[Angelus]

I've been dating an ENTJ for a few years now. I'm a very honest and open person towards the people I trust and like, so he I have had a habit of telling him everything. Brutal honesty is a quality of mine that I really can't compromise. I will feel tremendous guilt for lying and even leaving things untold, even if it's not that big of a deal.

Anyhow, unfortunately he has really grown to take my openness and honesty for granted. Nothing is expected to be left untold and it's slowly starting to scare me. Nevertheless I still feel guilty if I keep something private from him.

There are a lot of things that he doesn't approve of, that most people would deem private anyway. For example masturbation (He doesn't out right deny it, but he wishes I'd not do it anyway) and signing up to sites like, well perC for example (he thinks it's silly to seek advice on the internet and so on. Also thinks it's sort of a security risk [what if someone finds out who I am, etc etc] ).

But then I wonder...Does he need to know really? Where's my privacy? But honestly I know that he expects me to tell him these things and I don't think I can just suddenly stop mentioning things like it's not big deal (even if it really isn't...).


A while ago he forced me to show my whole internet browsing history, just to check what I've been up to. I felt really violated and I told him that it wrecked my trust in him. I'm not sure he took me too seriously. I told him that I would be keeping things to myself from now on since he is out of trust. Truth is, I'm sort of over that whole thing, and it's not like I want to become distant. But I wish I could feel guilt free from refraining about telling some things and realize what things are really private and what aren't? Does it all depend on the couple? Anyways, discuss?


P.S. I'm not looking for any sort of scrutiny towards my boyfriend nor relationship, so please refrain from that. Thanks.

 

[geekofalltrades]

If you're not looking for scrutiny towards your relationship, then what are you expecting us to say? :tongue: Really, what you've got going seems pretty healthy to me, although him checking your browser history is controlling and not something you should put up with (which it looks like you didn't, so good on you). How well has your relationship recovered from the whole Browsergate incident?

 

[Angelus]

If you're not looking for scrutiny towards your relationship, then what are you expecting us to say? :tongue: Really, what you've got going seems pretty healthy to me, although him checking your browser history is controlling and not something you should put up with (which it looks like you didn't, so good on you). How well has your relationship recovered from the whole Browsergate incident?

Hehe, what I meant was that things like "Break up with him!!" or such would only get me very pissed. ^^'

Thing is, it seems like he forgot the whole thing the following day. What annoyed me was that he didn't feel guilty at all for it. He said that he felt sorry for me since I was so offended about it, but in the end he said he was just happy caus he learned something new about me (via the history). And now I think he's forgotten all about it. Although to be honest, I'm sorta over it as well. Almost feels like I just want to use it as an excuse to become more private haha.

But one of my questions was also supposed to be; would this be healthy for me to try to create distance? Or is it a potential INFJ disaster of spiraling into introverted bitterness that would just pull us further and further away from each other?

 

[Vivid Melody]

Well, only you can answer those questions. You have to evaluate what you truly want and if you truly feel uncomfortable by anything he is doing, he needs to know, understand and respect that otherwise yes, that is a problem. I don't think that is too unreasonable. It takes the gift of sharing away and the bond that is created when you can't CHOOSE to share something with him. Hope that makes sense.