Okay, I guess I can see why you seem to see that it conflicts things. To be honest, I think what we all said is very very valid ? This is how I see it, and then you can judge accordingly to your own situation.
Yet, I'm really friendly with most people, and I don't want my effusiveness with other people to be confused with affection; I know a few others have mistaken my openness and compassion for romantic interest, and I hope that INFP doesn't think my interest in her is typical of me. I'm really uncertain about that.
Yep. I have been there too. I got told off by several male friends that I sent off mixed signals and lost a couple of really good candidates. I never got my signal read quite well. Even when one guy asked me out for a coffee. I did not get it. So he went and asked me out to a valentine's dinner, and then I clicked! lol. But, I was not comfortable, cos really we were not at stage 2 for very long. I felt intimidated. It was so badly handled.
I now am so much more direct and responsive and clear now. I go away and reflect on my feelings too. I have been known to throw wobblies when I try to move it from 2 to 3. lol... Never mind. A girl should not need to be doing this.. It's a guy's job.
Stages
1 - Getting to know each other. What is your name, where do you live, what is your interest...
2 - Being friends, and spending time together on a more platonic level. Most often in a big group.
3 - Showing more romantic interests. Spending time just the two of you. Talking more intimately. About the future. Or as a couple.
4 - Declaring your romantic interest, and wanting to be their gf/bf. Asking directly whether they will be your gf/bf.
5 - Is the gf, or the bf etc.
The thing with most NFs is that, we are actually really seriously people person when we want to be. I used to be that way, and I realised that my social level, takes me to stage 2 for a platonic friend that others normally see it as dating? Whereas others none NFs, or Fs people assume I have interest already by going as far as 2. I find that strange. I had guys said to me "this is not a date, right? " lol. I have to put in boundaries now.
This is how I see dating in general.
Age 15-25 - At this age, you may not be as independent, you still want to keep friends close to you. So, most people will be platonic friends and they find a threshold to be this way. Even with people who is "unsure", sometimes they also hold you here too, at stage 2, until it takes feelings to be at 3, or it never gets there. But you got to be so mature about it though. If you like someone, you ask them on a date at stage 3.
Age 25+ - You are independent. You have your established friends. When you ask someone out, you are more direct, and not let people hang around waiting. Cos otherwise, it is not fair. So you ask someone out on a date from stage 1, as they could be random strangers to you. It may or may not progress to stage 3, and you do not waste people's time. Hence, you do not "play with people's feelings".
I do have male platonic friends, and we do remain a good respectable distance and so forth, but it will always be at stage 2, and any mundane subjects around 2. Nothing too intimate or private. I guess sometimes it is hurtful if one party falls for another, and the other party does not reciprocate the feelings, that is the main thing. So.. well, either party has to pretend to be so much more platonic until you are that bit certain and want to take things that bit further with each other. Most people just tease each other to get past to stage 3. Just flirt if you are at this stage and is unsure. Give it time to see her responses, and I mean like a couple of months. If she flirts back, then you know she has interests at that stage. Any big gesture, save it til you see a LOT of flirting from her. When you have been in 3 for a while and want to take it to 4.
Does it make sense now ? Do you see why you should not put forth a big gesture say within a month taking things from 1 to like 4 asap ? Make that 100 USD now please. (Well, this also do happen sometimes, but often it happens with older people who have had a lot of life's experiences, and do not want to waste time any more. They recognise so much more of each other's personalities and so forth. I have had friends who married within a year of meeting each other. I do not know how they did it, but they do connect. Very good mbti compatible choices too.)
Note:- No, sometimes I am not this kind of open either. I have my moods and times. So.. do not think that INFP can be always this out going, but sure, I hide this aspect of my personality, and put forward a more positive step when dating as well. Boys and girls should do this I think. Put forth your most positive self when dating.
- Btw, now that you do like a girl, and do want to keep friends. Do not be too close to other platonic female friends too. Be weary of your boundary. It is only just and respectful. Is she sees you as being too close to a female, she thinks you may like them instead of her, and she will distance herself as accordingly. Most INFP are very righteous like that. Weird. Unsatisfying. Stupid.
There is that "self altruistic" feeling of giving up someone, cos they must like someone else etc, kind of mental flash may go through their minds too. This is whereby INFPs do not do themselves any justice.
Do not come back if you do not get her even after all these tips.
