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Discussion Starter #1
First, I am an INTJ man. I am apparently not a typical INTJ in that I am interested in a relationship, and I would like to date an ENFP woman. This in and of itself is challenging because every ENFP that I know is married, so finding a single one is like looking for a needle in the worlds largest stack of hay.

I generally meet women via online dating sites. As a slightly below average (5'9") man, I generally get ignored because those sites are geared towards superficial things... still, it's the most logical way I can think of to meet someone given my introverted nature - so I keep trying. Also, as an introvert, I'm not very likely to be one of the people you talk to at big parties because I generally avoid those.

The reason I'm here is because I want to understand the ENFP female perspective on online dating, and what types of things would you want to see on my profile that would be attractive (and also be clear that I'm an INTJ). Obviously common interests are a big thing, but I'm also thinking about how its written (eg: more words vs less words). I've tried being direct about it, but it just comes across as weird to me.

Thanks for your thoughts!
 

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I will take a crack at it. Let’s see if the other girls agree. (I spent a few months online dating before I met my Hubby in real life).
So go for a medium amount of data. Too short and it’s like the guy is too shallow and has nothing interesting to say. Too long and not every girl will read through it (unless it’s entertaining).

Tell what you do and why you like it
Talk about some hobbies
Say how you like to spend your downtime...be honest. A ENFP will think it’s cool if you spend time reading or hiking, so just be authentic.
Say you are looking for someone creative, caring, and open-minded/adventurous. Don’t use my exact words, use the words that draw you to ENFPs. Casually add that “ if you happen to know about the MBTI personality test, I tested as a INTJ”.
That way it covers those who know MBTI and those who don’t.
What do you think, girls?
 

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@lateralwire

For some reference regarding such profiles; have you ever checked out Project Evolove - Myers Briggs dating - Home Page ? It is a MBTI-based dating platform, it is quite interesting. Admittedly it doesn't have much traffic and has predominantly people from North America, but, you can easily see how ENFP's and INTJ's ''decorate'' their dating profiles. On top of that they already know beforehand what INTJ entails.

It never hurts to cast out more fishing lines if you will, even if chances are small. One good catch in enough, doesn't really matter where you catch them.
 

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Honestly, I'm leery of type-based dating; you can meet incredible people that you never would have thought you'd be compatible with who aren't technically supposed to mesh well with your MBTI, but I do think it's great that you have an idea of what you want in a person. (My husband and I didn't know each other's type until we'd been talking for a while... it was a bit of a funny "Well, well, well!" moment for me.) If you're going to specifically try and cull the herd based on MBTI, then I think what nicoloco suggested about type-based dating sites will be a good option for you.

I met my husband (INTJ) online, but neither of us are dating site people. We met in a casual chat room and forum on a "Christian" [read not actually Christian] website. We got to know each other, and eventually met and started dating and voila. Just a note that my husband was very deliberately looking for a wife - you're not alone in that. Lol. He's wanted a wife and kids since he was very small.

I know you mentioned that you didn't like how being direct felt weird to you - can you give us an example of the kind of directness that makes you feel weird? Because my INTJ and I were absurdly direct with each other and it was fantastic for both of us and worked out great in our relationship.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I don't think type-based dating in and of itself is a guaranteed thing because I don't believe it is a predictive tool. That said, I'm also looking for ways to make my search more efficient. I've sent probably thousands of thoughtful messages to girls that I will never hear from and who quite frankly don't want to hear from me (I'm assuming this based on their lack of a response). All I want is to meet a girl in person on a date and see if we click; but it's not possible to do that if they don't acknowledge your existence - and I lack the ability to tell whether someone I meet at the rare party I go to is actually interested.

I just know that there are certain personality types that I just click with, and when that happens its a magical experience because its so rare. I'm hoping to use my knowledge of MBTI to help "cull the herd" so to speak, because I want to minimize the amount of time wasted trying to send thoughtful, individualized, messages to girls.

By "not being direct" I mean that I'm not going to put out there that "I'm an INTJ looking for and ENFP" on a dating profile. I think INTJ's get stereotyped unfairly, and a lot of people just don't know what it means.

Project Evolove sounds interesting. I heard about it a while back and the website was down. It looks like its working but fairly buggy. I may give that a shot a see what's out there. I agree that more lines are better.
 

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I would just put 'INTJ' somewhere in your profile. Not necessarily 'INTJ looking for ENFP' - don't do that, it comes across as a bit creepy. When I was using online dating I put 'ENFP' as the last thing in my profile and a lot of my matches commented how they were so and so. I think the INTJ/ENFP chemistry is a real thing and to keep doing whatever you're doing. If you run into an ENFP in real life that isn't married, there will be a natural pull to one another. ENFP women aren't the rarest of types and one will come across your path if you're out and about.
 

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By "not being direct" I mean that I'm not going to put out there that "I'm an INTJ looking for and ENFP" on a dating profile. I think INTJ's get stereotyped unfairly, and a lot of people just don't know what it means.
That's fair. I'm not someone who subscribes to MBTI as a sole basis for dating, so to ENFPs who think like I do, a huge emphasis on it could be a turn-off and equivalent of "hey bby wuts ur sign" kind of thing. I think that simply sticking "INTJ" quietly at the bottom of your profile like Ghostcolors mentioned might be a good way of doing it, though.

As for stereotyping - yeah, it happens to all types, including ENFPs. I think INTJs tend to get it a lot because a lot of media fictional characters are INTJs.
 
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