year ended though!

Ti vs Fi: Who wins?
Neither. They should just shake hands, agree to disagree and meet later.
 

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I used to listen to music on the bus ride to school with this INFP girl that was really cool, and I always hated it when she put on Linkin Park. It was terrible. I never told her that I hated them so much, but I did tell her my opinion after she told me hers:
HER: "They're super emo. They talk to my teenage self so well"
ME: "Yeah, I know. I have felt that too. However, I have always thought they do that intentionally in order to appeal to younger audiences and that's how they make their money as well as how they sell their mediocre merchandise"
HER: "Yeah... I know, but they still get to me"
What else is there to say? She was able to look past what trigger me because her focus was completely different.
I just learned to put up with it and I never deleted Linkin Park from my iPod because I dreaded the day she would look for Linkin Park there and be really hurt at the fact that I deleted them, assuming more things behind the reasons for me doing so.
I mean, one of the songs there reminded her of someone she really loved and who she carried in her heart every day. I wasn't going to do that to her.
I'm glad the school year ended though!

Ti vs Fi: Who wins?
Neither. They should just shake hands, agree to disagree and meet later.
It's fascinating to me that behind the words you quoted, there is a much deeper, meaningful layer that can be missed if we just look at them at face value. :happy:
 

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I myself may have missed the theme. What is it?
Lol, well the theme to my understanding is that behind harsher more "mechanical" words of a Thinker, there could actually be more meaning and sentiment that one would originally have thought. Which opens up a new perspective for Feeler types to not be too sensitive, as it might not be as bad as they felt. Or vice versa, be more insightful to what is actually being conveyed past simple words.
 

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@stormgirl

I have a hard time understanding the question. I've known plenty of emotional thinkers and logical feelers. I wonder if this doesn't make it difficult for most people to understand the dichotomy between thinking and feeling. It is about value judgments. So maybe we need to look at how our value judgments affect one another?
 

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I’m curious how these two aspects of personality affect one another in terms of one’s perception of feelings.
Okay, well that is a good question.
I'm going to attack it from the anima/animus angle I think.
No topic on thinker and feeler relations is complete without it.

It is no secret that Jung pinned men as thinkers and females as feelers.
Hence he set up the anima as an unconscious component of the thinker
and the animus as an unconscious component of the feeler.

Animus and anima mean that the thinker goes into feeling and the feeler goes into thinking.
Not only that but there is an emotional response accompanying the thinking or feeling.
As emotions are not ruled out just because one thinks.
Feeling is worth, not emotion.

In thinker/feeler relations it always becomes a question
if one ticks off the archetypal anima/animus complexes of the other person.
In other words if one is led to start projecting.

Now Jung was very caught up with the female and male aspect of it.
Sure if one has a romance over the thinker/feeler divide the projection will get an extra boost.
As now there is a huge interaction with a lot at stake.
Whatever insecurities already present will be amplified.
This battle of projection is more or less what makes a good romance novel.
Or romantic tragedy if the types are too incompatible.

This depends in a huge part on what the complexes of the person consists of.
In other words the content in the persons personal unconscious.
That is after all where complexes resides.
They are patterns of content created by the introverted functions.
Fairly isolated and at odds with the objective world.
Like Ti "logic" that meets Fe objective valuations.
INTP that meets an ESFJ.
There is going to be a reaction there.

This is where one is forced to employ ones inferior function to deal with the information.
Both types in our scenario will feel inferior confronted with the others stance.
But for very different reasons.
The INTP will have much more solid complexes
as Ti will have tons and tons of subjective frameworks in its complexes.
While the ESFJ will be forced to expand its complexes to deal with information
that it has never before tried to deal with.
The object comes and it goes, no need to try to catch it and deal with it.
So the ESFJ will feel like it hasn't prepared,
while the INTP will feel like the external world is placing unreasonable demands.

But, this is just a very limited sample of thinkers and feelers.
A more or less perfect match of duality as it is called.
It is a very disturbing situation and will probably result in some friction.
But, not as disturbing as some of the other situations,
as these two will be able to quickly adopt to each other.
The nature of the complexes or lack thereof isn't too hard to deal with.

It would be much harder for the INTP to meet an ESFP.
Suddenly it will have to contend with strong Se,
that challenge the much more flimsy complex order of Si.
While the ESFP will have to contend with strong Ti
that challenge the almost total lack of complexes there.

Not to mention the extra burden of Fi and Ne of the auxes.
But these will be quickly shut down as the anima/animus of the respective types goes into full bloom.
In both the scenarios outlined, projection is likely.
However in the second scenario projection is almost guaranteed.
There is just too much disconnect and inferiority.
From this one could say that different combinations of feeler and thinkers
should get a different level of anima/animus score.
As there is a different probability of dragging the other into an anima/animus projection.
There is a individual difference also, we cannot give every INTP the same score.
The content in their complexes and the extent of these complexes will be different.
 
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Difficult question. But nothing is hard except for penis.

Btw, I'm a both feeler and a thinker. Ti/Fe ya know. Duh.

For those who are feelers, how have the thinkers in your life affected your views on feelings/emotions?
- well they don't get affected because they're too unaware of it xD they're emotionally stupid they only sympathize. They don’t know empathy.

For thinkers, how have the feelers in your life affected how you view feelings/emotions?
- well, i think they learn how to be more realistic i guess. Like i see feelers are mostly driven by their emotions / feelings that's why they tend to make a bad decision. That they will later regret and self pity. They just care too much with what people thinks of them, i think. Or they love or hate people too much.

Has it been mainly positive or negative for you?
- Both. I'm no perfect just cool.

Has it changed how you view those who are opposite you in this regard?
- Hmm. I'm actually neutral. I try to understand people first if I'm healthy. But sometimes i have pms, i get totally lame, unhealthy, and a total loser.
 

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@stormgirl

I've been doing a little more research as the anima/animus is always a tricky topic to touch on.
I said that when the anima/animus is activated projection starts.
But what is projected?

Jung said it was the image of the perfect partner.
So what if you are straight and meets a person of the same sex
or gay and meets a person of the opposite sex?
Then one will feel the attraction and immediately feel a strong ambivalence.
Cause the seeking of wholeness that the anima/animus represent
comes in conflict with how one resolved the Oædipus problem.
Did one identify with a male or female parental figure and all that good stuff.

Now this seeking of wholeness through another person drives relationships to a great extent.
But, it is always a projection, even in duality. (Like in the ESFJ-INTP example)
One does not see the person, only what one thinks the person should be.
In duality the projection is pretty close, but never completely there.
Because both people will have complexes and cultural influences that will not align.
This can in many way be likened to the enneagram and instinctual types for simplicity.
Though it goes far beyond that.

Jungs solution was to find wholeness inside oneself
rather than to seek it vicariously through other people.
Hence his individuation process.
 
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Oh, just on the feeling side of things. Okay. I'm going to take my experience and mine only. If it sounds generalized, that's just me and my writing style.

I think thinkers make my feelings more tangible. It's quite interesting, because most of them neglect their own feelings. However, because of that exact quality, they provided me ways to deal with mine. In a very indirect way, they showed me how to get rid of the stress I am dealing with. I tend to have quite intense storms, and a healthy, curious thinker saw it and found ways for me to relieve that. It is a different way a feeler would do it. It's not sympathy you are receiving. They will give you actual options, and will let you know that is the only way to get rid of the feelings. In a way, that made me feel a lot less helpless in my emotions.

At the same time, I must know that this does not mean the thinkers know and are able to pinpoint their emotions. They know so many ways to avoid them because they hate them. So I am much better at pinpointing their emotions before they are aware themselves. I can influence them by providing the emotional support they don't always give themselves. And a sense of emotional-awareness.
 
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Genuine life experiences, including those involving F-types, can reveal new ways to be. Choice is immensely powerful thing, and only using a T-hammer on every situation in life is kind of silly. I don't really want to return to the extreme, and more stereotypical ways of being. Being an Fx dominant would probably drive me insane, the flood of emotions all the time, seems like maddening. Yet pretending emotions don't exist or are not important, is silly as well, something that I had to learn the hard way. If I ever become balanced, I don't even know if I would realize it, I haven't experienced life in the way Fx dominants have. I wouldn't mind a sneak peak, but not too long :tongue:
 
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