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How to be friends with an ISTJ?

9K views 62 replies 19 participants last post by  QueenOfCats 
#1 · (Edited)
So at school this year, there's an ISTJ that dislikes me. Last year, we hated each other. He was mean and annoying to me and likewise for him. I loved annoying him on purpose(just the way he reacted was funtertaining, quite predictable) and he just made mean/crude comments about me. For example, he called me a "hooker" for no reason once. And I called him a "big bowl of black jello" once too. He called me a "retard" on the last day of school and I just ignored him. We were about equal I think but whenever he insulted me, it was 2 or 3 on 1(him and his friend(s) against me)I've ignored him for the first 2 weeks of school because I had no idea what to say because I don't want to be rivals with him this year. He hasn't talked to me at all either. But I don't want it to be that way, so atleast how can I make him not hate me anymore? I was friends with him for around a year before we started hating each other. He's very traditional, rule-abiding, and loyal to people he likes. I've thought about his type. He's either ISTJ or ESTJ. Thought he doesn't like loudness very much so he's more on the ISTJ side in my opinion.
 
#2 ·
If you guys really don't like each other then maybe not talking to each other is the best solution? Especially if your "conversations" consist mostly of words meant to annoy each other.

Then again there's the theory that "boys pick on the girls they like..."... Maybe he likes you. Although this doesn't really sound like ISTJ behavior to me...

Anyway, in a broader sense of the question... It's really not that hard to be friends with an ISTJ. Be direct with them. Be patient with them. Take the time to truly get to know them. Be honest with them. Be on time. Treat them with respect...

If you take the time to actually get to know this person and stop trying to get under his skin on purpose you might find a pretty decent human being and a loyal friend underneath it all. :happy:
 
#4 · (Edited)
Just leave it alone dnt talk to him and he should just leave you alone. :happy:

Although he doesn't really sound like a ISTJ.
 
#6 ·
So at school this year, there's an ISTJ that dislikes me. Last year, we hated each other. He was mean and annoying to me and likewise for him. I loved annoying him on purpose... I don't want to be rivals with him this year, so atleast how can I make him not hate me anymore? I was friends with him for around a year before we started hating each other.
-confused- so why the change of heart suddenly? Do you secretly like him ;p? Like Memphisto said though, I don't think it's sounds like typical ISTJ behavior. They're usually nice to people they like, so their teasing is usually more harmless. What happened to make you two hate each other? ISTJs don't forget... so if you did something really bad to cause such hatred towards each other, it may be extremely difficult to regain his trust & have the same kind of friendship as before again.

To be friends with an ISTJ though.. I guess, just be authentic. Show that you are genuinely interested in getting to know them, respect their space/thoughts, and just be friendly. Don't be afraid to take the initiative with them (like saying hi first, randomly approach first, etc) since they tend to keep to themselves. They are slow to trust & seem distant at first, but if you keep trying & stick with them for awhile, they will start to warm up to you. They can be very good/loyal friends once they consider you one too.
 
#15 ·
Well we started out as pretty awesome friends, perfectly nice and helpful to each other. Then we started teasing each other, I had this habit of kicking/slapping people playfully. I don't know why I did, and I don't do it anymore now. Something confusing happened, one of my friends told me he was talking behind my back and I was somewhat rude to him. So that playful teasing turned serious slowly and we hated each other by the end of the year.
 
#11 ·
So at school this year, there's an ISTJ that dislikes me. Last year, we hated each other. He was mean and annoying to me and likewise for him. I loved annoying him on purpose(just the way he reacted was funtertaining, quite predictable) and he just made mean/crude comments about me.
1. Are you certain of his type?
2. Annoying someone on purpose? That's like poking a lion through a cage with a stick. STOP. DOING. THAT.
3. How old are both of you? From the tone of your post, it sounds like you both are in junior high.
 
#14 ·
Yes, I'm certain of his type. Okay, I will for him, I've realized it wouldn't help in becoming friends with him. XD Same age, and yes. What gave our age away? *curious*
 
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#21 ·
what makes him not sound ISTJ to you? this might help the poster determine his MBTI.

sorry i tried to double quote previous posters but it didnt work.
 
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#23 ·
Not enough information to tell his type, in this thread. I'm wanting to know what makes the OP so sure he is an ISTJ - especially at 13. Typing others is hard and takes a lot of time in several different social settings. I feel comfortable typing adults when I've had adequate interaction and several different social settings to interact with them and observe them. I have never felt comfortable typing a young teen in a similar fashion, as there are too many variables at work in their life.

Hence my question...How do you know he is an ISTJ?
 
#22 ·
In Junior High, I had an acquaintance that though I did something that I didn't. I wouldn't have ever called us "friends," but we held the same social circles.

The next year he was an absolute ass to me all year. By the end of the year, I think he learned that I hadn't done what he thought I did. He wrote an apology to me. Not a detailed one, just really simple.

I really appreciated the apology. Really I did. There was still always a feeling of awkwardness though.
 
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#25 ·
I think it's time to get physical. I once had these encounters when I was young with a guy who may be this type. I threw soapy water into his eyes. He chased me and pushed me down, causing grass burns on my knees.

He did like me though. One time he asked me out, smiling and finally self confident/excited, but I turned that bast*rd down with a simple no and walked into my house. His mother hated me for a while.
 
#30 ·
rather than go into an even more so extensive list as to how to be my friend, I'm going to list what you would not do to be my friend.

1) Be a complete and utter jack-ass

2) Throw things at me when not looking

3) Berate me towards others

4) Say other things to other people that are simply not true

5) Act like you have absolutely no brains. please think just a little

6) Visit every day of the week for long periods of time which result in you sleeping over

7) take things without asking

8) Act like a dip-shit, gay ******. (I got no problems with gay people, just ones that take it way too damn far)



So, just remember that this is me, may not be him, and if he is an ISTJ, he will likely be easy to find without his circle of friends at some point, and I would try talking to him. If he is what I think he may be, your apology can wait. Get him alone with you, and try hanging out. It may be good to start with "So what do you like doing away from school?"

If he is what I'm thinking, he will try to hang out with you if you try to hang out with him. Your key will likely be catching him alone and not in a total rush. Do not mistake heading directly for somewhere as being in a rush.

EDIT: Why do I get the feeling I'd be easy to make friends with? Such an awesomely short list eh? Never thought of that until I typed it out and read it over once XD
 
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#42 ·
If that was me I'd tell you to go fuck yourself. You made a decision to be this persons enemy and as far as I'm concerned, if annoying people amuses you, then whatever you get is too good for you.
 
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#49 ·
Um okay? Yes, I made that decision but I feel like it wasn't that smart. I want to fix it. He made a decision to be my enemy too and he was very rude, cliquey, and just outright bitchy. I like to mildly annoy people my friends, usually playfully not trying to anger or offend. He was my friend at first and then started being ruder and ruder so in turn, I was too. I shouldn't have and it was immature and stupid of him but I did.
 
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#50 ·
@ShadowComet -

I'm sorry, but you are out on a limb on this one. Listen to @Rhee and @Sela; they're not trying to beat you up over this. They are really trying to nudge you back in the right direction. A mod would likely issue an infraction for your comment. Srsly.

All - Let's drop this unprofitable side discussion and get back on topic.
 
#52 ·
My mom is an ISTJ, and we get along great, but we don't agree on anything. It almost feels like we approach life from two completely different directions. We're great friends, and love spending time together, but we'll never really understand one another. I think there's a lot of complimentary stuff going on between us, but at the end of the day, our minds and internal workings are completely foreign to the other person.
 
#53 ·
OP, I think the state of your situation with this possible ISTJ is pretty clear at this point. The most you can do is try to reconcile with him privately if you can find the opportunity. It seems to me this is going to be a one-shot opportunity. But if looks the way it does to us, your chances of success are already slim. In the event you're unable to reunite with him, you can still go through life with a valuable lesson learned, which is just to be nice to people. You may one day find yourself working in a field where maintaining good relations with people reaps in the short term reaps dividends in the long term.


Being nice has other benefits. You never know whether you might fall in love with that guy/girl you knew back in elementary school. Even though not all of us live the life of Forrest Gump, it'd probably be hard to charm a girl or guy you bullied back in grade school. For me, back in kindergarten, there was this tiny, squeaky girl in my class whom I went to class with for a few years before she transferred to a magnet school. Fast-forward about roughly 8-10 years, and I discovered she was going to my college too. I noticed she's still quite short. But she'd also grown quite pretty in our years apart...


Too bad I've never been into taken women as she would eye me every time I visited her church.

:ninja:
 
#54 ·
Well I've been observing him some more. He seems be acting different this year, more ESTP like than anything. Maybe it has to do with being one of the few boys in our class. There are 5 boys and 21 girls. ._.
 
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#57 ·
I was wrong, he's an ESTP. We're friends now though I don't know how it happened lol He's said sorry, I've said sorry, we both admitted we were stupid and bitchy during our interactions last year. This was a great learning experience and I think we both realized we made mistakes in this situation and have matured greatly since this happened. I am ashamed I acted so stupid and petty. He realizes he was too and admitted it. I have an ISTJ friend that I've gotten pretty close to this year also and she's wonderful. She is helpful, a great listener, and reliable.
 
#61 ·
I have been spending A LOT more time with him this month, and most likely he is an ESTP but ESTJ could fit him as well.
 
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