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I actually hate apologies. Most of the time because the apology is demanded by the group or the person wants something from me. I much prefer them to admit they were wrong or made a mistake and that they will strive to fix/make changes to the problem. To me this is more genuine and more likely to restore a level of trust.
Yea, I hate apologies with a passion.
They piss me off even more than whatever they could be apologising about.
The reason being that usually people just apologise to set a precedence for a never ending cycle of
"do something wrong" <==> apologise.
Don't apologise, just stop doing it, or go away because I'm done with you.


Bone of contention: Seriously? You already know everything? no, no no no you do not. Come on dude.
We are INTJ's. Of course we already know everything. How is this somehow not common knowledge.
Oh yea, because non INTJ'S don't know everything. Fair enough.
 

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We are INTJ's. Of course we already know everything. How is this somehow not common knowledge.
Oh yea, because non INTJ'S don't know everything. Fair enough.
lol, funny.

The problem with this thinking is that it has the ability to close your mind. You at least *seem* to be joking. I hope it's so. =)
 

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We are INTJ's. Of course we already know everything. How is this somehow not common knowledge.
Oh yea, because non INTJ'S don't know everything. Fair enough.
lol, funny.

The problem with this thinking is that it has the ability to close your mind. You at least *seem* to be joking. I hope it's so. =)
Yeah I was kidding - but only half kidding.

We have a habit of analysing everything, so we would have analysed the situation also. We can still take input from other people who haven't shown us they are idiots, but in my experience there just aren't many people who aren't idiots.
 

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well, the infj style to do this quest is:
first, smile like a craze at the intj, then get all super friendly with them, then start forcibly cuddling them in front of everyone, and treat them like teddy bears! im sure the intj's will be SO happy! =]
 

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My mom is an INTJ and I hurt her by breaking a cardinal rule of our household which was broken by my three siblings to a much greater degree causing her to swiftly cut off all trust with me because of past experience. I'm very worried because I don't know if she'll ever forgive me and worse want a relationship with me. How do I truly show her that I'm sorry?
 

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I'm very worried because I don't know if she'll ever forgive me and worse want a relationship with me.
ouch. it crushes me when someone i love is afraid i'm not going to keep loving them. it's pretty hard to know though, when nobody knows what you did. and even if i did know that it would still be hard because i don't know your mom either.

it's hard for me to know what my kid would do that might make me never forgive him ever. he's all grown up, by the way :p but i'll be honest: i can imagine - theoretically - situations in which it might not be possible for me to have a relationship with him, because i'm going to turn 55 soon and i sometimes feel like i've seen a hell of a lot. i have actually been in situations in which i had to soberly think about whether maintaining relationships with family members would even be possible. my kid was not one of them but it could apply there as well.

but i am talking extreme. violence, theft, objectively and repeatedly heinous behaviour by any manner of measuring it . . . i mean, for every genuinely and terminally shitty human out there, there's a mother who ends up obliged to make calls relative to whatever their child has turned into in their own right. and i just don't know what my own tolerance threshold would be. so in trying to be truthful in my response, i use a pretty wide scope.

for instance, if my kid were running a crystal-meth lab in his room, whether i loved him or not might not be relevant. i'd still be all 'i can't allow you to endanger me. or my life.'

so it may help to understand that even if your mom knows you're sorry and believes it, a lot of the time to an intj the person's remorse can be separate from the repercussions to the intj of whatever they did. it's not about blaming or hating. it's just, to me emotions are a response to reality. they don't create it or affect it.

and sometimes, when a person has harmed me, i can see it's hard for them because they don't realise i may just be working to deal with the fallout of whatever's been done. that's not the same thing as 'dealing wiht' the actual pesron.

i can't know though. every family is different. and intjs are not all the same person either.
 

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Ones children are an exception to the zero tolerance rule, which is not to say that ones children should not take their half of the responsibility, but that forgiveness is a fundamental part of being a parent.
 

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My mom is an INTJ and I hurt her by breaking a cardinal rule of our household which was broken by my three siblings to a much greater degree causing her to swiftly cut off all trust with me because of past experience. I'm very worried because I don't know if she'll ever forgive me and worse want a relationship with me. How do I truly show her that I'm sorry?
I am sorry to hear about your situation. But it is hard to say how you can earn her trust without knowing exactly what you did. Generally INTJs that I know value trust a lot. And it may not be that she will never forgive you, but probably because of what happened, the event has changed the dynamics of the situation ie your relationship with her. The relationship may just be different now.
 

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If you're going to apologize, then make sure you're sincere. I hate it when people say sorry because they think it's the right thing to do or to avoid backlash. If you meant what you said or did, then stand by it.
 
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