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Discussion Starter #1
I have a friend irl that is an ISTP. She gets very lonely sometimes and I want to help her feel better, but I know that ISTP's like their alone time. I don't want to be pushy.. but I hate seeing her sad. This happens all the time with her. I know she feels like no one understands her.. and I can't claim to know everything about her, but I do care about her and don't like when she is upset. How can I be a good friend to her?
 
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Why is she sad? Being alone shouldn't be making her sad, if she really is an ISTP. What's her real problem?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Why is she sad? Being alone shouldn't be making her sad, if she really is an ISTP. What's her real problem?
It's not about being alone. It's that she is lonely because she feels no one understands her.
 

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How old is she? Might be a maturity thing.
 

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I actually share an apartment with an ENFJ. When it comes to socialising he always asks if i wanna join, even if he knows that i wont. But he always ask. And if i say no, he dosnt nag about it, he knows that i need my personal space. And i think thats nice to have that option so that the day i wanna socialise i have the opportunity. So my advice is to invite her out, and let her decide when to join. :wink:
 

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I actually share an apartment with an ENFJ. When it comes to socialising he always asks if i wanna join, even if he knows that i wont. But he always ask. And if i say no, he dosnt nag about it, he knows that i need my personal space. And i think thats nice to have that option so that the day i wanna socialise i have the opportunity. So my advice is to invite her out, and let her decide when to join. :wink:
I love people like that. Ask me, just in case, and then be content whether my answer is yes or no.
 

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Don't know I like my alone time but...I think I know how your friend feels...Sometimes I get lonely...because I don't have any family....have like one friend irl...and no gf or anything like that...so the way I see it I have no one that would really miss me If i died today..and no one that understands me except for this place.....I think thats one of the reasons I joined the military..I had no family so I wanted a pseudo one...it was very hard on me when I separated but...any way I'm rambling its not about me...

The only thing you can do for a lonely ISTP...is be there for them when they are feeling their most lonely...because the Ti can be a terrible thing when depressed or lonely..
 

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Discussion Starter #12
She HAS told me she is lonely. I know the difference between her "thinking" silence and her "lonely" silence. When she is just thinking or just being herself, she goes silent on me, but I'm fine with that. She will respond to me if I ask questions and the like. When she does the lonely thing, she sighs alot and kind of just ignores me. One time I told her I didn't want to bother her, so I would leave her alone, and she said not to go because it was just slightly less lonely with me there... even if she said nothing.

I understand her need for space and if I suspect something is wrong, I will ask if she is ok and if she says yes or that she doesn't want to talk about it, I don't push. I just let it go. That's hard for me, lol, but I understand that's just how she is.
 

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If she ever "flips out" on you...don't abandon her....its the Ti in the grip of the Fe...and that can do a number on an ISTPs normal mental stability. If she uses harsh comments that cut deep....ignore them..and be there for her...that's when it can be dangerous for her..shes not all there...she may think shes making a logical decision when really its all based off of feeling...the feeling of a weak fe... and not logic......sigh life...
 

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umm...are you serious???..activities...don't solve anything all that does is mask the problem.....sigh....you can't stay busy all the time and as introverts we live in our heads......our weak Fe can throw us into depression quite easily...if we haven't developed that aspect of ourselves.....our weak Fe can either make us say fuck the world...or make us feel like their is something wrong with us and we don't fit in etc etc....sigh and telling someone to stop mopping about is a good way for them to not stop mopping about and possibly hurt themselves sigh...someone understanding or at least saying they understand whats going on and offering help...or even offering a similar story to make them feel like they are not alone.....will actually go a long way toward fixing the problem....masking it only makes it worse and eventually it explodes..sigh........and I really hope you are joking about not being able to imagine and ISTP depressed....have you never lost a loved one? If not when you do get back to me....Just because we are logical doesn't make us all monsters...

Basically what you are saying is that I was depressed when my mom died...because of fucking lack of activities?!?......now i need to calm down...your logic is flawed in so many ways...god I want to punch someone in the face now..
 
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and I really hope you are joking about not being able to imagine and ISTP depressed....have you never lost a loved one? If not when you do get back to me....Just because we are logical doesn't make us all monsters...
No, I wasn't joking. I'd like to understand what can make an ISTP depressed. I'm not saying it can't happen, I just don't see it myself.

Yes, I've lost a loved one, under the most horrific circumstances actually. It didn't make me depressed though. It just gave me a lot to think about, to process.

Anyway I'm not interested in arguing about it. When it comes to depression I'm completely ignorant, so I defer to anyone with experience in the matter.

Basically what you are saying is that I was depressed when my mom died...because of fucking lack of activities?!?
I don't think anyone said that. We were talking about people who are gloomy for no apparent reason, like the girl in the OP.
 

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I don't know..It just sounds off to me... I'm pretty sure you've experienced depression you just can't identify the feeling like 99% of ISTPs....took me a while to identify it... hell I didn't even know what nauseated felt like till someone told me and I was 27 at the time...and felt nauseated a lot due to medical issues..
 

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No, I wasn't joking. I'd like to understand what can make an ISTP depressed. I'm not saying it can't happen, I just don't see it myself.

Yes, I've lost a loved one, under the most horrific circumstances actually. It didn't make me depressed though. It just gave me a lot to think about, to process.

Anyway I'm not interested in arguing about it. When it comes to depression I'm completely ignorant, so I defer to anyone with experience in the matter.


I don't think anyone said that. We were talking about people who are gloomy for no apparent reason, like the girl in the OP.
Oh there's a reason for everything. You just have to find it.

I get depressed every so often. It's also because of loneliness. There's a lot of people out there, but none of them I know have deep feelings. All of them are shallow. It makes me sad. That's one example.

So StephAnne04, it looks like you're adjusting to her quite well right? I just know for ISTPs, just don't overtalk to her, but also don't totally leave her alone. I'm sure as you spend enough time with her, you'll get the idea. Eventually, if she trusts you enough, she might tell you what's on her mind. I think it's okay to ask her once in a while why she feels so lonely. If she says, "I don't want to talk about it." then wait until later on.
 
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