Personality Cafe banner

1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
75 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I am facing the wrath of a counterphobic 6/5 and have no idea what to do. It seems like he may snap soon and has decided to focus most of his wrath upon me. Sixes are full of contradictions, and this guy is no exception. Here is a little bit of background on him:


This 6 put on a façade of 9 to make a good impression upon people when starting at college. He can be obnoxiously polite (and I say obnoxiously meaning that he will not let anyone carry their own groceries or make their own sandwiches.) He will go well out of his way trying not to offend people, constantly apologizing for everything. He only expresses opinions to people close to him because he doesn’t want to scare away people who disagree.

Although he has a strong desire to be liked, this 6 is definitely an introvert who needs a lot of alone time to figure things out. From what I know, he has two close confidantes, his brother and his best friend. These relationships are intense, and he is extremely loyal, perhaps to a fault. His best friend, a 5/6, had a relationship with me that ended. The 5/6 has gotten over it, the 6 is more upset with me than the 5/6 ever was. It’s been a year.

The 6 developed a crush on a 9/1, which makes sense because the 9 was stable, rational, and peaceful, things the 6 desired for himself. After discovering she didn’t return his affections, the 9 went numb and ignored the problem, continued the friendship as it had been going, which perhaps hurt the 6 even more because it gave him false hope. This dragged on for years, the 6 struggling to get over the 9, and the 9, trying to avoid conflict, giving only ambiguous answers.

I thought for sure he was a 9 himself until he started in with the unhealthy loop. When recessing, 6 becomes more reactive; things slip out from being bottled up inside.
9, on the other hand, becomes more numb, ignoring and perhaps even denying problems.

The 6 has a scientific, analytical mind that doesn’t know how to process his feelings. He tries to detach himself from them or rationalize them, and when that doesn’t work, he represses them. Sometimes passive-aggressive acts slip out of the repression, such as snarky comments and hostile remarks. Now, as an unhealthy 6, he makes no effort to hide his animosity toward me (and those I’m close to), but still acts sweet and polite toward everyone else.

Oddly, he can’t take compliments OR criticism. He brushes off affection; his way of showing affection is light-heartedly poking fun at people. When we went out of his way to throw him a nice birthday party, he got embarrassed and responded, “Thanks, guys. You don’t suck.” But after being criticized, he clams up and stores the criticism in his head. He’s very perceptive about the motivations of others (or should I say paranoid?), constantly evaluating and judging situations. Perhaps even making plans.

He is a master of procrastination and can only work under pressure. When he focuses, he is practically immune from distraction. He’s a pessimist who is prone to getting very anxious and nervous. He pushes himself too hard; he has tons of energy that seems to come from nowhere and will go days without sleeping. When he does sleep, however, it’s usually on the couch when people are around. Maybe it’s a comfort thing.

He has an intense self-preservation instinct and is quite security-oriented. After we (his friends) painted his nails while he was sleeping, he makes sure to always lock his door. 9s forgive and forget; 6es do neither. He also has a morbid sense of humor and a fascination with knives.


Do any of you 6es have any advice for me? I’m not sure what to do, and I’m getting pretty scared... this 6 has a double personality and can switch back and forth between the two sides easily. Most people love him and deny that there is an “other side” to him. I’ve been nothing but nice to him, and I do my best to stay out of his way. (I’m a 4/5 btw...) Do you think he could be a sociopath?
 
  • Like
Reactions: Grac3

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,540 Posts
He doesn't sound like a sociopath. He seems pretty 'human'. Like I said, people are full of contradictions. In which way is he focusing his 'wrath' on you? From your post, I see no reason why you should fear him. You're also making a lot of odd stereotypical assumptions like "6s never forgive and never forget". Don't worry. He doesn't sound like an elephant on a rampage;).

Just sit down and have a chat. Be respectful and calm. It'll be fine.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
75 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
He used to not be this way... I've known him for almost three years and I have never seen him act this way toward anything else. Maybe I'm just overreacting (pulling out the 4w5 card here :p), but I've tried to talk to him a couple of times and all I've gotten was curt, brief responses. He will also insult me, especially in front of his 5/6 best friend (perhaps that's a search for approval?) It's been a YEAR since the breakup. I don't know. Something seems up.

The reason I added the "sociopath" question is one night, my friends and I painted his fingernails and toenails after he fell asleep on the couch. When he woke up, he grabbed a knife from his knifeblock and chased us into our room down the hall. He waited outside the door with the knife for half an hour-- way too long for it to be funny anymore. He said he was just joking, but I'm not sure. Little bursts of stuff like that have left me (and a couple of friends of mine) confused...
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,790 Posts
Part of me is wondering if you're scared more because he's not acting like you expect him to, not wholly because of his actions.

A lot of the stuff I relate to this guy with... I don't do well with compliments or criticism, I'd rather things be simply accepted or acknowledged. That party thing would annoy me, because I like knowing what's going on especially if I'm stressed (no surprises); he could have even been sarcastic/facetious with his comment and sad that you're not understanding. I relate to others via deep conversations and banter, going as far as being kindly insulting at times. I procrasinate. I have a morbid sense of humor and, yes, sharp things are pretty, but I'd never hurt anyone just because I laugh at dark jokes. I make plans and think about everything, including people.

Btw, I forgive and forget. It's probable you just crossed a line and he feels like you violated him. How does he know you won't do something like that again? I agree, staying outside your door for that long was uncalled for, but locking his door isn't. I'm guessing he doesn't trust you as much nowadays if he's not talking to you.

What other animosity have you seen?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
75 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
It's not just me he seems to be upset at, but everyone who's close to me. My 9 best friend wanted to join him and his friends on a McDonald's run yesterday. When she asked if she could come, he said, "Well, I guess I'm not going, then," and decided to stay home. It seems like everyone I'm close to, he's also pushing away, even though they did nothing wrong.

I understand that his behavior is typical for many 6es, but the behavior is atypical for him. He and I used to be so close, and somewhere deep down, he knows I never meant to hurt his best friend, but he refuses to back down. His best friend has also tried to talk this out of him, but to no avail. I'm just worried if I've lost him for good.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,283 Posts
He does not feel secure. He is under the pressure of being constantly anxious and "on the watch for trouble" as most 6w5's are. He is also unhealthy, because I would not chase people into a room with a knife just because my finger/toe nails got painted over as a joke.

He needs some help. Help that you, @rainfortheend cannot give to him. You cannot fix the anxiety driven mind. The best you can do is to let him be, and let him settle down until his mind is somewhat stable again. When he is mentally stable, then you can interact with him and expect to get a proper reaction. When you interact with a 6w5 that has a lot of stress on his/her mind, you will not get a proper response socially.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
38 Posts
I pretty much agree with the others but I will also second the idea that maybe he feels like he can't trust you. And personally, I might be peeved if someone painted my nails without permission (6s are really big on trust). I'm not defending his strange reaction with the knife, although he sounds far from being a sociopath to me. Sociopaths don't care what other people think and he sounds like he cares a lot, maybe too much.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
916 Posts
Sound like a bit of an unhealthy, unaware guy with a possible personality disorder. I'm reaching on this one in theory. I think a six is probably more likely to have a personality disorder. I mean the correlations with some of the wording of six, you look up some of the personality disorders and it's eye opening.

I have a different view of mental health. For one I know it's from observations and personal insights. That it isn't scientific in many ways. I mean when you go to a mental health professional they don't do chemical tests to see where your chemicals are at and give you those specific vitamins and such. They ask you a questionnaire. Yet, the pharmaceutical don't do all the brain imaging to see what the drugs are doing because it would be a loss of money for them. Otherwise more of em would take a crack at curing the obscure shit out there and taking ownership for their mistakes as scientific and a doctor ought to do!

Anyways, the personality disorders are very insightful if you look at it from the wording and how it might add to changing a mindset. And this guy is pretty split. Anyways, 6w7 and 6w5s our both difficult when counter phobic. A 7 might just be easier to figure out because their heart might be a little bit more on their sleeve. But, I think it's similar mind funks they are experiencing. I really enjoy having the 6w7 word their little help-me posts on the six forum. It's interesting.

So, yeah this guy is insecure. That's definite. I have run into some personality disorders like you would never believe. And the key is they are some of the most difficult people to get along with. Which alienates them further from other people and the key to them finding that peace is getting help from other people. Cuz often a traumatic event makes them distance themselves socially and thus springs all the border line and dissociative and all that.

Anyways, those people need friends. I mean make your boundaries and whatnot and it takes a hell of a lot of patience. But the truth is they are lonely. And kind of unnecessarily trippy.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
38 Posts
I think every enneatype description sounds unhealthy when you read them, because they all kind of focus on the negative, since it's all about personal growth and identifying your most fundamental weaknesses so you can work on them. But it's a really common phenomenon for people to read disorder descriptions and be like, "Oh my god, that sounds like me or someone I know!" A lot of the time it's just "Medical Student Syndrome," because the symptom descriptions are somewhat vague and are frequently common to a certain degree in most people. The question is, is the symptom clinically significant? Is it interfering with his/her life? Also, there's subjective validation and confirmation bias with ideas like this. (Btw, I've been guilty of these logical fallacies as well...no one is immune from being human :tongue:)
Anyway, this is all to say that I don't think 6s (or any other type), are more likely in general to have personality disorders. :happy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,338 Posts
I know this is an old thread, but immediately your description of him sounds like he's either:
a) Abusing stimulant drugs either prescribed or illegal
b) Bipolar

Especially the part about going days without sleeping, and the boundless energy.

I'd steer clear
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,684 Posts
He sounds like me in a really bad place, and like @MelanieM suggested about him, I'm bipolar. It helps when you're aware (and on meds haha) because without that awareness there's not much you can really do. Basically, he has to figure things out on his own. :unsure:

Oh, and there are some people I just don't like. When I'm hurt I'm usually forgiving, but when you hurt a friend there's a good chance the relationships over. And if that 9 who wanted to go with them was the same one he liked then is it really surprising he didn't want to go? I know exactly what that's like and I don't blame him for not wanting to ruin the mood. (Even if he invariably did.)
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top