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Hello @ all,

I am an INTP, and after a very long time of reflecting I came finally to the conclusion that I have the personality trait of perfectionism, but sadly an unhealthy version of it.

My goal now is to find out how I could change it to normal perfectionism, knowing that I cannot change my whole self.

I am writing from smartphone right now (@ work), so please excuse the short presentation of my problem.

Is there someone who would give me advice/recommendations to sites which offer good advice? Please without god, praying etc.

If you have more questions about my problem, I will answer everything.

Thank you!
I don't think there is a healthy form of perfectionism, but this may be a semantics issue and you may mean--please correct me if I am wrong, I'm sure you will :p -- if you mean, "High Standards"?

Knowing your background, quite a bit of it, anyway, including being bullied for having different--considered odd, interests as a young boy, you may be trying to compensate by never making a mistake; by holding yourself to an "ideal" as so many of us introverted intuitives do.

I think it is healthy to have high standards in areas you can rank literally "high" for value; high for possible achievement--always considering you have limitations, your own, and trying not to compare yourself to others.

I can't send you to a site, but I do recommend reading Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana and also, if you can get a copy, watching two films:

1) Enlightenment Guaranteed (German film, 2000)

2) Dharma Brothers (American, 2002)


I am not a Buddhist, though many people believe I am.

I am not religious.

I am not that loose word, "spiritual."

As the Dhammapada says, "Everything proceeds from mind..."

So, I would say that my Vipassana meditation practice is about improving "to the extent that I can" how I think; to literally "change as much of my unskillful thinking to skillful thinking" as I can, so I meditate on the breath--that is my object.

I accept that many who practice meditation are Buddhist, but not all.

It is slow going to undo all the brainwashing that tells us perfectionism is good, or that "hitting the mark" all the time is success, but I think you know from experience that trying to do it produces tremendous anxiety, even self-loathing, and sometimes contempt for others.

I'm sorry I can't offer you a youtube or a podcast, but I'm of an age and temperament where I prefer:

1) Books

2) Good films

3) Experience

So that is what I have for you my friend.

I'm learning by practicing "Metta meditation" (It is not sitting or walking--it is mental) to ease up off myself some, and my husband says ever since I started doing what some call the Loving Kindness exercise, I am sweet, easy to be with, a better wife.

My own strong tendency toward perfectionism stems from being put in foster care and neglected by my parents and other caregivers as well as being put down by relatives, classmates, neighbors, even teachers for not being like the other children.

Well, Lord, some of us may not be "special snowflakes" but many of us have been raised differently after being born with what so many see as "odd temperaments."

Good luck with your search for what I think of as a way to be more self-accepting while keeping the highest standards that you can, where and when you can.

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