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Discussion Starter #1
So how do us male ENFPs be masculine? Like whenever I hit on random girls my friends always say it seems more like a boy talking to a girl, rather than a man talking to a women and I wanna know how to change this.

I'm sure there are some male ENFPs who can help me with this because I know it's a common thing for us to go through so I've heard/read.
 

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It depends on the girl but lately for the most part, mainly girls who already show interest as opposed to girls who don't
Do you have a place you can invite them back to?

Just ask them if they want to hang out at your house. Watch a movie, maybe go for a drink beforehand.

When you get a bit more comfortable, look at their lips, glance at their hips, give them a compliment... then take their clothes off.

Easy peasy.

By the way, I'm 23, have a manly beard, the manliest of chests and many other manly things and I still feel like a boy.
Protip: everyone around you is pretending.
 

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Do you have a place you can invite them back to?

Just ask them if they want to hang out at your house. Watch a movie, maybe go for a drink beforehand.

When you get a bit more comfortable, look at their lips, glance at their hips, give them a compliment... then take their clothes off.

Easy peasy.

By the way, I'm 23, have a manly beard, the manliest of chests and many other manly things and I still feel like a boy.
Protip: everyone around you is pretending.
Wow it took me nearly 30 years to get that in my psyche my friend!!!! Nice work dude............
 

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I don't know about being "masculine" and crap like that- in my mind trying too hard to be masculine has always seemed a counterproductive waste of time.

Being assertive and confident is something i think ENFP guys can do well, building a rapport and being funny/spontaneous is something we can do well, but i honestly think an ENFP guy's biggest strength is going to be his social skills- being the guy who knows everyone and can talk to anyone. plus, we probably understand girls better than most guys, and once we have some sort of a connection we can read what she might be thinking. Apart from that, flirting and teasing probably comes naturally to our playful natures.

It's a cliche, but confidence is really all you need. once you feel confident enough to feel sure in your mind that someone will be yours, the process simplifies itself. In terms of what you're talking about, being in control and feeling like you know how to take things forward, confidence and experience is all there really is.

Also, don't you think it's possible that you're taking entirely the wrong approach to this? This might just be waffle to you, but i've always found it's necessary for me to be selective with girls- "hitting on random girls" would probably not work for me, just because it'd be the wrong mindset for me to be in.. "talking to random girls, and finding a connection" sounds more like something that i might do. that whiff of connection you get off someone you meet has always been necessary for me to use as a platform. Once i feel sure about the connection, i go through my motions and feel like i'm in my element and in control, whereas if i hit on a girl before feeling that it wouldn't work out for me and i'd feel unsure. just tossing it out there that maybe it's the same for you and you don't realise it.
 

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Hitting on women has always worked best for me when i'm confident, but not necessarily masculine.

I'll explain what i mean.

I don't know if this is because i'm an ENFP or not, but i've always felt like an absolute PHONY when i'm putting on the "Guy Persona".

"Hey you're pretty hot. I go to the gym like 5 times a day and bench the entire squat rack with a person using it while i'm on a mountain."

Women pick up on this shit in a SECOND that i'm being fake and i simply can't compete with guys that give off that energy naturally, it's too contrived.

BUT. When i'm confident and playful and let my inner ENFP-ness (or ENFPenis) come out of me i always do way better. For example, going up to a girl that you've been talking to and going "Jesus! look at that fucking ring! are you a pimp?" and then going off on a tangent about how they are an accountant by day and a pimp by night. I then give them a pimp-name (like The Golden Backhand) and rattle off this shit.

While i'm doing this however, i'm making sure that i'm touching her a lot and getting closer and closer to her. When the time is right i either just lean in and kiss her, or if she is with her friends i'm like (lets go get a drink at the bar) or something and then kiss her there. And then it's easy to move on from there.

So my point is, make sure that you're being your best self. Don't try to be a "yeah bro yeah" guy, because it isn't you and you aren't playing to your strengths. Just make sure that you're being confident and fun. Don't be afraid to say something (after flirting for 20 mins or something) like "hey i have a secret *pull her in closer* you're really cute and I want to kiss you" Then judge her reaction and pull her away and kiss her. Even if she's like "umm noo" then just tease her and be like "Look, i understand that you feel intimidated by the god-like figure in front of you but i really don't bite" and give a huge grin and then move on.

Even if this shit seems "gay" or whatever by your friends, it's because it's just different to their preconceived notions of hitting on women. Masculinity =/= confidence. Be yourself and be fun and playful. Just make sure that you be direct with your intentions also at some point, otherwise you will just come off as an entertaining guy (I want to kiss you etc etc).
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Well yeah I figured out my problem, I lack that ballsy manly intent. So it's not really the whole being masculine that's the problem. Moreso not being able to be the guy that takes that control when trying to pick up a girl and acting like a school kid who does nothing beyond childish flirting
 

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Well yeah I figured out my problem, I lack that ballsy manly intent. So it's not really the whole being masculine that's the problem. Moreso not being able to be the guy that takes that control when trying to pick up a girl and acting like a school kid who does nothing beyond childish flirting
@Mr.Cheeks said things pretty well

don't copy or buy into what everyone else does, and don't get put off that you can't do it either- play to your own strengths.. ENFPs may not be the best at having that crude blunt confidence (or arrogance), but we have strengths that others haven't got a clue how to do.
 

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We can't do the macho "bro" thing at all, and if we try we tend to look completely out of our depth :p what I've found is effective is looking more to your sense of fun and natural charisma.

Though I'm not a big fan of one night stands, I've had one total and I felt kinda bad afterwards :p I tend to need some kind of emotional connection first.
 

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Do you really want the kind of girl the alpha male picks up? lt's probably not for you.

l don't see ENFP as the alpha male or female lol. A lot of guys aren't even concerned with the type of girl they're picking up , which is why they have a standard style that isn't personalized to their target or even themselves.
 

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Aww, but I think ENFP guys are just perfect as they are! ♡

How do you flirt with women, if you don't mind me asking? (Because that comparison of being a "boy" about it rather than a "man" is really throwing me off here...)
 

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Enfp the inspirer's? We should be called the sages. Good job team!
 

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We can't do the macho "bro" thing at all, and if we try we tend to look completely out of our depth :p what I've found is effective is looking more to your sense of fun and natural charisma.
.
We can bro with the best of them, but we bro from the heart.
 
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Discussion Starter #17
@Mr.Cheeks said things pretty well

don't copy or buy into what everyone else does, and don't get put off that you can't do it either- play to your own strengths.. ENFPs may not be the best at having that crude blunt confidence (or arrogance), but we have strengths that others haven't got a clue how to do.
That's not it. Other's don't matter here. I have that crude blunt confidence and have been called arrogant. Like I said, my problem was I'm not doing it enough, so that is to say it's me naturally running from core boss mode state, when I'm naturally feeling it and I've just got to meld that frame and state into how I act naturally, which is happening, but not in any sort of fast manner. So part of it is impatience haha.

Aww, but I think ENFP guys are just perfect as they are! ♡

How do you flirt with women, if you don't mind me asking? (Because that comparison of being a "boy" about it rather than a "man" is really throwing me off here...)
Now continuing on from the last question, while being able to address this question here are a few things I do in terms of flirting. So firstly if i'm just being basic and not in full awesome mode I might just approach with a casual "you look like you're having a good night what are we celebrating?" then just talk for a bit and try to push the conversation somewhere, which never works. So that's an out the window Idea. The main thing to take away from this is that I'd try and just talk for a bit and try and wait and see if she likes me and then flirt or show any interest verbally and such, even though my body language probably said more than enough from the start, which probably was one thing that hampered my chances so much.

But usually what I love doing, which is something becoming really natural for me not something I need to be in boss mode to do is approach like this:
If a girl/girls are by themselves sitting somwhere I'd be like "so I'm supposed to believe that 3 cute girls are sitting here in this club, on a bench etc. by themselves?"
Or if they're standing by stairs or by the water or something, I'd call them out for checking out guys or something similar and go from there, which works alot better and I've gotten much further than with the former line. Also I do tend to touch girls alot and I usually tend to have really open yet relaxed in control of my surroundings type body language.

As for when I'm on top game, there are no rules and I may say something that would make a catholic priest choke on the d*** he was sucking, but no seriously there aren't many rules when I'm in top form.
Prime example: I got a number purely from sitting next to a girl eating sushi and saying "you know the way you eat that sushi makes you totally look like you're having an orgasm" and she was LOL'D hard.

So in terms of flirting, I love being straight up, yet cheeky, and I'm not afraid to touch a girl and get physical either. Then when I get a number, I usually draw girls into this world where nobody else but us exists and no one else can enter, which makes some girls text me for hours straight.

Hope that gives better insights into what I'm saying.

oh and fyi, I have a certain type and as flexible as I am, I do try and play hard for what I want when I see it so I'm picky and do actually care about which girls I pick up. So i'm not just a throw the bait to all the fish and see who bites kinda guy.
 

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That's not it. Other's don't matter here. I have that crude blunt confidence and have been called arrogant. Like I said, my problem was I'm not doing it enough, so that is to say it's me naturally running from core boss mode state, when I'm naturally feeling it and I've just got to meld that frame and state into how I act naturally, which is happening, but not in any sort of fast manner. So part of it is impatience haha.

Now continuing on from the last question, while being able to address this question here are a few things I do in terms of flirting. So firstly if i'm just being basic and not in full awesome mode I might just approach with a casual "you look like you're having a good night what are we celebrating?" then just talk for a bit and try to push the conversation somewhere, which never works. So that's an out the window Idea. The main thing to take away from this is that I'd try and just talk for a bit and try and wait and see if she likes me and then flirt or show any interest verbally and such, even though my body language probably said more than enough from the start, which probably was one thing that hampered my chances so much.

But usually what I love doing, which is something becoming really natural for me not something I need to be in boss mode to do is approach like this:
If a girl/girls are by themselves sitting somwhere I'd be like "so I'm supposed to believe that 3 cute girls are sitting here in this club, on a bench etc. by themselves?"
Or if they're standing by stairs or by the water or something, I'd call them out for checking out guys or something similar and go from there, which works alot better and I've gotten much further than with the former line. Also I do tend to touch girls alot and I usually tend to have really open yet relaxed in control of my surroundings type body language.

As for when I'm on top game, there are no rules and I may say something that would make a catholic priest choke on the d*** he was sucking, but no seriously there aren't many rules when I'm in top form.
Prime example: I got a number purely from sitting next to a girl eating sushi and saying "you know the way you eat that sushi makes you totally look like you're having an orgasm" and she was LOL'D hard.

So in terms of flirting, I love being straight up, yet cheeky, and I'm not afraid to touch a girl and get physical either. Then when I get a number, I usually draw girls into this world where nobody else but us exists and no one else can enter, which makes some girls text me for hours straight.

Hope that gives better insights into what I'm saying.

oh and fyi, I have a certain type and as flexible as I am, I do try and play hard for what I want when I see it so I'm picky and do actually care about which girls I pick up. So i'm not just a throw the bait to all the fish and see who bites kinda guy.
I have to agree, that just going up and talking to women the way you would at times is going to get you absolutely nowhere. While it seems to be nice and respectful, it's by far the easiest way to get you friend-zoned. Even if you do make your intentions cpear (which, trust me, is pretty obvious to us women: if you want to get in our pants or not). It actually makes it worse to go about hitting on women like this, because they know that you want them, but they way that you approach them is just so boy-like and childish that yes, they wouldn't express any interest at all. In fact, you are just making them feel very uncomfortable.

Is this what you had meant, when wanting to become more masculine?

It seems like you got your answer though, and you know what you're doing. Even if it is crass and perverted, it will certainly take you places, because a lot of women do like cheeky, straightforward men who aren't afraid to let us know what they want. It's how players get so many girls - just talking to them like this. We are easily excited and flattered when a guy blantly shows us he has sexual interest in us. Getting straight to the point.

I say you should keep doing what you're doing. If I misunderstood anything, don't hesitate to let me know.
 

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i'm 27. i sucked with girls until i turned maybe 25.

you'll learn.

lot of trial-and-error will help you get there faster.

if that doesn't help, just wait until you get into your 30's. that's when a man really comes into his own.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
I have to agree, that just going up and talking to women the way you would at times is going to get you absolutely nowhere. While it seems to be nice and respectful, it's by far the easiest way to get you friend-zoned. Even if you do make your intentions cpear (which, trust me, is pretty obvious to us women: if you want to get in our pants or not). It actually makes it worse to go about hitting on women like this, because they know that you want them, but they way that you approach them is just so boy-like and childish that yes, they wouldn't express any interest at all. In fact, you are just making them feel very uncomfortable.

Is this what you had meant, when wanting to become more masculine?

It seems like you got your answer though, and you know what you're doing. Even if it is crass and perverted, it will certainly take you places, because a lot of women do like cheeky, straightforward men who aren't afraid to let us know what they want. It's how players get so many girls - just talking to them like this. We are easily excited and flattered when a guy blantly shows us he has sexual interest in us. Getting straight to the point.

I say you should keep doing what you're doing. If I misunderstood anything, don't hesitate to let me know.

Nope you didn't misunderstand anything. Whenever I'm just being normal and boring "hi how was your night" beating around the bush, I fail. But when i let my zany/crazy cheeky enfp side out I get so much further:D
 
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