Personality Cafe banner
1 - 20 of 54 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
199 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It's not a myth at all: INFJ men seem to have a very soft spot on their heart for ENFP women. I have seen many INFJ threads on this ENFP forum in which the OP was an INFJ who wanted to hear how loving all the ENFP women could think about INFJ men. However, it seems much more interesting to me to gather knowledge about all the things in which an INFJ can annoy the ENFP's. I guess our harsh thinking, stubornness and narcissistic melodramatic moods could be pretty annoying to you people? And how easily do you get bored with an INFJ? :unsure:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,492 Posts
My best friend is an INFJ and her sometimes superior attitude drives me nuts. She acts like her conclusions and way of thinking are the only ones worth having. Also we're annoyed when we're having a great time and suddenly you want to go off and be alone with no warning. Hey, we're great about giving people space but don't spring it on us, especially not when we're feeling really good about what we're doing together.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
770 Posts
Infjs aren't boring! The emotional manipulation can be a bit annoying. I don't need my feelings to be protected by half truths or leaving crucial information out of the conversation. Of course, all NFs and all people play those games, but it seems easier for Infjs because you don't tend to blurt stuff out unintentionally so much. It's harder for me to be sneaky like that, so it feels like the infj has the upper hand or something. Just making a generalization based on run ins with Fe. Infj men can be veeery attractive. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
199 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
My best friend is an INFJ and her sometimes superior attitude drives me nuts. She acts like her conclusions and way of thinking are the only ones worth having. Also we're annoyed when we're having a great time and suddenly you want to go off and be alone with no warning. Hey, we're great about giving people space but don't spring it on us, especially not when we're feeling really good about what we're doing together.
Hmm.. It's true that an INFJ can go off and be alone with no warning, It's the one thing I always hear from my relatives which annoys them. To have Fe as auxiliary function can be pretty hard sometimes, especially because people easily mistake you for an extravert. One of the main consequences is that we want to please people, even when our introversion is knocking at the door again. I always have much trouble with drawing my own line, so that's possibly why an INFJ can shy off out of the blue? It's pretty annoying for us too, because the people around us seem to take it very personally. But, aren't the ENFP's the extravert types who need a lot of space for themselves as well?

And it's true that INFJ's can be pretty manipulative and arrogant, although I'm an INFJ 5w4, which makes me more dependent on the Ni-Ti loop. Most of time when I have a tendency to being manipulative and arrogant it's because I feel insecure and misunderstood by the other types(This seems to be very common for an INFJ). I always forget that the ENFP's are one of the types which can understand an INFJ pretty easily and accept us for who we are.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
825 Posts
I felt like telling you a story instead. I hope you don't mind! :D

I met an INFJ who's 3 years older than me through an online game when I was 13. He's from Australia and I'm from the US, so we had the whole Pacific Ocean separating us!

We were really good friends up until I went to college and I just got caught up with my life. I guess it was kind of like "online dating" before it got popular. We would talk all day despite the time differences, explore MMORPGs together and just spend a lot of our time keeping in touch.

I never got bored with him because I was so infatuated with him.

It wasn't until I left for college that we broke away. For the longest time, I thought I was an introvert since I always stayed home playing online games, but my true ENFP colors came out in college.

I got into a few serious relationships, he started getting annoyed that I never spent time with him anymore, and I finally experienced all those "bad" qualities you mentioned.

I guess our harsh thinking, stubornness and narcissistic melodramatic moods could be pretty annoying to you people? And how easily do you get bored with an INFJ? :unsure:
He would be really harsh with what I was doing with my life. I'd always say I was "busy" or "had too much homework" and that really put him off. He would say really mean things and tell me to just stop school, move to Australia and be with him. He would get really moody, but for some reason, the attraction (or the memory of our attraction) would always be there even if we didn't contact each other for months. We'd kind of keep going back and forth to each other. This has been going on for the past 5 years.

The criticism of what I was doing with my life and general dislike of the things that I was doing (which was essentially following my dreams) really turned me off. He would be almost caustic with his words. When he did that, I would literally just tell him off. It was a complete attack on my character and it really hurt. I would normally cut people like that out of my life, but I would end up ignoring him for months, and then we'd be back to our affectionate, joking selves again. until I either flaked on him or he said something to completely piss me off. :/

I have a feeling we still hold on to the memories of the time we kept in touch when we were younger. It's been 10 years now and I think where we went wrong was that we kept fantasizing about a world where we could be together, but we're living separate lives, thousands of miles away.

I feel like all along, the cards have been in my hand. Like suuper deep down in our hearts and naiive childish memories, there's that hope that I would just drop everything to be with him. The temptation is there. :( But realistically, I know I shouldn't. xD

I also have a fear that he's just messing my emotions some times because he knows exactly what to say to make me fall for him, make me cry and make me really hate him. It's a very wildly emotional relationship, but we seem to know exactly what to say and do to get to each other. It's like a strange connection.

He stills invites me to meet him with our mutual friend who lives in Canada, and I think we may finally see each other at our friend's wedding in Switzerland in two years.

Who knows! Maybe something interesting might happen. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
199 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
The criticism of what I was doing with my life and general dislike of the things that I was doing (which was essentially following my dreams) really turned me off. He would be almost caustic with his words. When he did that, I would literally just tell him off. It was a complete attack on my character and it really hurt. I would normally cut people like that out of my life, but I would end up ignoring him for months, and then we'd be back to our affectionate, joking selves again. until I either flaked on him or he said something to completely piss me off. :/
Very interesting story, thanks! :happy: The main problem in my past relationships was that I was using my Ni and Fe in very manipulative ways. To put it in some different words: I was getting under their skin. :p In other situations they could rely on my Fi-Ti loop, so that was very confusing for them. The main cause was that I took something very personally and hadn't the guts to talk about it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,315 Posts
I always forget that the ENFP's are one of the types which can understand an INFJ pretty easily and accept us for who we are.
the great thing about our relationship (commonly) is that INFJs are the vice versa for us, so there's this great thing of mutual respect and understanding between us. the reason why we're close to being "soulmate" types is that we are polar opposites in some ways, but because we also relate to each other fundamentally in some way (due to N->F->T->S being true for both types, leading to a similar focus, with different approach), we appreciate each others' differences, rather than finding them alienating.

that's why i always think that whilst INFPs seem to be the most common type for me to date, i'd ultimately like to be matched up with an INFJ in the long term- that mutual respect can take you a long way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,315 Posts
@Ahiko,

i definitely think that your INFJ must have been quite dissatisfied with his life as compared to yours.

the INFJs i know that have their life really together would never dream of acting that way, and are very affirming, and even self-sacrificingly supportive, for those they care about.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,745 Posts
I am very similar to an ENFP in personality so let me participate ^_^ I get along with INFJs fantastically, they're soulmate material for me and they always find me to be soulmate material for them too. Things that I find annoying about INFJs:

- Sometimes they critique my lifestyle choices, hobbies, interests, etc. and say that the way I live my life is wrong, that their way of life is better, and insist that if I lived like they do I'd be happier and self-fulfilled. I'm like Excuse me but no. After telling me how much my life sucks, they proceed to tell me all the things I should be doing with my life. Whatever interests they have, they want me to have those same interests because "they're superior". Like one commenter said before, they want you to pursue their dreams not yours, because theirs are "the right ones". This doesn't happen often, only when the INFJ is going through some emotional turmoil/are having days of bad moods.
- Sometimes they can be arrogant, and they try to appear superior to other people. Like if you say "I love music" they'll say "I love it more, you don't love it as much as I do". Who caaaares!
- Some male INFJs try very hard to be somebody they are not. They are sensitive people, and I have found them covering up their sensitivity and being jerks on purpose to prove a point: their macho-ness. If you tell them "Hun, why are you fighting against yourself. I love sensitive and caring men", they're like "I am not, and you don't see it. I am dark, dangerous, and you should stay away from me", if you stay away they cry "Why does everybody leave me? It's because I'm sensitive and nobody likes sensitive men, they think we're weak", and you tell them "No, it's because you are being fake, resisting who you are, I have seen how caring you are, you can't fool me" and they'll go "I am not caring! I'm a douche. If I were you, I'd have my back against a wall cause I stab people in the back. I am mean", so you get scared and stay away cause you can't trust them anymore, and again they're cry "Nobody likes me".
- It pisses me off that they're very likely to hold on to people who are nasty to them, just because they have a history together. They're nostalgic to a fault.
 
  • Like
Reactions: CaneParfaite

·
Registered
Joined
·
199 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I am very similar to an ENFP in personality so let me participate ^_^ I get along with INFJs fantastically, they're soulmate material for me and they always find me to be soulmate material for them too. Things that I find annoying about INFJs:

- Sometimes they critique my lifestyle choices, hobbies, interests, etc. and say that the way I live my life is wrong, that their way of life is better, and insist that if I lived like they do I'd be happier and self-fulfilled. I'm like Excuse me but no. After telling me how much my life sucks, they proceed to tell me all the things I should be doing with my life. Whatever interests they have, they want me to have those same interests because "they're superior". Like one commenter said before, they want you to pursue their dreams not yours, because theirs are "the right ones". This doesn't happen often, only when the INFJ is going through some emotional turmoil/are having days of bad moods.
- Sometimes they can be arrogant, and they try to appear superior to other people. Like if you say "I love music" they'll say "I love it more, you don't love it as much as I do". Who caaaares!
- Some male INFJs try very hard to be somebody they are not. They are sensitive people, and I have found them covering up their sensitivity and being jerks on purpose to prove a point: their macho-ness. If you tell them "Hun, why are you fighting against yourself. I love sensitive and caring men", they're like "I am not, and you don't see it. I am dark, dangerous, and you should stay away from me", if you stay away they cry "Why does everybody leave me? It's because I'm sensitive and nobody likes sensitive men, they think we're weak", and you tell them "No, it's because you are being fake, resisting who you are, I have seen how caring you are, you can't fool me" and they'll go "I am not caring! I'm a douche. If I were you, I'd have my back against a wall cause I stab people in the back. I am mean", so you get scared and stay away cause you can't trust them anymore, and again they're cry "Nobody likes me".
- It pisses me off that they're very likely to hold on to people who are nasty to them, just because they have a history together. They're nostalgic to a fault.
Guilty! Ouch. The truth hurts. :p Sometimes I try to hard to be an INTJ and I'm pretty good at acting like on, because I'm very dedicated to intellectual topics, but in the long run it's fake. It's great for me to discover that that sensitivity is nothing to be ashamed of, in fact: It gives pretty much artistic inspiration and it makes me very dedicated to the topics I'm interested in. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
770 Posts
- It pisses me off that they're very likely to hold on to people who are nasty to them, just because they have a history together. They're nostalgic to a fault.
That is kind of an ugly quality. The INFJ I know started hitting on me, then "hanging out" with someone in his department whilst his girlfriend of 4 years was still madly in love with him. He had waited for her to move out of the same city before moving on to greener pastures. I wanted to slap him and say "MAN UP, BRO," lol. It's not cool to string people along, especially when you know the other person is looking for marriage.

ENFPs can stick with people for far too long as well, so we're certainly not faultless in regard. It might have been more of a maturity issue.


Not closed off to the possibility of meeting another INFJ male. :happy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,119 Posts
Almost everyone fetishizes ENFP women. I'd be interested in any threads about the dark side of dating an ENFP grrl - if any generalizations are to be made. It often seems to me that ENFP women are looked for for beauty, fun, and sexual energy - and bringing more J or I types out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
35 Posts
I was married to a borderline E/I NFP. At first, the NF attraction hit both of us really hard. It was like we moved together in time as one. We finished each others sentences. Knew what the other was going to say. Felt the same way about many things. Shared similar values about people, the world, you know, typical NF stuff. We didn't work out though, because I spent the whole marriage trying to prove to him that there are good women in the world and we are not all like his ex. I came on too strong and appeared clingy, because I thought I would be the one to fix his misguided opinion. I think he also disliked the perfectionism I displayed. Also my way of always feeling like my opinion was right. Anyway, In the end, he still couldn't trust me. This was incredibly painful as I was deeply in love and invested so much of my energy to this relationship.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,119 Posts
I spent the whole marriage trying to prove to him that there are good women in the world and we are not all like his ex.
I regret very much that you went through that. It's awful to give heart and soul and due to unreachable internal stuff in the other person it matters not.

A very hard lesson that took me a long time to learn is never, ever for me to prove ANYTHING to another person. The situation is already lost if it's gotten to that point. I wish it were not so, because I jumped to try to help for many a year!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
825 Posts
Very interesting story, thanks! :happy: The main problem in my past relationships was that I was using my Ni and Fe in very manipulative ways. To put it in some different words: I was getting under their skin. :p In other situations they could rely on my Fi-Ti loop, so that was very confusing for them. The main cause was that I took something very personally and hadn't the guts to talk about it.
@Richard Evers, the INFJ was very good at getting under my skin. It drove me crazy! In good and bad ways. Scary that he was so good at doing that, because this poor ENFP would come crawling back and the cycle would just repeat over and over again. xD

He tended to not properly discuss issues, which is what caused a lot of conflict. :x

@Ahiko,

i definitely think that your INFJ must have been quite dissatisfied with his life as compared to yours.

the INFJs i know that have their life really together would never dream of acting that way, and are very affirming, and even self-sacrificingly supportive, for those they care about.
@Tridentus, I think you're on to something. It actually wasn't until I started pursuing grad school that I found out he was the same major before, but he had to quit school to take care of his family's business.

This makes me think about things a lot differently now. I don't like being so slow at making connections some times. xD
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
175 Posts
I feel like INFJs need to learn to accept other people's visions to gain more humility. To not self sabotage by treating those that they care about most badly. (Because they know when they're treating someone badly but feel too strongly to surrender themselves to tears, because they are scared of their vulnerability, blind, do not know that they would be cared for if they simply just let their loved one or friend see those tears while their anger has taken control over them and they fear they would no longer be loved because their anger is showing, so they will lose themselves for a time until they learn to handle this part of them, to fluctuate back to stabilization, healthiness).

The information of how the INFJ has the most depth and complex personality of all 16 personality types can cause ego, a negative ripple effect. It needs to be taken with acceptance and not an excuse. And they need to see that their vision is not the only one that can make the world a better place.

INFJs journey can go one of two ways through unhealthiness. They can become too superior in their vision, or they can bring those they love down with them through their vision. Once they find balance, things will go smoothly enough. It's usually the teen years that the INFJ has to learn how to balance who they are I believe. But I am not 100% sure.

I only feel like I am on the right track. If someone believes I am wrong, please tell me.

I believe INFJs need to understand that while they see many not using self discipline, they must self discipline themselves and might take much more effort to do so until they learn balance.

Also at my worst, January 4th I had to go to a hospital to become better again after my ex of six years left me in December, it finally sank in after a month and one of my well known friends passed away in December. And I wrote in two journals, handed them to the psychologist I liked. He taught me that I must become more communicative. I took this to heart.

INFJs need to be convinced that it's okay for them to love you even after they hurt you and they need to be convinced that they are still lovable when they have reached an unhealthy state of mind. This will save you both from a lot of suffering.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,800 Posts
I added a new friend on FB a few mts ago, turns out he's an INFJ. Yesterday for the first time i interacted with him on a post, never ever again ;S....he couldn't detach his emotions from his ideas, i was drained trying to respond. Personally i could never be in a romantic with an INFJ, i can only take them in very small doses if they are strong with Fe.
 
1 - 20 of 54 Posts
Top